My self-improvement program

[yuppaz]

Jeez Snowdog, I just read what Asasione wrote to you and he was giving you good advice. You have a big f*cking ego that is probably stopping your progress, it shows through in your interactions and in your response to him. You are at this strange parallel world where you have this identity that you are the bomb with women so any changes or advice is unneeded cuz you the bomb, even though you need some advice big time. Let the craziness loose on me if you feel you need to, but 1. let go of this identity you have made for yourself and 2. be accepting and not combative with girls and 3. go re-read some of the advice guys are giving you..... it's actually good.

 

[macallik]

I push the envelope all the time. It's what I do every day. You'd know it too if you'd read through this. Of course the player persona that you're projecting in here wouldn't be impressed by it, but everything I did so far was pushing the f*cking envelope for ME.

I really see what you are saying snowdog but I do see some truth in some of the posts by the other members as well. This issue definitely touched close to home because I have been going through a similar gray area in my own life.

Hopefully you can see the comments as i did: not as people doubting your determination or how far you have come so far... but as people letting you know that you are getting too content and settling for less than you deserve.

To me... it is like you entered a marathon. Originally you saw how long it was gonna be and didn't think you could do it. Now, three years later and you have already completed a large section of the marathon and are pretty damn happy about it and with good reason too! You are so proud of yourself that you decided to stop running and help all the other to catch up to you, but what you are failing to realize is that the race is not over... and the race never ends. You gotta keep running and keep making progress in life.

Of course, you don't succeed when you get laid or once you have three girlfriends. It is about constantly putting one foot in front of the other and pushing yourself further and further along the race of life.

Again, I am not suggesting that you haven't come a long way, I just think that somewhere along the way, you slowed down to take a breather and forgot to start running again. It happens. I realized recently that I have been running in the same spot for a while and now I am determined to pick up my pace again.



What concerns me is that initially you started the journal to get more dates, but now you seem to be content with talking to women that never make return appearances in the journal. My question is how are you pushing the envelope and what are you pushing it towards?

For example, Let's say making out in the club was your goal (and I hope it is not btw). Pushing the envelope would be things like:
- Have you tried new tactics to see if they are more effective
- Have you tried to do something more ballsier each time ie kissing a girl after a pause in a convo, kissing a girl within 5 mins, kissing a girl completely sober, kissing a girl that is sober, etc?
- Have you tried to increase your efficiency?

Basically, pushing the envelope means taking yourself out of your comfort zone. I think you have proven that you are comfortable approaching women (in fact, you state that in the first post of the journal) so how have you been pushing the envelope lately?

I feel like there is a contradiction between your actions and your thought process. If you are looking to have a relationship, then you are not pushing the envelope enough to get dates and imo, looking for a date-able woman in the club/bar scene is often like fishing in a contaminated pond. If you are just looking to have fun, why settle for only occasional makeouts at the club? If you only desire fun and good times, sex definitely falls under that category.

Perhaps you need to sit down and figure out what you are trying to get out of this whole pickup thing. There doesn't seem to be a goal that you are working towards so it is hard for you to push the envelope or gauge your success.

In September, you made this post which was strikingly honest and heartfelt. It seemed like you had seen yourself from an objective perspective and you were on the right track to getting the ship righted, but now things look unsure.

So while there is no harm in celebrating in your posts or taking anxious males along with the club so that they can finally approach women, you need to realize that you still have obstacles that you need to overcome yourself.

Speaking from experience I realized I have been falling into the same trap as you. I have been convincing myself that sex was not important and that I was looking for something special with a girl blah blah blah.

After some thinking, I realized that there is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it does not deter me from the goal of finding a woman I really like. Ultimatums are a sign of the weak, so when you (and I) completely write off sex or say that it isn't important, it is just a defense mechanism popping up... a way to protect ourselves from potential failure.

This post was written for me as much as it was written for you. Like I said, I have become content in my life as well, and so I am giving myself the same advice I am giving you. I have read your posts on SS for quite a few years now and so I know that you are a level-headed guy. It definitely is a hard pill to swallow when someone challenges your efforts so hopefully you can reread these last few posts after a few days of thinking and they will sound a little less confrontational and a little more helpful.

