My life in the sh*tter

[BigWillyStyle]

In a nutshell, I've been depressed lately. Got fired from my job, no income and huge debts I cannot pay. I had my GF which was one of my few sources to keep me sane but she dumped me on easter and that was just the icing on the cake to clinch it.

I tried to slash my wrists last Monday but mum came home and saw me on bed bleeding and I ended up in the locked psych ward of a hospital for 3 days. Don't know what to do with my life. It all seems to overwhelming. this time last month things were going excellent. Funny how things can change so drastically in the time of 4 weeks.

 

[dearsappho]

I thought this board was about picking up women?

Talk to a shrink. You wont find answers to your problems here Im afraid.

 

[sapphire]

Just remember that we all go through difficult times. It is just a part of life.

Just hang in there and you will come out a much stronger person.

 

[AMF]

Got fired from both my jobs in the last 2 days, debts spiralling, college work and finals sitting eating away at me & not getting done, my one close friend around here away travelling, surrounded by people I couldnt care less about, huge impossible questions I cant answer, as to what Im doing or where im going, and in the midst of all this, Im falling in love with the best girl Ive ever met.

But does she even care? I feel like she is only with me for the good times, and not for the whole of who I am. Your experience confirms my fears.

I fight with every inch of me to put on a brave face and be the person she met just 2 months ago, but Im not. Ive changed. To what, I dont know.

OP: Ever feel like life is still trying to teach you harsh lessons, but you're done learning?

I know how you feel.

 

[Centaurion]

Sorry to hear that guys.

Short of seing a shrink, I would highly recommend that you look into 'The 7 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen R. Covey.

He talks about a 'circle of concern' where all your concerns lay, within that circle there is also the smaller 'circle of influence' - things that you can do something about. By being proactive - not REactive - you can work on your circle of influence, fix the things that are under your control and with time your circle of influence will expand and cover most of your circle of concern.

Ergo, by being proactive and working on the small things you can influence/change, you can chip away your concerns one by one till you have assumed control of your life.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

guy's slashing his wrists and we're telling him to go skydiving? common now..

bro..its good your mom sought medical attention...KEEP GOING.

three sessions isn't enough to cover what you may ultimately need help taming.

nobody here is a MD or PhD in the field...so stop comming to these boards and seek help professionally..AGAIN.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

to add to this fellas...this is why you shouldn't put all your hopes and dreams on a woman...icing on the cake? yea..you lost your job, your grades suck, yada yada yada...

bro...sit down and do a self evaluation...hell..you have a mother that obviously cares about you, you have a warm bed to sleep in, you have 3 square meals a day, you have enough money around you that you can own a computer...

its the things you focus on that YOU DONT HAVE which are bringing you down...its sad...there are people on earth with HIV/AIDs, parapalegic, and other life threatening conditions and they take each breath with great appreciation...they live life everyday in HOPE...HOPE for something good to happen....yet you live with no HOPE yet have every ability to change your life....

don't be a waste of flesh and bones bro...seek professional help first...but always accentuate the positive...

 

[christz]

I have no symapthy for the ignorant, you wanna take your life do so, just remember there are ALWAYS people who care about you and people that will miss you

your selfish, you think only of yourself you feel like your problems are the biggest in the world and there is nobody that understands your pain.

your wrong on all accounts, but maybe its the fact that you even think that way, as to why you feel depressed, and why your g/f has left you.

suicide = Self indulgance to the highest degree

 

[Doc73]

I'll post more later, I am just on my way out when I saw this thread

I can totally to a couple of people on this thread. I will post what is getting me out of these thought patterns when I get back

 

[Gman]

Most important thing is that when you feel down, especially at the height of your depression, just remember:

DO NOT DO ANYTHING SILLY. SIT TIGHT AND WAIT.

the feeling will pass. No feeling lasts FOREVER in exactly the same way and intensity - neither happiness nor sadness. If u feel suicidal, your goal is to RESIST THE URGE till it passes. Then think about how to improve your feelings.

 

[SchuhSohle]

Really like the replies here. Good post Gman.

