My GF uses a DJ trick against me!

[Dole]

When we get in a argument sometimes she gets so mad that she tells me "were done" (she's done this to me 3 times). She's very feisty and I know she's only saying that for the moment. She's crazy about me and I know she don't mean it. It's a trick that I and some of you use on girl's to keep them on the edge.
Question: What can I do to turn this around or to get her to stop saying it? I already tryed talk to her, first time she said 'were done', the next day when everything was ok I brought it up and told her it made me laugh when she said that because I know she doesn't really mean it and she can stop using that line. She laughed about it and said ok, but still decides to use it...

Next time should I be the first one to tell her 'were done'?

For example, Today I brought up something that was on my mind that I was concerned about so that we can talk about it (we were on the couch laying down and she got a text message and she opened her phone infront of me and it was from her gf, under the girl's text she had a bunch of text message's with the name saved as "..." (three dots)). I know that most text message's she deletes and only saves important ones. So she tells me that she already told me about these text messages ( I dont remember ) and that they are from december before we even met. She was ready to show them to me and I said no I trust you it was just fishy so I wanted to bring it up. After that she tells me "Are we done now?". I am like 'done with what? this text message crap?' Shes like no "are we going our separate ways?". Wasn't sure how to react to this so I just played it cool and told her if that's what you really want. She's like well you are selfish blah blah ( bitter caused I called her selfish first before, long story ) then her phone rings. After she got off the phone she changes the topic. We make out before she gets out of my car and she's like "I really care about you, you know that right?"

 

[Mr. Me]

Actually, calling the relationship quits, as she's doing, is NOT a good thing. It's not to be taken lightly. You may be laughing it off, but let me tell ya, this is a serious flag to watch out for...

It's controlling type behavior. It's a threat, you see, to terminate the relationship. When you're in a relationship, you don't threaten to end it, unless you mean it. In which case, you don't wish to be in the relationship, otherwise, you wouldn't want to end things.

It's not a loving way to act.

So she's either trying to boss you via threats, or she inwardly wishes it to end. Take note.

She said that because of the text messages, eh? What is it that your gut was telling you about those text messages?

 

[Latinoman]

When we get in a argument sometimes she gets so mad that she tells me "were done" (she's done this to me 3 times). She's very feisty and I know she's only saying that for the moment. She's crazy about me and I know she don't mean it. It's a trick that I and some of you use on girl's to keep them on the edge.
Question: What can I do to turn this around or to get her to stop saying it? I already tryed talk to her, first time she said 'were done', the next day when everything was ok I brought it up and told her it made me laugh when she said that because I know she doesn't really mean it and she can stop using that line. She laughed about it and said ok, but still decides to use it...

I don't know how old are you. I am assuming you are a teenager. But it does not matter.

First...there is not such thing as a woman DJ. As DJism is masculinity, self-improvement, etc.

Second...next time she says "we're done"...then walk away.

Be a MAN.

 

[Latinoman]

Actually, calling the relationship quits, as she's doing, is NOT a good thing. It's not to be taken lightly. You may be laughing it off, but let me tell ya, this is a serious flag to watch out for...

It's controlling type behavior. It's a threat, you see, to terminate the relationship. When you're in a relationship, you don't threaten to end it, unless you mean it. In which case, you don't wish to be in the relationship, otherwise, you wouldn't want to end things.

It's not a loving way to act.

So she's either trying to boss you via threats, or she inwardly wishes it to end. Take note.

She said that because of the text messages, eh? What is it that your gut was telling you about those text messages?

Exactly.

 

[Dole]

I am not certain but I am more leveraged towards the idea that she's trying to boss me through threats and not wishing to end our relationship, I have plenty of example's why this would be the case but you can never be certain. Knowing her she's very feisty and bossy but I don't let her control me or tell me what to do.
My gut is confused about these txt msgs, for example this morning when we got out of bed she took her phone to the washroom when she went to shower. She has done this before but usually leave's the phone roaming around her bedroom. In contrast she volunteered to show me the text message's after she said that they are from december. Therefore I didn't want to look at them if they are from December because I met her in February so it's something from the past, and if she want's to save the past memories she has the right to for now.

 

[Dole]

I don't know how old are you. I am assuming you are a teenager. But it does not matter.

First...there is not such thing as a woman DJ. As DJism is masculinity, self-improvement, etc.

Second...next time she says "we're done"...then walk away.

Be a MAN.

