My wife and her wandering eyes

[Ceaserofnone]

She knows exactly what she’s doing. Ditch them. Lol. The curb isn’t lonely these days.


Or ignore it. Spaz made a stellar point. She should be worrying about you straying. The male tendency for monogamy is pretty scary in the present environment. Any environment. It obviously doesn’t work.

Thanks for your input guys it's been very helpful.

I think from all the comments and posts on this thread the best one that's made me think the most is what you mentioned and what Spaz had to say.

I am the prize. Not her. I am acting like SHE is the prize. The moment that starts to happen everything falls apart.

I guess her glaring has highlighted the insecurities in me. I have much to change in my life and I need to sort it out right away.

I need to bring value in my life and the only way in doing that is to ACT.

Il be taking your advice and will implement it from here on. I've had many things on my mind that need fixing, and today will mark the day I shall start the fixing.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

She knows exactly what she’s doing. Ditch them. Lol. The curb isn’t lonely these days.

This man has is married to this girl and has been with her for 4 years..the way you make it sound so easy to get "rid of her", as if he was throwing away a slice of stale bread.

I would go with let HER worry about YOU so she doesn't have the time to focus on someone else.

 

[Epic Days]

This man has is married to this girl and has been with her for 4 years..the way you make it sound so easy to get "rid of her", as if he was throwing away a slice of stale bread.

I would go with let HER worry about YOU so she doesn't have the time to focus on someone else.

I completely understand and don’t disagree with you.
Most of my posts are for all the readers. There are pitfalls and then there are death traps. I am not against marriage.

Here is the optimum scenario:

The man is fully aware of himself and how the whole thing works. Conceptually understands the nature of women and the world in which he lives. This would put him in his late 30’s or 40’s.

Then marrying a young woman who knows and feels his steadfast masculinity. She knows that he knows about life. She can feel it and knows she will hit the curb in a heart beat yet doesn’t have to walk on egg shells. She knows the rules that apply to a cuck do not apply to him.

She stays sane because his certainty in life gives her sanity and stability. His presence and leadership is her optimum survival on many levels. She is looking for ways to better herself because she knows that it will make her a better mate. Not get insecure and start a protracted competition because of her jealousy of his natural gifts.

 

[cola]

I have been on a LDR with this girl for almost 4 years. We are married for almost 2 months now which means she has been living with me for 2 months.

Now I married this woman on the basis that 1) she is a virgin and 2) she was, to my understanding, somewhat innocent.

Having been up close with her for 2 months now I have come across an issue that does not sit right with me. Now I knew about this red flag to an extent before I married her but I ignored it as a minor thing. However, now i look back and think that maybe it isnt so minor.

What's the issue?

Well she has wondering eyes. Everytime I've been out with her she seems to need validation from a guy that is somewhat decent looking.

The 1st time she did this I was very confrontational about it. Why? Because its downright disrespectful. Doing it in my presence and doing it so blatantly. Almost as though she is inviting the dude. A glance is one thing, but to constantly seek out the same guys attention is another.

Having confronted her quite harshly, i realised very quickly how that was the biggest mistake. The constant denial from her end only made me look highly insecure.

Now every time I go out I notice it. I try ignore it but it doesnt sit correct with me. Only recently we were at an event and I noticed the same thing. She realised I noticed but in the end I never brought it up to her.

I've been keeping my distance with her and she KNOWS exactly why I am keeping the distance but seems to be baffled by my cold approach. I haven't brought it up to her as the 1st time I did it made no difference and I know if I do shell just deny it.

I'm in a pickle.

Although many may think its something to just ignore, for me its not. You may think it's a beta position to take but it doesnt sit right with me. I am contemplating leaving this girl but given I'm married now it's only embarrassing for me in front of my friends and peers as I've only just married the lady.

Your input would be appreciated.

I have to ask a hard question. Is she disproportionately more attractive than you? Like are you a 6 and she a 8-9? If so she is probably having buyers remorse and feels like she should have reached higher up the tree for a better piece of fruit.

