Need Advise

[tomzel]

speedo_meme

The IMing was initiated by her. Not me. I didn't call her she called me. Either way it just wasn't meant to be and I'm not gonna sit here and pine about it. She is the loser in this situation, not me.

I do agree that I should of backed off at the first hint of distance.

 

[The Anti Dr Phil]

Speed: Did you even take time to read the entire thread??

She was initiating contact with him-after the fact, not him. You said "the crap" I posted will get you dumped everytime? Again, did you read the thread. Who here didn't know she wanted out? I knew it, Tom knew it, everyone here knew it. This was way beyond the "that crap will get you dumped every time" stage - The guy was ducking for cover and preparing for incoming. So since we all knew that, I said I would've blindsided her by hitting her with the preemptive strike. Go on the offensive.

I'm not at all saying my way of handling it was gospel - there are a number of ways he could've handled it. But me?? I'm going on the offensive - no hesitation. I'm waaaaay - waaay more aggressive than the above-average guy, and I'll strike preemptively 100% of the time, when I know for certain the hammer will drop eventually. I'm airing it out and going on the offensive, Peyton Manning, 2004 style.

In addition to that, you said you had experience because you were dumped many times. Well, I haven't been dumped since November, 1988 - when I was 15 years old - - 17 years ago. Thats the one and only time. The reason? Sure some of it was probably dumb luck, but it's mainly because I'm real - real agressive, and I keep the women on the defensive - I'm always in attack mode. If I need to strike preemptively, I'll do it without hesitation -Otherwise, they are on their heels because I am dictating tempo...aka Peyton Manning, 2004 (50 TD's)

 

[speedo_meme]

point taken, BUT.....

how many times were you about to get dumped before going on the offensive?

you make a good argument, but my point is.....why go on the offensive and close the book completely when maybe, just MAYBE, she could come back and be a potential f*ck buddy or something down the line. I just like to keep options open at all times. that is, unless there's an emotional attachment, wherefore stringing a relationship along can be unhealthy and stressful. only tom knows that for sure...

 

[The Anti Dr Phil]

How many times was I about to get dumped before going on the offensive. Twice - Once in college (her ex BF was hovering), and most recently in November 2003. In the 2003 case, I actually wanted out months before, however I stayed in the situation because I wanted to milk the sex for all it was worth. She was an animal in the sack, so I planned on riding it out the sex until I was tired of her. I had actually been dating a few other people simultaneously, so it really wasn't a big deal for me. She just happened to be the best in the sack out of all of them, hence me keeping her around for as long as I did - no matter what I wanted sexually she'd do it - no hesitation. So I took advantage of my good fortune, and fulfilled every earthly fantasy I could fathom - two times over. That said, when I figured out she was tired of my indesrcetions (she knew I had others) and planned to pull the trigger first, I charged the gate while she was sleeping, and hit her with a few greandes first. I literally woke her up from her sleep as she laid next to me, and hit her with it.

But to use the phrase coined by Rollo...I'm always spinning an absurd amount of plates (sometimes waaaaay too many), so it makes no difference to me if I have to toss one away by going on the offensive. I don't hesitate, because I can easily call someone up from AA or AAA up to the majors. In the 2003 case, I was spinning 6 different plates. Two in Barcelona, one in Rome, one in DC (the one I preemptively struck), one in Chicago, and one in Los Angelos.

I'm spinning about five now, including two holdovers from 2003 - The one in Los Angelos, and one of the original two in Barcelona.

Why holdout hope in case MAYBE she comes back down the line, when you have MILLIONS of available (and some not so available) women lurking all over the world?? Forget that nonsense. There are 4 women to every 1 man in the world - 4 to 1. There are single attractive, successful women all over the place, and you guys hold out hope for women who "might" come back? Not this guy. No way no how. That won't be me in a million light years. I could die and come back as the most unnatractive man on the planet, and it still won't be me. But I have no complaints about guys who do that; that's just means there are more for me - And I'm a greedy b@stard. I'm a womanizer in the purest of forms, so I'll try and take them all if I could.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by The Anti Dr Phil
Slickster...with all due respect, I think you need to take your time and read my post again, and look at the order at how all of this played out before you call what I wrote "weak". That approach was packed with a ton of TNT. Why? Because they did not have "the talk" yet. She merely said she liked him a ton, but she needed space to figure things out. Now, we all know what that means (low interest level), and you will have known "the talk" would be but days away so, what do you do? You go on the offensive. You hit her with a preemptive strike. THAT, is what my post was all about. Look at this thread chronologically. How can he bob his head in agreement, when there was really nothing to "agree" about yet - at least not at the point where I made my post. As I said, although he knew it was coming, they did not have "the talk" yet.