I am 20, shes 22. She has WAY more relationship experience then me ( according to her shes been in 5 relationships, one for a few years on and off, another for two years ) she also has son who she had when she was 17. My longest relationship was a month before her lol but I have this site as my guide. Ive been with her for about a month.
As for being a man she's only told me that once in person ( this morning ) and twice over text messages. I did walk away from her when we got in a fight after the club when she came to pick me up, long story she was suppose to drive me to her house on our way there she turns around and drives me home. When we got infront of my house she parks and wants to talk about it, I just got out of the car and told her I need to go piss and slammed the door. She txted feeling guilty then called me after and came back to pick me up again.

 

[Mr. Me]

she took her phone to the washroom when she went to shower.

That's so she could talk to her other love interest privately.

she volunteered to show me the text message's after she said that they are from december.

Those are the older, innocent text messages before things got hot and heavy, so it's safe to show you.

so it's something from the past, and if she want's to save the past memories she has the right to for now.

The past has a nasty habit of showing up in the present.

There's no reason to save past memories.

You're in a relationship with her and you guys just met last month? You don't even know this woman yet. Surprises are probably in store.

You seem like a smart dude. Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.

 

[Dole]

That's so she could talk to her other boyfriend privately.



Those are the older, innocent text messages before things got hot and heavy, so it's safe to show you.



The past has a nasty habit of showing up in the present.

There's no reason to save past memories.

You're in a relationship with her and you guys just met last month? You don't even know this woman yet. Surprises are probably in store.

You seem like a smart dude. Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.

Thank you, if she was going to show them to me it would be the one's that I saw not the one's she wants to show me. She pressured me into relationship because we had sex on our first date and she said thats not 'her' after few more nights of sleeping she refused to have sex unless we are 'dating' because she doesn't want to share her man. We have mutual friends one being one of my good good buddies. He has known her since she was like 10 and says she's a good girl and when she's with one guy she stays with him, he would know because they dated back in the day. ( I met her at the club and was not aware that they were friends )

 

[Dole]

She has this tendency to save these 'special text messages both good or bad'. She says she has a few of mine saved. Also a few days ago I told her how a girl asked me to a movie randomly ( because she tells me when guys hit on her ). She asked me what I said to her, so I read her text message which my answer to the girl was "Sorry, I have other plans". Then she said why didn't you tell her that you have a girlfriend?? So I told her it didn't cross my mind at the time because the girl is not important. Then she said you shouldn't keep your options open because I don't ( but you can never trust girls ).

 

[Latinoman]

Dole...you are WAY too young for this crap.

Listen...she is 22 and a single mother. That's fine. But she is in NO position to be "dumping you" just to manipulate you. The dumping is okay if you did something wrong and she meant it. But she is playing games.

Here is my advice...at 20...you should be dating more women. Perhaps, it is time for you to start exploring other opportunities. Next time she dumps you...you might want to consider staying dumped. You will feel a load coming from your shoulders.

You are 20...you won't have any problems finding another woman.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...just tell her that you don't like the dumping. Made that clear to her. If she continues (underminding your feelings)...then read post #10 (posted by me).

 

[MotownMack]

Ive been with her for about a month.

Waaaay to early for this kind of drama and threats. That's barely enough time to be considered an item, let alone the relationship having enough behind it for threats of leaving to really mean anything.

Trust me on this one. It's her way of controlling and adding drama. And the drama will not end. Ever.

Get rid of her fast.

 

[Dole]

Yes I understand that I am 20. I have had other girls but never gave relationships a try. She seemed like a good candidate. To tell you the truth what I wanted it out of this was for a hot girl to be by my side and to take care of me and to care about me, so far she is fulfilling this position quiet well.

 

[Dole]

Waaaay to early for this kind of drama and threats. That's barely enough time to be considered an item, let alone the relationship having enough behind it for threats of leaving to really mean anything.

Trust me on this one. It's her way of controlling and adding drama. And the drama will not end. Ever.

Get rid of her fast.

Her words exactly: "I feel like we have been dating for a while, we fell so comfortable with each other its scary/unusual."
I am going to fill you in, she is the one that picked me, at the club eyeing me and giving me heavy IOI's. I was feeling good so I went up to talk to her spilled some game. First date she she was the one that started all the kino and hugging me holding on to me and kissing me, that night she told me that she feel's very comfortable around me that it scares her.
Ive seen a picture of her son's father and some other guy's shes been with, they aint got **** on me. Her friends/family tell her that I am really really cute.

 

[Mr. Me]

"I feel like we have been dating for a while, we fell so comfortable with each other its scary/unusual."

means

"I really like you. I don't usually feel this way about guys."

So okay, that's great, but that was then. Things can change. She may still feel that way or not.

