Need advice ASAP. Giving her an ultimatum...bad idea?

[cactus3178]

My ex and I live together, but I've decided enough is enough. She initiated a 'break' about six months ago, and since then neither one of us has been seeing anyone else. I told her the time she had to figure out what she wanted to do was limited, and today is the end of the time I'm willing to wait.

The whole time we've been on this break, we've still been sleeping in the same bed, having sex, and going out to the same old places doing the same things we used to do...ie; go to the bar, movies, going out to dinner, etc. Sometimes things seem way better, sometimes they don't.

Is giving an ultimatum a bad idea? I'm just going to ask her what she wants to do, be together or split for good. This break **** has got to go. Honestly, I do love this girl and I very well may be in denial about how things will be 'better', but my heart is essentially broken and I can't be in between anymore. I have to know what she wants, then either get on with my life or give it a shot.

I wish I could be like some of you that don't get all emotional over girls, I wish my heart was hardened...but this girl has been the biggest part of my life for the last three and a half years, and it's just hard to let go.

I feel like crap and I feel lonely already.

Thanks again, guys.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by cactus3178
My ex and I live together, but I've decided enough is enough. She initiated a 'break' about six months ago, and since then neither one of us has been seeing anyone else...

...The whole time we've been on this break, we've still been sleeping in the same bed, having sex, and going out to the same old places doing the same things we used to do...ie; go to the bar, movies, going out to dinner, etc.

I'm confused, just exactly how is this break any different from what your relationship was before?

 

[cactus3178]

Same thing all my friends say.

Nothing, I guess....except that she tells people that we're not together. Essentially, nothing is different. Until last night, that is:


We sort of got into it, and she told me the most important thing in her life is finishing college (which I think is very commendable, btw), and that I require too much energy. I told her that was a cop out, and she told me that if either one of us 'move on' I woud do it way before her. So basically she's telling me that I can do one of two things:

1). Deal with the on-going pain of this BS
2). Leave permanently and possibly ruin somehting good by being impatient.

 

[iqqi]

i don't think you should settle for being in limbo. it isnt fair. it is keeping you insecurely in love. you only deserve what you put up with.

noone is going to truly love you for you if you take whatever they bring your way. you cant demand respect without change.

 

[cactus3178]

So if we talk tonight, and we will...if she says no, or is indecisive...


...walk?
...never call?
...be unavailable?


It seems easy, but I have a hard time with this for some reason.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by cactus3178
Same thing all my friends say.

Nothing, I guess....except that she tells people that we're not together...

now why is it important for her to tell people that you are not together? Simple, cause she wants to trade up to something better. But till she meets Mr. Right, you are better than nothing. Sometimes the truth hurts, but now you know.

 

[TheRisingSon]

The fact that you already question your "ultimatum" makes it invalid. If you don't have the balls to implement it, it is no good. Since you've already given it, it is too late to back out. If you do, you will be a push over.

My advice... Cut it off, but continue to live there and f*ck her. But, don't sleep in the same bed. Get another girl and make sure to bring her over several times a week (and f*ck her while your "roomy" is there).

Following my advice, your relationship with the ex will go down the sh!tter, but guess what? It will either way. This way you get to f*ck with her in the mean time and she will want you even more (but if you give in and go back you are in for a life of hell).

I Have Risen

 

[drumr2]

Originally posted by TheRisingSon
The fact that you already question your "ultimatum" makes it invalid. If you don't have the balls to implement it, it is no good. Since you've already given it, it is too late to back out. If you do, you will be a push over.

My advice... Cut it off, but continue to live there and f*ck her. But, don't sleep in the same bed. Get another girl and make sure to bring her over several times a week (and f*ck her while your "roomy" is there).

Following my advice, your relationship with the ex will go down the sh!tter, but guess what? It will either way. This way you get to f*ck with her in the mean time and she will want you even more (but if you give in and go back you are in for a life of hell).

I Have Risen

Beautiful advice!!!!!

 

[Player_Supreme]

The whole time we've been on this break, we've still been sleeping in the same bed, having sex, and going out to the same old places doing the same things we used to do...ie; go to the bar, movies, going out to dinner, etc. Sometimes things seem way better, sometimes they don't.


Let me see if I have this correct.

1. your still getting the pvssy.

2. your still sleeping in the same bed.

3. your still going out together, ie movies bars..

Is this all true?


And you said your lonely?

I have a question for you...

Are you a gay female? Cause if you are this is a man's forum not some gay assed whinning bytch hang out.