 

[snowdog]

I can see why you never get laid, your too feminine for your own good. What kind of grown man starts throwing a temper tantrum over advice they didn't agree with! If you don't like the advice just disagree and let it end there. You focus on the dumbest things like your field report where you say “you think you’re all that, don’t ya?” with a smile. It pissed her off, f*cking b*tch. She deserved it and I got a laugh out of it. I win, f*ck her Some juvenile sh!t you did right there. What the hell did you win yet you went home dry? You want constructive advice get laid and stop acting like a wuss whose all talk.

I don't see the need to read your entire thread because your attitude changed a little and overall nothing much. You can talk to girls but its useless banter that never goes anywhere and I actually like reading stories where there's something to look forward to, not listen to some douche who learned he had a mouth and could talk to girls.

What part of "go f*ck yourself" didn't you understand? You're nothing more than a sh*t-talking b*tch on a forum. I don't need your negative sh*t.

Jeez Snowdog, I just read what Asasione wrote to you and he was giving you good advice. You have a big f*cking ego that is probably stopping your progress, it shows through in your interactions and in your response to him. You are at this strange parallel world where you have this identity that you are the bomb with women so any changes or advice is unneeded cuz you the bomb, even though you need some advice big time. Let the craziness loose on me if you feel you need to, but 1. let go of this identity you have made for yourself and 2. be accepting and not combative with girls and 3. go re-read some of the advice guys are giving you..... it's actually good.

No, I don't have a big ego at all. It just pisses me off to no end when people pass judgments without knowing what the f*ck they're talking about. I'm open to criticism when it's constructive. This guy talks all kinds of sh*t to me based on nothing at all. **** that dude.

 

[snowdog]

I really see what you are saying snowdog but I do see some truth in some of the posts by the other members as well. This issue definitely touched close to home because I have been going through a similar gray area in my own life.

Hopefully you can see the comments as i did: not as people doubting your determination or how far you have come so far... but as people letting you know that you are getting too content and settling for less than you deserve.

To me... it is like you entered a marathon. Originally you saw how long it was gonna be and didn't think you could do it. Now, three years later and you have already completed a large section of the marathon and are pretty damn happy about it and with good reason too! You are so proud of yourself that you decided to stop running and help all the other to catch up to you, but what you are failing to realize is that the race is not over... and the race never ends. You gotta keep running and keep making progress in life.

I can see what you're saying here and that's a good point. But I'm really doing everything I can right now.

Of course, you don't succeed when you get laid or once you have three girlfriends. It is about constantly putting one foot in front of the other and pushing yourself further and further along the race of life.

Again, I am not suggesting that you haven't come a long way, I just think that somewhere along the way, you slowed down to take a breather and forgot to start running again. It happens. I realized recently that I have been running in the same spot for a while and now I am determined to pick up my pace again.

I see what you're saying and that's something I'll definitely keep in mind.

Another thing is that I'm extremely busy. I'm really stressed out because of being an intern and having study at the same time (one week left). On top of that, end of this month I'm going to the States as an exchange student, and that takes a lot of work too to get everything straightened out. I haven't had a single break for the last 4 months and it all comes on my plate at the same time right now. I go out the door every day at 6.30AM and get back home at 8.00PM, and then I spend another 2 hours or so on studying.

I use the little time I have to go out and go for it, and I'm really doing the best I can here. That's why I'm getting so worked up over this douchebag here; he has a big ****ing mouth while he doesn't know anything.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself here or asking for sympathy, I'm just saying it to illustrate my situation so you'll maybe understand the whole thing better.

This also goes for the part about the **** I went through in the past. It's not an excuse or a wanting for sympathy. It's just to give you guys the big picture.

What concerns me is that initially you started the journal to get more dates, but now you seem to be content with talking to women that never make return appearances in the journal. My question is how are you pushing the envelope and what are you pushing it towards?

I'm approaching every girl I find even remotely attractive and try to push it as far as possible. Being able to approach a whole lot of girls in a row and having fun doing it is something pretty new to me.

