Need advice from the real pros...

WorldTraveller

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Ok guys… sorry I could not post last night. I went out with two sisters I met last week. I cold approach them in a bar just to find out they were sisters, and they like to go out together so I called them both. We had a ball... you had to see the look of the other guys when they saw me dancing with both of them at the same time... A piece of advise to all the DJs out there... LEARN TO DANCE LATIN MUSIC. It will make you win many points, with any type of girl, in any country.

Ok, now they’re both hot and I have to figure out which one I go for…mmm… anyway… the important thing is that it helps with my oneitis curing process.


Now, let me give you some facts to clear some points about my story:

1. I am NOT in love with her. It may sound like it from my first post but I wanted to clarify that. I DO LIKE her enough to consider dating her seriously, but I don’t fall in love in two weeks (although I know a couple who did it in less time and they’re married now)

2. She told me about her ex from day one. She basically warned me that she was still hung to a previous relationship. I just thought it was still worth to give it a try and get to know her more. Now I regret not having played with her mind about her ex, to my advantage. What was I thinking?

3. She told her ex about me too. Of course, I don’t know if she was using me to make him a bit jealous, but I don’t think so because the guy is abroad and she didn’t have to actually go out with someone to make him jealous, she could have just made a story up and have the same effect.

4. She is not a heartless b*tch, she was very sweet and caring until the day we stopped seeing each other. She would cook me dinner, invite me to spend the night at her place, etc. I mean, it was going very well, BUT my gut feeling was that she letting herself go at it careless, but I knew (and I was right) that she was thinking of her ex all the time. And every day the bastard called and called her more and more to the point where I was present during those calls and started making me sick.

5. I decided to END it because although I was not in love, like I said in point 1, I was on my way to fall for her. And I didn’t want to get burnt. And I would HAVE. The day I called it off, she told me she was feeling "sick mentally and physically" (she looked like it). Her words where something like “On one side I have this wonderful man who has absolutely everything I’ve always wanted in a man (me) and one the other side I don’t know if I still love my ex boyfriend”. She continued: “We have tried to make it work before but haven’t succeeded at being compatible, but I have to give it one more try.” At this point I said: “Well… when you make up your mind, you know where to find me.”

I had to do it. Some of you agree, some don't. But I think it was inevitable that this woman actually sees her ex. There was not way we could continue dating on that mood. So I backed off, I did it for her, I did it for me.

By the way, I think the guy is here since yesterday. I must be stronger than ever and keep working on curing my soul.

The older sister I went out with last night just send me a txt message on my cell. It reads: "What r u doin tonite?"


:cool:
 

OpenMind

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This woman has LOW interest in you..... a woman with HIGH interest in you does not have any ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands in the background period... If you were head over heals for a woman, (as it sounds like you are) would you let your ex back in the picture and possibly ruin your new relationship? I think not.... That is if the one that you are possibly head over heals for was your ex....... Run fast, run hard, don't look back..
 

bigstik

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Originally posted by Player_Supreme
What you should of been doing that whole time was breaking his spell over her. I start with making little comments and digging into their history and how it was. I never say anything bad but from my attitude you can tell I am thinking (supposedly) something bad. "ohhh really" is one of my favorite phrases.

When they ask what I mean I refuse to comment on it in depth.

This creates a wedge at times between old relationships and my targets. In my world there can only be one! One voice in her ear. One face she looks for!!
This is great stuff, Player Supreme! I wish you would have posted this in my post about my girl not over her ex!
 

coldcoal

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Traveller, I don't think anyone here really disagrees that your moving on was the right thing to do. I just don't want to see someone move on with bitter perceptions of women in general. You're a smart guy and obviously have a handle on it.

So....what ARE you doing tonight? :cool:
 

Lola

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this is my guess as a woman and having been in a situation similar

She dated you thinking she was over him. She didnt think that the relationship with him would ever come together again. Now hes back in her life and shes torn between what she knows would be best for her (you and walking away from him) and him (she has a connection with him. she was with him for awhile right?)

