My self-improvement program

chinwaggler

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i've been reading this thread for ages... strange reading over a year of someone's life in an hour or so. but anyway it's good ****, your funny keep it up.
 

snowdog

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Finally an update. A big one though.

This weekend I had my first ever gig with my band. I thought it went pretty well. There were lots of girls, hot ones too. After the gig a lot of people told me my guitar playing was really really awesome, but that the singer sucked. I noticed getting some automatic attention from the girls when you're being in a band. Probably because you're sort of a VIP in that bar for half an hour and everyone is watching you. Even if you're a sh*tty beginners band who plays their first gig.

Girl #1 (8)
There was also this girl who was a part of the organization. I was flirty with her the entire evening. Kino'ed here and there. I thought it was going well. After the gig though, I was really tired and I had a hard time keeping my momentum. After a while I had to leave to put my amp back in my car, and when I came back, she was kissing some other dude in the bar. It wasn't her boyfriend. That sucked... I tried to isolate her a couple of times but I guess that wasn't neccesairy with this one. Worst part: it was this guido type of guy. You know, perfect hair, chains and diamond earrings. I'll never understand why girls ever fall for guys like that. I guess they're smooth talkers or something.


Girl #2 (7.5)
I moved on to a couple of other girls and started a conversation. She told me the same thing everyone else did, we were all good but the singer sucked. It was a playful conversation. She had to leave suddenly but ended up giving her number to me. Next day we texted a bit and chatted through MSN. Pretty casual conversation. When I told her I had to go sleep she said she'd think about me when she goes to her bed. That's pretty cool right? I sorta asked her on a date next wednesday, she said "sure, always with you". She lives in a different town though... gotta find a way to do this. There might be a little problem with her which I'll explain to you later.


Girl #3 (9.7)
When I came back into the bar (I followed girl #2 outside to get her number) I just sat down and drank some more champagne (we won the band contest. The other band got litteraly scared of us and just went home). Then this blonde walked in. She was SMOKING hot. I mean really, really really HOT. I saw her earlier that day and asked her if she saw us live and asked her opinion. She told me she went to [a famous band] and just came back. I mocked her a bit that it was lame of her and that she should had stayed. We just sat down and talked a bit. I had trouble having a conversation. I was tired, drunk and kinda intimidated by her hotness. She was sorta into me I guess, I mean she stayed around and tried to keep up the conversation. But sometimes it just doesn't work somehow. I just said at one point "Ok i'll got to find my friends" or something like that. Later I saw her dancing, I tried to dance with her, but just ended up looking stupid. Now I think back about it, that had to be funny to watch. Some extremely hot girl shaking her ass, and me trying to do some drunk idiot dance to impress her. Oh well, at least I tried, hahaha.


Girl #4 (8.5)
The bar also had a club section. Two pretty hot girls came walking in early when we were setting up our stuff. One of them was really arrogant. I told them in a happy cheery way they should come root for us. One of them said they were dancers for the club that night. Every time they came by I would joke they really should come see us because we were better then that club sh*t anyways. At one point I said something like: "You gotta promise me. I want you to promise!". It was a obivously a joke, but she just kept being serious. She was just all cold and was like: "No, I'm not promising anything to you. No, now I wont come for sure". In which I replied: "Ah, you're being way too hard on me. A guy got feelings too you know". A little audience that gathered around us found it really funny. She just walked away being arrogant and bitchy. After the gig I saw her again and asked her if she saw us. She said: "No, I left while you were playing, because I didn't want to hear you. Now I came back". Then I just made that gesture arrogant girls and gays use where you turn your hand around into their face, while turning your head away. People who saw it bursted out in laughter. Then one of my drunk buddies just walked out of the bar out of nowhere, looked at her and just blurted out totally random: "DAMN girl, you're UGLY". The same people busted out in laughter again, louder this time. She was just perplex, didn't knew what to say and took off. Yea, I didn't score with that one I guess but it just shows that I'm a lot more careless in approaching and handling rejection. Hell, I rejected HER. Plus, you gotta admit, that sh*t was pretty funny.


