Need help getting out of this FUNK

[STR8UP]

Str8Up, my man, you've been working hard, are under stress, and not finding happiness when by all means you should be happy.

This may seem like an elementary response, but have you taken a vacation lately?............ I recommend you hop on a plane to an inexpensive Latin or Asian country and immerse yourself in a different world. Cut yourself off from your life for a couple of weeks. You'll meet some friendly people, including beautiful women, who live in practical squalor but nonetheless find pleasure in life. It helps put things in perspective.

I might be going to UK midlands, London, and Barcelona Spain next May for a couple of weeks for my new business That's definitely something I am looking forward to and hope that it goes through, but unfortunately it's 8 months away, which is quite a while.

I actually got invited to FantasyFest in Key West. My buddy, his neighbor, and like 4 chicks are there right now in a condo right on Duval street. It was a bummer having to tell him that I wouldn't be able to make it

Anyway, you are right. i would love nothing more than to get on a plane and hit a third world country. There is nothing in life I enjoy more, believe it or not. It's just that I have to get this new business off the ground before I can justify something like that. Plus I have a retail business I have to attend to.

sometimes you will just have the urge to sleep with a stripper...
and its completely normal, completely human to have those urges.

This is why I love you PK...haha

I only mention financials because I share similar thinking.

Ever bought a stock and had it double in a week or two? Or maybe a piece of real estate that appreciated a couple hundred thousand in a few years? Or a time when business revenue doubled, maybe tripled?

Do you remember the HIGH you received? It is indescribable. I cannot remember a better high.

I know what you mean.

Thing is, and I might be discounting it a bit, but I never let that stuff get me too high. Sure, I enjoyed the rush, but I tried to keep myself grounded.

What about a time, when business fell apart? Or when you took a big loss on a stock or real estate transaction? Or when a close friend screwed you? Do you remember the LOW?

I experienced my lowest low last year. Things started to get back on track and with this new business (I should email you about it....you would be able to appreciate the potential I see) I am beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel business wise. that's why i don't really think it has so much to do with that, since I am very optimistic about the future.

Serotonin is a powerful element. A business man frequents these highs and lows throughout his life. This is our nature and who we are.

How gratifying would the highs really be if we did not FEEL the lows?

I feel ya. And I honestly believe that it is necessary to ride the coaster to have a good perspective on life. I just don't like feeling this way without having a culprit to pin it on so I can address it and get on with my life....

Stability (W2 employee) comes with stable emotions. That my friend is not the life we chose. I accept it for what it is.

I know. This is stuff that very few people can truly relate to, so I'm glad you and a few others around here can at least understand where I'm coming from with the business end of things. I know I am destined for that life, i just wish I could get a LITTLE more stability, certainty, and security right now cause I think it would really help.

I fully understand that the biggest successes usually come soon after the most colossal failures. I have a good perspective on things when it comes to understanding the importance of failure, but it still takes strength to overcome a new challenge.

That reminds me of the "lightbox" therapy to aid in depression caused by the whole "seasonal mood" thing. Myself, I go tanning instead, and I've been pretty funky lately... time to sport some rays! It seems to work.

So, perhaps a little thing like tanning could put a few puffs of wind in the sails and get the ball rolling in the right direction.

I'm in FL and this time of year is absolutely PARADISE here. I LOVE it. This is usually when I'm getting into a good mood cause I no longer have to sweat my balls off day and night.

As soon as I read this post something hit me.

i just moved into a new condo, and it is 10x as dark as the place I was living in before, which had 11ft floor to ceiling glass stretching from the bedroom all the way through the living room.

Tomorrow I am going to open the blinds and let some light in. I thought I was doing myself good by keeping it dark and sleeping better, but i think I need to try something different.

What other things did you experience that you didn't like on antidepressants?

Webutrin was actually ok. I might even talk to the doc about getting back on it. The main side effect is BETTER sexual function, and I think it did help to elevate my mood. I just thought it was time to get off it awhile back so I did.

Zoloft is another beast altogether. You basically can't cvm. Yes, you will probably get brain "zaps" (they aren't THAT bad, but still....). I got night sweats and would wake up with the sheets DRENCHED. Hard to take a p!ss. Apathy.