You need to walk away from her. No matter what she is going to want to fall back into her relationship with him. You deserve better than this. You can try of course to keep tlaking to her and to wait for her decision but odds are against you. Most likely, if he keeps working at it, he will have her back.

I hope my post has helped. Sorry its so negative :(
 

Channel your excited feelings into positive thoughts and behaviors. You will attract women by being enthusiastic, radiating energy, and becoming someone who is fun to be around.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Zossima

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WorldTraveller........ I think you have the right attitude and have done the right things. This girl is confused at the moment but I guarantee you it won't last long with the other guy. The way he's been grovelling, he's lost any "hand" he's had with her and most suredly has lost her respect. Don't totally close the door on her but I suggest you stay away until she contacts you which I'm sure she will. Play it cool and mature.
 

Lola

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Originally posted by Zossima
WorldTraveller........ I think you have the right attitude and have done the right things. This girl is confused at the moment but I guarantee you it won't last long with the other guy. The way he's been grovelling, he's lost any "hand" he's had with her and most suredly has lost her respect. Don't totally close the door on her but I suggest you stay away until she contacts you which I'm sure she will. Play it cool and mature.
i would agree with this if it had been just a fling, however

She had already told me at the beginning about her last relationship… a guy who was her roommate, eventually got to become her BF, and had a 2-year relationship with her until he decided to leave this country to go to London for a 3-month assignment, which became a 6-month one; then a move to another assignment in yet another country. Eventually a break up (this is all according to her story)
she was with him for 2 years and he left her to live in another country. He left her. No matter how much he grovels he wont look bad to her. She wants him to grovel and it probably makes her feel good.
 

WorldTraveller

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Coldcoal… I went to a bar on Friday and the older sister met me there. We had a great time. On Saturday I decided not to go out… I had an evening business meeting with a customer who had to leave the country and I just pretty much crashed after that. On Sunday morning I had TXT messages from both sisters asking me where I had been on Saturday (sleeping soooo good). They invited me to join then for the movies on Sunday. I’ll leave them alone for a few days so they can miss me and I can figure out which one to go for ;)

Going back to my oneitis.

Zossima… kind words… one part of me wants to believe she will fail with this guy again and eventually call me (I’m still not cured yet) however another part of me has abandoned all hope. Now I have to have this second part of me convince the first part to do the same (let’s say I’m 50% on my recovery)

I think it’s the only way to overcome this unnecessary suffering. To those of you who may be reading this and are in a state of oneitis like me: believe my words: If you cling to the slightest hope you are fvcked. You will never overcome it until you TOTALLY LET GO. Believe my words.

Lola… I have already walked away from her, and I’m not calling back. That’s a fact. Thanks for you input.

Openmind… totally agree.

Slickster… yes you’re right. Costa Rica is full of gorgeous women. And anybody with an accent won’t have the slightest problem approaching girls. It’s what I call “the superman effect” (you know superman in Krypton was just another dude, but in Earth…)

By the way… I run into my ex’s brother the other day. He’s also her very best friend; they’re very attached. I like the kid (well he’s not a kid, he’s 25) and really got along from the day we met. We both were happy to greet each other. I think he was waiting for me to ask him about his sister, but I didn’t. I just told him to give me a call should he want to go for lunch or a coffee some time. He said he would.

This week I have decided I am going out every night I can and hone my DJ skills. I also want to spend a good time with the boys.

Thanks everybody else I have not mentioned in my posts… I have read everybody’s response very carefully and really appreciate your time.
 

WorldTraveller

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Player_Supreme and JT47319 both suggested something that I should have done while I was still close to her… “breaking his spell over her”, “running ex-boyfriend destroyer material”. I think this is very interesting. Can you please elaborate a bit more on that? I think any of us could benefit next time something like this happens.
 

dietzcoi

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PR_L, if you had been my wingman in the 80's I would be much richer today... I would have offered you half the money I lost on my failed marriage just to prevent me from doing it!

