My Sad & Lame But Very Educational Story, Mostly Lame Though

[beenthereall]

Sorry for the length...some of it is in part to not leave out any possible key details. The other reason is for my own "healing" process, which you will learn (if you read this monster) is going quite well.


In Chinese city:

Her: Chinese girl, 23
Me: American guy, 23


She works full time for an American company and goes to school part-time. She's been on her own for almost 4 years.
My first stint in the city (when I met her) I was basically a student (6 months)
My second stint in the city (about 5 weeks now) I’m working a full-time job and on my own.


We started out as the vaunted combo of language partners..really though, I was interested in her because I thought she was cuter than the vast majority of the Chinese girls I personally knew or had seen in person, so I figured I'd send her a message (networking site a friend told me about) about her giving me a bit of a tour around her campus. Things went great from the very start..great personality, intelligence, a bit of that totally naive Chinese brainwashed stuff going on, but it all made her seem very likable.

Basically we met up at her campus after her last class once per week for 4 weeks straight..at about 3 hours a pop. There wasn't much language exchanging going on...she's an English major so we mainly talked in English..communication was never really a problem.

She definitely was into me physically from the beginning, brushing up against me while we were walking back to the subway, teasing me that I must be popular and why do I keep meeting with her, everything like that.

We then finally went on some "dates"-- dinners, a bar concert, etc. They ended with me staying over at her place for the night (4 total times)*. Man, first time I see her place she shows me some of her family photos and tells me all these stories..really the full emotional connection really set in there right that moment.

* (her place was on east side, mine was on far west side-east side is far superior for our age)

The first 2 times staying at her place we watched a movie, talked, flirted—just straight up chilled… nothing ever really happened..I slept in her bed with her...it was actually really not awkward. Sure, not exactly something two platonic friends would do, but whatever. Reading between the lines...well let's just say we both were reading between the lines.

The 3rd time we went back to her place really late after a concert and a dinner. I had always talked about how I loved giving massages, all that jazz. She ate that up. We fooled around, had our fun--great stuff. But never oral or intercourse. We both woke up in the morning, had great conversation. she mentioned that she kinda liked that we were going slow. She said she didn't know if she wanted to go faster.

Eventually we asked what were we...she told me she hadn't put me in her friend category yet.. I told her the same.

We had always discussed and had concerns about how long I'd be staying in the city. would I come back..for how long. She often hinted at us just staying friends..she has long said that she didnt want to lose a friendship with a foreigner such as me, because she didnt connect with somebody the way she did and for as long as she did with me. She also said (and this may be just girl speak) that she’s not self confident enough and she’d find some way to screw it up with me..and lose me.


The 4th time sleeping over at her place pretty much the same stuff happened, but I just couldn't go through with it. She was on top, shirt off, grinding against me, everything was headed (no pun intended) in right direction…



I had developed more feelings for her emotionally (and I'll admit, as a close friend) and in the back of my mind, I really wasn't sure I'd find good work in this city and decide to come back. I didn't want to begin a sexual relationship with her and then a month later disappear, maybe never to appear again. Breaking her heart...I never wanted to do that to her. All I wanted to do was be patient..

So, she understood that (but at the same time, , but also she was SHOCKED that after two times (probably 4 times in her book) I didnt take over and go for her. Sure, I'm still SHOCKED about it to this day...like what the hell was I thinking? But we talked about it..and seemed to come to a consensus that patience was ok.


The downsides to her were strong though...

There was definitely a several week phase where she put me into the boyfriend category (trail run). She called me a few times real late at night, saying she needed to hear my voice (clingy), wanting to talk etc. We always had differing views on money. Of course, the huge culture differences thing..can’t forget about that. Chinese girls typically date for marriage and are pressured by their parents to get married fast and to older wealth.

She was really great at saying and doing some of the nicest things..telling me numerous times I'm the type of guy she would want to be serious with. She was always telling and showing me new places around the city, making plans. It was a great 50-50 initiation.


SHOULDA SAW IT COMING

Soon after that 4th time staying over at her apartment (2nd time actually messing around) she tells me we should just be friends, see each other once a week for dinner -etc. She reiterated her past concern about not being confident enough..yada yada. I was hurt. But not as bad as I would be later on...

Well, that happened a just a few weeks before I was to return to the States for a while before my job started. Being away for nearly a month made me pretty much get over her.

