my gf kissed another guy

[flyinshark]

I've been with this girl for 5 months now and everything was lovey dovey between us for the most part. We only had one conflict in the past, and it was about the fact that she believes in God and i don't, so she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with a non-believer. I told her that i may change my beliefs with time, so we kinda closed the topic there and were happy again.

We seemed to have long term potential and loved each other, until yesterday when she called me and admitted with much difficulty and guilt that she kissed another guy, whom had desperately tried to spend time with her lately. She had supposedly drank a few Smirnoffs before.

I was mad and told her that i think she may not be that much into me if she kissed someone else. I therefore concluded that it was best that we end this relationship here, as it doesnt seem to have long term potential anymore.

She then felt like crying and told me that she now realizes how big a mistake she made and that she loves me so much. She told me to not do this to her, and that by kissing that guy she realized that it's with me that she wants to be (huh?). She added that she called him afterwards to tell him that she wasn't gonna see him again.

I said that i was gonna think about it, but that i dont think it will work out betweem us. So now i am thinking... I love this girl a lot and there was no doubt in my mind i wanted to stay for a long time with her, but now i question her interest level. She seems to love me more than before, but maybe she's just playing comedy.

So, fellow don juans, please enlighten me here.

Do i stick with the break up or do i give her another chance???

 

[penguin]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. To me, cheating == dumping. No ifs, no buts. I can't stand it.

But it's your life... its up to you.

 

[LuckyStrike]

That kiss will be on your mind as long as your still with her. She's only upset because she got busted...

Move on!

 

[( . )( . )]

have you banged this chick yet?

 

[frivolousz21]

she didnt get busted...she called him to tell him.

but regardless..I would leave as well.

it goes beyond the kiss. she probably kissed him more or deeper, longer, than she told you.

also why was she talking to him? why did she meet up with him?

if I were you...I would move on....really move on....but you wont...so keep a closer eye out and if there is a 2nd strike, shame on you

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
have you banged this chick yet?

This is an interesting point. I have banged her less than a month ago for the first time, and she was a virgin. This shows that she's not a ***** and i appreciate that about her.

Now, i thought that a girl would always be attached to the guy who was her first fvck, so her behavior in kissing that guy seems incomprehensible to me, as she kissed him not that long after we first had sex. It was good sex, btw, so i dont think it's because she didnt find me good enough.

Originally posted by frivolousz21
also why was she talking to him? why did she meet up with him?

Me and this girl have a long-distance relationship, so this is a very important factor i think. She lives 2 hours away from me, as she's studying in another city. She comes to visit me almost every week-end (her family is in my city too) and sometimes i go visit her there.

So she met this guy in her city, in a club. He got her phone number and called her very often. She told me about it from the beginning, so i told her i didnt like the way this was going. She replied that she likes him as a friend, because he's nice, and she added that she wont do anything serious with him. She emphasised that she won't cheat on me, so i should not worry about them meeting sometimes. I said ok, because i trusted her, but i was asking for updates from time to time to see what the guy was up to.

I also anticipated that he'd try to kiss her, and told her he'd do it soon, and she reassured me that it wont happen. Damn, this very Sunday i asked her in a humorous tone "so, did he try to kiss u yet?" and she said "no, he's not like u think he is". It turns out that she had kissed him on Friday...

This is giving me a headache.

 

[Squid]

Dude, this is way more than just a kiss. Why did she give him her number in the first place? Guys don't ask women for numbers at bars to be friends, nomatter what she says she can't possibly be stupid enough to think they do.

No, she knew exactly what she was doing, she gave out her number, over the course of a few weeks talked to this guy, went out with him and kissed him (probably more than a kiss). Now she feels guilty and confesses. She couldn't possibly direspect you more than this.

She is playing games, and if you stay with her they won't end, trust me, I've been through and seen this too many times. If you don't walk away now it's just going to be that much worse when things do end, and trust me they will. You can and will find better, trust me.

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by flyinshark



So she met this guy in her city, in a club. He got her phone number and called her very often. She told me about it from the beginning, so i told her i didnt like the way this was going.
This is giving me a headache.

wtf? this was all you could say to this. Dude, SHE GAVE OUT HER NUMBER TO A GUY AT A BAR, you should have ended it at that point!