The reason I started taking it was for social anxiety, which I believe helped with. The couple of manic episodes I had while on it were trippy and FUN as hell. I also had no appetite and lost some weight which was good, but the sexual side effects lasted long after I stopped taking the drug, which isn't supposed to happen. I didn't have any withdrawals coming off the med though...it was pretty smooth.

Sh!t, I feel like that EVERY time I go out, at least for the first hour or two.

Find an excuse to talk to people. Be social. Even if it's DUDES...it's not like you're trying to pick them up. Talk about the bar, the b!tches, football, whatever. Talk to ugly girls...make 'em nervous. Chat up the old people...they usually at least have a story to tell. If you see a girl you want to drop game on, then do it, but don't sweat the outcome.

It's not really about sweating the outcome, I just can't bring myself to be social when I feel this way. I'm going to try to force myself though. Maybe if I can make it a habit and build some momentum it might help me pull out of this.

It's a shame you go out to bars and see so many individuals or groups of 2-3 people who come out with hundreds of other people just to be ALONE all night. A bunch of people being alone together.

I know what you mean. And when I'm with a group of friends I'm all into it. I just can't seem to bring myself to be the fun guy who gets the party started with a bunch of strangers.

If you're THAT turned off by the bar/club scene, rally your boys up and do something interesting.

Actually, I'm not really turned off by going to bars and clubs. It's just that I'm turned off by socializing in general which makes it that much worse going to places where you SHOULD be socializing.

We all have an innate hereditary 'barometer' for social connection. Some need relatively little, while others need constant human contact. In some capacity, your needs and desires for connection are not being met, and my suspicion is that things have been this way for you for some time now. Even being sexually active may not help; in fact it can sometimes make matters worse.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is part of it, and probably a BIG part of it. If I had to place a percentage on how much of a root cause THIS would be, I would say 60-70%.

I even made a thread about intimacy awhile back. And guess what. I haven't had any since then! Nothing I felt "satisfied" with, at least.

It's sad that this could potentially be a solution to my problem, but it's VERY difficult to overcome when you're in this vicious cycle.

I really feel like I'm so starved for this kind of contact, that I would probably fukk it up if it came along. Sad and negative sounding, but true.

I guess I just need to address the peripheral issues and get my head on straight enough that I can seek out and find what I am looking for in a healthy way. It will do no good to find it just to be desperate to keep it to the point that it goes away.

i think what might help you at this point is to start approaching life differently. you talk about women approaching you in bars.. i dont know about you but i dont want to or expect to meet women who hang out in bars. what i would do if i was you is change your look up a little, maybe cut your hair different. change some things in your life, keep up with the gym.

I don't necessarily look to find the perfect woman in a bar, but i don't subscribe to the idea that all women who go to bars are trash either. I go out to have fun. I have met decent women in bars, and I have met some not so decent ones there as well.

I'm thinking I'm going to buy some new clothes and kick it in the ass with my low cal diet. I think I'm going to even cut WAAAAAY back on the alcohol consumption. I already cut down some, but i don't think it's really helping things having a couple of drinks a night most nights.

Thanks for all of the help everyone. I think I might have a good basis for getting my sh!t in order.

 

[iqqi]

Everyone is ignoring STR8UP when he says that he is feeling down, and he thinks it is because of women. Even before he said that I thought, NO SH!T, it is women.

All of his threads are about how soulless and evil women are, and how he should just be a soulless, evil DJ. But he can't be one. For whatever reason, his own moral ethics that won't let him, or he just isn't successful with those goals, who knows, it doesn't matter.

The real answer here, and specifically about women, is your perspective is being manifested.

Your perspective. Is being manisfested.

Sh!t, I'd be really depressed and in a funk as well, if I was a man, and all women were soulless evil b!tches who were really only interested in my bank account and power. I'd be mad and depressed like you too!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Iqqi is back in full force.

 

[STR8UP]

20+ helpful, insightful, constructive posts, and ONE "I told you so" who isn't even CORRECT in what she is saying.

I can't tell you how many PM's I get trying to get me to post on "another" board, but I go over there and see half the people posting were either banned from this site for good reason, or SHOULD be banned. Yea, sign me up, please.

Take a good look everyone....this is a prime example of how a woman acts around a man who is down.

I hope you get lots of satisfaction from tearing people down.