I REALLY don't like the taking the cell phone into the bathroom. That's always the exact behavior of someone who's cheating. I mean, think: how many phone calls do you usually make when you're taking a shower?

what I wanted it out of this was for a hot girl to be by my side and to take care of me and to care about me,

Watch out for that "take care of me" need of yours. Your world can be pulled from under you if you have to get your fix from another person. Sure, in a relationship, she should be taking care of your emotional and physical needs, just as you take care of hers, but just watch out for dependency, as your relationship, odds are, won't last forever.

Ultimately, we have to know how to take care of our own needs.

Ive seen a picture of her son's father and some other guy's shes been with, they aint got **** on me.

Don't get carried away with yourself there. Don't forget, there was a time this chick was telling those guys how much she LOVED them too. Even had a baby with one of them.

shes 22. She has WAY more relationship experience then me ( according to her shes been in 5 relationships, one for a few years on and off, another for two years ) she also has son who she had when she was 17.

She pressured me into relationship because we had sex on our first date

She seemed like a good candidate.

A pressuring, controlling chick with a harried past, considered a good candidate?

Then she said why didn't you tell her that you have a girlfriend?

She's right.

I told her how a girl asked me to a movie randomly ( because she tells me when guys hit on her ).

That's not good, that she tells you about guys hitting on her. Just assume that guys will always hit on a hot girl. It's a given. And conversely, you don't tell her when girls hit on you.

Dole...you are WAY too young for this crap.

That, and way too young to be in a relationship, esp. with a single mom.

 

[HOMBRE]

Ok, I didn't read all the responses but I do agree with the little bit I read of Mr. Mom's post.

Sounds like she's trying to get rid of you but you just won't take a hint.

You need to get out of there, bro. This is not going to go anywhere. Trust me.

 

[Dole]

"I feel like we have been dating for a while, we fell so comfortable with each other its scary/unusual."

means

"I really like you. I don't usually feel this way about guys."

So okay, that's great, but that was then. Things can change. She may still feel that way or not.

She told me that last night.

I REALLY don't like the taking the cell phone into the bathroom. That's always the exact behavior of someone who's cheating. I mean, think: how many phone calls do you usually make when you're taking a shower?

The bathroom is right next to the bedroom. When she got in she turned on the water,not more than a minute later I heard the door close for the shower. It just bothered me that she went in with the cell phone.

Watch out for that "take care of me" need of yours. Your world can be pulled from under you if you have to get your fix from another person. Sure, in a relationship, she should be taking care of your emotional and physical needs, just as you take care of hers, but just watch out for dependency, as your relationship, odds are, won't last forever.

Ultimately, we have to know how to take care of our own needs.

This is true.



Don't get carried away with yourself there. Don't forget, there was a time this chick was telling those guys how much she LOVED them too. Even had a baby with one of them.

A pressuring, controlling chick with a harried past, considered a good candidate?

She does not: smoke, drink, do drugs,
She does: go to the gym, teached dance ( quit recently ), has a good job, takes care of her self especially skin n face, has a great personality, good manners, great taste.
Those are just to name a few...

That's not good, that she tells you about guys hitting on her. Just assume that guys will always hit on a hot girl. It's a given. And conversely, you don't tell her when girls hit on you.

Could it be that she feels guilty that they do? I don't see how its not good that she tells me this, every time she does tell me I tell her maybe give him a try he could be better then me and she tells me to shut up and punchs me. I told her that the girl asked me to a movie just so she knows that there are other girl's around since we got into a relationship so quick and never got a chance to.

That, and way too young to be in a relationship, esp. with a single mom.

Well, you live you learn and I need some relationship experience and she seems like she can teach me alot.

As I am writing this, she calls me its 12am right now my time. She fell a sleep two hours ago and woke up just to call me. She not feeling well cause she took Plan B pill because of last night. Anyways she told me over the phone right now that when ever she thinks about me, or thinks about kissing me or holding on to me she gets butter fly's in her stomach. A bunch of other emotional things as well.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

She's push/pulling you . She's testing how far she can go . Start fishing for new opportinitis because this one wont get far .

 

[Latinoman]

I think Dole is not going to listen and learn the hard way.

WAY too young to be in a "relationship"...especially with a single mother that is playing games and taking him for granted.

 

[dannyegg4575]

"We're Done" is a controlling behavior.
When someone says that, they aren't thinking clearly to tell you so. But take heed... if she says it, she has to really mean it. If you are willing to take that type of behavior, then by all means... accept it. If not, get the hell out.

Remember, it's easier for a guy to be soft and accept a woman back than it is for a woman to accept a guy back. No one should have the power to use that rejection card on you. If you have options, you wouldn't worry about it.