My pursuit comes to an end

[becker]

Ok, for those of you who were on this board who have followed my bout with this girl with a BF who was like totally perfect, I'd like to say that the chase has finally ended (until I find another girl with a BF, of course.

Just called her today, and she told me she just got engaged. I guess that explains her not returning my calls, as well as dispelling any questions as to whether she was interested in me. It's strange, because I don't even know what I should do now, since I know her well enough so that if I just suddenly cut off all contact, it would be too strange, but at the same time, I don't want to spend too much time around a girl who's engaged.

How do I keep her as a friend (so I can be introduced to her other HB friends) but at the same time, not seeming like I'm calling too much? I just think that her type of friends would be the type that I go for, and one of the best ways to meet women like this is definitely to have her introduce me to them.

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Originally posted by becker
Ok, for those of you who were on this board who have followed my bout with this girl with a BF who was like totally perfect, I'd like to say that the chase has finally ended (until I find another girl with a BF, of course.

Just called her today, and she told me she just got engaged. I guess that explains her not returning my calls, as well as dispelling any questions as to whether she was interested in me. It's strange, because I don't even know what I should do now, since I know her well enough so that if I just suddenly cut off all contact, it would be too strange, but at the same time, I don't want to spend too much time around a girl who's engaged.

How do I keep her as a friend (so I can be introduced to her other HB friends) but at the same time, not seeming like I'm calling too much? I just think that her type of friends would be the type that I go for, and one of the best ways to meet women like this is definitely to have her introduce me to them.

Stop...NEXT, rinse and repeat!

Don't rely on her to set you up with her HB friends. I would just chalk it up as good experience.

M.A.C.

 

[NewMan]

Tough

Becker - I think your in a real tough spot.

It really depends on how cool she is - and what kind of relationship she has with her bf.

I don't know the history, but if she knows you are into her - then it may not be possible for you to be friends..... These things are tough to maintain - he BF will want to know who you are, how you meet etc. And unless she lies to him, she could possibly tell him the you were interested (again I don't know your relationship with her).

You could organize an outting - perhaps to a bar for drinks - or to your place for a BBQ - invite a bunch of people and invite her and her BF. If they show up, then your in with a possibility - if they have plans you know you can forget it.

 

[becker]

Re: Re: My pursuit comes to an end

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
Stop...NEXT, rinse and repeat!

Don't rely on her to set you up with her HB friends. I would just chalk it up as good experience.

M.A.C.

How come you wouldn't rely on her to set me up? Isn't that what girl "friends" do?

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Re: Re: Re: My pursuit comes to an end

Originally posted by becker
How come you wouldn't rely on her to set me up? Isn't that what girl "friends" do?

Just as you might of relied on being with her...it didn't happen. It all depends though, I mean if she is the type that will hook you up then roll with it, but reach down and grab onto that bowl of guts and what does it tell you about putting yourself in that situation?

Personally...I would just NEXT the entire scenerio.

M.A.C.

 

[becker]

Re: Tough

Originally posted by NewMan
Becker - I think your in a real tough spot.

It really depends on how cool she is - and what kind of relationship she has with her bf.

I don't know the history, but if she knows you are into her - then it may not be possible for you to be friends..... These things are tough to maintain - he BF will want to know who you are, how you meet etc. And unless she lies to him, she could possibly tell him the you were interested (again I don't know your relationship with her).

You could organize an outting - perhaps to a bar for drinks - or to your place for a BBQ - invite a bunch of people and invite her and her BF. If they show up, then your in with a possibility - if they have plans you know you can forget it.

I have no idea what the relationship is between her and her BF, but at this point, I'd say it's better than average, being that they're engaged

She doesn't know anything about me being into her, since I've never really put on any serious moves with her. Just eye contact, kino, etc., but mostly innocent stuff.

I know the problem right now is that she is working for her dad and at the same time trying to plan a wedding. Don't think she'll have a ton of time except for the occasional drop-by and say hello for a while. I'll keep in touch with her, just because she is too good a friend to just bag; it would be too awkward if I just stopped calling her right after finding out she's engaged. Would you be able to do that to a good friend?

 

[becker]

Re: Re: Re: Re: My pursuit comes to an end

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
Just as you might of relied on being with her...it didn't happen. It all depends though, I mean if she is the type that will hook you up then roll with it, but reach down and grab onto that bowl of guts and what does it tell you about putting yourself in that situation?

Personally...I would just NEXT the entire scenerio.

M.A.C.

M.A.C., you're the man, I don't know if I could do that, but then again, you're probably more right than wrong on this. If I didn't know her so damn well, it would be easier, you know?

