Need advice from the real pros...

[WorldTraveller]

I’ve been reading these forums for about a month now, during which I went through the whole DJ Bible (read it in one night). Just le me say that everything that is said here pretty much applies to, I would say, 95% of the western world. I’m from Spain, but went to college in the US where I ended up living for 10 years. I have lived in four countries. I now live in Costa Rica, where I run my own company.

I have to say that I have pretty much no problem approaching girls, even HB9s, and getting their phone numbers, going out on dates and all that stuff, although it is true that many of the posts on this site had invaluable tips which I had never thought of… so many thanks to everybody who posts here.

Now I do need help with one issue… the reason that accidentally brought me to this site while looking for good reading material on the Internet. Here it goes.

After dating dozens of women, good ones, bad ones, hot ones (I’ll be 33 this year) I have finally found what I think it’s THE ONE. I mean, the only one that does not provoke a “run-and-hide” reaction when listening to the word “marriage”. It is probably the first time I meet someone like this gal. She’s a 9, mature, intelligent, funny, kind, sweet, caring, 100% feminine… I’d absolutely love to fall for this one (if I haven’t already)

Now, we have already gone through the different stages of dating: first date, second date (kiss close), thrird, fourth…. Have made love (absolutely out of this word experience by the way.) But a dark cloud got in the way: an ex-boyfriend.

She had already told me at the beginning about her last relationship… a guy who was her roommate, eventually got to become her BF, and had a 2-year relationship with her until he decided to leave this country to go to London for a 3-month assignment, which became a 6-month one; then a move to another assignment in yet another country. Eventually a break up (this is all according to her story)

I never really felt threatened by this ex until the son of a *****, as soon as he found out she was seeing someone else (We had been two weeks into the dating game by then), started calling every day from abroad and sending to her 18 e-mails per day. He even called totally drunk at 4am. She has gone from being happy with me to being confused because she now doesn’t know if she still loves the bastard. Who of course had already made plans to come and visit her here to “try to make things work out”

Now, it got to a point where my gut feeling was giving me such a bad time I just called it off. Called my HB9 and told her that until she made up her mind, I was going to erase myself. She was sad but accepted (bad sign). I went to visit her about two weeks later to see how she was doing and I found out she already knew the date her ex was coming. She told me that didn’t want to hurt my feelings but that she needed to figure out whether she still loves him or not. I told her that I was interested in her BUT that in the meantime I was not going to stay at home like an AFC. I was (and have) to date other people and have fun. I have been trying to be as much of a DJ as I could but I must admit that deep inside I’ve been having a very rough time because the other hotties do not interest me any more (really bad sign)

I know I can’t force her into making up her mind… and she is also very confused and having a hard time dealing with her feelings. When I asked her once: “What do you really want to do about this?” She answered: “What I want is to fall in love with you.”

Now what would you fellow DJs do? Should I next her? Should I just wait a month and call or visit her or should I wait for her to contact me if she’s interested. Please take into account we are not dealing with a little girl here. She’s a 30-year-old successful professional who runs a 200 people company. And she has (of course) like 30 other guys asking her out (although she had chosen me). She is also the ONE I would love to keep.

I wait for you wisdom my friends…

 

[Hybrid2]

Cant help you,since him no DJ.
But that guy realy is a bastard.
I hope you get the girl.

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. Women do the choosing.

2. Your caught between a rock and a hard place. You have allowed yourself to get what these guys on this site call one-itis.

3. Your first problem to work on is the cure that. You need to break this thing with her then check to see if you still want anything to do with her at all.

4. Unfortunately she was already in love with the other man. You were the backwash man. You came in the others foot steps. What you should of been doing that whole time was breaking his spell over her. I start with making little comments and digging into their history and how it was. I never say anything bad but from my attitude you can tell I am thinking (supposedly) something bad. "ohhh really" is one of my favorite phrases.

When they ask what I mean I refuse to comment on it in depth.

This creates a wedge at times between old relationships and my targets. In my world there can only be one! One voice in her ear. One face she looks for!!

It's too late for this sorry. The only thing I can say to do is to break your one-itis with this woman. You need to search yourself deep for the real reasons you are attracted to her.

She isn't in love with you. As per what she said...make me fall in love with you type of comment.

Each woman has a dream or a need. If you had done your homework you could of found out what it was...whether it was love, fame, stardom, respect...what every her secret need is should of been dug out and in times like this exploited.

If you could of convinced her that YOU were the one with the key to her happiness, not that other bozo you wouldn't be posting here right now!

She is obviously not really missing YOU. She went 2 weeks without your attention or company.

Good luck on your inner problem.

Oh did you live in Sacramento Cali last year?

 

[WorldTraveller]

Hybrid2... thanks pal. Keep reading around and you’ll become a DJ.