For example, Let's say making out in the club was your goal (and I hope it is not btw). Pushing the envelope would be things like:
- Have you tried new tactics to see if they are more effective
- Have you tried to do something more ballsier each time ie kissing a girl after a pause in a convo, kissing a girl within 5 mins, kissing a girl completely sober, kissing a girl that is sober, etc?
- Have you tried to increase your efficiency?

Basically, pushing the envelope means taking yourself out of your comfort zone. I think you have proven that you are comfortable approaching women (in fact, you state that in the first post of the journal) so how have you been pushing the envelope lately?

This is very interesting stuff to think about. I think I could be a little more aggressive with trying to get a makeout, yea.

Like I said, being able to open effortlessly and having a genuinely fun and relaxed conversation is something that's relatively new to me. I really had to force myself and I felt highly uncomfortable doing it. Now I'm completely over that, turning up the heat is what comes next I guess.

Eye opener, thanks.

I feel like there is a contradiction between your actions and your thought process. If you are looking to have a relationship, then you are not pushing the envelope enough to get dates and imo, looking for a date-able woman in the club/bar scene is often like fishing in a contaminated pond. If you are just looking to have fun, why settle for only occasional makeouts at the club? If you only desire fun and good times, sex definitely falls under that category.

Perhaps you need to sit down and figure out what you are trying to get out of this whole pickup thing. There doesn't seem to be a goal that you are working towards so it is hard for you to push the envelope or gauge your success.

Again, thanks for this. Food for thought.

In September, you made this post which was strikingly honest and heartfelt. It seemed like you had seen yourself from an objective perspective and you were on the right track to getting the ship righted, but now things look unsure.

So while there is no harm in celebrating in your posts or taking anxious males along with the club so that they can finally approach women, you need to realize that you still have obstacles that you need to overcome yourself.

Speaking from experience I realized I have been falling into the same trap as you. I have been convincing myself that sex was not important and that I was looking for something special with a girl blah blah blah.

After some thinking, I realized that there is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it does not deter me from the goal of finding a woman I really like. Ultimatums are a sign of the weak, so when you (and I) completely write off sex or say that it isn't important, it is just a defense mechanism popping up... a way to protect ourselves from potential failure.

Good thinking and interesting observation.

This post was written for me as much as it was written for you. Like I said, I have become content in my life as well, and so I am giving myself the same advice I am giving you. I have read your posts on SS for quite a few years now and so I know that you are a level-headed guy. It definitely is a hard pill to swallow when someone challenges your efforts so hopefully you can reread these last few posts after a few days of thinking and they will sound a little less confrontational and a little more helpful.

I know a forum troll when I see one and Asasione is one.



But many thanks for this, man. You're awesome. You truly gave me a lot to think about and I really appreciate this reply of yours.

And I still believe it'll be alright, don't worry about that. I just need a week off... that's all.


I'm not going to check back until somewhere next week, by the way.

 

[Asasione]

I wonder what benefits you get from dissing me and resorting to petty shaming tactics. It's clear to me from your attitude you can't seem to keep your focus on what's important! If someone gives you advice based on experience do you analyze their advice through your emotional filters and decide on what you feel is right or do you try out what they suggest and if it works they were right and if it doesn't you throw that suggestion out?

You can diss me all you want but it won't change the facts of your situation and from your last post I have to admit you got it rough, thanks for enlightening me. I'm only trying to help and if my delivery isn't pleasing at least try and dissect the main points, and you will see the worth in other people's ideas. No matter how great you think you are and how solid you think your inner game and social skills are, there is one fundamentally big difference between you and other guys. You aren't getting feedback that what you believe to be true actually is TRUE.

Getting positive responses from people and girls in general isn't enough, when a person sees your value as a person they come to offer what they have of value. Guys buy you drinks and want to be your friend, and you got that but what about women? Do they want to get physical with you? Do they give leading questions trying to get you alone with them? Do they flat out tell you they want you even when the boyfriend is present?