Do you take care of yourself? Are you in the gym? Do you workout? Do you wear nice clothes, stay well groomed and always smell nice?

 

[Ceaserofnone]

I have to ask a hard question. Is she disproportionately more attractive than you? Like are you a 6 and she a 8-9? If so she is probably having buyers remorse and feels like she should have reached higher up the tree for a better piece of fruit.

Do you take care of yourself? Are you in the gym? Do you workout? Do you wear nice clothes, stay well groomed and always smell nice?

I can say with confidence that I am the better looking half. By some margin.

However, I have let my self go recently as well as haven't really looked after the wardrobe as such.

 

[cola]

I can say with confidence that I am the better looking half. By some margin.

However, I have let my self go recently as well as haven't really looked after the wardrobe as such.

Ok, then she is just a h*e and I say that with respect to you as I know she is your wife. Get out now, while it’s early. While it’s completely human to take a double take when you see someone nice looking, making it obvious when with your partner is disrespect.
Send her back where she came from. While it’s ok to look when you see someone attractive, find you a woman with enough respect for you to atleast not make it obvious when she is checking out another guy.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Ok, then she is just a h*e and I say that with respect to you as I know she is your wife. Get out now, while it’s early. While it’s completely human to take a double take when you see someone nice looking, making it obvious when with your partner is disrespect.
Send her back where she came from. While it’s ok to look when you see someone attractive, find you a woman with enough respect for you to atleast not make it obvious when she is checking out another guy.

I cant just drop her now as it's too early after the wedding. It's too political for me to do it just now. Therefore I have started to take steps to look for a 2nd wife. Its quite acceptable in my culture to be married twice. So if I find someone in the meantime I'll go ahead with it.

 

[Spaz]

Didn't I say ALL women are like that?

Even nuns.

Even small girls that has yet to reach puberty.

Even baby girls are predisposed to like handsome men.

Now enough of this nonsense.

Each time you try to scold or even manage it by controlling you will end up losing because the focus will then be her.

The shift in power will then be pronounced.

And you hv lost.

Every relationship is a power struggle.

The one in power is the one that dictates the outcome.

To remain in power, the focus must change to you.

That's why I told to follow those 3 simple steps I told you earlier.

Even with a 2nd wife you will still end up the same or worse given ur current mindset.

The current mindset you have will influence ur behaviour and that is the frame you project to the world.

 

[devilkingx2]

This is called mate guarding and is generically encoded. One can take it too far of course.

There’s a little bit of social conditioning in your words. Feminine imperative stuff. Some of your words are standard social conditioning mantras.

Blatantly doing this by a woman is a bit off. Wise women are much better at this. And much smarter as well. They are masters of plausible deniability. OF COURSE all men who protest this are “controlling”. A man preventing a woman from exercising her sexual proclivities must be shamed.
Is the new mantra. Just ditch them. Lol

I Try not to sweat the small stuff for a stress free life, giving yourself gray hairs worrying about what your girl is looking at is a waste of time. She's gonna do whatever she wants when you're not around anyway, so only worry about the things that tangibly affect you. I'd take action if she was actively flirting with other guys or ignoring me entirely, but not for something too minor.

I also think about it from the perspective of "if a girl tried to micromanage me to the extent that she told me where my eyes should be, I'd dump her sooner than I'd let her train me to only look at her. Might as well chop my balls off for a nagging shrew at that point." So I'd also suggest against doing anything that will build up resentment or rebelliousness in one's own girl.

 

[Focal core]

I cant simply eject. If I do I'd disappoint my family. What I mean is it's too early. I could do in a year or two but doing so now will make me seem the ass and embarrassment.

I have now welcomed the idea of a second wife however.

Let's see how that works.

One thing you have to consider when youre not cutting your loses right now is that you will pay a hefty amt financally and emotionally later.. Non of your family members has the obligation on that. Your choices mate.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

I'll say one thing. She does everything I tell her. Not because i force her but she does it if I've said it once.