 

[thedeparted]

Well I have a degree in psychology and what Iqqi said is true. The angry man sees an angry world. The happy man sees a happy world. But the world responds to what they see in the man. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's why fake it till you make it works. That's why it can be better to believe in positive outcomes even when that belief exposes you to negative ones. Pretend all women are good and you attract the good in all of them.

But that's not my post. I was gonna suggest that you start each day with some fresh air and sunshine. I just go out on the terrace every day and read the newspaper. Fresh air and sunshine are never a bad thing. And if you just moved into a new place there could be fumes from paint, furniture, or other things that you may be sensitive to that cause problems. So fresh air will help.

In my case I was exposed to toxic mold in my old place which caused a host of medical problems that are still not resolved two years later. The medical news just keeps getting worse. But I use it to my advantage. Since my timeline is unknown I'm not gonna waste a minute on the daily piddling bull**** that most people do. If it's not making my life better TODAY I'm not doing it. I don't even have time to waste feeling bad about anything. Stocks dropped? So what. I'll probably be dead before I ever withdraw a dime from my IRA anyway.

But I see a pretty girl, though, I smile and make some time. B/c when I lay down to die, be that tomorrow or a hundred years, am I gonna fondly reflect on all the money I made? The great stocks I traded? The exciting business opportunities I pursued? The fancy effing title someone gave me?

I doubt it. It's gonna be the beautiful girls that smiled at me and laughed at my jokes that I remember most. That is Mother Nature's design and the best anti-depressant available.

So go out and get some pretty girls to smile at you. Do whatever it takes. Do stupid sh-t b/c really who cares? You'll feel better. And you'll start being some kind of DJ again.

 

[STR8UP]

Well I have a degree in psychology and what Iqqi said is true. The angry man sees an angry world.

That's the part where I was talking about iqqi being full of sh!t. I'm not angry at ANYTHING. I don't see an angry world, I see no hope. Big difference. But if you only take one or two lines of what iqqi says, that's what you come up with. Your bad.

Where the hell people get this from is beyond me....

 

[IronStar]

I don't see an angry world, I see no hope. Big difference.

Most people these days seem so jaded, day-to-day stuff seems to have a way of sucking the life out of people. Weird really, we live in a time when everyone is so connected yet have never been further apart from one another.

The irony of it all is there is no hope, we all end up pushing up the daisies. I guess the real trick of life is finding a way to come to terms with that. As cliched as it sounds quoting from movies...

Smith: You can’t win, it is pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why you persist?

Neo: Because I choose to.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

This is an easy one.

Next time you're feeling depressed, find a Wal-Mart (if you are in the US).

Grab a shopping cart.

Don't buy anything, just go around and observe the people for about an hour or so.

Thank the good lord that (in about 9 cases out of 10) you are not them.

Best psychology out there. And best of all its free, you're not paying $90/hour to some couch.

 

[TheHumanist]

I don't see an angry world, I see no hope. Big difference.

Not on anyone side on this and not making a constructive point. Just point something humorous.

If the logic of being an angry man gives an angry world is true, but you just not angry. Doesn't seeing no hope make you a hopeless man?

 

[LovelyLady]

I have so often wanted to write to you Str8tup. I have so often hesitated because I feel much of what I say that comes from my heart could somehow hit a tender spot in your heart and more pain from a woman - any woman - is not something I would ever wish for you.

Yet I feel it is also a disservice of over a year of seeing you, listening to you, watching you struggle - to not share some of my thoughts and feelings with you and perhaps maybe some of what I say can help your journey in some way? I sincerely hope so...


I have so often been called a "PollyAnna" and ridiculed for my choice in living my life from the point of view that the glass must be forever seen from the half-full to overflowing perspective.

And yet hope and resiliency in the face of our inner dark hours are what make the difference between thriving or just surviving.

One thought I have had while reading your posts Str8tup is that I think you SHOULD be alone. You should be away from all the old ways that are so familiar to you that no longer serve you.


BE UNCOMFORTABLE with your life if that is what you are honestly feeling. BE UNHAPPY about how you live inside your soul if that is the truth of it. BE UNSATISFIED with your unsatisfying relationships.

Own that you are not fulfilled in your life as it is.

Truly embrace the courage to see and feel your life as it is today.

The truth of who you are/who you have become cannot hurt you.

Stop running from it and trying to silence it with the myriad of distractions that you use to run from the inner noise of your entangled self.


The way you have been living your inner (and manifested in outer) life is no longer serving you well or bringing you the life you want.