It's obvious where I'm getting at and thanks to exams being over, I have more time to write and explain for you. No matter how great you think you are or how far you think you've progressed if people don't recognize it and prove to you that you are what you think then your not. When I decided to use the mentality proposed on sites like these, I got positive feedback (people offering me something of value) and I knew I was the sh*t and that girls want me cause they wanted to screw me. I initially got good responses where girls laugh and think your funny, but my sexuality wasn't there. Girls liked my stories and laughed but they didn't wanna do anything physical, they enjoyed my company but couldn't imagine sex with me.

You heard Pook say it before but you gotta be sexual. I remember reading Juggler's Conversational Jujitsu and immediately using it, I usually act first and ask questions later and it paid off. I used his line of saying you wanna do something sexual like, "I'm craving some whip cream, I'd love to eat it off you" and some other gems in that pdf. I used them in the club and the girls responded by letting me do them. It's weird and I didn't understand how it happened all I know is it works. Try it and figure if its correct not say bullsh*t yet you don't know.

Trial and error is what's needed and when I say you haven't pushed the envelope I don't mean you haven't done jack, I mean you have gotten to a certain stage and simply become complacent with your progress that you lost sight of what you wanted initially. You wanted to lose your virginity and get better with women and you've made major progress but you haven't accomplished your goal, so you aren't pushing the limits of what is possible for you and seriously selling yourself short.

 

[snowdog]

^this is something I can work with. I'll be the last person to reject good advice, even if I don't like it. Thanks.

The difference between this post and the last one, is that this time it seems to me you actually took the time to put some thought into what you write down.

 

[Die Hard]

Congrats on your one thousandth post, Snowdog!

 

[Ease]

Snowdog doesnt need advice, he needs to get laid.

I would have serious confidence problems too if i hadn't pulled in so long. I lose confidence if I dont pull for a couple of months lol, forget being a virgin.

Sometimes luck and crazy attempts are the thing to kick start it up.

 

[snowdog]

So, as some of you might know, I’m currently on exchange in the USA. I went there all by myself, knowing nobody there. Well, that’s not entirely true. There are 3 guys from my university also going, but I don’t like them. I don’t have many close friends, but the ones I have are like family. No bulls**t, we’re straight with each other, we tell it like it is, we are there for each other when it’s rough, and we just have fun. Those are real friends and I pretty much left everyone behind who isn’t a part of that group and it’s the best thing I ever did. I knew pretty quickly that these 3 guys aren’t a part of my friends group (at least for now, people tend to change. Well… some of them)

• One of them is like a teen, and an annoying one at that. He’s just still like a kid, you can’t have a normal conversation with him. The jokes he makes and the things he likes are just stupid, juvenile ****. I passed the station he’s at a long time ago.
  
• The second one has a big f*cking mouth but nothing to back it up. Everything is fake about the guy and I just can’t deal with people like that anymore.
  
• The last one is a nice guy, but when other people enter the room, he turns into a straight-up b*tch. He puts others (including me) down for no reason to make himself look cool. Of course, I can handle his stupid bullsh*t and I can kick his ass if I want to, but I just don’t feel like hanging out with people like that. I’m tired of douchebags like that, ya know?

I kinda had this feeling already, but you know… it’s Saturday night, you don’t know anyone, you’re in a strange country, so you want to go out with people you know. It’s the safe thing to do. I called one of them up and I hear he picks up the phone and then hangs up on me. I hear the noise of a crowd in the background, sounds like he’s in a bar. Mistakes like that are made all the time, so I call again. He doesn’t pick up, nor calls back. Well shoot.

I sit down in my room and I ponder a bit. Should I just jack off and go to sleep, or go out alone? Then I think about the phone thing that just happened and I get pissed.

F*CK THOSE GUYS. I DIDN’T LIKE THEM ANYWAY IF I’M HONEST WITH MYSELF. F*CKING CHODES. **** EM. Right there and then, I decided that these f*cking douchebags can go f*ck themselves. I’m the only one with a car of the group and if they need me, they can eat sh*t and die too.

I stomp to my car and drive downtown. It’s like a 20 minute drive and the roads are empty. Unknown area in a whole different and unknown country, trying to find my way. I won’t use the word “scary” but it’s a pretty damn huge leap into the unknown. I drive around a bit and see a couple of bars, one of them is a karaoke bar. I park my car and go in.

