My girlfriend wants to marry me just because I can provide for us

[LiveYourDream]

I understood from what he wrote that she currently earns a paycheck. My encouragement is that, outside of her giving him gifts on holidays, he switch things up to see how happily and generously she is willing to share her earnings with him.

He can simply say that he has the opportunity to participate in a new investment he is excited about and that he would like to maximize the opportunity. He asks her to contribute a monthly amount to their bills or to simply cover groceries and utilities.

Does she willingly give? Does she complain? Does she try to negotiate the amount? Does she want to know for how long? Has she forgotten his generosity all along? Is her view only about her having less to spend or save herself? Is she only focused on her “having less” for herself?

Or on the other hand is she more excited for him and his investment opportunity and doing whatever she can to help? What attitude does she reveal? Is she on a team, specifically HIS team? Or is she primarily focused on what SHE gets or doesn’t get?

Incomes and disposable income can vary greatly through life, let alone a marriage. People venture from regular paychecks to losing a job or choosing to start a business. How would she respond. Will she be supportive during a tough time? Will she be shaming and complaining? Will she be jumping ship looking for a better arrangement “for herself?”

Its about her response to the immediate request and then her response each time she pays moving forward. Does she do it happily and gracefully? Or does she btch and moan? Simply let her be her and observe and take note.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I understand some men do not prefer their women to contribute financially. He can always take the money she gives him and without telling her explicitly start an investment account with it, if he prefers to pay all the bills himself. To me the point is to see how easily and willingly and without hesitation does she share her own earnings with him.

If she hesitates sharing her money with him or has a bad attitude at all about it, to me that immediately portrays that she is not truly there for him and to support him and his goals and build a life together. Huge red flag!

If she’s not there for him, he doesn’t necessarily have to leave her if he decides he is ok with their dynamics. He will at least know moving forward that she’s more of a paid companion and not truly a team player. If that’s the case he best HUGELY protect his assets from her.

If she is all or primarily about the money, I’d certainly recommend OP absolutely hold back on marriage and kids with her. If she’s not in it for him...she’s be in it for the lifestyle he provides.

If she’s with him primarily for the lifestyle he provides, he’d simply and sadly just kind of be the male accessory along her way.

His gut sense is speaking up. Best he test her *over time, several months minimum, for true clarity. Clarity is a blessing either way.

 

[metalwater]

This. ^^^

You can always test her and say you lost your job and see if she leaves or what her reaction is.
Bottom line is you will only know what her true motives are once you quit providing for her and take things away.

part of the SMV of a man is the money and status. likewise she could get fat and ugly and see if he stays only for the inner beauty.

 

[metalwater]

Together for 3 years, I'm 34 she's 25... and we're already talking about marriage, I honestly think she is with me for convenience, too comfortable for her. She is ten years younger, I pay for everything when we go out and the famous "provider", she rarely offers to at least split the bill, I understand that I make more money than her. She is from a poor family. I pay only when we go out on weekends, bar, club, restaurants. Do you think she's a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide? For example, since covid-19 started she is staying at my place and doesn't spend a penny, rarely groceries, but helps with daily tasks at my home. But she always gives me gifts on holidays like birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, makes surprises. Always affectionate, partner, compassionate, respects me, let me check her phone, talk to me all day, always tell me where she goes, work and have her money but it seems like my money I pay the bills and her money is just for her. I don't want to be judging because it is bad but it is complicated, I love her I even think about marrying her but I don't know, I was once married to an gold digger and materialistic woman and I"m traumatized I got divorce raped and lost money. I don't think she is a scammer, but maybe a gold digger or she's with me just because I can provide for us, and I don't know what to do because getting married these days I can lose half of my assets.

sounds like this is working ok for now.

she is going to have some reason or reasons to be with you. if you enjoy your time with her and feel good about how she treats you most or all of the time that is a plus. many guys are always being **** tested or the woman is being bitchy.

don't marry unless you think doing that will improve your situation. do not marry just to make her happy, only marry because you have thought about it and it will help you. do not marry for emotions, only marry for objective reasons that you will have to figure out. if you like it the way it is now, do not change it. marry is a big change.

do not let her have direct access or clear knowledge of your money. it is none of her business as long as she is not contributing to it. all she needs to know is that you are strong enough to take care of her. as long as she treats you as you want to be treated you will or might continue to take care of her. this is actually a very classic and old-style relationship.

does she love you for just being you.. well yes, but being you is the entire package and you are able to financially take care of her. If you could not do that then you would be someone else.. and she might not like that. she will never love your inner self, she can not read minds. she can apparently see that from the outside you are exactly what she wants for now.

you can lose more than half of your assets. you also can lose your self-respect if you marry and then she turns into a *****. unless you need her money, ignore it. make sure you are saving and investing more than you spend on her for your own future. she does not need to know you are doing that.

 

[Lookatu]

part of the SMV of a man is the money and status. likewise she could get fat and ugly and see if he stays only for the inner beauty.

Yes it can go both ways and often guys here are hypocritical in this regard sometimes.

 

[OldComeBacker]

You trained her to be this way. She knows you "can provide" because you've chosen to do that. if you've been with someone for 3 years and shown yourself to be a certain way she's there for that and going to expect that.

 

[js77]

The bad news is that three weeks ago I got COVID-19 and she took care of me, but I'm still with my "red flags". I even can believe she has feelings for me but of course, just because I can provide.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I believe for most men there is a meaningful difference in overall satisfaction, if a man is with a woman who deeply cares about him, shows him genuine caring, affection and support while also appreciating and enjoying the lifestyle he generously provides, versus being with a woman who wants a certain lifestyle so she chooses him and then cooks, cleans, “cares for him,” and has sex with him, in order to live the higher lifestyle he provides her.