Need guy advice please! (I am a girl)

[lovesstar]

I found this forum through a "chick forum" I post at. I am in desperate need of advice with my relationship and would love a male perspective.

I have been with my b/f for two years and he has spent every single night with me during these two years BUT thats still not enough for me.... I am incredibly insecure (due to being cheated on in my previous relationship and having low self esteem as a result of it). I am constantly spying on my guy's online activity and always questioning him. I know its wrong, I know I am being paranoid and I am so suprised he has not left me yet. He is starting to get incredibly frustrated with me and I know it....I am desperate to stop being like this. I feel I am smothering him and making him unhappy. Sometimes I think the only reason he hasn't left me is he feels bad that I will fall apart (which lets face it, I will). I flip over everything.....he has a female friend who he talks on the phone to less than 30 min a month (trust me I know I check his phone bills too) and I am constantly imagining him having an affair with her, I get jealous if he goes out to play basketball, I get jealous if he posts on a message board and a girl responds to the post...I imagine her private messaging him and trying to get with him..... I could go on for days telling yall how insecure I am but I am sure you get the picture.

Can you all give me some advice on what I can do to stop being like this and make him happy?

Thanks in advance to all who took the time to read my rant.

 

[T Money]

Wow, I'm going to be honest with you. A lot of responses you might get here are "He should get rid of your sorry @ss! He should NEXT you" etc.

Since you are so secure in HIS feelings, he could potentially do anything he wants which essentially means he can just walk all over you, which he might be doing.

Respect yourself more. Be able to look in the mirror and say "You're awesome."

I don't know how your lifestyle is, but maybe you need a lifestyle change. Quit smoking, start exercising, do things that make you feel better as a person, so he will start having to work for your affection.

I'm also surprised he hasn't left you, does he know you're snooping around like that? That's pretty low, girl.

 

[lovesstar]

Thanks for the honest response.... what do you mean he may already be walking all over me?

I know I totally have to work on my self esteem. Everyday people tell me how pretty I am and yet to ME I am not. I am just a total mess.

He has caught me snooping a couple of times but has no clue of the extent of it.

Do you think I can fix things?

 

[Blackdragon5095]

I found this forum through a "chick forum" I post at. I am in desperate need of advice with my relationship and would love a male perspective.

I have been with my b/f for two years and he has spent every single night with me during these two years BUT thats still not enough for me.... I am incredibly insecure (due to being cheated on in my previous relationship and having low self esteem as a result of it). I am constantly spying on my guy's online activity and always questioning him. I know its wrong, I know I am being paranoid and I am so suprised he has not left me yet. He is starting to get incredibly frustrated with me and I know it....I am desperate to stop being like this. I feel I am smothering him and making him unhappy. Sometimes I think the only reason he hasn't left me is he feels bad that I will fall apart (which lets face it, I will). I flip over everything.....he has a female friend who he talks on the phone to less than 30 min a month (trust me I know I check his phone bills too) and I am constantly imagining him having an affair with her, I get jealous if he goes out to play basketball, I get jealous if he posts on a message board and a girl responds to the post...I imagine her private messaging him and trying to get with him..... I could go on for days telling yall how insecure I am but I am sure you get the picture.

Can you all give me some advice on what I can do to stop being like this and make him happy?

Thanks in advance to all who took the time to read my rant.

Sounds like your problem is trust. Maybe you had some trust issues in the past ??

You remind me of some guys I know who ketp downing theirselfs and thats not good. What you need to do girl is quit telling yourself that your insecure and start saying I'm not insecure.

Getting jealous because he has a female friend ??
Come on ethier get out this relationships and pull yourself together. Or get some mental help.

 

[lovesstar]

I DO have a big problem with trust. I know its because my ex was a monster (cheated on me several times and got an underage girl pregnant as well), and in a way its like I am punishing my b/f for the sins of my ex. I guess I have a hard time believing he can truly love me....

 

[KoalaKing]

It is impossible to be able to fully trust a guy or a girl in this world as you can't read their minds, but you just have to make the decision to trust them based on what you can see happening in their lives.

You need to build up your own self esteem before you can fully enjoy the love of another person.

I suggest you buy some motivational self help books and tapes etc, stuff like "Anthony Robbins" and start doing affirmations into your subconscious mind that will build up your self esteem.

If you think positive thoughts into your mind you will become positive, but if you only ever think about the negative things all of the time you will always be miserable.

You cannot smother another persons life, you have to allow them the freedom to do what they desire to do.

Even if he is cheating on you then you can't allow this to make your life a misery, as there are so many other genuine guys out there.

I don't know what else to tell you, but I suggest listening to "Anthony Robbins" would be an awesome help, as it worked for me.

ALL THE BEST - ALSO PRAY TO A GOD OR A HIGHER POWER IF YOU BELIEVE IN ONE AS HE CAN ALSO HELP YOU.

 

[Blackdragon5095]

Lovestar you need to change the way you view yourself. This problem dosen't only happen with girls but also with guys. People view their selfs as losers. Change that view to a winner.

What you need to do is push the past away. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.

Begin to smile more and trust your b/f. What you are gonna do is lose your guy being way too inserure. When you do you will begin to breakdown. :nono:

My advice is to get some mental help or talk to a family member about your problem before you go crazy.

Good luck

 

[lovesstar]

Thanks Blackdragon. He is calling me in 30 minutes and I am considering that my start at showing him a better me. I know I won't be able to change overnight but I have to start somewhere. The spying is pretty addictive but it is unfair and it makes my imagination run wild. I really know I need to "get a life" and stop focusing on him and what he is doing 24/7. I am just scared.

 

[Charm&Style]

cheating on you....????

you said his been with you every nite in these 2 years.....HOLY SHVT.
and you still think hes cheating on you....

how has your relationship existed with no trust...??

ide love to help you...but you need to post some more info about how your relationship is now...has your mans feelings changed towards you, has he been acting different...???

