proxyreaper
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- Aug 30, 2012
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Hi guys, came across this forum in google while searching for "advices" on my current gf. I dunno if she is a classic BPD case or i'm the crazy one. I'm so deeply in love with her that i had thoughts of suicide, self destruction etc.
Im a AFC, serve in the military, became a beat cop for few years currently doing narcotics as a detective. Ppl thought im a tough nut to crack and this gf destory my self esteen, ego, self respect and frequent suicidal thoughts. after reading this forum, i feel better becos i realised alot of ppl is facing the same issue. We been together for 4 months, knew each other from a flirting app call SKOUT.
She is a indian mix arab according to her. Came from a over well to do family, drove a merc coupe worth about 200k in my country ( car is heavily taxed here thou ). Our first meet was awesome, common interest ( badminton, martial arts, shooting, 9gag, ). I would rate her a HB9 with awesome figure. She is extremely intelligent and definitely the only girl whom you can chat about cars, weapons, sports, wars and she will be able to hold her part of the conversation.
I started to like her alot after the first meet and we started dating on the 3rd date. Everything was fine for the first 1 month, then things went downhill. Until now, I could not believed that the perfect woman I met had turned into a MONSTER. I will list down several events that happens and I hope you guys can analyse from your experiences and tell me what to do and understand her mentality.
a) was msging with her on whatsapp, suddenly started asking whether i'm msging someone else. say good night and went offline. I freaked out and overreact ( can't believe i did that ), drove to her house. waited outside her unit, call/sms begging her to tell me wads wrong because I thought i did something wrong from 2am to 7am. Next morning she woke up, flipped and asked me to FO.
for the next 24 hrs, sent me random msges, telling me she was drunk, acting "emo" saying she went to class drunk. ( she didn't went to class drunk because I knew a guy call 'A' who is her close friend in class but she wasnt aware )
We meet at my area "one last time", start acting angry, I hop in her car and she start driving around doing random stuff, jammed brake in the middle of the road when I say something wrong. On the way back to my area, character change 180 degrees. Become sweet, and requested that we end it nicely, say we should see each other one last time. It was painful for me, I tear alittle ( embarrassing to say this, but i was deeply hurt when I thought im going to lose her ). After she drove back home, msg me say she love me and regret all this etc.
b) I read alot in the forums that sex was great with BDP, however for her case, sex was boring because she seems very inexperience. She has extremely good seduction "techniques" like you see in the movies. Her dirty talking is mindblowing. However sex wise is extremely lame, she lies down like a dead fish. Anyway, 2 weeks into the relationship, she msged me in the middle of the night asking me to go over to her place even thou her parents were around. Keep senting me suggestive msges, that i should "explore exotic lands" etc. I didn't went over, met her the next day, she say it was a test whether Im only after her body and I "passed".
She pulled the same trick on the very night, this time physical touching me and asking me to go over, I reject again ( dont ask me why i din bang her, i jus love her blindly back then ). msg me later in the day, say I "passed". Wtf is this mindgames?
c) We makeout in her car, heavy petting and she asked me to bang her. I refuse and stop it there. ( fear it was a test again, wtf. ) She gt pissed, told me sometime later that she almost friendzoned me because i refuse to bang her. Im mind****ed badly, by her test...
d) had unprotected sex, reason being she studied medicine, and told me chance is low, etc, she count her cycle its foolproof.( she din keep track, she lied, and retarded me failed to play it safe ) Ended up pregnant, had an abortion and blamed me. Sayin she could keep the child, but because im not ready to be a father so she chose me over her. ( right before the procedure, when we were discussing options, she keep saying that her parents will murder her, honor killing or wadever. I wanted her to keep the child and Ill be responsible but she refuse )
e) flirt with her classmate 'A', who happens to be my old old friend. There was once we broke up because I didn't introduce her to my parents and say thinks im ashamed of her. I heard about 'A' alot from her so I confronted 'A'. 'A' told me he isn't aware of that we were in a relationship. 'A' showed me msg evidence on the phone that she was flirting with him, but refuse to commit. When 'A' and me confronted her, she broke down, and rage, threw her phone at me and keep saying I gang up with 'A' on her. Massive fight, she started crying telling me she was almost raped before by a certain guy call 'B'. I told her she is bipolar ( came across it on the internet and she match alot of sign ). She went to see a doctor and after lots of drama, insisted that 'A' is a psychopath trying to break up our relationship ). Patched up with her because I still love her blindly despite the crap she threw at me. She is on long term medication called Amitriptyline 100mg. Asked my sister who works in a hospital, she say 100mg is very high dosage.