Girl #1 part 2
After some more beers and chatting, I felt kinda empty. Rockstars are suppost to get laid all the time goddamnit. So why is this hot chick that obviously liked me all day now f*cking around with some other dude? I asked some people where she went and they told me she was over at the burger-joint across the street. I just went there and there she sat with the guy. I just totally ignored him and told her I was leaving. I asked her number right in front of the guy. I just didn't give a sh*t. She told me (softly) I had to do that through her friend and that that'll be alright. Ok, fair enough. I can understand you don't want to give your number right in front of the guy who you were kissing 10 minutes ago. We kissed goodbye and I went back to the bar. I asked the guy she told me and he gave me her number. That was actually her ex, and the funny thing is he was totally cool with it. He warned me though: "Watch out, she'll probably get bored of you after two weeks". Next day I texted her, she texted back. I asked her out on thursday and she told me she was hanging at that same bar that night. "You should come by and have a few beers with us". I texted back I'd call her to let her know.

Here is the problem. Girl #1 and #2 most likely know each other. The chance of walking into either of them while being on a date in that town is really big. I already tried to ask Girl #2 out in the city I live nearby, Rotterdam. She told me that wasn't an option because her parents would go crazy. So yea.... I wouldn't call it a bad situation. I mean, I scored 2 numbers that night. Girl #2 seems into a date with the two of us. The other one (Girl #1) I'm not sure. Mixed signals.


Bottom line
Improvement is still there, but it still needs work. I need to go out more often, which will happen in the next few weeks for sure. I'm going on two holidays that last a week, both of them revolving around alcohol abuse and bars/clubs.

Another thing. At the beginning of the evening I found it fun to chase the girls. I didn't saw it as a hard challenge anymore, more like a sport.


Step by step.... little steps. But I'm getting there.
 

macallik

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good journal, just read through the whole things. The line where you asked the chick @ the phone help desk to test your keyboard = hilarious. And to think a page or two before that you were concerned with people watching you get rejected. Everyone actually laughs during the occasion and respects you or hates on you and then feels like sh!t coz they want to be like you. Keep pushing the limits and you will eventually get comfortable kissing or attempting to kiss women and so on and so forth

Oh and LOL @ begging for replies on your journal, I think im gonna be hitting that stage sooner or later as well. Don't worry though, much more people read the journal than those who reply so it is still having an effect on others
 

snowdog

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Thanks man.

I notice I'm a lot more happy and flirty without shame thowards women in my daily life. It probably has to do with the psychotherapy I'm currently having. Tomorrow I'm having a sort-of date. Next week I'll be on holiday, and I'm pretty confident it's going to be a breakthrough. I've changed so much last year, especially the last few months. Plus girls are easier when on vacation ;)
 

MisterSmith007

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Snowdog,

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, you are an inspiration to all afc's like me who are in the process of starting to do sort their lives out, thanks a lot man!

Keep up the excellent posts.

Oh yeah, how exactly do you manage to cycle into a river?
 

macallik

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Hahaha I almost forgot I read this and can't believe that no one else has spoke on it but this = single gayest journal update evaaaaaaar!!!!!!11
snowdog said:
Somewhat scary little update...

Today one of my buddies gave a party. I went home when it was over and someone drove home with me who lived in the same town. I shouldn't be driving because I was drunk. Not smashed or anything, but just that little too much. And I knew it.

Anyway, as we drove along we talked a bit. I didn't know the guy so at one point in the conversation I asked his age. He told me he was 31, so I asked him if he was married. Then he told me he was gay. Let me pause here, the reason I posted here that I was drunk behind the wheel (something I'm definitely not proud of) is because otherwise I'd never asked the following questions.

I asked him why so many gay dudes try to hit on me. It is really true that a lot of gay dudes try to flirt with me, I seem to attract them. I told the guy that I was okay with all the gay sh*t and all, but that it totally wasn't my thing and that he should stay away from my ass. He told me I had a pretty face, a hot body, and especially my my mouth, because it would be perfect for sucking d*ck. After that information I felt like driving into a f*cking tree at full speed. Really, I'm scarred mentally forever now.