 

[lovesstar]

It is impossible to be able to fully trust a guy or a girl in this world as you can't read their minds, but you just have to make the decision to trust them based on what you can see happening in their lives.

You need to build up your own self esteem before you can fully enjoy the love of another person.

I suggest you buy some motivational self help books and tapes etc, stuff like "Anthony Robbins" and start doing affirmations into your subconscious mind that will build up your self esteem.

If you think positive thoughts into your mind you will become positive, but if you only ever think about the negative things all of the time you will always be miserable.

You cannot smother another persons life, you have to allow them the freedom to do what they desire to do.

Even if he is cheating on you then you can't allow this to make your life a misery, as there are so many other genuine guys out there.

I don't know what else to tell you, but I suggest listening to "Anthony Robbins" would be an awesome help, as it worked for me.

ALL THE BEST - ALSO PRAY TO A GOD OR A HIGHER POWER IF YOU BELIEVE IN ONE AS HE CAN ALSO HELP YOU.

What a great post. Thank you. You guys are really nice here.

 

[Mission]

It sounds like you have bigger problems than your boyfriend. Alot of men are infact honest and loyal guys. So I think you need to assess your own personal trust issues because your current boyfriend sounds like a goodguy if he has stuck with you through all your snooping. He obviously likes you very much. So stop snooping and learn that relationships are about trust, no matter how badly an ex treated you.

--Mission

 

[lovesstar]

cheating on you....????

you said his been with you every nite in these 2 years.....HOLY SHVT.
and you still think hes cheating on you....

how has your relationship existed with no trust...??

ide love to help you...but you need to post some more info about how your relationship is now...has your mans feelings changed towards you, has he been acting different...???

He still sleep with me every night, and we still message/email all day from work....but I can tell he is getting frustrated. He said I make it so hard to love me. I know he isn't happy and I am scared to death if I don't change things soon I may drive him away.

 

[lovesstar]

It sounds like you have bigger problems than your boyfriend. Alot of men are infact honest and loyal guys. So I think you need to assess your own personal trust issues because your current boyfriend sounds like a goodguy if he has stuck with you through all your snooping. He obviously likes you very much. So stop snooping and learn that relationships are about trust, no matter how badly an ex treated you.

--Mission

Thanks Mission.

 

[T Money]

One other thing I just thought of.

This is what guys are being told on this site, and you might learn something from it:

If he cheats on you, or is unfaithful, then it's his loss, not yours, and you two weren't meant to be together anyway.

Whoever cares the least in a relationship has the most power in that relationship. Woman or Man, whoever is putting less effort into it has control.

Stop putting so much effort into it and let the relationship just unfold naturally.

I haven't been in a 2 year relationship but i've seen them get ruined because of jealousy.

I can tell you this, if you keep this up, he WILL stray. He will think "Damn, I can go sleep with this chick and not even have to hear anything about some girl I ran into from high school that I hadn't seen in a while."

Stats show that women cheat more than men do. A man will most likely end the relationship before cheating, because for me, that's guilt that I don't want.

 

[lovesstar]

One other thing I just thought of.

This is what guys are being told on this site, and you might learn something from it:

If he cheats on you, or is unfaithful, then it's his loss, not yours, and you two weren't meant to be together anyway.

Whoever cares the least in a relationship has the most power in that relationship. Woman or Man, whoever is putting less effort into it has control.

Stop putting so much effort into it and let the relationship just unfold naturally.

I haven't been in a 2 year relationship but i've seen them get ruined because of jealousy.

I can tell you this, if you keep this up, he WILL stray. He will think "Damn, I can go sleep with this chick and not even have to hear anything about some girl I ran into from high school that I hadn't seen in a while."

Stats show that women cheat more than men do. A man will most likely end the relationship before cheating, because for me, that's guilt that I don't want.

So your saying I need to back off some?

 

[T Money]

Uh...yeah just a bit. Start living for yourself, not him. Think about what you would do without him.

I'm not saying end your relationship, but you'd be a LOT happier and the relationship would be healthier if you can imagine yourself without him.

 

[Charm&Style]

lovesstar i think you should just stick to mission and koalas advice....

theres going to be a lot of ppl who post something that has no significance and will just get you more insecure and confused.

remember think POSITIVE.

mission and koala did a awesum job with their post

good luck sweetheart.

 

[lovesstar]

lovesstar i think you should just stick to mission and koalas advice....

theres going to be a lot of ppl who post something that has no significance and will just get you more insecure and confused.

remember think POSITIVE.

mission and koala did a awesum job with their post

good luck sweetheart.

thanks

 

[TxCowboy]

thanks

Heh ... if this thread isnt a joke ... I'd have to say that its definitely the "blind leading the blind" ...

 

[justsomeguy1984]

Lovesstar, have you ever cheated on him (or an ex-boyfriend), or been tempted to cheat on him? I am not accusing you of this because I don't know, but many times people who are irrationally jealous and insecure are suspicious of their partner because they are actually the ones having the thoughts of cheating, and find it hard to believe that their partner doesn't have those feelings also.

Like I said, i'm not accusing you of this, but I was in a relationship similar to the one you are in now. My girl was extremely jealous and suspicious, insisting that she spend every single night with me. After a while it became apparent that she was spending every night with me because that way she knew exactly what I was doing!! I never gave her a reason to distrust me. I had always been honest, but she still was extremely possessive. I questioned her if she had ever cheated on an ex, and she said no.... But later I found out that she actually had indeed cheated on several ex-boyfriends. Unfortunately, I didn't find this out until after she cheated on me.. But then all of her jealousy and insecurity made sense, because she was the cheater, not me.