Do take serious downtime and make an honest assessment of where you are in your life, in your heart, in your spirit.


You have been struggling against genuine change and growth for so long; struggling with just how much you want to let the actions of others determine your own personal moral code.

You dance around the edges of integrity thinking it was somehow integrity itself that caused the betrayals you have been on the receiving end of. Blaming the act of your trusting as the culprit - instead of the person that commited the act of betrayal.


I watch you so often teetering on the edges of letting go of the old pains and betrayals that you have chosen to let define how you choose to truly live your life.

You get so close to releasing that identity of the wronged man who "knows all about women" - but you have yet to truly embrace the longing you have to be truly intimate and known.


How much longer are you going to punish your self for choosing to give your love to a woman who did not appreciate you?

How much longer will you live a life filled with the appearance of busy-ness masked as purpose?



You want your life to have value? Then set out on a decisive journey to live a life that is defined by your genuine values - and not in defensive reaction to other's acts of betrayals of those values.

Do you truly value intimacy? Do you truly want a life that is rich with genuine intimacy? Then be intimate.

Do the work of building that kind of a life for yourself then. Apply the same efforts you have given to learning the dance of distance to mastering the art of creating intimacy with a woman.

Genuine intimate loving doesn't happen by accident - it is not a fluke. The Intimacy Fairy doesn't just majically "poof" a quality woman into your life.

Your life can draw her to you, however. But I ask you to honestly access what in your character, in your belief sytem, in the way you move through your life, would attract a woman of free spirit and high character?

Where is the congruency with what you espouse to believe and the way you actually function? Where is the relational frame of a mature loving relationship to be found by a woman who examines your life? And I mean your inner life - not just your outer life.

A quality woman wants genuine LOVE. Genuine INTIMACY. Caring. Affection. Emotional safety. A man who can go the distance. Until you explore all of your own feelings - especially the difficult ones you are now confronting -successfully - you will not be able to meet her in partnership to explore the feelings you will share together as a couple.

So again, I get back to encouraging you to take time to really get to know who you are at this juncture in your life - become intimate with the truth of who you are, so you can become whole and solid in the offering of your self to another.



more thoughts...

Genuine loving relationships take commitment. They take tremendous work and effort on the tending to the self. They require honesty. The choice to be vulnerable. The risk of rejection.

The knowledge that you can handle the betrayal of others but will not let that betrayal translate into you betraying of your self and your values is imperative to a whole self.

You want genuine, loyal love in your life? BE THAT LOVE. You want to find serenity in your life - then you must WORK to create that in your life. If you are lacking peace of mind and joy it is because your outside life is not matching your inside life. THEN CHANGE.


You share here of wanting a loyal woman - yet how loyal are you to your self and your beliefs? You want a love that is alive and vibrant - yet you surround your self with the ongoing replay of the tape of the grief, despair, pain and betrayels of your past. You so often cling to your identity as the "worldly" man as if knowing about receiving betrayal means you know about love.

It is as if you think that somehow embracing the darkness of betrayal will protect you from it.

You cling to your identity as the 'Man Made Wise by Suffering the Wrongs of Women' as Gollum clings to the Ring - making you invisible to the world of love - becoming too Precious to be truly seen / truly known.


Suffering teaches us only where we have moved out of love. But to live in the state of suffering does not in and of itself teach us to be loving or compassionate - nor does the depth or length of time we are in pain equate to knowledge about love and relating.

You have learned what it means to not be loved well by a woman and you stopped there. It has served you well to keep from having to grow in your efforts to love even greater. You have used the acts of this woman as a reason to absolve yourself from having to grow into an even more loving man and in turn manifest great love in your life.

How much longer will you do this?


What is it that you truly want for yourself, Str8tup? TRULY? In your heart, where you live? Do you want it badly enough to shed the cloak of the "wise wronged man" and become the man who knows how to truly love and be loved well?

 

[STR8UP]

If the logic of being an angry man gives an angry world is true, but you just not angry. Doesn't seeing no hope make you a hopeless man?

Yes, it does.

But I understand that my condition is temporary. Hence, this thread.

I was so happy that all of the posters on this thread offered something in the way of "help", until our resident wrecking ball comes along to accuse me of "hating the world" and thinking of women as "soulless, evil, b!tches".