We don't play that shyt up in here you dig.

I know a man didn't write this crap. No man would complain about a situation like this.

Your cover is busted!!!

No seriously:

If you are a man...what are you whinning about? Your still gettin laid right!

If your the type that cries and shows alot of female emotional traits maybe she wants to be with a real man and is waiting till one shows up. She is probably using you while she is waiting cause she has no place to go or is too nice to send you back home.

In fact what is your address I will be right there to take her off your hands.

FELLAS:

This is not the way of a man with a maid. As men we need to be what we are. If a woman wanted to date a female then let her. That doesn't mean that we as men need to start acting all sensitive and feminine. Crying and acting all lonely and emotional.

We need to be strong for them. If they can't respect your manhood and manliness....then you've lost em.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by cactus3178
So if we talk tonight, and we will...if she says no, or is indecisive...


...walk?
...never call?
...be unavailable?


It seems easy, but I have a hard time with this for some reason.

Talk?

Give the ho direction. You lead they follow. She wants you to step up and act like your in control. She wants you to man up and say this is my pvssy.

What you need to do is walk at her with that fire in ya eyes and tell her that if she doesn't get all the way back on your team then she might as well as start packing her shyt up right then and there cause your not taking this bull shyt anymore.

Either your on my ship going in MY direction or your not.

Let her know what your life plans are and if she wants to join in for the ride the tell her to get back in line.

Your post tells me that your passive and a push over. This shyt needs to end. You need to grow some man sized nutz kid.

This is a man's world...but it wouldn't mean nothing without a woman or a girl---james brown.

But it's still a mans world. So act like one.

 

[WaterTiger]

I'm sorry, but I don't get this "break" stuff. If you break a cup, it can't hold water. If you break a window, the rain comes in. If you take a break in a relationship...THEN IT'S OVER!!!.

If the house is yours, tell her to get her crap out. If the house is hers then get YOUR crap out. She's using you like a warm-blooded sex toy!
Women don't "take a break" from guys they want an LTR with!
Women don't "take a break from" guys they love!
Women don't "take a break" from guys they respect!

Forget the ultimatum! DUMP THE B!TCH!!!!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
Talk?

Give the ho direction. You lead they follow. She wants you to step up and act like your in control. She wants you to man up and say this is my pvssy.

What you need to do is walk at her with that fire in ya eyes and tell her that if she doesn't get all the way back on your team then she might as well as start packing her shyt up right then and there cause your not taking this bull shyt anymore.

Either your on my ship going in MY direction or your not.

Let her know what your life plans are and if she wants to join in for the ride the tell her to get back in line.

Your post tells me that your passive and a push over. This shyt needs to end. You need to grow some man sized nutz kid.

This is a man's world...but it wouldn't mean nothing without a woman or a girl---james brown.

But it's still a mans world. So act like one.

hahahahahahahahahahaa, this is a man. Listen to the man. And I hate to quote but "You need to grow some man sized nutz kid", hahahaahaha.

No seroiusly, I am not laughing at you. I know what you mean, it is different just getting the sex and doing the usual things a couple would do, but her not wanting to committ...........you could take this advice, but if you do, YOU HAVE TO STICK WITH THE ULTIMATUM, if you dont, your relationship is FUKCED FOREVER, because she will loose total respect for you. Well either way, I think your pretty much fukced. I would say just follow the mans advice.

 

[cactus3178]

Damn!

I haven't talked to her yet! I told her we needed to talk and she blew me off like a ***** last night.

Yeah, I agree with the advice I read. It's weird because sometimes I don't really care about the situation, sometimes it eats me up. I know I can get out, and it will happen soon. It's a money thing more than an emotional thing.

The only part that bugs me is that I want to know where things went wrong....because I don't want this **** to happen again. It's not all her fault, I made mistakes too (never cheated, but other stuff). Yeah, maybe I'm a puss when it comes to this type of ****...but once I'm done, I'm done and there's no going back.


I need to face the reality that this 'relationship' is likely fvcked.



BTW ^^

There's more to life than sex. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but I'm old enough to start looking for someone who would be good for a LTR. My reckless days of bangin chicks left, right, and center is over. Not because I can't get them, but because I want something more than that.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
I'm sorry, but I don't get this "break" stuff. If you break a cup, it can't hold water. If you break a window, the rain comes in. If you take a break in a relationship...THEN IT'S OVER!!!.