And in no shape or form was I telling him to "go back" or have post break-up BS dialouge. Besides, you can't have post break-up conversation if you haven't broken up yet, no? I was just telling him to have an a matter of fact, "it what it is", preemptive strike style conversation. Hit her before she hits you, and blindside her with it. And afterwards, cut off all contact afterwards (IM, emails, test, etc). The beauty of that approach is he will have beaten her to the sucker-punch. He went on the offensive. Intead of lying in defense mode behind enemy lines, he would've taken the fight directly to her by going on the attack. That is called power.

All that being said, sometimes breaking things off does require some semblence of dialogue. The guy was not an AFC in the slightest - and he handled the situation his way.

Dialogue, presentation, body language, and tone can have a powerful effect, if you know you know when, where, and how to strike. I've been in this game a loooooooooooong time bro, and not to be arrogrant about it, but I can do it as good as any, and better than most.

Gee Phil you make this all sound like some sort of war with all the military rules of engagement. You in the army or something?

I guess you can do what you want but I still think your approach to all of this is weak. "Needing space" is LOW interest and that means she's not interested in you or any of your pre-emptive strike BS. In fact she doesn't give a shyt about anything you have to say. She doesn't even want to see you again.

"Needing space" is the woman's way of letting the guy down easy. It's over, it's done. It's too late already so why bother with any of that shyt that you're spouting off.

You speak of "the talk". Well in my world the talk is given by the person who is doing the dumping. In this case it is her who is dumping Tomzel. There's no need for him to give her "the talk" because she's already made her intentions known. Why the hell would he give her "the break up talk" if she's already broken up with him. Which she has already done indirectly with the "I need space" comment. Something many women do because they are too chickenshyt to just come out and say what they actually want to. You know it, I know it, everyone knows this.

When a chick needs space or is showing signs of low interest then you simply disappear with no more contact.

Anything else just reinforces the fact that SHE is the DUMPER and and you are being DUMPED. Which IS in fact weak.

Your approach seems like you are threatening to take away something that she has already indicated she doesn't want. You, and your presence.

Its kind of like threatening a child who doesn't want to finish dinner with a comment like......."If you don't finish your dinner then you won't get your brussel sprouts for dessert."

Low interest is no interest. Keep your dignity and walk.

 

[tomzel]

I agree Slickster...she was done long before the talk. It was all formality. She hasn't said a word to me since I dropped her stuff off. The 12 beers and 6 yaeger bombs haven't helped me get over the fact that I totally was a beoootch aboutthis whole thing.

 

[The Anti Dr Phil]

Slick: stope for a second...breath...read the thread....then lets start again. Lil' cousin, you are so chicken before the egg, it's ridiculous. Let me slow this down. As I said earlier....WE ALL KNEW HER INTEREST LEVEL WAS LOW. EVERYONE HERE KNEW IT. WHICH IS WHY I SAID PREEMPTIVE STRIKE. You're so eager so spit flames to the world about how to deal with low interest methods, that you fail to realize the obvious. Have a drink of scotch lil' cousin...Jesus H. Christ!!

Call my approach weak till you're blue in the face, but I've been making it happen time and time again for 13 years, on 5 different continents...without fail. I'll take the pepsi challenge all day, ever day. My methods are solid, true and tried. There is a reason I have zero heartbreak stories to tell, and that is not a coincidence. That said, if you arent confident, disciplined, or stong enough mentally, let me just say, it aint gonna happen. My approach to everything is from a psychological - chess game, thinking man's approach. But you're looking at this from a women has the power, straight arrow, non confident perspectivce. This is where are philosophical differences seem to clash. Essentially, my viewpoint is from an, "I'm running things" point of view - I'm gonna call the shots. My level of confidence appears to be is a tad higher than yours which is why, again, our philosophies appear to be different, but that's life - everyone doesn't think the same.

Again...read the thread, and follow the chronological order of things. Smart money says you haven't. Your statments smack of "chicken before the egg" rhetoric.

On another note. No military for me lil' bro. Philosophy degree from Princeton...MBA from Oxford.

 

[Slickster]

Anti Dr. Phil

Okay Phil I've read the thread. Re-read it and re-read it again. I've looked at it chronologically as you have instructed and here is what I've found.

