My GF uses a DJ trick against me!

[Dole]

"We're Done" is a controlling behavior.
When someone says that, they aren't thinking clearly to tell you so. But take heed... if she says it, she has to really mean it. If you are willing to take that type of behavior, then by all means... accept it. If not, get the hell out.

Remember, it's easier for a guy to be soft and accept a woman back than it is for a woman to accept a guy back. No one should have the power to use that rejection card on you. If you have options, you wouldn't worry about it.

I am not willing to take it, thats why I made this thread because I want to turn it around on her so she stop's using it! So if anyone has a method that I can do this then let me know.
What I thought of so far was next time when she does use this on me, telling me that were done, I am just going to kick her out of my car or leave her or what ever. Knowing her she will feel guilty and come back and that's when I am going to explain to her that such behavior is not acceptable and that she needs to change that if she wants to stay in a relationship with me.

Also I am going to take your guy's advice and go back to spinning plates, come to think of it we have only been dating a month and that's not good enough of a reason for me to stop spinning plates.

 

[dannyegg4575]

You already know what you're going to do. Why are you still holding on to her?
Threatening to leave a relationship is still threatening and hurting yourself.

The best way to not be caught in a manipulative behavior is not let it happen. it's almost like someone is hitting you in the face and you're saying it's ok to do that, keep on hitting me. Why are you putting up with it to begin with? Why wait until the next time she does that? Are you going to be able see it coming and respond accordingly? no... you'll probably be saying, wtf and kicking yourself in the ass when it does happen to you again and you'll feel like ****.

 

[Charm]

You don't need to end things, you need to confront her about what is bothering you though. Confront her immediately. You can start by sending her a text message saying "We need to talk." Those usually come before a break-up so it will definetely put her on edge. Then explain that her threats, even if said jokingly, are bothering you and need to stop. Explain that you want for both of you to feel good and secure about being together and comments like that make it difficult. Then ask if she is ok with stopping with those comments?

 

[Dole]

You don't need to end things, you need to confront her about what is bothering you though. Confront her immediately. You can start by sending her a text message saying "We need to talk." Those usually come before a break-up so it will definetely put her on edge. Then explain that her threats, even if said jokingly, are bothering you and need to stop. Explain that you want for both of you to feel good and secure about being together and comments like that make it difficult. Then ask if she is ok with stopping with those comments?

Thank you Charm, thats the advice i was looking for!:cheer:

 

[DonGorgon]

Actually, calling the relationship quits, as she's doing, is NOT a good thing. It's not to be taken lightly. You may be laughing it off, but let me tell ya, this is a serious flag to watch out for...

It's controlling type behavior. It's a threat, you see, to terminate the relationship. When you're in a relationship, you don't threaten to end it, unless you mean it. In which case, you don't wish to be in the relationship, otherwise, you wouldn't want to end things.

It's not a loving way to act.

So she's either trying to boss you via threats, or she inwardly wishes it to end. Take note.

She said that because of the text messages, eh? What is it that your gut was telling you about those text messages?

So true... its been over you just have not been officially informed yet... She does not want to be with you anymore but its oh so convenient in many ways for her.

 

[Enryu]

uhm i just read the first post and thus i got a question:
Could you perhaps load a picture of your neck up? I want to know if we can see the dog lash your gf put around you

You come off too needy pull it down a bit sure shes your girlfriend but in a normal relationship the man has to be the one with the pants on, yes i know it sounds sexist and macho etc. but thats life. We are in no Tony Danza who is the boss sitcom.

Just like with dating you have to be the one deciding all the stuff
And youve got to behave like that too so if she tells you we are done then stay away from her for a day or two and let her crawl to you.

If she doesnt, that means, that she wanted to be the dominant one and unless you want to take your balls out every time you meet her, you got to end it right here.

You are probably asking yourself how you are going to know when she is serious about separate ways or not. Easy if shes going to come back she wasnt if she was serious about it it, you couldnt save the Relationship if you wanted.

"But what if she really means it and im being extra super duper nice to her?"
Yeah well good thing to see a Nice guy having a girl... at least for a couple of days...

 

[Latinoman]

Thank you Charm, thats the advice i was looking for!:cheer:

Okay...what would you do IF after having that talk...she does it again?

Are you READY to walk? I doubt it.

 

[comic_relief]

She's push/pulling you . She's testing how far she can go . Start fishing for new opportinitis because this one wont get far .

basically the same advice. I had a girl that would do that all the time, even though she didn't mean it.

Next time she does it, just drop her like a rock. She is messing with you (the obvious toll that it is taking on you is apparent in your posts. Your on edge and in a good relationship you should not be on edge at all) and like I told my friend on AIM: "Stop going for the b!tches and find a good girl."

comic_relief

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Dole you are dating a 22 year old hor with her hor baby!!

Are you trying to be the kid's new daddy. When, the kid isn't even yours?!

Get out now!

 

[young_gun]

Dole, you're setting yourself up to get really hurt here. She's already threatened to leave you 3 times?? After 1 month in the relationship? She has a kid?? Don't be surprised if this one ends badly. I know you say that you need some experience - you don't need to get burned BADLY to get experience with dating women.

By the way, women have an interesting way of throwing curve balls at you. You may think that "next time she does this I'll just kick her out of my car" or whatever, but it just doesn't always work that way. I'm sure she's hot, I'm sure the sex is great between you two, but in my opinion, you should terminate this relationship for your own best interests.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Guys, there´s so much knowledge in these posts!