Unfortunately, it seems to be a pretty common move from some bastards. They ditch the girl… she goes through hell and eventually overcomes it… the girls eventually moves on and meets a great guy… the bastard now wants her back and starts ****ing with her mind.

Has that happened to other people? How did you deal with it? What was the end result?

 

[undesputable]

sounds like she is going to get tired of this guy really soon....

i think you did really wrong of just dissapearing out of the picture... i would have done what was working for me in the first place, and ignore the competition or her ex boyfriend.

when you said that you told her that you were going to disapear and she accepted, it didnt have to be that way...come on man you got to stick with it. sometimes they test you to see if youre worth her time...

i heard of a guy who made interviews and hired people. after he interviewed hundreds of people, he would pick his favorite person for the job call him and tell them that they were not good enough for the job.... if he/she would say "ok thanks for your time". then he would call his second favorite person and the answer he was looking for when he told them that was something like "why? im the best." sometimes tests would come up to weed out all the garbage. and since this girl is so succesful and beatiful and funny and smart, she needs to test her men.

just keep doing what you were doing man, keep it cool and dont back down.

 

[WorldTraveller]

Player_Supreme:

Overall, I like your comments and agree with most... however please read on...

*2. Your caught between a rock and a hard place. You have
*allowed yourself to get what these guys on this site call one-itis.

Guilty as charged. This was the one I could think of marrying for the first time in my live... I'm not in my twenties you know. I believe the goal here is not to keep getting numbers and dating until we’re 80 years old. We all want to find the ONE some day.

*If you could of convinced her that YOU were the one with the key to her happiness, *not that other bozo you wouldn't be posting here right now!
*She is obviously not really missing YOU. She went 2 weeks without your attention or *company.

Obviously, I didn’t have much time in two weeks to convince her… nor to make her truly fall in love, did I? I must add… the reason why she went 2 weeks without my attention or company is BECAUSE I didn’t give it to her. She actually communicated with me during that break and I acted quite cold. Besides, the bozo is ABOUT to arrive… she probably doesn’t want to have to deal with the two of us at the same time. What a freaking situation!!! If I wasn’t because I think she’s that great I would forget about her.

*Oh did you live in Sacramento Cali last year?

Nope. Last year I was in Spain.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by WorldTraveller
Need advice from the real pros...

I’m not a prostitute (Pro) but I’ll comment anyway!

Firstly, you only knew this chick for two weeks before the drama developed with her ex, so your heart and mind should not have been so attached to her considering that they were probably still official b/f-g/f and she was cheating on him while promising to be faithful until his return! Don't believe what chicks say!

She is more attached to him, emotionally speaking, than she is to you - her love/lust is still burning for him and you were just a quick lonely replacement until his return! If he showed up at her door tomorrow and stays in town you will be history!!

Do not keep your loyalty to her after she just stated that she wants him and not you - although I know you'll be a chump and try to win her back based on your writings. You want her and no one else so my words to you are not going to make an impact or change your mind but just know that you'll be a chump if you accept her after such a statement!

She answered: “What I want is to fall in love with you.” – she is a liar – she has this chance to do so right now by avoiding her b/f in the other country - this means she is not in love with you and is obviously thinking about her b/f

You are the ‘dark cloud’ and not her b/f.! He was there before you.

She is not ‘confused’ – girls say that to not hurt a man’s feelings! She chose him and not you!

You did the right thing by excusing yourself from the drama but do not contact her at all and don’t be the second back-up man (read chump)!

He is going to screw her hard (and I mean hard) and multiple times daily when he comes back and she will acquiesce. Will you take her back with the dude’s sperm still in her?? I bet you would!!

When a guy wants a girl more than she wants him he is in a losing position and eventually becomes a chump if he is not one already!

 

[WorldTraveller]

Hey PuertoRican_Lover:

I do like her as much as it reads in my first post… but your words definitely put the situation in a different perspective…

You’re right in one thing… she had a chance to keep me but CHOSE to receive her ex… No DJ should allow a woman, ANY woman, to put him in a “second-place” position… You know what? I think I’m going to NEXT her badly and start working on curing my severe case of Oneitis.

Ok now, where did I place that number I got last week???

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are a man that wants to get married to that special someone - you have dated many women and have your life together except for that one woman that you wish to share your success with!!

I feel you bro - there is a lot of garbage you have to swim through to find that special someone. She seems as if she was the ideal candidate for you - but you know what? This little test came at a good time and showed you who/where her true allegiance lies and it is not with you!

Do not accept her back - you will always remember this and will always think about it and keep it in the back of your mind! Marry a woman who is loyal to you only and who does not hesitate to embrace you and no one else.

