My Life's Hit Rock Bottom

[NoName]

Where do I start? Obviously I'm new here, I followed a link from another forum.

Hell, I don't know where to begin. Maybe I'll start with what prompted this post. It happened today. There's this girl, see (heh, of course). I don't know what is about her. For some reason, she's the only girl I've ever really let close to me.

It's not like I don't get female attention. I catch girls eying me sometimes. But it's not much. I don't trust many people, at least past a cordial level. But this girl was something different. Maybe it was a stupid thing to do, but I let myself feel connected before I knew what she thought of me. We really were close, on both sides. It was a kind of intimacy, both physical and emotional, that I thought I could never reach. However, one move and -bam!- "I don't feel that way about you." Try to push it, then gave up.

Nothing I haven't seen before. Moved on, got cold. I thought I could make it, then -wham- -bam-. she gets a boyfriend out of the blue. I didn't think it would affect me that much, but it did. Felt like an idiot. Felt cold, felt like ****. Realized I would probably never be that close to her again. And I wanted her, on a physical level, on a mental level, on an emotional level. But it wouldn't happen.

Got cold again. Stopped talking to her period. Stopped saying "hello." Stopped paying attention to her, even when she was in my house (she's friends with my brother). Pretended she didn't exist.

She broke up with her boyfriend after about a month and a half. Apparently had something to do with me. Her myspace blog read something like "Do I love him or am I with him because I miss you? Do I want you?"

Met her halfway when she tried to apologize for whatever wrongs she did on Saturday. Said she was forgiven. After all, she's a chick. Can't help what she feels.

Now comes Monday, and -guess what- new boyfriend out of the blue. ****. And now I'm left here, with that same feeling. You know, the empty, bitter feeling of knowing that she could be out there, slobbering all over this unknown prick's ****, and you're helpless to do anything about it.

And it's not only her, either. Lately, my entire life's gone to ****. My grades (I'm still a Junior in high school) have dropped from a respectable 3.6 to somewhere just above a C-average. I hardly have enough time to raise them before school ends. My work is piling up but I just can't find the time or energy to do it. It all seems so hard, and makes me feel like **** because I want to work to my potential but every time I look up I see this mound of work staring me in the face.

Writing, the one hobby I'm excellent at and that makes me feel good, is at a standstill. Haven't written a story in hell knows how long.

I have no social life to speak of. Sure, I have people that I talk to on a fairly regular basis at school, but no one I would call a "friend." Haven't had anyone over to my place to hang out for going on 4 years. Even with people to talk to, it never really goes anywhere. I'm ****ty at conversation, so it always ends with me just fading out and walking away, knowing that I probably bored them to death with the same generic bull****. I know a girl (well, several, actually) that's interested in me for my looks. I'm not shy, but have absolutely no clue how to actually generate real attraction and rapport. So I just act aloof and avoid them in hopes that they'll be interested long enough for me to get some actual social skills (fat chance). They'll probably end up ****ing one of those loud obnoxious "jocks," mistaking the need to say absolutely everything that's on their mind for confidence.

And this thing with this girl, something you guys call "one-itis" or some ****, just pushed me over the edge. I've been parachuting pain pills just to keep me apathetic, floating with my head barely above water level. I'm in over my head, with no foreseeable way out. It's not as though I haven't tried before. Lord knows I've tried. But every time I just end up falling back into the same habits, becoming the same introverted mess I've been all my life. I don't even know if you guys can help. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is some lingering hope, and even that's fading fast.

But right now, it's just me and my will to survive.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

kill yourself..

haha.

no not litterally..

but inside one must discipline oneself to death... you need to get disciplined and focused...

you're freaking out like a 16 yr old pregnant girl.

work all day and dont stop..

feed into your psychotic tendencies

you will see the difference.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

btw im one of those jocks.

the one who used to try and **** anything that walked no matter what social clique..

and im trying to help you now.. take my mercy lil ***** you'll be alright.

 

[Tekniq]

Well lets look at your situation positively, you have the opportunity to start with a blank slate, and that is something many people would envy you for.

In any case, here is a quick list of what you should try and do in the time frame while you are here and are willing to commit yourself.

