My Hubby is one of you, so plz explain.

[prairiedog24]

Though to a point I understand your argument, that more successful relationships CAN be maintained when the couple has been abstinent, I fail to see why a relationship cannot be successful when a couple hasn't been abstinent.

Interesting subject all together...

Obviously you're right. Nothing is ever black and white. When I had this conversation with a girl I'm twitterpated by about why I wouldn't sleep with her, I just simply said "look, it's not so much that I feel bound by any rule and regulation, I just have made a decision to play the odds in my favor, and in the absence of an intellectual change in position not being entirely motivated by physical desire I have to be true to that..."

I've abstained. She hasn't. It's odd. It bothers her far more than me. Both sides of the equation seem to, her past and mine. Probably will kill the relationship. Oh well.

 

[PSYCHO]

Psych,


Should trust be lost by thoughts that are never acted upon?

The short answer is - we cannot determine a thought if it was never acted upon - otherwise how would we know what they are thinking?


I'm talking about women here, their psyche, as designed...

That is the question! Not acting on certain thoughts, that will be detrimental to your state, shows strength of will, perseverance, endurance, integrity, patience, principles! This is what a virgin brings to the marriage - LOYALTY!

Loyalty requires all of the aforementioned attributes!

As I stated in my previous post - a woman who gets sexed by another who is not her husband, is more likely, than a virgin, to leave her husband, to seek another physical connection, Because her past tells us that she is capable of only having a physical bond without the spiritual bond in marriage! Woman were not designed for a physical relationship only - they are emotional beings and need the spiritual connection also - thus the propensity for cuddling, and the asking of the question, "Do you love me?".

So then we know know that she, the non-virgin, is capable of having a mere lustful physical bond only, and thus the trust, in marriage can never be 100% - because there is a potential -. her thought, that her eye may wander towards the physical - as it has done so in the past. So she turned the "thought" into action in the past, and thus has the potential to do so again, and go outside of her feminine nature by not requiring a spiritual bond before sex. Men don't necessarily require a spiritual mind connection to have sex, although we prefer it!

Women "who 'give" themselves to others" who are not their husband, have a much higher probability of being unfaithful to their husbands, versus those who hold onto their virginity. Here is why...

Sex should be a GIVING act - sex out of marriage is an act of TAKING - each are fulfilling themselves and not giving to each other. Marriage is a spiritual bond and the sex act is the physical bond - both bonds exist and are required for fulfillment! When there is just the physical bond (lust) and the spiritual (mind) bond is not present, then it is no longer a giving act, but an act of possession, "I want you!". Sex then becomes a selfish act, selfish, because you cannot give to yourself! Giving requires a party of two - because it requires you to share a part of you. Sharing the "physical" self outside of a spiritual bond is NOT sharing, it is taking - selfish. - because we give our minds, and thus hearts, when we unite in marriage - we give our spouse our minds - which is spiritual and our bodies, which is physical - now that the two bonds are congruent then you reach fulfillment! This is why many b/f g/f "relationships" fail - the physical connection was made before, or without, the spiritual connection.

So if a woman has a wandering eye, then this tells you that she is opening herself to another. .Remember, prolonged eye contact from a woman is a sign of interest. Men are visual beings, by design, because we initiate contact, and our eyes determine who we contact. But women are not designed to be receptive only to what their eyes see - there are other factors that they consider in a man. So a wandering eye is expected from a man (even though his wife doesn't like this), but it is not expected from the female, unless she is open to others - because she is acting out of her nature, and the man is acting WITHIN his nature - so who then deviated? And a deviation is a lie - unfaithful to truth!

All actions require a thought, except a reflex - so a thought precedes, or rather, originates the action - so, although the act is not attempted or completed, there is potential there! When women "open" themselves" to others, through her eye contact - she is inviting other men to approach her - and then it is only a matter of time before the thought becomes the act.

Actually the thought, displayed via eye contact, is an act - since women, being submissive naturally, initiate with their eyes!

You cannot be a giver AND a taker, unless there is a spiritual bond! Hors are takers, not givers!

The Unnatural Order Of Things!


/

 

[beasty]

Psycho I know plenty of women who married as virgins and they cheated, currently cheating and have a wandering eye. I also know of a few who have terrible connections with their husbands. A non virgin doenst make a women a hore. Its just your personal preference. After marriage a virgin will always wonder what sex is like outside her marriage. Its all about chemistry between a couple and how alike (compatible) the couple is. Plenty of couples have good sexual chemistry and the wives weren't virgins. I personally wouldnt want to be the first. I want her to know what she wants a in a man. I dont want her to have slept around either and this girl said she hadnt.