If the house is yours, tell her to get her crap out. If the house is hers then get YOUR crap out. She's using you like a warm-blooded sex toy!
Women don't "take a break" from guys they want an LTR with!
Women don't "take a break from" guys they love!
Women don't "take a break" from guys they respect!

Forget the ultimatum! DUMP THE B!TCH!!!!

Listen to her kid. Her advice is straight from the horse's mouth so to speak. On point!

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

next her

She initiated a 'break' about six months ago, and since then neither one of us has been seeing anyone else.

You may not have been seeing other women, but how can you be so certain she wasn't seeing other guys?

You don't need this aggravation...dump her.

 

[NewMan]

This is an easy one.

It has been said before but to sum it up...

1) Grow some balls (I had to)

2) There's no "conversation" Or "Talking" - you just do what YOU do. Let the b#tch figure out by herself where she is. She's been driving your car for far to long - and it sounds like you've been spilling your guts to her regularly. So stop that. Don't tell her how you feel or what you want or where you are. As far as your concerned it's over - your just picking up free pvssy.

3) Continue to bang this b#tch - but fvck this girl like there's no tomorrow. Nasty, you know what I'm talking about. Use her for when you need to bust a nut then be done. She's your ho for the time being. The funny thing is, she'll probably love that kinda sex.

4) Get out there and meet and date other chicks. Any chick. Go out on dates and fvck with your ex's head. Don't tell her anything about your dates. But when you come back never fvck her - let her think your getting it somewhere else even if your not.

5) Be emotionless with her.

6) Know that it's over.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Cactus - how old are you? 16??

When a woman says "Take a break" that means the ho 'has been' looking for someone else in the last few months to replace you, you are only there as a convience and nothing else.

Why do you let a woman control you and leave you hanging in suspense and becking for her call? Men don't do this!! Don't be an emotional bafoon and be dependent on one woman to relieve you of your so-called loneliness.

You obviously don't have the confidence to get another woman. I know you have been with her for a while and it's hard to let go - you are comfortable with her but must you be so dependent on her? You look like a weak man - woman don't like weak men - is this the reason she is leaving, because you are "too needy/clingy", as women say?

You don't need to talk to her - either leave, ask her to leave, or keep treating her like the hor that she is without having any, I said 'any' emotional feelings for her.

 

[maranathaman]

Likes some of the other guyz have already said, she's using you until she can "trade-up/find the greener-grass on the other side" so she basically has given you permission to treat her like a HO and bang her as much as you want while you're lining-up other chicks. She doesn't respect-you. She basically consider you her fuk-buddy until something better comes along. Don't give her ultimatums, it's already to late for that. Just treat her like the HO she is, until you find someone better to be with. Lke another guy said, she might actually LIKE it, if you treat her like the HO she obviously is!

 

[cactus3178]

okay, it's done

UPDATE:


So we had a little talk today and I told her I was leaving and that I was done playing games with her. I told her I would continue to pay the bills that are mine (of course, I'm not a **** like that)....mainly my cell and one credit card, but as far as rent goes, hell, I've got my own to worry about in a week when I move. I found a place I like and the paperwork is already done. There's no going back now.

She started crying and said that she wasn't interested in anyone else and that she wants to continue 'dating', whatever that means....were broken up, and nothing's really different. She told me that she wouldn't move on until long after I did (she already said this). Then she started telling me that she want to make sure that everything will be okay, and that I'm responsible enough!?

Then she gave me the infamous "I don't know what I want" line.

WTF?

Anyway, it's done, too late to change my mind. The hardest part once I'm gone in 2 weeks will be seeing her in public since we have many mutual friends. So what if she comes crawling back? I've never really been in a situation like this before.

I hope I've made the right choice here, and I hope I'll be happy in the long run because I don't really feel anything right now.

 

[maranathaman]

Well, since she stills wants to continue "dating" you, if it were me, I'd take that as permission to use her as a "booty-call".
Fuk her whenever you get the urge, but don't take her on real dates. Don't spend any money on her.
Just use her for sex, while you work-on other chicks.
After-all that's exactly how she's been using you right?
If she starts saying she can now "see the light" and wants more of a commited relationship with you, then if you want that with her, I'd make it clear that you will NOT tolerate any more of her games etc. Then be seriously willing to kick her to the curb if she starts reverting back to her bad habits of treating you like crap.
However, if it was me, I would-NOT want to get-back with her long-term. I would just use her for sex until something better comes along. That's how she's been treating you, so apparently, that's what she wants, so give the lady what she wants!