1) You need to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out what you want and what you think what make your life better. And even then i believe there have to be some positives to your life, because you have not lost the will to live.

2) Feel free to comment any way you like on this next part but this seems to help the majority of the people here. Go shopping and buy some clothes that you would consider accent your positive features, i am sure you have them, there is definitely something you are proud of, go out and show people that they should know that you have something they want (girl's especially). Do not feel that you should be limited by price either, go out to some outlets and check out some interesting styles that you have seen people wearing that intrigued you.

3) Friends can wait. That is simply it, before you attempt to try and make friends and just try to get as popular as you can; consider that it is more important to be comfortable with yourself and friendly with yourself. I suggest you pick-up a hobby of some sort that you can occupy your time with, preferably a hobby in which you work on something by yourself and one that is easy for you to enjoy and not feel like you are forcing yourself to do it. I know you mentioned writing, but there has to be a physical aspect to compliment your writing.

4) School, is simply put a pain in every side. What can you do about it? Nothing, because everyone experiences this in some form or another, you re just currently in a nasty slump. You will get out of said slump if you do what i recommend and really work on improving yourself. School is all about the work you put in, not exactly when you put in the work. Personally i do no work at home, and leave all my work to do in class and during my breaks. It is imperative that you pay attention in class as best as possible because the more information you retain will mean the less you have to study.

5) In terms of females and the whole attraction and seduction game, it is extremely important that you read the material provided on this site, and understand every word of it. I want you to send me a private message so i can give you all the links to material that i feel is more important in your situation, including a lot of PDFs and such that usually you will not see around here and other e-books that you may have to pay for if you looked elsewhere.

6) Listen and listen carefully, suicide is not an option regardless of the situation, especially not over a girl and the problem she has caused, no female is irreplaceable. It is not feasible to drown your sorrows in pills and narcotics, believe me it will take you down a road far worse than you can fathom. I cannot even stress the significance of you dropping all notions of suicide and self mutilation. There is always a way out, the door might just be jammed a little bit.

Good luck, and if you need any other support feel free to talk through PMs.

 

[DannykDJ]

I think you are a little confused about what rock bottom is. You are on your way there, but you still have plenty of chances to save it. Let me tell you about rock bottom.

Here is the typical day for me over the past two months. I wake up before the alarm goes off and cry because it's another day that I don't get to see the woman I love. When I pull myself together I prepare my meals for the day because i'm bodybuilding. I cry while I cook. It's summer so I have no school so I go back to my bedroom and cry even harder. I can't go out or talk to anyone in person because of how unstable I am right now. Everyone in my life has seen me cry and some laughed because they thought it was a joke because it was so opposite of my personality. Then at night I take some sleeping pills otherwise I will stay awake all night thinking about her. I cry the hardest here than in the entire day while I wait for the pills kick in. Wake up the next morning and repeat just as I have done for the past 60 days.

Does that sound better than your situation. My point is your problems can be fixed if you actually put some effort into them. My problem can't be fixed no matter what I do and believe me I have tried every "dj" and "afc" thing one could try and nothing works. I messed up that bad.

Even though my days are nothing but intense pain and crying, I still work on improving myself. I put all of my effort into building a better body, having more money, and above all else being a more mature man.

I was an insecure egotistical arrogant @ss to the woman I love with all my heart and she left because of it. I didn't try and now I have to suffer for it. You already see your problems coming after you. The question is are you going to do anything about it?

You know what you have to do to fix your problems. Your grades, work, and social life all require EFFORT. You know what it takes to fix each of them and if you're not sure then look around this site because the answers are here. Not having the time and energy is just another excuse to play the victim.

If you sit around long enough pretending to be a victim, you will eventually become a helpless victim.

Are you gonna let it get worse and worse each day until a major achievement in your life is going one day without crying, or are you gonna do something about it before your easily fixable problems become unfixable?

 

[theunflushables]

I'm glad you hit rock bottom, now there is nowhere else you can go but up.

 

[penkitten]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137740

you should really read this thread, as it may hit the spot for you.