THE BAD
When I came back to the city to start my job, I saw her a few times in the first two weeks I was back.. and my feelings for her returned. I made a mistake, and told her (pretty much still knowing she didn't want a relationship with me) that I began to feel something for her again. She told me she didn't see me in that way, and that I needed to get over it*. That was a little more than 3 weeks ago....

THE ****BAD

*She goes on to tell me that she only really ever thought of me as a close friend..and that she still wasn't entirely over her prior BF (who she told me looks a lot like me)...so all this time she was leading me on, kind of playing me. She now says she wants a quite a bit older, already established guy to “take care of me”. Sure, not surprising especially since she’s Chinese and the girls tend to look toward men 8-15 years older, generally. At any rate..once it sunk in, I was quite hurt. Either she's lying by saying she never considered me for anything more, or that she's actually telling the truth and just led me on.



THE GOOD

It’s been more than 3 weeks and no contact has been made ( I never told her I'm not contacting her..we just haven't had any contact). I’m a little surprised she hasn’t texted me saying something like, “you still alive?”, or some ****.



BECAUSE MY MIND IS WEIRD

Maybe I'm totally wrong on this, but maybe she was just interested in me for the sex, (more like FWB's) being that we were attracted to each other and always had chemistry. Once I rejected it twice, well, that was that.



WHAT NOW

The thing is, I’m sure she will contact me in a few days..her birthday is in the late teens of this month, and there’s a gathering that will be going on I’m sure. On one level it’s great because I’ll get to meet some of her girl-friends who I have seen pics of..and they aren’t too shabby. I’ve known her for about 5 and a half months and have never really met more than one of her girl-friends. I know she has some.

Though, on the other level, I’m not sure how I will react if I do join. Not sure if that will set me back...because currently I still have some feelings for her..but they are WANING..it just takes some more time. I’m meeting new people, spending time with people I’m already friends with..it really does speed up the process.

Of course, there's a dilemma because I don't want to reply..but I am in the situation of not wanting to forsake an international friendship that was awesome from the very beginning…even if she did lead me on, play me, whatever.

I don't want her to think negatively of me by ignoring her. I think she's actually the type of person that I can can keep in contact with for a lifetime and hold a friendship and genuinely not have any feelings for. I can't stress it enough, we get along great and talk about just about everything..she's a down to earth girl and pretty chill and fun, especially in groups. I always think to myself..maybe she led me on..but not on purpose. I think I'm giving her too much credit though..I don't think she is that naive. She's aware of what she did.

QUESTIONS, FINALLY

When I do speak to her again, whenever that may be, I have to tell her what she did was BS, and I will tell her I lost respect for her in some ways. Sure, I'm at fault a bit for falling for it..but she should have been more honest upfront.
Maybe we were never meant to be a couple (I'm sure I know this now), but we both put a lot of effort in and had a lot of fun with each other. SO, should I tell her when I see her next that if she only saw me as a friend, why did she do the things she did? When she does contact me, how long should I wait until I respond?


SAPPY ****

I dont want her to become a person that I used to know, and I can say that honestly because my feelings for her are quickly waning. The friendship bond is still there (or so I think..)


Give it to me straight if any of ya are still reading, whaddya think?

 

[loveorlust]

I think I can relate... my ex needed me to make a move and I took my time to do it. Had it taken me too long, I think I would have lost her. In your case you lost her. The part about her using you could have (in her mind) been true, but just a way for her to rationalize her romantic behavior with you. Don't believe that. She wanted you. Whether you reminded her of her ex or not, doesn't matter. She had feelings for you and you had a chance to have her be yours (by banging her) but you missed it. If you still want her, I suggest you take her next time you see her. Set up a meeting, as friends. Then, somehow, end up at your or her place. And this time, Stop with nice guy bull****. That never gets the girl. Anyway, Good luck and all the best to you.

 

[ezio]

Classic story of the nice guy finishing last.

 

[marmel75]

You had the opportunity to f**k her 4 times, didn't do anything, and the 4th time she was even trying to initiate things and you STILL didn't do anything. She basically sees you as a scared little boy and not a man. I mean can you blame her? How many times do you need to be in a bed with a woman before you are going to try to f**k her??

My motto still is the following:

"You are more likely to be forgiven by a woman for acting like a man than for acting like a b*tch"

 

[Iceberg]

THE ****BAD

*She goes on to tell me that she only really ever thought of me as a close friend..and that she still wasn't entirely over her prior BF (who she told me looks a lot like me)...so all this time she was leading me on, kind of playing me. She now says she wants a quite a bit older, already established guy to “take care of me”. Sure, not surprising especially since she’s Chinese and the girls tend to look toward men 8-15 years older, generally. At any rate..once it sunk in, I was quite hurt. Either she's lying by saying she never considered me for anything more, or that she's actually telling the truth and just led me on.