A little awkward at first, but after a while I settle in. Also still having sort of a culture shock. Not many hot girls around but then I spot a hot blonde and a hot brunette. I walk up and open them. I notice now I’m close that they’re probably in their thirties. Really hot though. The brunette is a little drunk and seems into me.

We talk and then dance. I’m being really physical, I grab her, pull her against me. Soon enough, she is grinding up on me, hard, front and back. I grab her ass while doing this and when she’s grinding her ass into me I feel up her breasts. She’s into it too. This is pure porn dancing. She has the most perfect body I’ve ever seen for real. Nice breasts, a good C cup I guess and perfect in shape. She has a completely tight belly, nice hips and just a delicious, bonerific, ass. She is really, really ****ing hot.

People around us look and some older guys who were hitting on her are looking at me like they hate me but I don’t give a f*ck. She keeps saying she could be my mother and I keep saying that I don’t care. Hot eye contact. I go in for the kiss and she turns away, but I keep on doing it anyway. I get a couple of solid makeout moments, but she keeps saying she thinks I’m too young. She also keeps saying she’s “not coming home with me tonight”. From what I understand from a lot of people, that’s like an indicator that it’s pretty much sure you’re going to end up in bed with her. I respond to it as if I'm not acknowledging it. "Yea, sure", "alright", "yea..."

The conversations were like this:
Her: “You could be my son”
Me: -“But I’m not, so what do you care”
…
Me: “You got a very nice ass”
Her: “Thank you, I work hard for that”
…
Me: “I think you’re just a bit intimidated by me”
Her: “No I’m not, cos I got more experience”
…
Me: “Deep down you know you want this”
Her: “Yea, but I just can’t…”

I kept going at it and keep feeling her up, dancing dirty with her and kept going for the makeout. She was all over me too, touching me back, grabbing me. Everything indicated that it was on, but yet it wasn’t I guess.

It was my turn for Karaoke. I sang “Smoke on the water” by Deep Purple, which I totally ****ing nailed. I played air guitar during the solo and swung the mic around and created a party in the bar. Everyone who was in the bar went crazy and bought me drinks. I’m a f*cking rock star. Even one of the guys who looked pissed at me after I blew him out complimented me on doing a good job on the song.

Back to the woman, same story as before. Flirt, tease, kiss etc. At one point I sit down at the bar, tired, having a drink, making a chat with the bar man. The woman comes up and says she’s going to leave and that this is really a goodbye. I tell her “not without a proper goodbye kiss” and we makeout for a long, good time. She’s in to it too and she’s good.

I drive home with a smile. What an awesome first night out in the States.

Hells yea, the master plan is starting to work.


Side note: the whole night 100% sober, not one alcoholic beverage consumed.



38,723

 

[Asasione]

Fvcking awesome, now that's what I love to see, brothers doing well. I broke up with my girlfriend on christmas eve cause it just didn't make sense continuing an exclusive relationship when I'm 22. It was so damn hard but I just need to enjoy more women. I'll be be cold approaching again I'll show you how it goes. Good luck and happy new year sd

 

[Asasione]

...

 

[snowdog]

Yea, thanks for the nice words and good for you.

I think living alone will play a big part in coming full circle. It's a good thing that I'm out of my parent's house now. And on another continent, hehe.

 

[snowdog]

Yea, man. I'm currently in Florida. It took me over 15 hours to get there. Completely new start, I know no one here.

 

[runner83]

Yea, man. I'm currently in Florida. It took me over 15 hours to get there. Completely new start, I know no one here.

4 years of posting and you still haven't got laid?

I mean, self improvement is all well and good, but you need to get this white elephant off your back as soon as possible.

Stop the excuses and go get it. Don't tell girls you are a virgin, and if you've done your research they may never know.

Even an UG or a fattie if you have to. They are often good in bed as well...or so I've heard...

As an european dude (?) in Florida, if you can't get some action, you will have to rethink your whole approach.