Tomzel was seeing this girl for 4 months and for whatever reason she decided that she needed space. Tom gave her that space (somewhat) because they ended up talking/texting for the next few days/weeks. During that time she tells Tom that she does like him and misses him but she really needs more than just a few days of space. She even asks for her things back that she's left at Tom's place.

Now at this point I think its safe to say that she has given Tomzel MANY indications that this relationship is over even though she's failed to come right out and say it. Point being its OVER! It was probably over a few weeks before.

NOW THIS is where your post first appears and your "pre-emptive strike" starts.

Have I missed something Phil?

She says she needs space - You advise a pre-emptive strike

I'm not sure where the "pre-emptive" part of your strike is since she's already indicated its over. But let's dissect the silliness of your approach a little more.

"we had had a good run, and I know you need moments of reflection to figure out the many mountains of issues that's been plaguing you, so outta respect for your depressive state, I'll give that to you.

Newsflash Phil you're not GIVING her anything. Its her space and she's TAKING it from you. She's telling you. Albeit indirectly. But I like how you add in a few TNT comments (as you call them) and insult her mental state.

If I were walking a mile in your shoes, I might've been asking the same of you. So on that note, "IF" you figure things out and wanna chat give me a call. And if we both happen to be available at the time, we'll see what happens".

Guess what Phil she's not calling because she already told you she wanted space and you acted like a baby and turned hostile on her. She tried to let you down easy but your ego has you believing it is YOU doing the dumping. To make matters worse you insult her. Very classy.

...let her know in no uncertain tone that space means space - which means total and complete room for clarity because you don't want to take on any of her emotional burdens if you two aren't seeing each other. There will be no communication via text, email, phone, or IM. Let her know that under no circumstances will you be her emotional crutch, nor will you lend a shoulder for her to cry on.

Now that is the silliest part. She's indicated she's no longer interested and you threaten to take away the thing that matters LEAST to her - your presence! OUCH! That hurts Phil.

Look her square in the fricken eye, and don't hesitate. You gotta have it in your heart, soul, and gut that you're prepared to walk. Then do it.

I like the way you do it too Phil. All powerful and Peyton Manning like. :crackup:



I'm not sure why you keep telling me to re-read this thread Phil. You seem to be the one missing the chronological order of things. If Tomzel was wise and recognized the signs of Low Interest previously, then your speech MAY have had an effect BEFORE she gave him the "I need space" line. However to do it afterwards just REEKS of insecurity.

Which is why I joined this thread in the first place. You see Phil I'm here to help my fellow Don Juans. I've been doing it for years. When I see someone giving poor advice I'll call them out on it. I'm not attacking you personally. Only your approach to ending a relationship when a chick says she needs space. Don't be so sensitive.

Slick: stope for a second...breath...read the thread....then lets start again. Lil' cousin, you are so chicken before the egg, it's ridiculous. Let me slow this down. As I said earlier....WE ALL KNEW HER INTEREST LEVEL WAS LOW. EVERYONE HERE KNEW IT. WHICH IS WHY I SAID PREEMPTIVE STRIKE. You're so eager so spit flames to the world about how to deal with low interest methods, that you fail to realize the obvious. Have a drink of scotch lil' cousin...Jesus H. Christ!!

Actually Phil I think its you who needs to breathe and take a moment to relax. You seem to have your panties in a knot. Hence all the TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS, calling me lil' cousin and lil' bro, and taking the Lord's name in vain. With exclamation points too!!! All this because of some simple critism.

Insulting my confidence too. Especially nasty for a guy who finds it necessary to boast about his worldliness, his education and his experience with women. (Funny how a guy with a degree from Princeton and an MBA from Oxford types with so many spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and poor sentence structure.)

Anyway Phil I'm not here to start a p!ssing war with you. You'll notice I never insulted you personally during this thread. Not once! (Okay maybe that last paragraph was insulting but you probably deserve that ) The only thing I've been critical about is your approach to this matter. The advice you have given to Tomzel and the rest of the people here.

I don't need to call you down or insult you personally. I don't need to build myself up either. I'm only here to give advice and help others. So you can call me whatever you want and jump up and down trying to gain some respect for your views but the simple fact remains............

Her: "I think I need some space."

Tomzel: smiles and nods head "You know I think you're right. See you around." walks away and disappears....

Anything wrong with that?

Peace.