For example her dress sense. She wears modest clothing. Doenst work on my request. Cleans the house and makes food. Does all of it because I want her to.

It's just this one thing.

I appreciate the advice though.

My wife used to do all that before she got railed by a short Tryrone and then she lied about Tyrones Mail threats, said it was me and I was the one in jail for no reason...


GTFO. NOW.

They all sart "innocent". She secretly hates you whenever she does something for you.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Completely unacceptable in my view.
You’re stuck in a tough situation.

First things first: Are you 100% certain she is looking at other men in that way? Could it be that you are imagining her intent/motive?

If you are certain, then there is only one way to resolve this (short of leaving her).

Next time she clearly does it, simply say “What’s so interesting over there?”

Your job is to CONDITION her out of it. When she does it, call her out in that mild way. It will draw her attention to what’s she’s doing and it will condition her to feel uncomfortable when she does it.

Secondly, you need to look at other women and admire them. When she finally calls you out on it (and it may take some time), simply say, “Oh, yes, I see what you mean. That must make you feel very uncomfortable.”

Women understand covert communication and the ruthless intent of men. Women need to be conditioned, much like you would condition a dog to break it of bad behavior. It’s all about making them feel pain or discomfort when they do it.

“What’s so interesting?” along with giving her a taste of her own medicine will likely change her behavior for the better.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Completely unacceptable in my view.
You’re stuck in a tough situation.

First things first: Are you 100% certain she is looking at other men in that way? Could it be that you are imagining her intent/motive?

If you are certain, then there is only one way to resolve this (short of leaving her).

Next time she clearly does it, simply say “What’s so interesting over there?”

Your job is to CONDITION her out of it. When she does it, call her out in that mild way. It will draw her attention to what’s she’s doing and it will condition her to feel uncomfortable when she does it.

Secondly, you need to look at other women and admire them. When she finally calls you out on it (and it may take some time), simply say, “Oh, yes, I see what you mean. That must make you feel very uncomfortable.”

Women understand covert communication and the ruthless intent of men. Women need to be conditioned, much like you would condition a dog to break it of bad behavior. It’s all about making them feel pain or discomfort when they do it.

“What’s so interesting?” along with giving her a taste of her own medicine will likely change her behavior for the better.

I'm not imagining it as it's happened far too many times. The thing is she has always been covert with it it's just I pick up on this stuff quick. The 1st time she did I whacked her in public. Yes i know it was the wrong thing but i thought by humiliating her itll stop it.

It did make her stop it. For a while. She still looked around but much more covertly.

However recently, at an event she did it once again. I couldn't contain myself so like you suggested, I pointed towards the dude (who was right in from me) and told her to look that way. The dude looked away quick and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Obviously her acting kicked and she acted like she had no clue what was going on.

Anyways I've been very cold in the past few days. I've stopped most interactions with her. She's tried her best to get a reaction out of me but I haven't reacted. Obviously this whole time she seems to not understand what she's done wrong. She knows ofcourse but that's women for you.
.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP I think this talks to the reason why you needed a mail order bride and why this isn't going to last.
You are very insecure with yourself and that is a huge turnoff to women no matter where they are from

 

[Glassguy]

you need to look at other women and admire them. When she finally calls you out on it (and it may take some time), simply say, “Oh, yes, I see what you mean. That must make you feel very uncomfortable.”

While I would have certainly done just that at the FIRST sign of her disrespect, OP clearly doesnt have the frame to pull this off.