d) had a fight once, raise my voice at her and she left. next day when we met, she say that she almost wanted to breakup with me, and she was so angry I "yell" at her that she wanted to take a hammer and smash my face in. ( wtf? ) Saying I was so close to death but lucky her best friend told her to calm down.
e) raged at me when I didn't see a doctor for my bruise I suffered during work. I told her it was super minor ( holy crap, i served as an infantryman few years back ) and she made a big fuss. 5mins ago, i bought her the LOTR "the one ring" because she ever mentioned that she love the ring like crazy. It was a necklace with the ring, so during her rage, she told me to remove the necklace before she "rip it off her neck". I was deeply hurt and felt like ****.
f) She ever gave me her facebook acct and hotmail acct password to prove she is "faithful". I pretend not to be interested but actually I remembered the password. I did a detail check on her FB and hotmail. ( that was a cheap thing, but this act saved me ) She told me her ex-bf was an egyptian, but in the hotmail, I saw pictures of his passport, he is an indian, NOT egyptian. wad the heck? I also saw copy of her visa, she is born in india but she always tell people she is born in afghanistan. ( wad the heck does she gain from lying about this? ) I felt super ashame and to this day, none of my RL friends knew about this, I felt this is super embarrassing to share, why would a girl like her lie about stupid stuff like this? I also read her chatlog in facebook and realised that she is lying about almost everything in her life, its like 80% is imaginary. Sometimes, I regret "invading her privacy" because now I know stuff that makes me so disgusted at her, that I hate myself.
g) stepping on landmine: to date, we have at least 10 fights over nonsensical issues. random stuff, extremely minor like where to go, it will end up badly, where she would just ignore me or insults me. She often ask me moral questions and if i answered "wrongly" ( sometime she didn't wants to hear but im been truthful ), she will RAGE at me, say she is disgusted and thinks i'm sick. wtf? Until the point, I would censor my thoughts now, and try to give politically correct answers to please her, i realise that I cant tell what is right or wrong now, just wanted to please her.
h) driving like a maniac, when we are driving our own car to somewhere, sometimes she will ask me to "race" with her. She will drive like a manaic, zipping in and out of traffic, and almost caused accident COUNTLESS times. When she is sitting in my car or her car while i'm driving, she will RAGE when I brake hard or drive fast. If I failed to signal, she will RAGE even harder.
i) she banned sex after the abortion. she told me not to expect it for the next few years. I suck it up. She then tried to seduce me but touching my groin area while im driving sometimes, then refuse to carry on further. We spoke about this issue once and she say sometimes "its good to try than assume". I said, you told me not to expect it and now you ask me to "try"?
She say she was tramatized by the thought of intimacy, but the heck? if she is tramatized, then why is she "touching my groin" and dirty talking to me even until now? She even tell me to get a hooker and she won't blame me. I told her i'm a cop and I don't wanna waste money on commercial sex especially if I'm in a relationship.
j) extremely secretive, sometimes she will go missing for up to 10 hrs, uncontactable and suddenly replied, say she is busy running around. She claims that her uncle is intepol number 1 wanted ( lol wtf bull**** ) and she is under protection by the government. She is extremely dillusional. I believed her at first, until the point when I went thru her email, I realise she is full of ****.