It's like talking to a good friend who you've seen almost everyday for a while, and then suddenly for no reason just never talking to them again. It seems like one of those situations where it doesn't seem that bad until you're in it.

 

[So pimp its scary]

With a title like that I thought you were gonna marry this chick... not someone else marrying the target of your pursuits.

I would have nexted that a LONG time ago.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by So pimp its scary
With a title like that I thought you were gonna marry this chick... not someone else marrying the target of your pursuits.

I would have nexted that a LONG time ago.

I know, I was a glutton for punishment, but if you knew this girl, she was worth at least a shot. I'm probably not as affected as some might be, probably because I kept it sort of lighthearted, and I wasn't totally AFC/one-itis for her. It was one of those things were if anything happened, it will happen, but if not, I didn't put enough effort in it to make me feel at a loss. It was fun while it lasted

 

[jnallen]

Dude move on. Been there doen that firends thing. If you don't this chick will rip your heart out.

She will be telling you all about her bf good/bad etc. Not to mention it may get you in trouble with her bf and cause a riff. Then you lose on all ends.

The best thing to do is turn your back and walk. IMO. Of course I didn't take the advice back then either.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by becker

How do I keep her as a friend (so I can be introduced to her other HB friends) but at the same time, not seeming like I'm calling too much? I just think that her type of friends would be the type that I go for, and one of the best ways to meet women like this is definitely to have her introduce me to them.

I had a fling with this one girl, she's gone back to her BF. She considers me her "best friend". Well maybe that's cos she has no other friends . She calls me frequently to just talk, etc. I don't really call her that much. She complains if I don't. Since I'm her best friend though, it's kind of expected.

I don't imagine you're CLOSE friends with this girl. That means she's not expected to hear from you every day\every other day. She'll probablly be with her BF often. I really need more info about her, do you go to college together? How often do you see her?

Don't aim to be best friends with her. TRUST ME. Even though I've accepted being friends with this girl, now that I'm her best friend that means I have to hear about her SCREWING her BF and how good it is. Not exactly music to my ears. Once you know you ain't going to get no poontang then there's not really any use trying too hard to be "friends" .

Just be cool around her and call her up now and again to chat. Try organise to "hang out" with her or something.

Santos

 

[golf299]

man...you have got to give up, move on and keep moving. nothing good can be salvaged from this. a friendship with her is not possible. just forget about her. she's just a girl. find a better one.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by jnallen
Dude move on. Been there doen that firends thing. If you don't this chick will rip your heart out.

She will be telling you all about her bf good/bad etc. Not to mention it may get you in trouble with her bf and cause a riff. Then you lose on all ends.

The best thing to do is turn your back and walk. IMO. Of course I didn't take the advice back then either.

jnallen, I can totally see what you're saying and it's definitely the best course of action. I'm just trying to find a way to make it less awkward, because she and I will likely be in contact still whether I like it or not. What am I going to say, "I don't want to be your friend anymore?" I think that's the difficulty. I guess I won't mind as long as she's fixing me up with her friends. Seems innocent enough.

I'm probably not going to sit around and listen to her BF problems, since I've never done that before in all the time I've known her anyways. Don't know if the BF might become jealous though, since I don't even know him well enough to know what he's like. I've met him once in the 3 years that I've known this girl, so whether he likes me or not will be something he'll have to deal with if anything.

 

[thissucks003]

Re: Re: Tough

Originally posted by becker
She doesn't know anything about me being into her, since I've never really put on any serious moves with her. Just eye contact, kino, etc., but mostly innocent stuff.

Not here to beat a dead horse here, but that is why she never took you as anything more than as a friend.

I know many of the other posters said to drop her and move on. If you can't get over the fact that she is taken and she is stopping you from approaching other women because you think that you still have a chance with her, then yes stop all contact. Otherwise I would still remain as a friend of hers. I agree wholeheartedly that she would be excellent social proof in meeting other good looking women and I am sure she would help you in that regard. Stay her friend if you can keep your emotions in check. If not, move on.

TS

 

[jnallen]

Ditto to Golf299

Another thing. Try to stay away from women who have a lot of guy friends.

I dated a chick like this and when I was with her they were just guy friends. When she broke up with me this is what she said.

"No we need to move on. Istarted dating someone new." "We have been friends for a long time."

They are not friends. They are suitors. No matter what they say.

 

[becker]

Re: Re: My pursuit comes to an end

Originally posted by Santos
I had a fling with this one girl, she's gone back to her BF. She considers me her "best friend". Well maybe that's cos she has no other friends . She calls me frequently to just talk, etc. I don't really call her that much. She complains if I don't. Since I'm her best friend though, it's kind of expected.