 

[Desdinova]

When women who are in relationships get hit on by another guy, it's the woman's responsibility to make her choice whether she's going to be faithful to her man or not.

She has made her choice. She decided not to be faithful to you. Ditch her a55.

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by Squid
wtf? this was all you could say to this. Dude, SHE GAVE OUT HER NUMBER TO A GUY AT A BAR, you should have ended it at that point!

Well, you know how some girls are just too nice to say "no"? I thought this was why she gave her phone number. She also doesn't have many guy friends, so i was actually kinda happy for her and told her so. I was like "yeah, it's good to have some guy friends". At that moment she was expecting me to become jealous (i'm pretty sure it was a test) but i didnt wanna play along so i acted cool about it.

But you're right, she shouldn't have given out her phone number. Not in a bar anyways. So this maybe shows that was looking for something more than our relationship was offering her.

 

[padrote]

She loves Jesus more than she loves you.

 

[Luveno]

If she told you she kissed him, she quite possibly have had sex with him and is trying to downplay the situation.

If she was too drunk to realize what she did, she wouldn't have to call him to tell him that she isn't interested. There was definitely interest on her part.

Regardless, intimate contact between your girlfriend and another man calls for a complete termination of your relationship.

Relationships are about trust- unless otherwise stated, you trust each other not be intimate with other people. It has been made clear that you cannot trust her.
Sure she came clean, but honesty doesn't always work for the girl who tells a truth that incriminates her. She would have been better off not telling you.
However, she did, and now you know. Dump her.

 

[spider_007]

Its never just one kiss, most of the time it's a makeout sesion.

She got a litle too comfortable with you, You need to back off and leave her for a bit. Maybe she'll realize what she is really missing. If she comes back, you got her, if she doesn't; at least your not wasting your time wondering

 

[dig it]

You are so lucky to have people like us man to talk to.

But before i blow myself, let me lay it down the line for you. Inch by painful inch....this should sort you out.

What happened after the kiss, my friend, was a reaction.

She reacted to the situation. Now look. God-girl, brought up to be honest, virgin, in over her head with feelings of guilt...so she calls you and admits, hoping that once its out in the clear everyone can deal with it and she can set things right.

Good on her.

That was a pretty smart thing to do, and decent.

I really do appreciate someone who can admit their mistakes.

BUT, my friend, you also have to consider....what 'slack' is she trying to cover up.

When i say 'slack' i say it in a way like buying stock.....you can buy stock outright or you can buy it on margin (a type of loan) in the hope that when the stock price goes up your expenses are wiped clean by the new value.

This is exactly what the girl is doing. She is taking a hit for the team(a selfish hit), and by being honest she has acted well on the surface...and i appreciate that a lot...but consider do you even know if she is being honest.....i would stand in to think that acting on emotion, she tried to lie, strike a middle ground and tell you what you wanted to hear, and also what she needed to say to cleanse the feelings of guilt....

thats what i think

But also consider this: you live two hours away....so under normal circumstances, after that kiss, she would have been over your house (probably) lavishing attention and adoration upon you due to her feelings of guilt....

but she could only call you on the phone and tell you.

Poeple who cheat do one of two things....move away from the other person and grow cold....or try to poor devotion onto their existing partner and become closer.


So she calls you on the phone with this news. And now you are here.

Thats enough for logic right now, my friend....that was for your health and sanity.

we are finished with logic....lets get onto her and this situations outcome.

She acted on emotion. she acted on impulse.

The drinks helped only to loosen her up a bit..

She got with this guy, had some alchohol, and then kissed him. But she is not a slut or an easy girl so she stopped there (so she says). I once left a girl because she thought kissing a guy was no big deal and girls and guys could do it.

With guys fo instance, what if you went slack on your (male orientated) life....like you said to yourself....'you know, i am a man, but i dont want to keep this job i hate it now, so i will quit, and i wont clean up the yard, i dont want to, and i wont take any responsibility..." all your male drives are compromised.