I'm nothing of the sort, but she has to come on here an ACCUSE me of such, instead of offering constructive feedback.

Why does iqqi do this? Does she want me? Cause I wouldn't touch a woman like her with a ten foot pole. She's everything that's wrong with today's women. And she wonders why we might have something negative to say about b!tches from time to time.

This is an easy one.

Next time you're feeling depressed, find a Wal-Mart (if you are in the US).

Grab a shopping cart.

Don't buy anything, just go around and observe the people for about an hour or so.

Thank the good lord that (in about 9 cases out of 10) you are not them.

Best psychology out there. And best of all its free, you're not paying $90/hour to some couch.

Haha....ain't that the truth!

This is a big part of the problem. There are so many of these people out there. And that includes women. Take these women out of your potential pool, get rid of the extremely unattractive women, the b!tches, the women who lack integrity (these are hard to spot at first), the BPD wackos, etc, and you're left with a very small group of dateable women. And in order to find a few of these, you gotta sift through dozens and dozens of women who have no qualms about leading you on and wasting your time to fulfill THEIR need for attention and validation.

I fully realize that this is a numbers game, but it's tough to have the motivation to run through the numbers when you feel like an anti-social hermit.

Most people these days seem so jaded, day-to-day stuff seems to have a way of sucking the life out of people. Weird really, we live in a time when everyone is so connected yet have never been further apart from one another.

The irony of it all is there is no hope, we all end up pushing up the daisies. I guess the real trick of life is finding a way to come to terms with that.

I know man. In the end you're gonna be dead, and chances are for most of us nobody will remember who we were in 50 years.

I guess that means you just have to make the best of your time here. I turn 37 next week, and I REALLY want to snap myself out of this self imposed exile so I can get on with enjoying the best time of my life.

I'm often told that I look like I am in my late 20's. Physically and mentally I feel much younger as well. I feel like I have many good years ahead of me, but I feel like I am WASTING them.

Oh well, something's gotta change, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen.

 

[squirrels]

This is an easy one.

Next time you're feeling depressed, find a Wal-Mart (if you are in the US).

Grab a shopping cart.

Don't buy anything, just go around and observe the people for about an hour or so.

Thank the good lord that (in about 9 cases out of 10) you are not them.

Best psychology out there. And best of all its free, you're not paying $90/hour to some couch.

Haha, so true.

 

[STR8UP]

And yet hope and resiliency in the face of our inner dark hours are what make the difference between thriving or just surviving.

I believe you have to temper cold, hard realism with a dose of "hope" that although the world is a tough place, one can find happiness, and vice versa.

One thought I have had while reading your posts Str8tup is that I think you SHOULD be alone. You should be away from all the old ways that are so familiar to you that no longer serve you.

I have essentially been "alone" for 3 years. That's a long time for anyone to go without sharing true intimacy, especially with the sh!t I have been through.

Now I know that no matter how bad I had it, it could have been much worse, but it was honestly the worst time of my entire life. I was on the verge of breaking down physically and mentally. Just when I needed someone the most I had no one. Sure, the random hookup here and there and a handful of women who thought it amusing to waste my time letting me entertain them for the moment, but that's no consolation when you really need someone who cares about you.

Own that you are not fulfilled in your life as it is.

No doubt. the question is "How do I change it?"

Do take serious downtime and make an honest assessment of where you are in your life, in your heart, in your spirit.

I have done just that. And if it were an option for me, I would probably take off and move somewhere far, far away to either find a new me, or learn to appreciate what I had before. In other words, gain some perspective.

But the sad fact is that I am stuck right where I am. I can physically change my appearance (which I am working on) and I can work on my inner self (wish I knew how to do that!), but I have roots that run too deep to make a real wholesale change in my life.

You dance around the edges of integrity thinking it was somehow integrity itself that caused the betrayals you have been on the receiving end of. Blaming the act of your trusting as the culprit - instead of the person that commited the act of betrayal.

How do you hold an alligator responsible for biting the zookeeper?

I have been as much or more the victim of human nature as I have been of malicious intent by individuals who lack integrity.

Some of us on here understand this concept, others resist it, but at the end of the day people are generally display honesty and integrity to a point, which varied based upon the individual.

The guy I mentioned who likely just screwed me out of $6500? He has spent the last couple of years helping me off and on, and I'm sure he used that to justify taking a payday at my expense. He didn't directly steal from me, so it was much easier to justify, I'm sure, but either way what he did was wrong.