 

[theunflushables]

Damn double post. There goes one of my 10!

 

[Bible_Belt]

You guys moping over a girl, and btw I have been there, are like an orchard owner mourning the death of one tree, thinking all hope is lost because that one tree died. Or a dog breeder who cannot cope over one puppy dying. Sad things happen, but everyone and everything is replaceable. It's just a tree, just a dog, and just a girl. When you lose one, it is sad, but you just go get another. It's no big deal. I know it seems like a big deal right now, but I promise that when you eventually figure out how replaceable women are, your days of moping over a breakup will be in your past.

 

[vonbock]

Believe me, coming from someone who is lower than any of you all, I know how it feels. Only thing I have to add is that you are 16, you got years of learning with trial and error. Maybe my, situation might make you think differently. I came from strict family and never was able to go out. Then I wound up in med school so never even got out then. So out came someone who was shy, insecure, no confidence. I am in my 30's now and I still make mistakes that a 20 year old would make cuz now I am trying to catch up.
Every mistake I make, I get so disappointed cuz this mistake should have been made when I was 20. You're 16, you're learning, by 20 you will be like my friends who were doing 3 girls a week. For me its too late, but for you you got your whole life ahead you.

 

[Clash113]

You gotta put women aside. Don't place too much emphasis on them. The game is rigged against you when you're young because the women you like are usaully getting with older guys and what not. You should concentrate on your future so you'll become something and then you'll have your choice of women your age and younger women.

 

[vonbock]

clash: I agree with you, when you are in the 20's, the game is rigged against you. I think that that is a great time for mistakes and to learn. What I would give to be 21, hitting on 100 college girls, maybe get lucky with 25 and learn from the mistakes of the other 75.

I am the the ideal guy for everyone here on this board to use an example of concentrating on future. I did that. Now I have a stable job "everyone says a doc would have no problem finding girls" but not really. I am prime example that career , your dress, or the type of car you drive will not get girls to be attracted to you. Its all about how good you can be in playing the game with women. How often do I see a single girl in her 30's turn me down for cuz she's head over heels with some bad boy playboy.

At 16, you can time to develop into that badboy. Whatever you do, don't let time waste like I did. Its to late for me to catch up, because girls know that I am that nice guy nerd no matter how much I try covering it up.

 

[Clash113]

clash: I agree with you, when you are in the 20's, the game is rigged against you. I think that that is a great time for mistakes and to learn. What I would give to be 21, hitting on 100 college girls, maybe get lucky with 25 and learn from the mistakes of the other 75.

I am the the ideal guy for everyone here on this board to use an example of concentrating on future. I did that. Now I have a stable job "everyone says a doc would have no problem finding girls" but not really. I am prime example that career , your dress, or the type of car you drive will not get girls to be attracted to you. Its all about how good you can be in playing the game with women. How often do I see a single girl in her 30's turn me down for cuz she's head over heels with some bad boy playboy.

At 16, you can time to develop into that badboy. Whatever you do, don't let time waste like I did. Its to late for me to catch up, because girls know that I am that nice guy nerd no matter how much I try covering it up.

Well von, you must be that one rare exception. Maybe women are pre-emptively rejecting you because they fear you won't accept them because of your status?

I can only speak for myself here but when I go to/leave the office and walk downtown women pay more attention to me when i'm in my office attire with a briefcase. I always thought this was just the way it is.

 

[vonbock]

clash:I wish that was the case that girls were rejecting me preemptively.
Unfortunately, compare to a drug dealer or biker guy. Those guys when young most likely were going out with girls and doing them left and right. As for me, my social skills were learned out of a book. So when I talk to girls, they know right away that I am inexperienced and trying to hard. The OP at 16 could learn now and learn from those mistakes.

Whats funny is that every mom of every girl I meet want me withher but the girls never want me

 

[Blackhole105]

At least your raking in big bucks von

To the OP, I'm just gonna recycle everyone else's responses and say youre still young and have time to learn.

Use this girl as a catalyst to improve yourself so the next time she sees you; she, along with everyone else, will be floored.