The only option now is this:

OP: Hey this isnt really working out. I went and talked to an attorney and we are going to get a dissolution. Here is the paperwork that you will need to sign. We need to go separate ways and I need to pursue what will really make ME happy. Oh yeah, the house is mine, but here is $100 for a hotel room tonight. I was nice enough to pack up your shyte and its in your car waiting on you. Bye.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Ceaserofnone
Like others have mentioned polygamy isn't the answer. It'll just be multiple women disrespecting you. You mentioned you let your body go somewhat, and now the natural repercussion is your wife isn't as attracted to you. Your investment of energy in hostility and irritability at her behavior is misplaced. You're attempting to force when you should be inspiring her through your own personal achievements.

your energy should be going towards building your body and mind back up. Don't ever mention her wondering eyes to her again. Give her enough rope and see if she hangs herself. Simply start working out and preparing for the single life. Get chiseled, focus on fun hobbies, meet new people, new women. You don't have to flirt with them but keep them in your social circles. Your wife will either be sweet and want to spend more time with you or she'll complain or fool around. She will polarize herself as either a loyal loving wife that wants to work on building a life with you or a two faced toxic woman that really doesn't want to follow you. Either way you win.

when you've worked on yourself enough her behavior will seem so trivial and useless that you'll be waiting for the one year mark to hit. Your thinking will be 'i dare you to eye other guys and try something', not out of hostility, but because your sense of self worth will be revived. You'll be easy going and care free(since your pursuits are much harder by comparison to a bit of relationship friction), and even your friends and family will comment on how you're too good for her. if she's smart she'll sense this disengagement and get her sheet together. If she stays distant let her be distant. Focus on cultivating a fun personal life. If you're horny go for a run or go lift or go do something social, let her initiate all sex for now.

For me if a woman isn't asking about something, I don't bother explaining it. In my experience unsolicited advice falls on deaf ears with a girl. if she's not curious enough to ask, then she doesn't care enough to listen and follow through.

If you really want to wait a year before breaking it off then treat it like a boot camp to mold yourself into a stud for the sexual marketplace so that you don't miss a beat when it happens. The boot camp should never really end btw, make it a lifestyle.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I haven't had time to read the replies but I'd never marry a virgin. A woman has no idea what she wants until she explores her sexuality. Of course she is going to look around at all the candy in the store. She needs to sample a bit of everything until she figures out what she can get and what she likes the best. Inexperienced women generally don't settle down for this reason, and if they do, there is some pressure they are experiencing that they feel is cornering them into that decision (like dependency on a guy for financial security or safety or something else). But being pressured into that has nothing to do with their urges, desires, or understanding of either of those things so that's always going to be there until they have experimented.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Just so you know, ALL and ANY women will look at men or even sexy women ALL the time.

Every time.

Don't mention men, anything shiny their eyes would wander to it.

It's perfectly natural.

Just don't be delusional into thinking that women, when they fall in love or in a marriage will suddenly become blind or lose interest in other men.

Now the difference you should question, is she doing it covertly or overtly whilst with you.

This.

Look, people are people. We see attractive people and maybe gander a bit too long. Yeah, it can be off-putting, but I do it too. I'm not (I don't think) overt about it, but almost every time I was out with my LTR or even now on a date, I see women I want to f*uck---bad.

You did come across as needy and insecure by blowing up and making accusations. I would simply follow suit and check out other women when you're out, let her see you doing it, and see how she likes it.

Looking at another person is not a reason to end a relationship and especially a marriage.

Now, if this were to evolve into touching, blatant flirting, etc., all in front of you, THEN you MUST take action. But you didn't state that.

The next time she does it, say "Hey, I see you looking at that guy. I think that girl over there is pretty hot. What do you say we set up a foursome? Then again, that guy looks gay so he'd probably be all over me...haha."

Chill out Brother. You'll have much bigger battles to fight in the marriage game. Don't f*uck it up.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have no idea what the obsession is with virgins. Must be from guys who know they suck in the bedroom so they want someone with no frame of reference. The best sex she ever has had will be bad sex.

 

[bcude]

I have no idea what the obsession is with virgins. Must be from guys who know they suck in the bedroom so they want someone with no frame of reference. The best sex she ever has had will be bad sex.

It's nothing about that. It's all about the bonding receptors in her brain not being totally burned and corrupted by too many sexual encounters to the point she can't bond with a man anymore, like your random attention h0e after the c0ck carousel. Virgins are of 'good stock' and giving you better odds if you choose to engage in a LTR/marriage.