Of course she's lying. But when she gives a man 4 chances to make a move on her, and he rejects it, what is she supposed to say?

I'm not saying you would have had some deep, loving relationship. But she was at least open to the IDEA of dating you.

BECAUSE MY MIND IS WEIRD

Maybe I'm totally wrong on this, but maybe she was just interested in me for the sex, (more like FWB's) being that we were attracted to each other and always had chemistry. Once I rejected it twice, well, that was that.

It might have just been sex. It might have been more. But once she saw that you weren't going to reach out and grab the opportunity, she became turned off. It's not even her fault, really. It's instinctive. She's thinking "You're the man, you take what you want." And you obviously want her, but in a sense, you weren't man enough to take it. You were too worried about appearing to be the nice guy. I've had similar mistakes in my past.

WHAT NOW

I don't want her to think negatively of me by ignoring her. I think she's actually the type of person that I can can keep in contact with for a lifetime and hold a friendship and genuinely not have any feelings for. I can't stress it enough, we get along great and talk about just about everything..she's a down to earth girl and pretty chill and fun, especially in groups. I always think to myself..maybe she led me on..but not on purpose. I think I'm giving her too much credit though..I don't think she is that naive. She's aware of what she did.

A - I think your emotions are still clouding your judgment. She's not a lifelong friend of yours....she's a girl you were supposed to hook up with. She's also a girl who hasn't spoken to you in 3 weeks. This isn't one of your boys from back home. She's not a best friend. She's just a cute girl, with a sometimes-fun personality. Plenty more of those.


B - She didn't lead you on. You're not the victim here. She held up her end of the bargain. She held down the branch for you, and all you had to do was pick the fruit. You didn't do it. Four nights in the same bed with the same woman and nothing to show for it......if anything, you led her on.

QUESTIONS, FINALLY

When I do speak to her again, whenever that may be, I have to tell her what she did was BS, and I will tell her I lost respect for her in some ways. Sure, I'm at fault a bit for falling for it..but she should have been more honest upfront.

I'm still trying to figure out what she did wrong? Maybe I'm at the point where I just accept women's flaws and work around them, but it just seems like your girl simply got turned off. She gave you four strikes. If I had a woman in my bed twice and she didn't want to escalate, I would have got turned off. She gave you FOUR chances.

Maybe we were never meant to be a couple (I'm sure I know this now), but we both put a lot of effort in and had a lot of fun with each other. SO, should I tell her when I see her next that if she only saw me as a friend, why did she do the things she did? When she does contact me, how long should I wait until I respond?

No. Don't do that. Don't initiate the big, deep, emotional conversations with women. Ever. You'll never get the pure, unfiltered truth out of them anyway. The fact of the matter is, you had a shot and it flamed out....there will be more heartbreak and confusion ahead for all of us. No need in harping on it as if this is some big monumental event.

SUMMARY:
She's a girl you like...not a best friend. There's a difference.

She gave you ample opportunity to get with her. You didn't. That doesn't mean she led you on. She did her part. It's not a woman's job to escalate.

You cannot get emotional with her about this. I know it's hard. But it won't help. You cannot "talk it out" with her...well, you can...but it will serve no purpose. Women, god bless them, are not truthful in these moments.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Yah, dude, its like an evolutionary instinct in all women... They NEED you to take them physically. Its like a primal test of your manliness.

To be honest, I'm staggered at this story. How did you not have a raging boner? If you did, why weren't you pressing it against her leg/back/ass/crotch as hard as you could? Why weren't your hands all over her breasts? Why weren't you smelling the back of her neck and saying "mmm smells sexy"? Why didn't you take her fvcking pants off for Christ's sake !?! I'm actually angry at you myself man! How hard can it be? You pull her fvcking pants off: you lift her hips up if you have to. You do it quick and with purpose. If she says "no, don't", just say "oh, yeah cool" and continue rubbing her tits and smelling her neck and pressing you boner against her body for another 5 mins or 10 minutes and then you TAKE HER FVCKING PANTS OFF!