You were not together long enough to really establish an endearing and long lasting bond, although she gave up her pvssy to you she did not give you her heart. So it is with hors today!!!!

 

[Grey Fox]

You can marry any age you want. You were happy before you current ship wreck of a woman. You enjoyed the company of many women. Why not just keep looking. If your first reaction was to be like "I'm out, I'm disappearing!" Signals to me that you are not really attached to this woman anyways, and that you recognize the hovering EX and her readmitance of him as a major deal breaker. I'm mean what happens if you do tie the knot and he shows up at the wedding and she spends your honeymoon evening dicussing second chances with him. Puertorican lover is right, there is a ton of garbage out there, you just have to toss this one aside like the rest. Like Puertorican lover said again she is not loyal to you. She took her EX back essentailly, forget loyalty she doesn't love you. I hope you found that number from last week, its time to make two calls. First that number and then your EX girlfriend to tell her she just became an EX.

-Grey Fox

 

[NewMan]

1) firstly post this in the mature forum - over 25's.


You've known this girl for 2 weeks and fallen in love with her. Yeah One-I-Tis.

That goes against everything you've read. She has to be worthy of you - but you let her get to you in 2 weeks. Come on pal get real here.

Next, so this ex of her's is calling her and coming back into town.

You should have ended those calls the minute they started happening. Picked that phone up at 4AM and told him to fvck off.

At the first sign of this problem you should have laid down the law.

But now he coming back this is what you should do:

Nail this chick. Bang her up until the morning he arrives. Don't run away with your tail between your leg's - what your saying is, the Alpha male is coming back into town - so I'm going to leave this girl so he can fvck her.

Fvck that.

Guy, you've got to get your sh#t together. Don't let some Mo Fo come back into town and get a free ride.

So he's coming back - but your going to fvck this chick right up to the very end - then dump her a##.

 

[dig it]

I dont know if you are still reading this.

I will give you my perspective.

Everyone here is saying to get away from this girl.

Its mine too. I guess we have studied this stuff for longer than you, so we are more able to discern whats what easier than yoursel.

What you have changed in your views judging by your follow up posts is good to see.

I say leave her alone too. She sounds like a lyer.

Girls are really up against it when it comes to being honest with their feelings. Because they are emotional creatures, their feelings seep into all aspects of their life, so sometimes its not uncommon to find a girl who is living against what knows is right. I am not relating this back to you being with her right, i am talking about every day things. She will stay in a job for sentimental reasons, she will buy a particular brand of food because it "feels" right even though there are better choices available. She will feel her way through life. I often think the best women who are very intelligent and strong leaders are only that way because they seem like men. Take margaret thatcher for instance, british Prime minister. A women like her, she has been instilled with the right feeling-altering behavior habbits from an early age - probably from men or men influences or just by coincidence from women. Say that to highlight that chicks feel, and thats all they do. They do what feel's right. So she is not going to do anything you find logical or whatever. Dont be surprised, thats why, if like the others say, when the bf comes back, she wont even want to know you.

So thats why you want to stay away. You dont need to put that cr@p on yourself.

Women are inherently weak. You dont want to come across as weaker than her by wanting to be with her. This goes without saying whether you see her again or not. Stay away from her because you choose to and you choose to be strong about how you feel and choose to take control of your own life.

Dont lead with your emotions, lead with your head, because when you use your head, you will see that there is another women out there who you will eventually find who you will be just as wonderful to be with and hopefully she wont have the problems that this girl has.

Good luck. Advice: dont contact her, dont talk to her if she contacts you. Say, if anything, "Dont talk to me until you've dumped him" then hang up.

But thats IF. She most likely wont'. I am just covering all bases.

My view is that this girl wont. But if she does, you'll know what to do. And from then on, call her on every illogical thing she gives to you that doesnt fit in with how you want things to be. If she cant then agree, she is not worth it.

But man, forget and move on is the path you need to take.,keep those other things up your sleeve in the experience collumn.

 

[WorldTraveller]

Yes I am still reading this thread... actually I will follow up tonight (central america's time). Thanks to everybody for the input. Later.

 

[jiro77]

I agree with undisputable.....If she's 30 and you think she is marriage material she should be mature enough to make the right decision. In the meantime keep up the excellent DJing, and don't burn any bridges. It goes to show that game never ends...

 

[Slickster]

I've been to Costa Rica a few times and I must say you live in a country filled with beautiful women. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first arrived there. You should be able to find a replacement for this woman.

2 weeks is a really short time to develop feelings like you have. You aren't thinking straight right now so be aware of that.

As others have said this was a lost cause from the get go. Even if you had been together with her for years this bozo could come back and screw with her head at anytime. The break up was because of his work not a relationship problem.