With a girl, they have the same values that need to be upheld, but most of their are to do with emotion.

She went slack on her emotions.

Its not enough to say i am sorry, you must not do it in the first place.

Its only been 5 months....and she is not wrapped in you at all. This other guy lives maybe 5 mins away and he can be there for her.....long distance never works unless you see each other a fair bit.


Basically, top girl....but you dont have a future with her.

But dont blame her, its all a part of growing up. Move on. Dont be surprised if she is sleeping with him.

Tell her.....do this...tell her.....you have thought about it, and while you are bothered by the whole thing, you dont really care, and would prefer if the two of you went your own ways.

Because pal, you dont need stuff like that in your life.....think about it....why settle for one like that who can so easily be swayed.....when after she is gone there are another 1000 girls waiting to be with you.


think about that, and ask yourself if any further contact with her is worthwhile.

its aint....always another at the next corner, and perhaps this time, though you wont know to begin with, they will be a better person in every way...go find out champ.

Digit

 

[JohnJones]

I agree with the above advice. She's still long distance: if you give in on this now, she'll assume she can get away with it, and she'll do it again.

I also agree that chances are remote this was just a kiss. She gave him her number, has been letting him call, etc.

Add to that the fact that this is a girl who recently just had sex for the first time with you, and less than a month later she's making out with another dude.

Just call her up, tell her you don't trust her AND you're disappointed in her for being a dopey young girl. Do it calmly AND FINALLY and do not take her back.

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by spider_007
She got a litle too comfortable with you, You need to back off and leave her for a bit.

If she comes back, you got her, if she doesn't; at least your not wasting your time wondering

So you're saying that if she comes back to me she's all good and i should forgive her? Anyone else thinks this is a proof that she really wants to be with me?

I mean, i personally dont think that there's anything she could say or do to make the situation better...She made a big mistake and she should suffer the consequences. She said that she realizes her mistake and she has learned a lesson. I say that the real lesson would be to lose me, so in the future she won't make the same mistake with another man. Right?

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by flyinshark
This is an interesting point. I have banged her less than a month ago for the first time, and she was a virgin.

Thats probably what she told the last 20 chumps, your young so feel privileged and lucky that Im letting you in on this gem at such a young age.

A chick telling you shes a virgin means absolutely nothing thats right NOTHING and as a matter of fact you would be very very lucky to even find one in your age bracket, at least female.

Anyway there is no "relationship" here , well on her part anyway. Shes young and flaky wants to play the field and have fun which is completely normal.

Your only option is to detach yourself mentally from this chick, keep fvcking her but go meet other women, and nevermind if she finds out that your playing the field also, contrary to popular belief and taking her age bracket into account its actually going to draw her closer to you. shes young which means she has the mentality of a sheep in that If she gets the smallest hint that you may be popular to other chicks shes going to be on you like flies on sh!t.

 

[dig it]

Oh man....ok....


Look. Shut the FCK up! Dont do this to yourself.

Right now.

Be a man.

Tell her its over. Calmly, firmly, without nervousness. Just say it.

And you know what. Go out and live yuor life and forget about her.

And then when you have been with other girls and this one comes your way, you can bang her.....but never have a relationship with her.

She cannot be trusted.

Once a cheater always a cheater....there is a reason why that is a saying....its a trait....if she can skimp on this, imagine how much other worse things she is doing.


thats what this is about....character.

The least she could have done was called you and told you it was over, even on short notice, that would be fine....because i can say...'good on ya.' and then to myself i know i can go out and get another girl if i liked...heck, i dont even need another girl, so i may go out in the future to find one.

When you have the skills man, you wont be so needy.

Dump her.

She wont come back, i fshe thought you were worth it, she would never have left/made actions that said she wanted to leave.


Dump her. Dont be foolish for a place to stick your weiner/c0k.

 

[dig it]

t!t symbol is rigth

 

[flyinshark]

Thank you all for giving your opinions. I'm thrilled to see so many of you commenting on this and i am taking all the advice very seriously.

Thank you "dig it" for the time you've put on your post and the good advice u gave me.

Keep 'em coming, as i feel i have a lot to learn from this experience!