Honestly, what is wrong with you man? How fvcking hard is it to have sex? You are a complete pvssy. Do not ever call her or text her again. She won't call you or text you dude, you're kidding yourself if you think she will. You blew it man, Game Over.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Furthermore, what were you playing at with your refusal to whisper filthy proclamations into her earhole while being in bed with her? No man has any business being alone with a woman and making out with her without telling her in no uncertain terms that she's a slutty, c0ck-hungry, naughty little horn-bag, who has a tight, wet cünt that's gonna get F-U-C-K-E-D by your hard, twitching d!ck, and who's gonna love every clït-quivering minute of it.

But, bah. Don't take it too hard man. China is paradise for the Great White Hunter. There are so many girls gagging for you to give it to them, just forget this idea that you're going to get married to any of them or have a long-term relationship with any of them. You don't want that, and they don't want that. They just want an exciting time with a cool American, so be that cool American and just give it to them, and don't worry about what the morrow may bring. (But hopefully, the morrow will bring more conquests )

 

[coochieman]

C'mon man..... 4 times dude?????!

Well, try getting one of those chances again. And this time if you screw it up by wussyin' out, please don't let us know....

Just f*ckin' make moves dude, know for sure where you stand and save yourself the emotional garbage of uncertainty.

And if she declines.... then too bad, Move on. One thing's for sure.... There's no shame in that, saves you time.

 

[beenthereall]

Thanks for the comments guys..

d!ckmojo: You're absolutely right...I was a ***** through and through. I'm not usually that way..but I've turned into quite a bit of one here in this country..I need to change that. I'm usually a soft heart..but here I've become mushy to no end, worrying about the small stuff.

The third and fourth time, after the massaging was done, sure, I was super excited sexually. We must have fondled each other during and after the massaging at least for 10-15 minutes. I couldn't keep my hands of her a$$..part of the reason I went for the massaging angle in the first place..she doesn;t have the typical flat Asian butt.

Iceberg: Now that I think about it, I actually did lead her on much more than she did to me, if she even did. And you mentioning the 3 week absence of contact from her does bring up a good point. Yet, Knowing her personality and her sometimes seemingly high worth she thinks of herself in, she's probably waiting for me to contact her to show that I still have keep in touch/hangout interest in her. I'll wait it out another 4-5 days. Not sure if I should contact her first??, and ease into my still physical interest in her, she if she digs.


Like loveorlust and coochieman said, I'm gonna revert to my past ways (the way I got her interested in the first place) and see if there's one last opportunity..and I'll go for it. But probably won;t even get a chance (Game is probably Over). When she starts subtly flirting, even in more of 'just a friend' manner, I'm going to make it so clear what I want from her.
So at least I'll know from that point forward. and, she might not go for it, but it will plant the seed in her mind that maybe he is serious. Wishful thinking on my part that she will see it that way, but I'm gonna attempt it.


I'll update if there's any "come back from the dead" news on all this with her.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Well, you might get another chance. But, cute girls don't go for weeks w/out action, I generally find. She would be dating with another guy I would think, so if you called her/texted her, it would be like an unwelcome interruption, perhaps. Maybe I'm wrong though. You might think its a good idea to take the initiative and contact her again, and you might be right. I would ask the I ching myself, lol.

 

[MM92]

For me you ruined it by being such a vagina and not not nailing her. She is lying and she wasn't stringing you along, she genuinely liked you. Now she probably feels like she isn't sexually attractive enough for you to want her.

 

[yuppaz]

These comments are all right. She friend zoned you because you didn't sleep with her. She really, really wanted you to f*ck her silly but you couldn't deliver because you were overly concerned with her feelings. You need to remember that she is a sexual being and she has done this before. She wanted you badly but you failed to deliver. Let it be a very strong lesson to you in the future that women want and need sex. It sounds like she tried really hard to throw massive hints your way on the fact but you missed them all. Having sex with her won't automatically make her fall for you and it doesn't mean you made a promise in some way to her. It's a normal, natural thing that the vast majority of humans do and it's OK. Next time, go with your primal instincts and f*ck her silly, make her *** really hard.
You also shouldn't be talking about all the relationship stuff, especially so early. Let her woner and think about that stuff, it's her job...not yours. You came off as afraid and overly cautious and women want decisiveness and strength from a man. Those masculine traits. Work on being ok with that part of yourself and next time F*CK THE SH*T out of her!!!!!

 

[d!ckmojo]

Well, I've been thinking about your predicament, man, and I don't think ALL has been lost. Yes, *Most* has been lost. But if you were me, I reckon you could salvage a lay somehow.

Possibly it would go down something like this:

You contact her around the time in the lead up to her birthday and tell her her got a bday present for her that's really cool and she's gonna love it. Don't tell her what it is, just build up her curiosity about it a bit. (Whatever it is, make sure its not expensive or soppy or anything like that, just something that communicates that you're *Cool* and that you *Get it*.)

