My problem has been identified..Now I need help.

[k201]

I'm kind of new here, so I'm going to give you guys a little backround on myself. I'm currently in my 2nd year of college. I look at myself as quite a good-looking guy, in fact I think i rely too much on my looks to pull girls. Now I know you guys are thinking ok this kid gets no a$$, but thats not it at all. See my problem I feel is quite unique. If I'm just going up to a girl that I've known for a while I can sit there and talk to her for however long I want. But if I go up to a girl with intentions of trying to hook her in, I 95% of the time blank out. I don't know what it is but it happens. I'll talk to them for 2 minutes, then have ABSOLUTELY nothing to say...Now you guys are thinking...how does he get a$$ then. I really couldn't tell you. Sometimes I just don't realize that I'm hitting on a girl (yes sounds weird but its true) and I end up being able to talk to them till forever and end up pulling them, but I want to change this because I don't want to not be able to pull who I want, when i want.

So here's my most recent example.

I made out with a girl last weekend. She just broke up with her BF so shes on the rebound and since then I have been trying to pull her. 2 nights ago I was talking to her and all that I heard myself talking to her about was taking shots and that kind of stuff and I mean I know thats fun to talk about in moderation while your out but I really had NOTHING else to say. Last night same story only I went up to her said hello talked for about 2 minutes then turned around to talk to someone else because I was out of stuff to talk about. Now this girl is gorgeous (one of the hottest girls I've EVER made out with) and I want to keep this going. I CAN NOT mess this up.

So heres my question to you guys...WHY do I blank out and how can I fix this. Its not even that I get nervous because I really don't I just dont know what is wrong with me and I need to fix this...QUICK.

 

[Dude_man123]

Dude, I have a similar issue. When talking to a particular girl I was gaming, during the conversation I would blank out. She liked me, it wasn't about hooking up with her, cause we were hooked up. I just... had nothing to say... nothing at all. Not sure why either.

 

[Bvbidd]

Your whole mindset being that you "CAN NOT mess this up".

Is what will mess you up.

 

[k201]

yea buts thats not how I look at it while I'm talking to her. I just have this feeling that this girl and I can have something and I want to give it the chance it deserves and pulling what I pulled last night is not helping

 

[ChocolateVanilla]

Your whole mindset being that you "CAN NOT mess this up".

Is what will mess you up.

SO TRUE.


Jut treat her like anyone else, it's hard to do, but work on it.

 

[k201]

i know i know, i've heard this from numerous people but i mean its still hard.

 

[EFFORT]

Everyone has filters in there head that filter what your able to say/how your able to say it/what you'll come up to say with /etc in every situation. Around people that you feel are higher value than you, you'll filter more of the stuff you say because you don't want to screw it up with them.

Your inside your head more thinking about stuff wondering "will this be stupid if i say it?" "what will they think of me if i say that" "did they think that was funny" "hmm i want to say this but they'll probably think i'm stupid" etc

So your filter blocks a good deal of anything you could have to say, so you end up in your situation with nothing to say.

You'll also notice around people that you feel "higher value" than you'll probably have lots of things to say since you don't put that much importance on what they think of you so you filter less and less of what you say.

Only way to "fix" this is to not place that much value on them which u can't logically do, so abudance is the key.

 

[Interceptor]

Basically, you're trying too hard to impress her.
You need validation from her, you still need her to make you feel she accepts you. You're not feeling worthy of her, because OMG ! She is so hawt!
You don't want to "lose" the HAWT chick! So you pur yourself under undue pressure to "pull" the HAWT chick.
But you're not being natural, and your own unique self like with the others.
Since you're trying so hard to say the right thing, and act the right way, and do the right thing all the time , every time you have put so much pressure on yourself to succeed, to NOT FAIL!!! and sh*t , you run out of "material".
You need 'material" to "impress" her.

Don't try to impress her.
Don't try to qualify yourself to her.
Don't expect everything to be perfect. Perfect is boring. She's just looking for a socially well adjusted guy with class, manners, charm, and is not an axe murder.
What makes the hawt chick so much mo9re amazing than anyone you've ever seen...like the Buddha, or Ghandi, or buddy Jesus?
What makes this cchick so overwhelmingly amazing to you?

She farts, pees, sh*ts, burps, and picks her nose. She has to deal with "femenine odor", and has to constatnly check herself in the mirror, and try to look "hawter' than the other chicks. She probably has a nagging mother, a few "indiscretion" in her past, and may be manipulative, and conniving, but tries to put on a god girl image, but still in control of her frame and her syurroundings.
She probably doesn't have a purpose in life, or a passion or hobby that makes you go "Wow!!'
She probably just has a job and goes to school, just like any other chick, but the difference is that you worship her, like all the other AFCs the "hawtness'.
If you too away her hawtness, would you still want her???

Nothing except that she';s "hawt" and you haven't built up enough self worth and self esteem yet. You still think these chicks are above you, and you still look at this as if it's a video game or some sh*t, where you have to "win" a certain amount of points or something stupid like that.

Look, she is juts blessed with physical features that attract you.
I can bet 100 dollars there is nothing particularly "special" about this chick, except for her "looks".
Bring the chick down to the real world level, and stop making life so freakin' hard on yourself.

Don't try to impress her.
The moreyou try to impress, the less you will meet with success.
Don't validate yourself with her.
Don't be afraid of the "awkward": silences.
Why isn't she adding to the conversation too???
Have you thought about that?
How come SHE hasn't tried to qualify for YOU?
Why isn'tSHE putting forth some effort too?
Hmmm...???
Why?
Because you're accepting her frame of her being the "prize" an you trying to "win" her.
So she just sits back and watches you squirm trying to impress her, when I bet she doesn't even know how to read a map, or know who Ghandi was.
She's ised to her "reality" . and that reality is only being propagated by YOU.
You keep falling into the "hawt women" trap.

"You silly boys better try real hard to impress us. Or else we'll attack your Ego and insult you where it really hurts you.So bow down and accept that we have the power, and you guys are just pvssies with no backbone or balls."

Tough love, brothers.

That was tough to write. But that's "reality". this is the world we have to navigate.
And you don't do yourself any favors by putting a woman above you, and trying to impress her.

When you do that, she automatically picks up that you're Lower Status than her. Hence, you will see rejection more and more often.

 

[Interceptor]

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