Well there I heard it again from the gay side this time, I am good looking. I'm also a great person. Why can't I get girls again...?
 

snowdog

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Haha, well yea.... I thought that story was funny enough to post here. It still makes me crynge when I think about it. That sh*t seriously scared me man.

Alright. I just came back home. I had to be in the town where girl #1 and #2 lived from the previous post. I have some family living over there. Afterwards I went over to a bar where I set up a (sort of) date with Girl #1.

In the bar we had a couple of drinks. I was teasing her a bit here and there, and she enjoyed it. I'm learning to find this stuff fun to do. Her ex was there too. Us two have become good buddies the last few years. I had a little trouble holding conversation here and there, but not that it was akward. Infact I was really sharp and witty all the time. Afterwards when all of us went home we said goodbye. I kissed her on the cheeks first, then I kissed her right on the lips. No tongue, but definitely bulls-eye. I just went for it, dude. And I was as good as sober too.

We (Me+Girl+Ex) had to go in the same direction and walked past some community building full of old people. The were playing that really old dance music that even predated the Elvis Rock 'n Roll era. They were all really happy dancing and some guy was dancing around with a baby. A cute girl who was probably around my age (21) came walking out and I said:

"That guy's dancing partner is a little young isn't he?"
-"What?"
"Well, at least he doesn't have trouble leading"
-"That's my dad"

She looked pissed and didn't find it funny. I just laughed.

"Oh come on, where's your sense of humor" [biggest smile available]

Still pissed

"You left it at home? You should smile more, it's free you know" [with a little twist of sarcasm]

And there was a smile and even a few chuckles. I was on fire. I should had taken it further.

Me and the ex were bullsh*tting around outside, dancing on the music and acting gay and sh*t. Passers by were either like: "What the ****?" or found it funny. At one point I just walked in past everyone and demanded beer. I was asked promptly to leave the building. The girl was laughing her ass off. One old lady walked out. I said: "Are you allowed to drive m'am?", she started laughing. The Ex: "Don't worry, he'll (pointing to me) drive you home".

I don't know why we were like this. I wasn't drunk that's for sure. I was just happy, didn't gave sh*t about anything and looking for some fun. That really needs to become my main mindset. I love that.

When we actually split up I kissed her on the lips again, and then I really went for it. She turned her head away so I just kissed her on the cheek. Maybe I wanted it too fast this time. Hmmm.... Still got her number. I'll be texting her tomorrow.


Yea, I didn't score tonight, but I got really close. I'm very happy with myself at the moment. A year ago I wouldn't even think about just going for it. Now it just felt like something I should do.

Very happy. I'm definitely finally getting there! :up:
 

snowdog

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Snowdog,

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, you are an inspiration to all afc's like me who are in the process of starting to do sort their lives out, thanks a lot man!

Keep up the excellent posts.
Thanks man! And remember, the only way to improve is to get out there.

Oh yeah, how exactly do you manage to cycle into a river?

  • 1) Get wasted beyond any form of reason, responsibility, or regard of the well-being of self and others
    2) Get on a bike in a place that has a river
 

snowdog

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Just got back from a week of Swiss. I went there with my little pimp nephew. I think I mentioned him earlier in this thread. He's 17 and has had 3 girlfriends at the same time, stuff like that.

Not much happened.

  • I winked at some 40 year old woman in a bar, she looked hot. She loved it, it made her day.
  • There was some girl dancing in front of us all the time. I was kinda waiting for my nephew to start something, but he didn't; I ended up kinda frustrated.
  • Same thing happened the next day at the pool. Two smoking hot girls were clearly into us, and I waited again for my nephew to start a conversation or something. I suck at French, so that's why I was holding back some more. That, and I expected more from my nephew. Both those things held me back. I didn't want to look stupid and sh*t.

Is what I've learned from this is that you don't nessecairily need to open every girl to be successful....? Nah, that's bull****. F*ck, I hate myself for not doing anything. I was just expecting my nephew to do the work ya know?

Tomorrow I'm going on holiday another week. Holland this time. I put more money on this week to be honest. We only went out two times in Swiss, and this time we're going every night. There was also the language barrier. Plus I now made it clear for myself (once again) that I shouldn't wait for anyore, and shouldn't care about what others do or think.