See, when you are in a position that you HAVE things that people can take from you, you will see an entirely different side of human nature. The majority of people never experience this, but ask someone rich and famous how many times they have been sued, how many people who they have known for YEARS (often before they were rich and famous) have reached their "price" and cashed in the chips at the expense of the relationship.

I don't know your situation, but it's VERY hard to be a "glass is overflowing" person when you reach a point in your life where people you know start to trade your relationship for a few hundred or a few thousand or a hundred thousand dollars. And I don't expect most people to understand this, but trust me, that's how it is.

How much longer are you going to punish your self for choosing to give your love to a woman who did not appreciate you?

Yu sound like all of my female friends/ women who have wanted to date me over the past few years....haha

Seriously, almost every female I know talks about how my last LTR "ruined me", even though they didn't know her, I don't talk about her, and I don't talk bad AT ALL about women. Why do women make such an assumption?

How much longer will you live a life filled with the appearance of busy-ness masked as purpose?

Now you sound like my Einstein intelligent, hippyish ex g/f from a past relationship. I actually to this day have the utmost respect for her, and have talked to her in the not so distant past. And one of the comments she made was that I need to "make more time for people"

The thing is, my calling in life creates a drive in me that HAS purpose, that purpose being that one day it will pay off and I will be able to have plenty of time and money to enjoy relationships.

I know, you have to have a balance, which I believe I do have. But for individuals like me, there is nothing that will make us take our eye off the ball. We are driven toward a purpose, even if that purpose isn't readily clear up front.

Do you truly value intimacy? Do you truly want a life that is rich with genuine intimacy? Then be intimate.

Do the work of building that kind of a life for yourself then. Apply the same efforts you have given to learning the dance of distance to mastering the art of creating intimacy with a woman.

You're gonna have to elaborate on this one......

A quality woman wants genuine LOVE. Genuine INTIMACY. Caring. Affection. Emotional safety. A man who can go the distance. Until you explore all of your own feelings - especially the difficult ones you are now confronting -successfully - you will not be able to meet her in partnership to explore the feelings you will share together as a couple.

Although i have an issue with the term "quality woman", I agree with what you are saying. That's why I said that if the perfect woman fell into my lap right now I would probably F it up

The knowledge that you can handle the betrayal of others but will not let that betrayal translate into you betraying of your self and your values is imperative to a whole self.

I believe that I am now as well equipped to handle betrayal of others as anyone. It just seems to keep happening, so I almost count on it, haha

You so often cling to your identity as the "worldly" man as if knowing about receiving betrayal means you know about love.

This is getting deep.

I don't believe in "love" in the traditional sense. This makes it kind of difficult to "know" about it as you are alluding one might be able to.

You have learned what it means to not be loved well by a woman and you stopped there. It has served you well to keep from having to grow in your efforts to love even greater. You have used the acts of this woman as a reason to absolve yourself from having to grow into an even more loving man and in turn manifest great love in your life.

I have had good relationships. If I had THAT kind of opportunity today I would be better prepared to appreciate it and do what it takes to hold on to it. Unfortunately, i haven't met a woman who I thought would be good relationship material in many years.

 

[Mr. Me]

Hey Str8tup, just know that what you're going through is normal. You're having a bad run currently, and so naturally it's going to make you feel lousy about things. How could it not? It gets frustrating too when it appears the same results keep happening.

But no bad run lasts forever. The only thing constant in life is change. So things will change. Help it along. Mix things up a little by changing your routine. Make yourself get out. Hit some new places to check out. Get out of your comfort zone a bit. Try something different.

And very importantly, figure out a plan. Looks like you've already started to do that. Figure out what you want and a plan to get there. Having a sensible, workable plan is, I think, the A Number One way of creating a sense of optimistic hope in one's life. That keeps you going.

I think also a part of your problem is that you're intelligent. That is, being smart, you think and analyze a lot about stuff, and when we do that, we tend to over think things and get into the nitty, gritty, resulting in becoming negatively critical about the world, the way it is and the things in it. That's because the world can be a pretty nasty place if we think about it, so the trick is to not get into that muck and to glean the good stuff out of it instead.