Thanks for reading, and this is not all, I will continue posting, at the moment we are still together, but Im mentally tired. I can't think straight anymore because she affects me so badly, with her random rage. But i still love her alot. Is she BPD? or am i the crazy one.
Im a AFC, serve in the military, became a beat cop for few years currently doing narcotics as a detective. Ppl thought im a tough nut to crack and this gf destory my self esteen, ego, self respect and frequent suicidal thoughts. after reading this forum, i feel better becos i realised alot of ppl is facing the same issue. We been together for 4 months, knew each other from a flirting app call SKOUT.
She is a indian mix arab according to her. Came from a over well to do family, drove a merc coupe worth about 200k in my country ( car is heavily taxed here thou ). Our first meet was awesome, common interest ( badminton, martial arts, shooting, 9gag, ). I would rate her a HB9 with awesome figure. She is extremely intelligent and definitely the only girl whom you can chat about cars, weapons, sports, wars and she will be able to hold her part of the conversation.
I started to like her alot after the first meet and we started dating on the 3rd date. Everything was fine for the first 1 month, then things went downhill. Until now, I could not believed that the perfect woman I met had turned into a MONSTER. I will list down several events that happens and I hope you guys can analyse from your experiences and tell me what to do and understand her mentality.
a) was msging with her on whatsapp, suddenly started asking whether i'm msging someone else. say good night and went offline. I freaked out and overreact ( can't believe i did that ), drove to her house. waited outside her unit, call/sms begging her to tell me wads wrong because I thought i did something wrong from 2am to 7am. Next morning she woke up, flipped and asked me to FO.
for the next 24 hrs, sent me random msges, telling me she was drunk, acting "emo" saying she went to class drunk. ( she didn't went to class drunk because I knew a guy call 'A' who is her close friend in class but she wasnt aware )
We meet at my area "one last time", start acting angry, I hop in her car and she start driving around doing random stuff, jammed brake in the middle of the road when I say something wrong. On the way back to my area, character change 180 degrees. Become sweet, and requested that we end it nicely, say we should see each other one last time. It was painful for me, I tear alittle ( embarrassing to say this, but i was deeply hurt when I thought im going to lose her ). After she drove back home, msg me say she love me and regret all this etc.
b) I read alot in the forums that sex was great with BDP, however for her case, sex was boring because she seems very inexperience. She has extremely good seduction "techniques" like you see in the movies. Her dirty talking is mindblowing. However sex wise is extremely lame, she lies down like a dead fish. Anyway, 2 weeks into the relationship, she msged me in the middle of the night asking me to go over to her place even thou her parents were around. Keep senting me suggestive msges, that i should "explore exotic lands" etc. I didn't went over, met her the next day, she say it was a test whether Im only after her body and I "passed".
She pulled the same trick on the very night, this time physical touching me and asking me to go over, I reject again ( dont ask me why i din bang her, i jus love her blindly back then ). msg me later in the day, say I "passed". Wtf is this mindgames?
c) We makeout in her car, heavy petting and she asked me to bang her. I refuse and stop it there. ( fear it was a test again, wtf. ) She gt pissed, told me sometime later that she almost friendzoned me because i refuse to bang her. Im mind****ed badly, by her test...
d) had unprotected sex, reason being she studied medicine, and told me chance is low, etc, she count her cycle its foolproof.( she din keep track, she lied, and retarded me failed to play it safe ) Ended up pregnant, had an abortion and blamed me. Sayin she could keep the child, but because im not ready to be a father so she chose me over her. ( right before the procedure, when we were discussing options, she keep saying that her parents will murder her, honor killing or wadever. I wanted her to keep the child and Ill be responsible but she refuse )
e) flirt with her classmate 'A', who happens to be my old old friend. There was once we broke up because I didn't introduce her to my parents and say thinks im ashamed of her. I heard about 'A' alot from her so I confronted 'A'. 'A' told me he isn't aware of that we were in a relationship. 'A' showed me msg evidence on the phone that she was flirting with him, but refuse to commit. When 'A' and me confronted her, she broke down, and rage, threw her phone at me and keep saying I gang up with 'A' on her. Massive fight, she started crying telling me she was almost raped before by a certain guy call 'B'. I told her she is bipolar ( came across it on the internet and she match alot of sign ). She went to see a doctor and after lots of drama, insisted that 'A' is a psychopath trying to break up our relationship ). Patched up with her because I still love her blindly despite the crap she threw at me. She is on long term medication called Amitriptyline 100mg. Asked my sister who works in a hospital, she say 100mg is very high dosage.