See ya'll in a week. The next update is going to be good, I promise :up:
 

forever_young

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When i get drunk, i stop giving a ****. That's why i'm drunk all the time. I just realized how it feels to be like that all the time. Of course, i'm writing this while i'm ****ing hammered. But i'll get back to you soon enough to write about how much of this still works while i'm sober.
holy ****! when I'm high I stop giving a ****, that's why I've been blazing for the past couple weeks nonstop. i stopped last night, but i'm still in the mindset. i went out tonight to see some hypnotist at a fundraiser and approached 3 very good looking chicks (7,7, and a 9) and i had absolutely no problem talking to them. i kept eye contact, smiled a lot, got them to laugh and smile, and i even tried some kino that worked surprisingly well i didn't # close, i should have, but i just knew it wouldn't work. it's seriously such a great feeling not giving a **** what others around you perceive you as.
 

snowdog

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Back from holiday.

There were beautiful women everywhere. The most notable things of the week:

Part #1
We were going out. On some big open area there was a DJ playing music. My buddies liked it and wanted to stay. Unfortunately it was raining. I hate rain and all that techno club music all sounds the same to me anyway. But, it was 3 to 1 so I didn't make a big deal out of it. Then I saw two really hot girls standing there with umbrella's. I hesitated for a sec and then just said "**** it" to myself.

I just walked underneath there and asked if they had a problem with it. They said no. I stood there for over two hours and talked with them... it was great. From up close they were even hotter. Really beautiful, natural girls. I kino'ed here and there and ended up getting both their numbers. The one I talked with the most told me: "I have a boyfriend you know..., but he's on holiday right now". I don't know if that was a hidden message to back off, or to have a little adventure together.

The other girl that was there too made it a little more difficult for me. I talked with both. At one point they bought me a beer out of the blue. We had fun, we all laughed, and around us were a whole bunch of people standing in the rain. At one point they played a love song that had a part in it that said "Spread the love or something". I put both my arms around the girls and they were like "wtf?". I just said with a cheery face "Don't you hear that? we gotta spread the love". They thought it was funny. And I felt pretty f*cking cool with two smoking hot blondes left and right under my arms. The more I do stuff like that, the more I note AFC guys around me. They are just standing there, waiting, not taking any action. I'm so happy I'm past that stadium.

Like I said, I got their numers. I called the one with the boyfriend the next day and talked some more. It wasn't weird, It felt natural. It was a fun conversation, just like the one the night before. I texted the other girl but she didn't respond. I also got both of them on that MySpace kinda site, and the 2nd one also don't respond to my messages.

No matter what I get out of this, this was a huge learning moment. I talked and kino'ed for over two hours with two extremely hot girls AND got both their numbers.


Part #2
We did some clubbing too. I still can't pickup girls in clubs, BUT, I sorta learned how to dance properly. I tried dancing and then some girl came up to me and said: "less arms, more hips" (an obvious IOI that I missed?). So I did just that. She gave me two thumbs up and I was on my way. I danced with that sh*t in mind the whole week and now I don't see people looking weird at me anymore when I dance in clubs. Also positive and important progress.


Part #3
I survived. All kinds of other cool sh*t that week happened. We got ridicilously drunk and stoned a couple of times... I tried Xtc for the first time in my life (fun for one time, probably never again... not really my sh*t). And almost got beaten up by 10 angry rednecks and got saved by 10 other rednecks who were friendly. If I meet one of you guys in some bar sometime you'll definitely hear the stories haha.



Not as much happened in terms of girls as I hoped, but it's all positive news. Sure, I hoped telling you guys I finally got laid or something, but sadly no. That day will come sometime though, and I'm feeling I'm definitely on the right track getting there. It's a slow process, but I'm definitely getting there. In daily life I'm much more alpha and relaxed then a year ago. I sorta radiate sh*t that somehow makes girls notice me.