-HPNOTIQ-: It is not that easy during a depression.
What you do have is meaningless then.
If anybody tells me to think positive then I get really pissed.

I don't understand that myself.
All the thoughts you have about depressions when you feel better ...
the next time you are down again you are no wiser.

What I try is listening to depressing music that I like for a while and then gradually moving on to happier titles.
Sometimes after that I'm in a not-so-bad melancholic mood.

I have no debts, I go to a school (sort of) ... have support from my family and so on.
But during a depression the thought of not having a social life is dynamite and I think things couldn't be worse.

Medication can help.
Seeking professional help would be my advice as well (I did).
Maybe after slashing your wrist they don't give you a choice?
Would make sense IMO.

 

[Wyldfire]

Is this the first time you've ever cut yourself?

Listen...take what has happened as a sign that it's time for you to close one chapter of your life and start a new one. You can look at the loss of a job and girlfriend as a loss or you can look at it as an opportunity to explore a new career and date around and meet new people. You'll look back on all this in a year's time and be thankful of these "losses". That's how life works...even if none of it makes sense to you right now. Just hang in there, keep your chin up and pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get out there to find a new job and meet new people. This is a great opportunity to move in new and exciting directions...

 

[tmpgstx]

It's hard to find your bootstraps in quicksand.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Big Willy - you need to put your life in perspective, you are only 21 years old - when you are 40 you'll be asking yourself "What the hell was I thinking trying to take my own life?"

What seems to be important to you now is not that really important in the long term - it just happens that things came together all at once but if taken seperately they are inconsequential!!

Guys lose their jobs all the time - do you think you will be in the same job for fifty years? Of course not! Losing a job at 21 is much less dramatic then losing one at 45!! You are overreacting to this loss! Your parents will still feed you!!

Your girl is not "your" girl - she is not your wife or the mother of your children- she has the right to dismiss herself whenever she sees fit - you must realize that she is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things!!

My advice to you is do not base your hopes or aspirations or your SELF-WORTH upon things in the physical realm - seek out your spiritual worth as a man and have a bigger mission in life than just getting a girl or a job. Find value in other things that you can control - start first with your self-image - look in the mirror and see yourself as a man of value and consequence - and do not value yourself based on outside factors that you cannot control and do not let others define your worth!!!

If you let others define your worth then you have given them power over you!!! Why give someone power over you – are you a slave?? Do not let the decision or action of a boss or a girl destroy you! You are the captain of your own ship – take responsibility for your own actions!!!

The action of your recent mutilation and self-destruction is your own doing – this tells me that you have a weak mind and your decision was based on outside influences. Seek strength from within - strengthen your mind and let it take root in your spiritual worth as a human being!!!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
It's hard to find your bootstraps in quicksand.

Actually, it isn't. I've personally been in far worse situations than what he is in right now. It's a conscious choice he must make. He can either plant his arse firmly on the pity pot and focus on the negative when things get rough...OR...he can choose to view each obstacle thrown in his path as an opportunity to learn and grow as a human being. We ALL have those choices in life. The mistake he is making is that he is placing the control over his happiness and future into the hands of some girl, his boss, teachers...etc. He needs to learn to take that control back and put it where it belongs...in HIS own hands. He needs to exercise the choices he has had all along and simply overlooked.

 

[spider_007]

EVERYTHING HAS AN END.

I don't know about you guys, but realizing this has helped me a WHOLE LOT. relationships end, good days, bad days, bad months, exams, school, "dry season , life..........

you got a bad day, another 10 hours and i'll be over.

you got a good day, another 10 hours and i'll be over, SO ENJOYE IT YOU DUMB ASS.

you'r merried for 40 years and one of you dies. EVERYTHING HAS AN END

You had a good job and got fired, haw hard is it to find another one, who knows it might be even better.

your broke, get a job, take charge, YOU'R A MAN AFTER ALL

If you start doing something about it, and take charge and responsablity (like a reall MAN is sopposed to) you'll always end up on top, everybody has their down days. And guess what, THEY ARE GONA END TOO.