The guy sounds like he has some issues of his own and he blaming it on his wife, and is making her pay for it. He needs to step up to the plate and treat his wife as a husband should, she should be his most important sexual object. Now he started giving to his hand and his imagination, and disconnected the bond they once had, if they ever did. Nothing wrong with masturbating every now and then but all the time and neglecting her is wrong and will lead to the door kicking him in the a**.

The fact that she referred to him as one of us is an insult.

 

[prairiedog24]

Psycho I know plenty of women who married as virgins and they cheated, currently cheating and have a wandering eye. I also know of a few who have terrible connections with their husbands. A non virgin doenst make a women a hore. Its just your personal preference. After marriage a virgin will always wonder what sex is like outside her marriage. Its all about chemistry between a couple and how alike (compatible) the couple is. Plenty of couples have good sexual chemistry and the wives weren't virgins. I personally wouldnt want to be the first. I want her to know what she wants a in a man. I dont want her to have slept around either and this girl said she hadnt.

There's a difference between "plenty of" and "better chances." Relationship experts will tell you that the statistics say your marriage has a better chance if you didn't sleep around. That doesn't mean that if you did sleep around you can't make it work, or that you're doomed, etc etc. Nor does it mean that everyone who waited is going to have a better marriage (hell, I know a TON of friends who waited and have screwed up marriages.)

It's just like heart disease. Maybe you eat well all your life and you get it anyway. Maybe eat junk food all day long and never exercise and live until 102. Either way, it's clear that if you eat better you lesson your chances greatly.

 

[Vypros]

Sounds like he's just not into you anymore.

There could be a million reasons why, none of which have to do with the way you look. The sad thing about getting married is that a lot of times people start getting lazy and not doing the regular maintenance things that a relationship requires. They take their partner for granted. And a lot of times you don't even realize that you are doing it (like your reply to this will probably be to tell me all the nice, loving things you do for him). So, take a stock of your situation. Are you still doing the things that you did when you were dating that turned him onto you? Do you still dress sexy once in a while? Do you ask him what he likes in bed? Do you still go out on regular dates? Do you still have intimate moments with each other? Take a stock of all that stuff. Plus, it might really help you if you went to marriage counselling and had a professional (or an objective bystander) help you sort through those questions and how to deal with it.

The other possibility is that he has a porn addiction. Porn in and of itself isn't wrong (a lot of guys watch it and still want to have sex with real women). But sometimes porn can be used to escape an insecurity or unhappiness or something within him that he doesn't like. When it's used in that manner, it becomes an addiction...which in and of itself is just a symptom of some negative belief or insecurity that he holds. The way to fix that issue isn't to stop watching porn, but, rather, fix the thing that is causing you to want to escape. He could be unhappy with his career. He could be unhappy with is life in some way. Talk to him and ask him this stuff. Open and frank communication with each other (without fighting and arguing about it) is about the only thing that will help you.

 

[JerryJJ]

I am back here now after 2 years because of this issue with my ex wife. Unfortunately we had a similar situation. I was very much in love with her and actually still am. The divorce was not my choice. The problem in our marriage started with my ED. I couldn't find a away to fix it (the drugs were having major side effects) and we started to have a lagging bedroom life. She began to complain and get angry at me (similar to you). We would get into huge fights, and sometimes small random ones for no reason. I began to stay away from it since i knew she wasn't enjoying it. I resorted to porn to alleviate myself. Started getting addicted to it. Went from once or twice a week to everyday! She started feeling really neglected and we went to counseling. I had the problem fixed eventually (a few health issues i didnt know of). However, we were never able to rekindle the marriage. She lost interest in me and our marriage and we were not able put the spark back in to it. (I never thought she would give up on us, she was so in love and adamant about fixing the issue) She was now not just angry at the situation but now she was angry that we still havent had a child due to our lack of sex and initial reaction to just put her on the back burner. I have to admit i could have done more like visit more doctors and really attack the issue but i didnt think it would end up this way. I suggest you guys see a counselor ASAP b.c he probably doesnt understand how this will trickle into every aspect of your marriage. Dont be so quick to be angry with him. He has an insecurity, or an issue and you will get it ironed out.

This is a huge problem in a marriage and will effect you guys dramatically if it is not fixed. I dont mean to scare you but dont give up on him. All the guys here are telling you to leave him but give it time. He will come around.