My girlfriend wants to marry me just because I can provide for us

[js77]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

 

[bat soup]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

Tell her you won't get married again until you've been with someone 10 years.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Tell her that you have been reflecting on your relationship dynamics. Let her know that you have enjoyed being generous with her. Tell her with the start of the new year you would also like her to now contribute financially as well. Simply be matter of fact about it.

Then request that she pay a set amount of 1K +/- toward the mortgage, insurance, property tax, water, electric, garbage, cable, etc that you pay, depending on the lifestyle you two share.

Or ask her to pay certain expenses and bills moving forward. For example, ask her to cover all groceries, plus the electric, water, cable, etc.

Her response to your request and on-going enthusiasm to participate with either of those two set-ups will speak volumes.

Give her the opportunity to step up and be a more contributing partner. She may pleasantly surprise you. If she responds with a poor attitude, than your gut sense will be confirmed and you can move on from her, without any doubt about her.

P.S. It’s been quite some time since I posted here. For those that don’t know me, I am a woman.

 

[LiveYourDream]

What happens to the money she earns? Is she a saver? Is she taking care of her family? Does she spend the money she earns wisely?

Does she spend her money with or without thoughtful regard to how hard you work, to earn your income? Would you be comfortable with her spending your money? Essentially she already is.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

in my eyes it looks like a sugar daddy situation
plus the fact is she is still young and horny , letting her move in was a bad idea she set this up so she can have access to your resources nd if you marry her that will be indefinitely. the only woman living with you should be your wife or fiance

 

[jimwho]

She pays for nothing, lives for free, AND took away your chance of a traditional proposal. I would tell
Her thanks for asking, where is my 5000.00 diamond? And if we do get married you're paying for the
Wedding since you asked, and half of all expenses for life.

 

[Lookatu]

in my eyes it looks like a sugar daddy situation

This. ^^^

You can always test her and say you lost your job and see if she leaves or what her reaction is.
Bottom line is you will only know what her true motives are once you quit providing for her and take things away.

 

[bcude]

Is she from a traditional culture?
This sounds exactly like that, where the woman see paying as the man's duty and she 'pays' you back in the effort she puts in. Giving you full transparency, cooks, cleans, giving small gifts etc.
But i can sense that you're not comfortable with this setup, so does she know about it? I'm sure these conversations must have come up early in dating between you two and it wasn't an issue for you, until you're faced with the marriage question.
Someone with shady intentions would ask you alot of practical questions beforehand. Like how life will be when you're married, will she have to work AND take care of the kids or will you take care of everything. Instead of only having the focus where it should be, on YOU.

Throwing out the powerful word "no" more often would let you get to her true intentions faster.
I've been in your shoes, you've to communicate your concerns.

 

[CoandaEffect]

Very dangerous that you let her move in with you. I don’t know where you live but in many places she would have legal rights after a short period of time, especially if she is not paying rent and you are sleeping together.

Be very careful. You might even consider paying for an hour of an attorney’s time to see what legal position you are in. Seriously, be careful.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Need to understand what culture she is from. Nobody can answer this with any accuracy without that knowledge.

 

[Bigpapa]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

you would have the same costs more or less with or without her

ask yourself this simple question , is she bringing any value to your life ?

 

[Tilex]

You've let this type of standard go on for 3 years? Wow!
You're supposed to set the standards from the beginning, otherwise she'll be too comfortable in that position.

She's already framed you as the "provider". Whatever frame you had before her is history. It is up to you to get rid of her or keep going with this provider frame she's placed you in.

There's plenty of fish in the sea. No need to feel trapped with this particular one if it's making you feel uncomfortable.
Brace yourself because this could go on for a very long time!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Say that you’re willing to get her a ring and call her your wife, she calls you her husband, etc. but that you can’t sign any papers. Then emotionally manipulate her and say that if she’s not okay with that arrangement, then that means she doesn’t really love you (which isn’t exactly false lol).

Gauge her response thereafter.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Casually mention that you are thinking about quitting your job to focus on your life's passion, whatever it is, and watch how she reacts.

 

[pyros]

I don't think it is such a big issue to tell her that you do not like the current situation, and that she should pay some bills or whatever.
But if you've been in this situation for so long, I sense there may be something more in this relationship...

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I term a gold digger as a woman thats always asking or looking for you to buy her things. Sounds to me she's just comfortable letting you be the man and provide the essentials. You can test her by asking her to buy something for you or pick up the grocery tab herself or something. Was me i'd just come out and give her a list of things she responsible for paying to keep the household running. Groceries and utilities would top my list. If she balks at that then i'd be questioning her motives for being with you. Honestly at 25 she probably doesnt realize she should be contributing too

 

[GioWolf]

I don't understand why you would consider getting married again. You didn't learn the first time? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I was checking your post history, is this the same girl you are having sexual compatibility issues with? She sees you as a beta provider, you'll never get the alpha passion. I don't think you'll be happy long term if this relationship continues.

 

[BMX]

Tell her to get the fuc out in a stern voice. Then tell her you aren't happy and are getting a restraining order.

 

[RickTheToad]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

You set the tone off wrong from the beginning with you paying for everything she just f ucks you. You need to change that sh it or find a new b itch to f uck around with. You can slowly attempt to change the situation, but it can backfire and she may leave. If you dare, 1st, say you're salary was cut due to COVID; see how she responds. If she's supportive and offers to help pay, then you have something to work with. If she b itches and complains or doesn't adjust, 86 her.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

Tell her to get the fuc out in a stern voice. Then tell her you aren't happy and are getting a restraining order.

what the f*ck is wrong with you, lol