Yea guys, still good news :up:
 

macallik

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snowdog said:
Part #2
We did some clubbing too. I still can't pickup girls in clubs, BUT, I sorta learned how to dance properly. I tried dancing and then some girl came up to me and said: "less arms, more hips" (an obvious IOI that I missed?). So I did just that. She gave me two thumbs up and I was on my way. I danced with that sh*t in mind the whole week and now I don't see people looking weird at me anymore when I dance in clubs. Also positive and important progress.
LOL. So are you saying people would regularly look @ you weird in the club when you dance? Ah well, everyone forgets about how ppl danced by the time last call comes around so no biggie, but that is kinda funny, lol.

Part #3
snowdog said:
I survived. All kinds of other cool sh*t that week happened. We got ridicilously drunk and stoned a couple of times... I tried Xtc for the first time in my life (fun for one time, probably never again... not really my sh*t). And almost got beaten up by 10 angry rednecks and got saved by 10 other rednecks who were friendly. If I meet one of you guys in some bar sometime you'll definitely hear the stories haha.
Lol. sounds like a great story and a blast man. Glad you had fun. Don't sweat the girl stuff you are making tons of progress, Just you tell yourself to relax and 'feel the love' it all makes sense, lol. just keep on keeping on.
 

rushing dude 123

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I said i wudn't post on here till i learned a few more things, but seeing i am looking at journals thought ill lay a comment on urs. I think u have improved incredibly and with ur latest posts I can see ur now getting results, which is fantastic, well done man. I learnt from ur journal u can change subjects very easily to get a convo going and not changing it awkwardly, but changing it smoothly (which i think i have been lacking in lately). Thanks.
 

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snowdog said:
I called her the next day, and the conversation went like this:

Her: hello?
Me: Hi there, you're speaking with one of those shady guys you sometimes encounter in your bar (we joked about this the day before)
Her: haha alright. How are you
Me: I'm excellent, and you?
Her: Yea, i'm fine
Me: I want to go out with you sometime, so how about it?
Her: Ehm... i should had told you this yesterday but...
(oh no, not another ***** who has a boyfriend who gives a number to me i thought)
Her: I kinda like girls.
Me (a bit confused):Eh... that's.... interesting.
Her: Yea, i shoulda told you
Me: So you're a lesbian
Her: yes
Me: To what degree? I mean truly 100% or maybe 95, 90...?
Her: More like 200%

From that point on the conversation wasn't that interesting anymore to put down here.

For ****s sake, am i cursed or something?
lol thats a classic!
 

snowdog

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Alright. Long time no update.

In the mean time a lot of things happened. A few weeks back I posted here about the fact that I was seeing a shrink. And hell, it's definitely paying off. I have been talking about stuff that happened to me years and years ago. Stuff that I won't think about normally, ever, but that was still present in my subconcious. I won't bore you with the details and no, no one raped or beat me. I just got depressed when I was young and I still don't know why. ANYWAY, talking about it has made me feel much better. I notice myself that I smile a LOT more. I'm constantly happy and positive. A lot more confident too. My self-esteem has gotten a huge boost. I still can't believe I achieved this by just talking to some guy.

So here I am, Snowdog 2.0.


My new school had a camp for the 1st classes. Around 800 people in tents on a camping. There was one huge central tent where activities were going on at day, and a big party at night. Lots of interesting stuff, but I'll only talk about the girls here.

Now here is something that gave this week an interesting twist. Right exactly in this week I caught a really nasty ear infection, so I was on antibiotics for a week. I felt like sh*t all day, food didn't taste good and I couldn't even drink beer. Worst thing about this medication is that it totally ruins your libido. I didn't even woke up with a boner once. Normally IF I make something work like getting a number, it's because my d1ck tells me to do it. Normally I don't think about much else then sex. This week, it was like a fuse was removed or something.

Now, seriously. I've seen some of the hottest girls in my life this week, and ten at a time of those. I mean Holy Sh*t. Some were supermodel-hot. I talked to all of them. ALL OF THEM. I didn't gave a sh*t. Somehow it was awesome, on the other hand it sucked. I'll tell you why. I had no restrains. I didn't hesitate for one moment, because there wasn't any pressure. The heart-beats, the semi-boners, scare of rejection... all that sh*t was non-existent. It just felt like talking to my old neighbor, completely normal, no pressure. All those hot girls... I kino-ed them all the time, constantly, with everything I did. I didn't need a reason. If we walked past each other I'd put my hand on their shoulder for a split second. I've never been this social with girls ever. At one point I was talking to six of them at the same time. I was just sitting at a table and all of them were talking to me, and listening to me with their puppy dog eyes. I was the center of attention. And I didn't make a single move. Not because I didn't want to, it just never occurred to me. I just didn't care enough. It was weird.