I was involved in the same sh1t! She was threatening to finish it, and I left for good. Until now she calls me and "baits" me to call her back.

Darn vampires! It´s funny how frustated and out of control they get when you leave them playing alone!!

Get the heck out of there before she eats you alive!! You must use the rejection card, I´m sure she thinks you´re not man enough to do it!

 

[Nighthawk]

Her previous bfs probably got down on their knees crying when she played this card. Just say, the door is always open, go if you're unhappy.

 

[MotownMack]

I am going to fill you in, she is the one that picked me, at the club eyeing me and giving me heavy IOI's.

Who wants who, and whether or not she truly likes you is irrelevant for the purposes of most of what has been said here. Some people who actually love their children spank them every day, that doesn't mean their misguided attempts at raising them are healthy for the child.

Some people have already noted it, as have I- you don't sound in control of your emotions right now, and she sounds immature and a boat load of other issues.

Like Nighthawk said, your only solution aside from walking is to not be reactive to her ploy, but it sure doesn't look like you're going to do well with that. And furthermore, even if you stifle that behavior, it sounds like it will manifest itself elsewhere.

Do what you wish.

 

[comic_relief]

Whoever cares the most has the most to lose

comic_relief

 

[Dole]

I am sorry guys but I didn't fill you in with all the details I am sure you would change your opinions if I did.
Like I said, I listened to my gut feeling and I decided to take charm's advice and take that approach so I did. I sent her a text message saying:
me: we need to talk.
her: About?
her: Calls me 5 minutes later wanting to know what I want to talk to her about, I kept telling her I won't tell her and that we need to talk to person and she refused to do so, in the end she gave up and agreed that we talk in person.
she texts me 5 minutes later
her: If you don't wanna be with me anymore I would prefer if u just told me now. Honestly
me: Its to be discussed face to face that's the best way
her: Uh no. U can tell me now instead of havin me stressed at work
2 minutes later texts me again
her: It's cruel of u to make me sit here and wonder for the next 3 hours. Dont you think?
I was busy talking to one of my friends on the house phone so I didn't reply to her texts
20 minutes later she calls me again
She's tells me that she is going to leave my birthday gift's infront of her house and that we have nothing to talk about, I told her yes we do and she's like no I am telling you that we have nothing to talk about. I told her thats fine so be it and that I don't need her gifts and she can go return them and I hang up on her. She calls me back saying that she's sorry and she really wants to know what this is about, so I told her it has to do with her telling me that we are done and it needs to be discussed.
When we met up she got into my car. She was all quiet and not in the b1tchy mood like she usually is when we are arguing, i guess she knew this was serious. So the story goes with me confronting her about the comment's of ending our relationship, that they are not necessary unless she really means it and that they need to stop, she said that she wont make such remarks again. Then I also brought up the text message's and told her that I want to know who they are from, she told me that they are from her baby's father and that she already told me this from the first day ( then it rang a bell in my head that she actually did ). Then she went on further saying that she needs to save he's text message's because he is a compulsive liar and she needs to confront him when necessary ( she needs proof so she saves these text messages, also she already told me this a few times in our relationship that he's a good liar ). As for taking the phone to the shower she said she always does that.
After a few hours we ended up on the couch, her laying on me. She's like what would you do if I told you that I loved you? Blah blah I told her I am not ready to hear that and that I think that she already love's me because she has brought it up before but in different context and she laughed. Then she went on by stating the following: "You know how I know that I care about you? When ever I go to bed I think about you and when ever I wake up your on my mind"... There was other emotional stuff she said but I don't wanna type it up, this behavior on the couch is typical of her and hasn't changed from day one so I don't think she was bullsh1ting me.
Also I should note that she told me that I should bring it up right away when she is doing something wrong or it's bothering and not wait a few day's and then bring it up!

 

[SharinganUser]

You don't need to end things, you need to confront her about what is bothering you though. Confront her immediately. You can start by sending her a text message saying "We need to talk." Those usually come before a break-up so it will definetely put her on edge. Then explain that her threats, even if said jokingly, are bothering you and need to stop. Explain that you want for both of you to feel good and secure about being together and comments like that make it difficult. Then ask if she is ok with stopping with those comments?

If I read the original post right, I think he already talked to her about it. I think he should dump this ho. She's saying this crap now, she'll say it in 1yr, 3rs, 5yrs, and still be saying in 10yrs.

My advice, every moment in life is important. Save your time by dumping this ***** now.

It's funny how people think that the partners of their desired woman are the common denominator, and not the woman!! She's been in 5 relationships and has a son. Do you really want to be the 6th failed relationship?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

She's probably still shagging the baby daddy. All women will spread their legs for the father of their kid.

 

[SharinganUser]

Wouldn't you rather date a girl that isn't going to put you through all this unnecessary buill****?

 

[comic_relief]

Wouldn't you rather date a girl that isn't going to put you through all this unnecessary buill****?

exactly and I believe that it is still relatively early in the relationship for her to be pulling any sh!t.

It's a red flag that just leads to really BAD things.

btw this isn't a DJ trick. It is the trick of a ho that wants to control a man. DJ's don't control their women like this. Their women control themselves and act like ladies.

comic_relief

 

[Nighthawk]

Oh, she always takes the phone to the shower... even when you're not around?