When you see her this time, be very conscious of cooling back your body language a lot more than you were before. NO leaning forward, NO smiling, NO nodding your head, you need to be laid back to the max.

Make it seem like your sooo comfortable in the friendzone, and that actually, it was your idea to friendzone her. Make sure you call her your "friend", "buddy" or "pal", go out of your way to refer to her like this. Subtly drop hints that you've been dating other ppl, but if that's not true don't explicitly lie, chicks can read when you're lying from your body language. But when she asks you what you've been doing for the last month or so just say that you've been meeting interesting new people and going out for meals at nice restaurants or some $hit like that.

MOST importantly, you've got to ramp up the c0cky and funny waaaay up. That's the only way to trigger attraction again in a girl who's lost it for you. You need to make her laugh, and importantly, you need to not be laughing yourself. MAINTAIN CHARACTER. Tease the absolute sh1t out of her, like she's the most annoying little pest in all of China.

This is the hardest part, because you have to walk a very tight line. You already insulted her by not Fvcking her when you had a chance, that's actually a very big insult to a horny woman. If you lack the sensitivity and calibration to be able to unload a ton of C&F on her ass without insulting her again, she will hate you from that point on, forever.

But if you can push it just far enough to make her piss her pants laughing (at herself!), then you will have reignited the spark of attraction in her for you and you will be able to get her alone in her room with you once again.

At this point, DON'T be eager, but be purposeful. Have a smoldering passion about your demeanor, not a leering sleaziness. Be composed, be unhurried and in no rush, but be in absolutely no doubt about what you're all about.

Use all those techniques I talked about in my previous post once you're making out with her, but don't be pushy. Enjoy each experience for what it is, and allow each step of the progression to unfold naturally.

Good luck man, I think you can pull it off. Don't stress about it though man, its aaalll just practice

 

[beenthereall]

yuppaz-Yep, you got it. She seemed to always be telling me I'm too patient and calculated.

Thanks d!ckmojo again...


I’m not looking for a relationship with her…just want to capitalize and atone for my miscues. Sure, FWB's for a short while wouldn't be a bad prize.

And I know she knows she has the upper hand right now.. that bugs me as well.


What you said d!ckmojo was kinda along the lines I was gonna go for. Except in your situation you explained I would have to contact her pretty soon (like with 3-4 days). To me that still wreaks of her having the upper hand because I'm reaching out first.

And, by me contacting her first, and eventually trying get her where I want her, it could in her mind be a tactic that I'm using to try to change her mind and try and persuade her into a relationship.

If she contacts me first, then I can more easily play it off like it hasn't bothered me for a long time. -- My "logic" here could be pretty flawed, I;m not used to digging myself out of a hole like this.

But my plan..it's along the same lines. I'll change it up a bit--I very rarely try and speak/text chinese with her. So when I do contact her initially, it's gonna be all chinese characters. She's not gonna expect that. And, I have been seeing some new ladies and staying socially active with drinks with friends, so I can easily capitalize on that because it's true. Teasing was one of the main things we both did to each other from the beginning (and she sometimes still did even after the first time she said she only wanted to be friends). I can ramp that up no problem.

By contacting her a couple days prior to her birthday it does again remind her that I'm still the thoughtful guy, the same thoughtful guy she used to have a thing for. Just (like you said) I have to toe that line now and genuinely don't give an eff about being f-zoned..Which I don't.

I just want an opportunity to take what was mine (2 times, 4 technically).

And in the back of my mind I know (it was obvious) she was awed and hurt that I didn't take her. I'd like to make her feel a bit better about herself. Then she can go out and try to cling fast to someone else.

Anyway, enough with the talking from my end--the next several days will be a dandy.

 

[Iceberg]

And in the back of my mind I know (it was obvious) she was awed and hurt that I didn't take her. I'd like to make her feel a bit better about herself. Then she can go out and try to cling fast to someone else.

Anyway, enough with the talking from my end--the next several days will be a dandy.

You still suffer from that nice guy syndrome that I had when I was around your age.

You're worried about keeping her as a friend. You think you hurt her feelings. You'd like to "make her feel better about herself."

It's not that you hurt her feelings by not having sex with her. It's that she lost respect for you because she knew you wanted it, and you didn't have the guts to take it.