Funny how we all can see what is going on instantly, but the person emotionally involved cannot or will not recognize what we see...

I know I was that way but I am fighting my way out of it...

DIetzcoi
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

WorldTraveller

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Funny how this works...

Greetings fellow DJs... nice to be reporting back to you… it’s been what, almost 3 months since I started this post and something has happened, so I thought I would share it with you. Perhaps I can get some great input like I have got before and perhaps this story can be of good help to other DJs in a similar situation.

I have not been in touch with this gal for about 2 months now… actually I called her once about a month ago to see how she was doing and she didn’t even want to talk to me… well, mainly because I told her she had been a *****… hehe…

Not only I have overcome my oneitis with her, but I have also successfully dated two other HBs (which I’m still seeing) and I have what you call a fvck buddy (which by the way, she is fun as hell to be with and understands and agrees with the proposition of just being what we are)

Anyway, the thing is that, I run my own company, and I am starting a new business line for which I’m doing a market study. Since the product I want to introduce in the market is for women, and we have this questionnaire to gather marketing info, I though I would send an e-mail to all the girls I know to ask for input. In the mailing list I included this gal.

Well, what was my surprise??? Not only did she answered the questionnaire, but she actually sent an email to me asking about how I was doing and saying she has a lot to tell me and that we should get together “one of these days” to have a coffee and catch up with things. Can you believe this ****???… it’s so freaking funny how this works.

Anyway, I told her, ok, I’ll give you a call sometime. This was one week ago and I haven’t called her, of course, but I went out tonight and while I was out with some friends having a drink, it occurred to me that maybe I should give her a call.

I do not have feelings for her any more, but I’m certainly curious about seeing her again after this time (not to mention she’s hot as hell and I wouldn’t mind… you know…)

What would you guys do, and how would you approach her?

Thanks in advance.
 
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Is this the girl who was attached to dude from out of town and you were a temporary backup?? She put you on the 'back-burner'.

Take what you want from her and then leave it alone!!
 

WorldTraveller

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Hey PRLover... nice to hear from ya!!! Well, that's what I want to do, now, but I want to play with her mind a little. She deserves it. Any suggestions?
 
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Yeah, dude must have left town or abandoned her and now you are her glory!!

I know you like her a lot and miss her presence. From what I remember you have a successful career and you are a man of consequence!

Do whatever you want as long as you do not get emotionally serious with her - remember, you were her second chioce - I personally never accept seconds!!

Don't show her your rejected hurt from times past and be lively but not overcompensating.

Treat her as second best - meaning there is always one ahead of her!! She knows what she did to you and will accept her situation!
 

KiInCollege

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It's probably not worth the energy to "play with her mind," but I'm sure a harmless dinner to catch up on how thing's have been would make for an interesting night. Why not...why not...
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

CyranoDeBergerac

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Originally posted by KiInCollege
It's probably not worth the energy to "play with her mind," but I'm sure a harmless dinner to catch up on how thing's have been would make for an interesting night. Why not...why not...
Agreed.

I do have one question though...

How long were you with her?
 

CLOONEY

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Just read the entire post. PS gave some great advice!

U gotta make the girl beleive you are her key to happiness. I forgot how he put it, but it was very well said!


She wants to catch up now? Sure, why not, as long as she doesnt lure you in and burn you again. This has been known to happen to many a guy!

Tell me the truth? You dont want to catch up with her just because she is hot, no? There is obviously something little still there! As there always is with past oneitis girls, they just had something there that drew you to them, and assuming their physical appearance hasnt changed too much, they can still always lure u back in if they work it right!

I would show heart and not see her. The fact that u added her to that email list tells me u still have some feelings towards her. 3 months aint that long, and a fukc buddy cant permanently cure a oneitis, u will always still think of her ocassionally until u find a new oneitis. Thats my experience and observation anyways!