So, sure, when you're dwelling on negative thoughts such as how terrible women are, or how a supposed friend cheated you, or how your net worth has been plummeting lately, you're going to fuel negative emotions with those thoughts - and feel depressed as a result of having those negative emotions. Then, it's a cycle. A depressed mind starts to only see negatives, which leads to more negative thoughts, which leads to more negative emotions...

Just because you feel depressed doesn't mean things are bad. Feelings aren't facts, they're just... feelings. Our brain fools us into thinking it's real, because we reason that the events that fuel those feelings are very real. So how could the associated feelings not be real, we reason? But it has to do with our interpreting the events and how we choose to handle our feelings about them.

It's all in the way you look at things. It's the same world for all of us, and yet some see darkness, some see light. Some see their stocks falling, Warren Buffet sees a rare buying opportunity. Girls seem like terrible creatures, I say those girls are making it easy to let you know they're not worth your time. And so on.

So don't over think. Don't dwell on the negatives. See how to possibly turn things around with a plan. Nothing lasts forever. If one thing doesn't work, try another. If you feel depressed, identify why you do and see it's just a feeling, and that way, you can be its master rather then its slave.

There's really no "snapping" out of it. Just like it took a while to feel this way, it takes a little doing to get out of it. It's all in your mind, and that's where you need to do the work. It's mental.

I will be coughing like a 50 year chain smoker

And knock off these "50 year old" cracks, will ya! Some of us 50-somethings here are in better shape then a lot of 30-somethings. Raise the age to 75 or 80. Now that's decrepit!

 

[Phyzzle]

You have to admit: this funk was triggered by the 20 year old rejecting you. Not caused, by a long shot, but triggered.

I remember walking by and saying hi to a girl who once lived next to me, and she wouldn't make eye contact. Just an irritated "oh hi", and a quick stroll past. Now this girl always had some of my favorite music playing in her apartment, and always looked like she was a bit of a socially conscious rebel/punk. It just seemed obvious that we would get along together swimmingly (and she was beautiful of course).

The out-of-hand rejection got me thinking about how hard it was to meet new people there, and it just spiralled into thoughts about how I was surrounded by close-minded twits at home and incompetents at work, and everything was stacked against me. I was in a foul mood for a few days, and thinking of moving away. Completely irrational, of course, but it's not uncommon to have that kind of a reaction.

 

[STR8UP]

You have to admit: this funk was triggered by the 20 year old rejecting you. Not caused, by a long shot, but triggered.

You bring up a good point.

The thing about it is, it wasn't really a rejection.

She wanted me to come stay with her for the weekend. I would have stayed with her in her private dorm room. She had control of the frame (meaning the chances of me actually getting laid were probably slim), however, she knew the score, and if I was going to drive all the way down there I would be expecting "something" in the way of "intimacy". I wasn't going there as "friends".

That said, like i mentioned, she had control of the frame, and I wasn't going to play that game with her. I wasn't gonna be the standby guy who hands out validation tickets every time she needs a pick me up, or the guy who entertains her for the weekend in exchange for a little spooning. I cringe just thinking about it.....

Anyway, you do have a point, and I think that did play into it.

I didn't mention it earlier, but there is also an issue with the AW friend. I wasn't going to go into it, but what the hell.....

So most of you know the back story with the AW. Known her forever, not that attracted to her physically, definitely don't want a relationship with her, but we get along well, have fun, and flirt incessantly.

The problem is that it has gotten to the point where the innocent flirting has turned to what I would consider to be "c0ck teasing".

I have actually been spending more time with her over the past coupe of months, and the subject of us having sex has come up several times, where she basically said that she's open to the idea.

I know, that's not how it's supposed to work, but you would have to see how we relate to each other to understand how this kind of situation might come about.

Now overall, our friendship works. We hang out, I bust her balls INCESSANTLY and she eats it up. I treat her like a guy in most ways, call her "dude" (to which she tries to correct me) and we have, well I have anyway, enjoyed just having a "practice chick" I could hang out with.

The problem now though is that since the sex talk, I almost feel as if I don't nail her (even though she isn't my cup of tea), that I am trading in some of my manhood, and I don't like that feeling.

Basically, since then I have tried to put myself into a situation where i could facilitate the transaction, but true to form, she always ends up going home early so she can get up for work or yoga or whatever. I know this isn't a sign of a woman who is "hot" for you, but neither one of us is "hot" for the other. It's more of an "if it happens it happens" kind of thing.