So you fell for a woman who is in love with someone else. Tough, but let it go as quickly as possible. Its for your own good. No use wasting your time thinking about it any longer.


By the way I'm curious about the company that you run. I'm Canadian and have an interest in moving to Costa Rica. I'd love to pick your brain about a few things. Pm me.

 

[Hollowpoint]

Good luck with that bro, and what they said, good advice imo.

 

[JT47319]

Shoulda ran boyfriend destroyer material while you were still in tight with her.

 

[coldcoal]

Although what the others have said is true, that falling hard for a woman in few weeks is not a good thing, you have to remember that this woman is not entirely in the wrong for not falling in love with you after only a few weeks either. Don't brand her a lying wh*re for NOT doing something everyone here is scolding YOU for doing.

And, although you've "erased yourself" upon the subject, remember that you are not the one sending her 18 e-mails a day and calling her at 4am. If anyone feels most like the losing one with the harsh prognosis of "one-itus", it's more than likely the ex according to how he is handling this.

Rest assure you were mentioned. He knows of you. Why else would he suddenly become so persistant after being absent and abroad for so long? You are the threat. HE is the one that will have to take her back "full of your sperm". That is the reality of it because she made some choices. He is under the burden to reverse it all. He has to do that before the sex can start up again. I'm sure he has to also hurdle accusations of possible affairs. A man cannot travel abroad alone while involved and avoid this topic.

All I'm saying is to make sure you understand for yourself who you are in the midst of this trio before you pounce all over this with whatever actions you've decided upon.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Mr World man, can you hook me up with a virgin in Costa Rica, I'll pay you a finders fee!!!

Let me tell you what this chick was telling you and what she was telling her supposed ex.

She lied to you - her supposed ex was still her boyfriend but she told you that she/he 'broke it off' so that she can 'play the field' while he was gone.

She told her b/f that she will be loyal to him and him only and is waiting for his return while at the same time she was screwing you and I'm sure other guy as well before she met you!

At the same time she told you a different story - she told you that she is now available since her former love abondoned her over a career and he has now fallen in love with his profession.

Woman play two games and always keep a back up when the other plan/lover falls through - you were the back-up plan if her current b/f didn't return soon or ever.

I bet this dude don't even know you exist! Does he?? I assume you never talked and everything she tells you is heresay!

Do me a favor - when he shows up introduce yourself and look at your girl's face and his face and you will then see if she ever told him about you - my bet says she didn't!!

Any takers out there? I'll give 10 to 1 odds!

 

[coldcoal]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Mr World man, can you hook me up with a virgin in Costa Rica, I'll pay you a finders fee!!!

Let me tell you what this chick was telling you and what she was telling her supposed ex.

She lied to you - her supposed ex was still her boyfriend but she told you that she/he 'broke it off' so that she can 'play the field' while he was gone.

She told her b/f that she will be loyal to him and him only and is waiting for his return while at the same time she was screwing you and I'm sure other guy as well before she met you!

At the same time she told you a different story - she told you that she is now available since her former love abondoned her over a career and he has now fallen in love with his profession.

Woman play two games and always keep a back up when the other plan/lover falls through - you were the back-up plan if her current b/f didn't return soon or ever.

I bet this dude don't even know you exist! Does he?? I assume you never talked and everything she tells you is heresay!

Do me a favor - when he shows up introduce yourself and look at your girl's face and his face and you will then see if she ever told him about you - my bet says she didn't!!

Any takers out there? I'll give 10 to 1 odds!

I'll take that bet, especially considering that in the original post Mr. Worldly had said plainly, "...as soon as he found out she was dating someone else...18 e-mails/day...
calls at 4am...".

I'm not the one reaching too far here.

Furthermore, the idea of a person keeping other potential people aside is as prevalent a practice in men as it is in women, even here on this website. Some, in fact, have suggested a man be open and honest about his dating other women.

It is in my opinion that if this woman were the manipulative, lying b*tch that she is being painted here, then it would be more likely that Mr. Worldly would have been none the wiser of this ex, as she would have made sure of it to maintain what advantages in having him as her lapdog. This ex visit would have been a bombshell discovered quite accidently.

To even further ellaborate on my previous post, of course she doesn't love him. Of course she hasn't handed her heart over. What reasonable person would expect such actions from anyone normal, male or female, to do such thigs in a matter of only a few weeks?

Would any DJ here cast aside all other women for one inside of a few weeks? How many would call such a man a chump?

I am not, nor have suggested he chase or trust, but only to consider more simple things, if only for future reference. The point I am trying to introduce into this thread is that although not all is peachy and not everyone is 100% honest, that there are many reasonable causes attributed to normal behaviour for some of the events that happened here; causes that do not require incognito, back-stabbing gender theories per say, even if it all doesn't add up.