 

[vonbock]

Blackhole: I am prime example that money doesn't bring happiness. I think living life to its fullest brings happiness. Youll notice lots of docs who regret giving up so much to become their profession. I'd give it up to be 16 again, have fun, travel, and be a regular joe schmoe blue collar worker.

 

[slaog]

First thing to say is the girl sees you as a friend only. You are a spare until something better comes along but forget about her...


Change yourself bit by bit and don't define yourself like you are now. Accept yourself and work on the things that can be improved.

If you want to know why people are avoiding you it's because they can sense negative energy. You're being negative and it shows. I'm not saying you're bad but I'm saying if you're chatting with people and at same time telling yourself (subconsciously) that you don't know what to say etc then they pick up on this and if you feel uncomfortable about yourself then that'll make them feel uncomfortable. Positive people can just talk nonsence sometimes but they have positive energy which makes the other person feel comfortable around them.

Start accepting yourself first, then start liking yourself, then loving yourself. If you can love yourself you won't need any women but as a byproduct you'll attract people into your life.

Every mistake I make, I get so disappointed cuz this mistake should have been made when I was 20. You're 16, you're learning, by 20 you will be like my friends who were doing 3 girls a week. For me its too late, but for you you got your whole life ahead you.

No it's not too late. I was saying the same about myself but now I've a different attitude. Theres the rest of my life and the present to consider so at least try to improve and don't go to 60 and think that you wished you did all these things in your 30's and 40's..

 

[Mavrick]

I look at what's important from the top-down on your post, but it should be in whole different order. A woman shouldn't be number one item on your list because there are so many of them that you can drop one and go to the next. Time spent on school work, or the lack of time spent on school work, can't be gotten back. You have to get your priorities in order. School should be first, then friends, and when you have time, girls!

Get involved and make friends because you'll never get your youth back, and you don't want to look back with regret. Time and effort are precious, and right now you need both. Go make friends now! Tell yourself that at this very moment you're making new friends NOW! State positive affirmations in your life as if you are doing them right now. Do say you will do them at such and such time (i.e. tomorrow). Don't say that you wish that things were different (negative reinforcement). Say that you're doing something to change things in your life RIGHT NOW!

Right now you have no where to go, but up. So, change your outlook so that you can achieve just that. As long as this girl has you around, she'll never know what she has lost. Move on! Don't even give her the satisfaction o being a part of your "moving on" status.

Get up! Get out of your comfort zone! Expand your circles of friends! Make those good grades you were making! Find yourself and know yourself well. Create new lines of respect that no one should cross because you know who you are. Respect others and show your friendly side.

Go! Make friends because you have so much to offer in your new friendships.

Tell yourself that you are lovable and when other's don't love you, they just don't know what a bad decision they've made.

Love yourself first and others will love you more. Love yourself the most, and others will fall in love with you. Fall deeply in love with yourself, and stop asking why others don't. They don't have to, and some won't, but as long as you do, then nothing else matters.

Treat yourself with respect and stop stripping yourself of your dignity for some girl that doesn't find value in the wonderful person you are.

 

[Bobby.net]

I've stopped reading at the point where you said that she got another boyfriend.

Do something!

Pretending like she isn't there is a start but it's still not strong enough.

Make such a comotion when she is invited by your brother that your brother will stop inviting her in the house and that you'll never see her again! Because you can't let it go like you're not feeling it for her! It might really bother your brother but you can't let go something that concerns you.

Only when you'll prove that you can respect yourself will she get the idea that she has to respect you.

 

[Aiken_Drum]

I think that the bottom line to solve ANY problem in life (including yours and my own, I'm giving this advice to both of us) is deciding what you want and then persistance.

Sometimes we feel like there's no point in going on, I've felt like that A LOT of times. But in the end, you need to be strong, even (or specially) if you don't feel it and keep going on, improving yourself in every way that you need to in order to become the person that you project yourself as ideal.

I think that the ONLY thing we humans (male & female) we can totally depend and relly on is ourselves.
One of our main goals, in order to feel good about ourselves, is self improvement, in whatever areas we need.

You are not alone on this. Everybody goes through a situation like this at least once. I did many times.

I hope this was of some help to you.