I'll give you some examples:
  • One senior year girl led our group. And man, I can't believe how hot she is every time if I think about her. Seriously. I have never seen a girl that f*cking hot in real life ever. I mean really. She was really f*cking hot. Easily the hottest one of all the 400-500 girls that were there in the area. Ever met one of those girls where you just forget about everything around her and only notice her? Like she fills up the room. She was one of those. Everywhere she walked guys just went dead silent, admiring her beauty (and ass). And i'm not exaggerating. She had a really pretty face, an insanely perfect figure, beautiful legs and she wore clothes that fitted her like they were custom made for her. I've met really hot girls before as you can read in this thread but this one was in a league of her own. Ho-ly fu*cking sh*t she was HOT. And she knew it. It was also one of the most arrogant girls I had ever met, and normally I'd given up on her after the first chat. Uber hard-to-get. Now though, I wasn't intimidated by her hotness, and her nasty attitude. I should say I just didn't picked it up. She even completely ignored me a couple of times when I was talking to her while standing three feet away. I'd just say her name to get her attention, and repeated what I said before. We talked a lot, I even kino-ed her a lot and she ended up giving her number to me. I still don't know how I ever did that. I'm definitely going to give her a call in the course of next week.
  • Another girl which I would rate a 9 (the previous one is 11) was in my group. She was super hot. Also really arrogant. She looked like she hated guys and was tired of being chased all the time. We sorta became buddies over the course of the week. And I don't mean in the wrong 'friend-zone' kind of way. We were laughing, having fun, she would come up to me at random moments, I kino-ed her, and she kino-ed me back even more. I was told she has a boyfriend for 3 years but she didn't show me that at all. Infact we were full-on flirting. Normally when I'm hanging out with girls that have a boyfriend they tell me that sooner or later. We're in the same class so this story will most likely get a follow-up.
  • Another senior-year girl from another group. Definitely also a 9. But in a whole different way. She didn't knew what she had going on. She was a really sweet girl, shy even. I asked for her myspace adress and she gave it to me. And also kino, kino, kino.
  • One fun activity was a basic salsa lesson. The few guys that had the balls to get close to girls stood hand in hand with them. Not me, that sh*t is for p*ssies. I just walked up to a girl that was a really good 8,5 and just pulled her close to me. I had some lessons in dancing before so I was a nice step ahead of the rest (there was a good deal for 100 bucks for 15 lessons or something. I figured it was a good idea for a confidence boost. And be able to dance can always be useful). We were great. People were standing around us and checking us out.
  • On the final night I was dancing with girls that were drunk as F*CK. I didn't even took advantage of that.


I didn't went for numbers. Normally an MSN or myspace adress doesn't satisfy me. I want at least a number. This is the bad side of a non-existent libido. I was the most charming person in the area. Everything I said was right, I had the perfect answer ready at any moment and I never ran out of things to say. I did everything 100% right up until where it normally gets sexual. There I just stopped. I couldn't help it, it just wasn't there. If I could just flip a switch at that point..., man, I could be a womenizer.

I think this will turn out to be positive eventually. My study is 73% girls and most of them are hot. I made an awesome first impression on pretty much all the girls I've met there.

This proves to me that I am able to make it work. This experience has taught me a whole lot. I'll keep you guys posted.

ps. I'm done with the medication tomorrow.
 

snowdog

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Oh, and I still can't dance for sh*t but I just don't care. I'm just jumping around like a mongoloid and having the time of my life. People see this and think I'm awesome for it. It's funny lol.
 
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Weed doesn't really help your game or anything else in life, so unless you are a cancer patient you should drop it. In fact, I would consider it an immature crutch that people use to escape from reality and avoid facing their problems.
 
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