And though all the **** that i had to go through, at the end I'm glad I did it. And somehaw I always end up on my feet. And im sure you can relate.

say it with me now : EVERYTHING HAS AN END

 

[BigWillyStyle]

Thanks for the replys people. Still feel like **** but not as bad as I was 9 days ago. This having no work AGAIN is really sucky. I just sit around home all day and brood on how I could have done things differently when I'm not about looking for work. I like to go around and cruise in my rig to clear my head and think about things but with no cash I cannot pay for the gas in my car.

I've been getting introspective lately. What is wrong with me? I'm 21yrs old and my longest relationship lasted 2 months. Every single one of my GF's broke up with me first.

I must be the common denominator in it all, it's getting pathetic and I don't see how things will be any different with future GF's. It'll be touchy feely the first few weeks then I'll get dumped like a hot potatoe. I treat them well, and with MOST of them I didn't act like a pvssy. Dunno... I seem to have the shelf life of an 'American Idol" popstar when it comes to girls. Why? I haven't the foggiest.

Wyldfire, yes first time i have cut myself. Perhaps you have been in far worse situations then me. Though some people want to commit suicide when they lose a college scholarship, while others can still be happy when they have no family, friends, girl and are paraplegics. Huh. Go figure.

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Actually, it isn't. I've personally been in far worse situations than what he is in right now. It's a conscious choice he must make. He can either plant his arse firmly on the pity pot and focus on the negative when things get rough...OR...he can choose to view each obstacle thrown in his path as an opportunity to learn and grow as a human being. We ALL have those choices in life. The mistake he is making is that he is placing the control over his happiness and future into the hands of some girl, his boss, teachers...etc. He needs to learn to take that control back and put it where it belongs...in HIS own hands. He needs to exercise the choices he has had all along and simply overlooked.

You brought up a very good point Wyldfire , The question is how do you put the focus on your own hand , on yourself when the going gets tough or hazy or not clear ?? what small steps do you take to change things around even if you feel that it's nonsense

The way i see things is that when one starts putting his firmly arse on the pity pot ..it's like a downward spiral , the more you think , the more you dig deeper into that hole you got yourself cookin..as a result the harder it is for you to get out and get over it but you shouldn't lose hope and have faith though . This is how you learn to be strong and be a man .

 

[Bonhomme]

Been there, overcame it

Though some people want to commit suicide when they lose a college scholarship, while others can still be happy when they have no family, friends, girl and are paraplegics. Huh. Go figure.

That's brain biochemistry at work. I used to be one of the kind who would lose my sh1t over not getting a scholarship, and now I'm one of the kind who can look on the bright side when my business failed, picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting a new business that will enable me to lead a simpler, less stressful life.

What I did that changed me was improve my nutrition, get rid of chronic "yeast" and bad bacterial infections that were caused by having been prescribed antibiotics that destroyed my good gut bacteria when I had mono, and -- most importantly -- removing allergic foods from my diet and avoiding chemicals to which I'm seriously sensitive.

Sure, the health regimen is a bit of an inconvenience, but it's worked like a charm, and kept me in fantastic shape.

This is what worked for me, Big Willy Style. Not to say your situation is the same. Read up on brain biochemistry and these other issues on the internet, and you may find something that hits home. Even if you don't have money for doctors, you can do a bit of investigation and find out what's going on with little medical expese. I was working a crappy $6.50/hr job when I recovered.

It's way easier to have a good attitude when you have the "up" chemicals in good supply upstairs.

 

[BigDawg]

Yeah, I'd say definitely go see a counselor. Coping with so many simultaneous setbacks will be tough, and I think you'll need someone impartial to help you put it all in perspective. Throwing it all away won't solve the problem, and you'll hurt a lot of people in the process.

And you can always come back here to get some inspiration, encouragement, and support, right?

You might not see it or feel it now, but you're probably tougher than you realize, and you will weather this storm. Yeah, it'll probably be a Herculean task to do it, but keep your chin up.