One day, probably in the next 2 or 3 years, you'll realize that girls are not your friend in the same way that guys are. You'll realize that women want you to pursue them sexually. It sounds funny but - you'll encounter girls that'll tell you to spank them, slap them, and choke them...And you'll realize, "Oh sh!t. Even the most decent, respectable women want a man who will carelessly have his way with her."

I think you're adding elements and obstacles to this game that don't need to be there. You don't want to f**k her because it'll "make her feel better about herself". You want to f**k her because, (1.) you like her and (2.) your ego can't stand the rejection.

Right now, you think how I used to think. I remember two girls in my last year of college who f**king threw themselves at me, and I hesitated because I wanted to "preserve the friendship." And you know where those friendships are now? I haven't spoken to those girls since 2004.

My point is - stop thinking so deeply about these things. Your friendship with her...This girl's feelings... These are all side issues covering up the fact that you're afraid. You're afraid of rejection or whatever. I don't know what you're afraid of, honestly, but it's something.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Very good post, Iceberg. I think we've all rationalized our cowardice at some stage as trying to "be a gentleman", but actually, all we've done is just let ourself off the hook for being an absolute Pvssy, and learnt nothing, achieved nothing. I know I've done that, and looking back with what I know now on how I acted back then, I regret it, for sure.

Once you can accept yourself and come to the belief that your intent is sufficient enough justification in and of itself, you can become congruent with your thoughts and actions, and command much more respect from women.

 

[beenthereall]

Haven't checked here in a few days..

Going to contact her tomorrow and see how it goes..

didn't want to contact her, but it seems that if I want to get what I want, maybe the being patient stuff won't work. Seems to be the "friend" stuff I was talking about wasn't as strong as I thought. Tho, in many ways she was quite submissive, so that may explain the drought in contact. I know she's prob been seeing other people..so I shouldn't wait much longer.

I have other options so this is not my only plate...but like Iceberg said..my ego can't stand the rejection.

I'm going in!

 

[beenthereall]

Well, over the past 10 days or so I've been doing quite well and not hung up on the one girl. I sent her a nice birthday message, and we went back and forth on text a bit, but a meeting was not arranged (my missed opps with her still irk me a tad, but I'm not desperate..she's not my only option in this huge city).

So, just earlier today I got a message from her asking if I want to come to her "small" apartment warming thing this weekend. I really don't think micro mangaing this is a good use of my time but I figured I'd ask.

How should I go about this? I mean, I want to go, I very rarely pass up opps to meet new people.. I don't have set plans for the particular night..I think I'm still attracted to her.

Remember, I haven't seen this girl in over a month in person... thoI still consider her a friend despite Iceberg's generally spot-on remarks overall..yet I will not trip on any opportunity from here on out.

It's likely my last shot to stir any under the radar attraction from her--from my past with her I know how to push her buttons..

Any things I'm not thinking of?

 

[Iceberg]

Any things I'm not thinking of?

You're not thinking of how much thought you're putting into this.

Remember, I haven't seen this girl in over a month in person... thoI still consider her a friend despite Iceberg's generally spot-on remarks overall..yet I will not trip on any opportunity from here on out.

If you still consider her a friend, then why haven't you seen her in a month?

"Ahhh haaa." he says.

So, just earlier today I got a message from her asking if I want to come to her "small" apartment warming thing this weekend. I really don't think micro mangaing this is a good use of my time but I figured I'd ask.

If it's a friend, then I'd say go. But if it's a romantic prospect, then I see no benefit in going to a situation where you have to entertain a dozen other people just to get some time with your target. It's her housewarming, so she'll be talking to everyone in the room, baking cookies, opening beers, etc, etc.

And when during this time to you envision yourself "stirring attraction" with her? After the serving of the fondue? Before the making of sangria? See my point...There's not really going to be a time during this event where you just grab her and makeout.

The goal of time with women is to isolate. You can't do this at a house party.

Of course, ultimately, you should do whatever works for you. We all learn our own way. And for all I know, everything might work for you anyway.

 

[beenthereall]

Ha, of course of course of course during a social get-together I know nothing will happen..but I will be on the look out for those subtle signs that she is still attracted to me physically..and during our conversation I gonna tell her what can of escapades I've been up to lately..see what her follow up questions are/reaction is.

That's one of my reasons..the other is to just chill and meet some new people. My interest with her no longer is to be in a relationship with her, just to see if there's a physical possibility with her again. I go there, mingle with her and some of the people I don't know and basically be me and not care..it worked with her before.. it very well might still again. if not, no big deal (I already royally effed it up, ive come to grips), I think she has some decently attractive single friends..