I don't imagine you're CLOSE friends with this girl. That means she's not expected to hear from you every day\every other day. She'll probablly be with her BF often. I really need more info about her, do you go to college together? How often do you see her?

Don't aim to be best friends with her. TRUST ME. Even though I've accepted being friends with this girl, now that I'm her best friend that means I have to hear about her SCREWING her BF and how good it is. Not exactly music to my ears. Once you know you ain't going to get no poontang then there's not really any use trying too hard to be "friends" .

Just be cool around her and call her up now and again to chat. Try organise to "hang out" with her or something.

Santos

Santos, you're definitely right about our relationship. We're not best friends, and that's probably because I've never let it get to that point. However, we are definitely close enough friends so that I know her whole family and have been to her house, etc. We were in school together and will be in the same profession. Don't see her that much now, but saw her practically every day while in school.

As I said in my last post, I've never talked to her about her BF problems nor has she ever mentioned any SEX subjects with her BF. We've had other things to chat about, so it's been good. She's VERY hot, and her friends are as well, so it's not that easy to just bag her. I'm definitely not going to be the emotional tampon, but I never have been, so no threat there.

 

[NewMan]

I'll keep in touch with her, just because she is too good a friend to just bag; it would be too awkward if I just stopped calling her right after finding out she's engaged. Would you be able to do that to a good friend?

In a nutshell - yes - I would move on and forget about her.

Listen, I've lots of friends, I don't need a girl to hang out and be friends with.

I've guy friends.

In my opinion there is no way guys and girls can be just friends - either one of the other has an attraction (this is a general rule - there are exceptions - mainly girls you went to school with - but again these friendships deteriate with time).

So, if this guy she's with is not a chump, he'll be wary of you and her - or at least should be wary of you. I would. I have.

guys always want to get into a chicks panties. bottom line. If she came to you ans said "let's Fvck" you would.

Your probably not going to get anywhere with this - she's more than likely going to maintain a arms length friendship - and I doubt if you'll ever have the chance to hook up with her friends.

I'd move on.

 

[becker]

NewMan, that's the problem, I tend to do better with the women when I have female friends around me, especially hot ones, because they set me up with their hot friends. I've never had this work against me, but the only difference here is that I've never had a girl who is engaged as a friend before (not by choice, it's just that at my age, people are starting to get married around me, so that's the reason). I just don't want to drop a friend because she's getting married, but I will likely leave the choice up to her, since it will likely impact her relationship more than it will impact me, given that I'm single.

I agree with you too that it's difficult for guys and girls to be friends if there is sexual attraction. You need to just find a way to look beyond this, and it's not that difficult if the girl is engaged or married, in my case, because that's where I draw the line. When she told me, I was surprised, but in my head, I was thinking, ok, she's off limits now.

 

[becker]

Ok, here's the deal. I was going to either e-mail or talk to this girl and just ask her whether she would have rejected me had we met before she was involved with anyone. It's just something I need to know for closure, and given that many of you say I should next her and it doesn't matter whether we stay friends or not, I have nothing to lose right?

It would really make it easier for me to move on if she said she had absolutely no attraction to me, but even if she said she did, for me, it's more about living life knowing the answer rather than being afraid to hear it. The way I see it, I'm going to either move on with an answer or move on without one. I know most of you would rather not know because you feel that it will be some shock to your ego, but it doesn't affect me that way.

Can you guys think of any reason why I shouldn't do this? Don't worry, either way, I think that I'm going to lessen the contact with her. In fact, it would probably be easier for me to move on if I just let her know how I felt, and have her tell me whatever she thinks (good or bad) and leave it at that.

 

[Doppler4000]

Originally posted by becker
Ok, here's the deal. I was going to either e-mail or talk to this girl and just ask her whether she would have rejected me had we met before she was involved with anyone. It's just something I need to know for closure, and given that many of you say I should next her and it doesn't matter whether we stay friends or not, I have nothing to lose right?

Dude, I'm cringing for you when I read this. There's no reason to do this. Plus it's just proof that what you said about really wanting to be only friends with her isn't true.

It would really make it easier for me to move on if she said she had absolutely no attraction to me, but even if she said she did, for me, it's more about living life knowing the answer rather than being afraid to hear it.

Just rationalization here... and I don't believe that, even in the face of her getting engaged, you're as willing as you say you are to move on.

Seriously, do yourself a favor and just drop it completely and move on to women who are actually available. You will save yourself more time and emotion that you realize- you've already wasted enough with this one.