 

[The Assistant]

Sex is a big part of any young man's life, and if you are saying that you still haven't had sex despite all of your improvements, then I know for a fact that you are not living a good life, and are missing out on the best pleasure of the world.

Just rotting away during your prime years, improving in ways THAT DON'T MATTER - How about you have sex, and improve your SEX LIFE, instead of being a scared little boy who is afraid to even dare try to be sexual with a girl.

 

[Asasione]

Interesting ideas and it gets me wondering, sd have you ever considered just hiring a pro and getting the v-card dealt with? Don't know how old you are but if it took me as long as you I'd fvck somebody ANYBODY (female) and save the philosophical bull about wanting to create my own first lay through my efforts and get the easy p*ssy, sometimes you need a cheat code like in frustrating video games and once you know what to do, you'll be more confident armed with concrete knowledge of the end game and you run your game without worrying of what its gonna be like or if/when you'll ever get there, but that's just me!

 

[snowdog]

Yea, I know you guys are right. But I'm positive it'll work out for me here. Hell, even with a mega jetlag and going out there alone almost got me laid last Friday. I don't worry about anything anymore.

And prostitutes? Yea sure, I thought about it and played with the idea (especially since it's legal in the Netherlands), but that would be the easy way out and that's just not me. I never use cheats; I'd rather spend a few hours to play a very small part over and over again till I get it myself. I don't know if that's a virtue or a vice... all I know is that it's just me.

Getting laid with a prostitute probably won't make me feel good about it afterwards. Like everything I dealt with so far, this is something I gotta do on my own. And I'm getting there with small steps. The evidence is there. I consider my last night out here a damn good result. It's definitely a big step forwards from last time.

I appreciate you concerns though and I do realize that I'm taking a bit longer than the usual guy. But that's OK.

 

[runner83]

Good luck mate!

I think you are right to not go down the hooker path.

I have never tried it, but I think afterwards it would be how you feel after jacking off to some porno, only 1000% worse.

Whereas, when it is with a girl who you have attracted by being the best man you can be, it is incredible.

I know you can do it.

The only piece of advice I can give is to:

1) Don't tell girls you are a virgin - this is a turn off

2) Do some research so you know what you need to do (not porno, something more realistic - find out what generally turns women on).

If you do that, the first girl you are with may never even guess it is your first time.

Good luck!!!

 

[snowdog]

Just went out alone again. Different bar, but it also had a karaoke place. As I walked in, this girl just blocks me. I grab her and sit her down with me. She's all over me and I didn't even do anything. She says something that I don't really understand, so I just kiss her. Holy sh*t. I just made out with a chick within 30 seconds of meeting her. That's awesome. I was kinda overwhelmed by this myself so I didn't manage to get more out of it, but she was goin' for it, man! This is awesome.

As for the Karaoke part. Tonight I sung "Alive" by Pearl Jam. I only knew the chorus, so during that I went crazy. It was like verse=sh*t, chorus=crazy awesome. All I did was having fun myself and basically laughing my ass off about myself for acting like a f*cking retard and not giving a sh*t about it. Throwing out all these insane falsetto's and sh*t. And everyone thinks it's awesome. I ****ing love it!

I made a whole bunch of friends after that and met plenty of cool people. Was really close with a girl who "can't wait for me to show up again". Man, I'm on fire. I'm grabbing girls left and right, I made a number close on campus during the day and she's coming over Sunday.

Hide your f*cking daughters and hot moms cos the snowdog is unleashed!



39,173

 

[Ease]

Hold tight to this and move quickly. You are on a hot streak, make a close asap lol.

Honestly you have pretty top class confidence now. If it wasn't for the lack of sex experience you would be getting laid like a champ. I am envious of the way you open girls.

Start getting girls back to your place. The closing hours at a bar are more important than getting numbers, for getting belt notches. The getting girls game is more about being at the right time. When you get with a girl, dont leave her! Dont eject! Stay on it, move her to a different place, get her away from her friends! Go home early with her if you need!

If you keep going like this you will learn more about the game in 2 months than you did the last 2 years. And dont lose it when your hot streak ends, eventually you will have a bad night but it is inevitable and expected!