This would all be good and fine, but things have sort of escalated in the flirting department, like she sends me provocative texts and sh!t, but when it comes down to it she doesn't allow herself to be put in the position to put her money where her mouth is.

So now I am faced with this dilemma. Everything was fine for most of the 8 years I have known her, but now, on one hand, I feel like I need to cut contact with her since it's at a point where I refuse to allow myself to be toyed with in this way. It was fine while i was enjoying it, but it's not fun anymore cause once it got into my head that I might actually go through with it, the innocent flirting has turned into teasing, in my mind anyway.

So now I am conflicted. There has to be a change. Either we fukk, we change the way we interact, or we don't hang out.

If I could get her in the position where I had an opportunity and it wouldn't be awkward (when we were drinking and carrying on and the sexual vibe was flowing) i would throw down for better of worse. And I have a pretty good feeling she wouldn't say no. It just doesn't seem like that opportunity is presenting itself.

The option on the other end of the spectrum is to cut her out of my life, which I don't want to do. I truly consider her a friend, and I think she sees me as even MORE of a friend.

The in between option isn't appealing either. I don't really want to tell her "no more flirting/teasing/whatever if we are going to hang out". That seems as weak as cutting her out of my life completely.

See, I'm all about having female friends, but only to the point where it is HEALTHY. Lately I see our relationship as UNHEALTHY. Something has to change.

So there....you pretty much have the whole story A-Z. I would appreciate constructive input, no flames or "I told you so" please.

 

[SoldMySoul]

You have to admit: this funk was triggered by the 20 year old rejecting you. Not caused, by a long shot, but triggered.

I remember walking by and saying hi to a girl who once lived next to me, and she wouldn't make eye contact. Just an irritated "oh hi", and a quick stroll past. Now this girl always had some of my favorite music playing in her apartment, and always looked like she was a bit of a socially conscious rebel/punk. It just seemed obvious that we would get along together swimmingly (and she was beautiful of course).

The out-of-hand rejection got me thinking about how hard it was to meet new people there, and it just spiralled into thoughts about how I was surrounded by close-minded twits at home and incompetents at work, and everything was stacked against me. I was in a foul mood for a few days, and thinking of moving away. Completely irrational, of course, but it's not uncommon to have that kind of a reaction.

I think this has to be about the best you are going to get Straight! I am just a little older than you Str8up! I went through a break up earlier this year and I, like you, had other things factoring in such as on job injury at first of the year and still out of work because of it, financial troubles off and on due to a failed business.

The troubles all suck, but the break made it all seem worse and it was HONESTLY 75-80 of my problem. I am still not over it and it has killed my confidence and self esteem.

I feel your pain my friend and really you should NOT engage with women that young. Sorry, just my opinion as I would not even entertain the idea of dating a women that young because of their immaturity. If you can have sex with them only and keep your emotions in check, fine.

Good luck and if you need to talk about your ordeal, hit me up on IM here. Dude, I know all there is to know about the funk you are in! I lost a lot more than 6K and had my heart broken into a million pieces because I was stupid and did not listen to my head.

 

[STR8UP]

Dude, I know all there is to know about the funk you are in! I lost a lot more than 6K and had my heart broken into a million pieces because I was stupid and did not listen to my head.

The $6k was nothing compared to what a couple of other people have stolen from me in the past.

Heh....speaking of "stealing", today I busted a shoplifter at my store. If it wasn't for his 6'3" 230lb buddy standing right there my business partner and I would have hammered this guys head into the pavement when he pushed my business partner.

Something strange happened after that though. For the first time in weeks, my depression went away. I still feel a little high from the ordeal cause this is one of the few times I have actually caught someone in the act of stealing, had it all on camera, had witnesses, had the guy assault someone, etc., so I', pretty confident that he's gonna get caught.

I got to thinking that it must have been the endorphins that kicked me out of my funk, cause I was standing at the front door when this punk was making his exit and I didn't know what was gonna happen since his friend was there and all. I had the "fight or flight" response pumping me up and it felt pretty damn good.

Now I just need to figure out ways to keep the endorphins flowing and I'm set! :box:

 

[wjh]

lol buy a motorcycle str8up!

 

[STR8UP]

Maybe you need to join a Fight Club!

I have considered getting into some type of martial arts. Maybe I should look into it a little more.....