d) had a fight once, raise my voice at her and she left. next day when we met, she say that she almost wanted to breakup with me, and she was so angry I "yell" at her that she wanted to take a hammer and smash my face in. ( wtf? ) Saying I was so close to death but lucky her best friend told her to calm down.
e) raged at me when I didn't see a doctor for my bruise I suffered during work. I told her it was super minor ( holy crap, i served as an infantryman few years back ) and she made a big fuss. 5mins ago, i bought her the LOTR "the one ring" because she ever mentioned that she love the ring like crazy. It was a necklace with the ring, so during her rage, she told me to remove the necklace before she "rip it off her neck". I was deeply hurt and felt like ****.
f) She ever gave me her facebook acct and hotmail acct password to prove she is "faithful". I pretend not to be interested but actually I remembered the password. I did a detail check on her FB and hotmail. ( that was a cheap thing, but this act saved me ) She told me her ex-bf was an egyptian, but in the hotmail, I saw pictures of his passport, he is an indian, NOT egyptian. wad the heck? I also saw copy of her visa, she is born in india but she always tell people she is born in afghanistan. ( wad the heck does she gain from lying about this? ) I felt super ashame and to this day, none of my RL friends knew about this, I felt this is super embarrassing to share, why would a girl like her lie about stupid stuff like this? I also read her chatlog in facebook and realised that she is lying about almost everything in her life, its like 80% is imaginary. Sometimes, I regret "invading her privacy" because now I know stuff that makes me so disgusted at her, that I hate myself.
g) stepping on landmine: to date, we have at least 10 fights over nonsensical issues. random stuff, extremely minor like where to go, it will end up badly, where she would just ignore me or insults me. She often ask me moral questions and if i answered "wrongly" ( sometime she didn't wants to hear but im been truthful ), she will RAGE at me, say she is disgusted and thinks i'm sick. wtf? Until the point, I would censor my thoughts now, and try to give politically correct answers to please her, i realise that I cant tell what is right or wrong now, just wanted to please her.
h) driving like a maniac, when we are driving our own car to somewhere, sometimes she will ask me to "race" with her. She will drive like a manaic, zipping in and out of traffic, and almost caused accident COUNTLESS times. When she is sitting in my car or her car while i'm driving, she will RAGE when I brake hard or drive fast. If I failed to signal, she will RAGE even harder.
i) she banned sex after the abortion. she told me not to expect it for the next few years. I suck it up. She then tried to seduce me but touching my groin area while im driving sometimes, then refuse to carry on further. We spoke about this issue once and she say sometimes "its good to try than assume". I said, you told me not to expect it and now you ask me to "try"?
She say she was tramatized by the thought of intimacy, but the heck? if she is tramatized, then why is she "touching my groin" and dirty talking to me even until now? She even tell me to get a hooker and she won't blame me. I told her i'm a cop and I don't wanna waste money on commercial sex especially if I'm in a relationship.
j) extremely secretive, sometimes she will go missing for up to 10 hrs, uncontactable and suddenly replied, say she is busy running around. She claims that her uncle is intepol number 1 wanted ( lol wtf bull**** ) and she is under protection by the government. She is extremely dillusional. I believed her at first, until the point when I went thru her email, I realise she is full of ****.
Thanks for reading, and this is not all, I will continue posting, at the moment we are still together, but Im mentally tired. I can't think straight anymore because she affects me so badly, with her random rage. But i still love her alot. Is she BPD? or am i the crazy one.