The chick is not worth it and u will never be able to take her heart. Move on, forget about her totally and find one worthy of your time that is totally into you!
 

WorldTraveller

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Ok guys... I got to see her last week, but you are not going to believe this ****.

First I just wanted to have a casual coffee in the middle of the week, she said she would prefer to see me on Friday. So I thought that was pretty cool because that's a day reserved for dates. Anyway, we arranged to meet in a local cafe around 5pm, she called at 2pm saying she was not going to be able to make it at 5 and that she would prefer to have dinner with me instead at 730pm. I thought that was a good sign, but keep reading.

She arrives at the restaurant just about the time I was arriving. She was looking absolutely stunning. I thought to myself, **** I'm gonna get in trouble again but what the hell, let's see how it goes.

We order dinner and a bottle of wine and the conversation goes great for about one hour. She tells me that she's planning on moving to Italy in October and stay there for 3 months. She tells me she has broken up with her boyfriend because he doens't understand her and blablabla... ten minutes after she tells me that, her cell phone rings and guess who? Yeap... the dude calling from the US. She got up and went to the restroom to talk to him in private.

Then it stroke me on the face... once a cheater, always a fvcking cheater... once a liar, always a fvcking liar.

To make it short, when she came back from the restroom she was like "Well, he's like my dad you know, always wants to know if I'm fine" So I got fed up and I went straight to the point. I asked her "What do you want from me?" She said, "Well, I wanted to see how you were doing and blablabla" I said, "Listen, I told you already I don't want to be your friend, I can't be friends with someone I want to tear her clothes off"

I called it off right there and won't see her again. Period. See... if I just wanted sex, I might have been able to get some, but in this case it's not worth it. I was disgusted by how FULL of KRAP this lady is.

The good thing about this whole story is that I have finally learnt how to overcome oneitis, which I have never been able to handle well, to be honest, until I found this site.

Thanks again for your comments. See you around...
 
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Well done! You were honest with her and you had the balls and confidence to walk!

Most women think that men become weak and desperate when in awe of a woman's beauty and that men will 'stick' around just to be in their company and maybe one day get a 'chance' to see her disrobe.

There are some men who hold their 'dignity' as a higher value than a woman's beauty and their lust!

You gave her the opportunity to open up to you and she didn't want you as a romantic partner so why be her chump 'friend' to entertain and console her! Let a desperate chump do that!!
 

Don Juanabbe

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Originally posted by Player_Supreme
1. Women do the choosing.

2. Your caught between a rock and a hard place. You have allowed yourself to get what these guys on this site call one-itis.

3. Your first problem to work on is the cure that. You need to break this thing with her then check to see if you still want anything to do with her at all.

4. Unfortunately she was already in love with the other man. You were the backwash man. You came in the others foot steps. What you should of been doing that whole time was breaking his spell over her. I start with making little comments and digging into their history and how it was. I never say anything bad but from my attitude you can tell I am thinking (supposedly) something bad. "ohhh really" is one of my favorite phrases.

When they ask what I mean I refuse to comment on it in depth.

This creates a wedge at times between old relationships and my targets. In my world there can only be one! One voice in her ear. One face she looks for!!

It's too late for this sorry. The only thing I can say to do is to break your one-itis with this woman. You need to search yourself deep for the real reasons you are attracted to her.

She isn't in love with you. As per what she said...make me fall in love with you type of comment.

Each woman has a dream or a need. If you had done your homework you could of found out what it was...whether it was love, fame, stardom, respect...what every her secret need is should of been dug out and in times like this exploited.

If you could of convinced her that YOU were the one with the key to her happiness, not that other bozo you wouldn't be posting here right now!

She is obviously not really missing YOU. She went 2 weeks without your attention or company.

Good luck on your inner problem.

Oh did you live in Sacramento Cali last year?
This is cold and ruthless sh*t man - I love it! Another gem! ;)
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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