My gf broke up with me.

[Lost In the Seas]

u want high self esteem? it's not hard at all

what are things that you are good at? come on we are all good at SOMETHING! i don't give a damn if it's shoe polishing, fixing a bike, watching the stars, babysitting or whatever talent you have, as long as you realize you r good at something and ppl know aobut this u automactically have confidence knowing that you are not useless

having a good fit physical appearence helps with self esteem too, go to a gym and get some muscles

 

[kk2004]

let me see

Well let me see...

Im great at computers, im great with my hands, builidng things and fixing and renovating rooms (renovated my room). Im smart, intelligent dude, Ive gotten awards throught highschool for being an honors student graduated at the top ten percent.
I passed my driving test the first time, I have one very loyal friend, almost like a brother. Im great with anything electronic i could always figure out how to setup tv's, vcr's speaker systems, Ive even built a computer from scratch. I won an award for being the president of the investment club..I went to the NYSE and had lunch in the executive room becasue my team came in third in the nation in a stock exchange tournament.
I have a great sense for landscape pictures, like I know which shots would look great on a postcard. I can appreciate nature.
Im great at enjoying and being peaceful when im at a beach or something.
I love playing paintball, and I can say Im not that bad, im not a novice.
I can swim, not in the ocean, but I would love to try surfing one day, along with skiing.
Im great at camping outdoors, well I can cope with not having running water close to you and having to take cold showers.
I have a good sense of direction (to proud to ask for them).
I play some golf..I go to the golf range once in a while..I can hit the ball maybe 200 yrds at times without a driver. But sometimes I just ground the ball, good shots in with the bad. lol
Im a great volunteer, I voluntered in a Hospital for three months, I ran a community health program for obesse kids, and I got a very good recommendation from a doctor who oversaw me and my partner.
I can play some pool, just enough to have a fun game. Make some cuts and some banks once in a while.
Im great at the Board game Monopoly lol.
Im great at messing around with fireworks, like riging them to go two at a time.
I speak two languages fluently
Im great at the Grand theft games lol..
I kick ass on pc strategy games

well wow it took me 30 min to think up of all the stuff i have done and Im good at.

 

[ikkenai]

dude you must be 15 years old with a hobby list like that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by ikkenai
dude you must be 15 years old with a hobby list like that.

And just how helpful is a comment like that? The guy comes on here asking for some help and support with gaining confidence and you try to stomp him down to make yourself feel like a bigger person.

Stop being a slimy juvenile turd.

 

[kk2004]

lol

Well, I dont know I couldnt think of anything else.. lol..

Maybe we can hear your list.. Sorry i didnt post masturbation..maybe you could.

What kinda of hobbies should a 19 yr old have.. I dont know give me a list.

 

[BackToTheMack]

Sniff Sniff Sniff i smell LOW SELF ESTEEM.

Go out and meet people get a new job e.g.

If you realy want to improve your social skills and make friends (i recomend this to every guy out there who is afraid to approach) get a job in the hospitality industry. Be a waiter or even better a Barman (im a barman). These kind of jobs force you to be in social situations, soon enough you will have more firends and girls than you can deal with. You will also notice a drastic improvement in social skills and overall confidence.

So get a job in the hospitality industry even part time.

I always use to be a shy kind of guy than when i was 16 i got a job as a waiter. I was forced to talk to people to get into social situations and 2 months later I was a completley diffrent person. I has made so many friends i was confident, funnier and generally happier. Oh yeh and thats hwen i lsot my V Card.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by G-Man UK
boo hoo.

G-man

kinda funny, that.

if I read into it I think g-man means that you're 19 with an emotional age of 14 (or whatever - still deep into teenage angst somewhere back there) where you state in effect that "she was my first and only and forever.." and whatever was going on ("she held my hand to make me feel better...") indicates you're still deep into teen-age absolutes, the hormones are still burning away to make you into an adult etc.

which means you're not an adult yet

if I had to guess, I'd say you'll sort it all out mid-20s or something

each of us has our own schedule for this, but that's my guess

g-man's response is "get over yerself, grow up, act like a man (even if you're not one yet)

I suppose it's outta your control and it's a matter of time, really

she's gone, though, so the sooner you move on the better, but that's still a matter of time and outside of your hands

 

[kk2004]

yeah

I guess it is, But i dont know.
I just dont know what to do.

Yeah i guess I have some emotional growing up to do, and there isnt much I can do to control my hormones. Lol.

Right now I need some confidence, So i can go talk to girls, and put myself out there. Simple.

 

[comic_relief]

Mindset change

Change your mindset because all I hear is that you feel that your a piece of sh!t and she was your everything. I won't lie to you, I fell into this feeling and it took a while for me to change my thinking but I did and started to go after another girl (girl that I am currently with). She is much better then my previous one and I didn't think that it was possible but guess what it is.

To change your mindset. I offer two pieces of advice. First read the DJ bible, not for picking girls up tips but for self-improvement. This site is one of the biggest resources in the world because it has so much on self-improvement. Second, use affirmations, repeat to yourself on what you would like to become. As you think, you will become. I thought that I was one of the most suave confident guys. Guess what. I became the suave confident guys without faking it because I became what I wanted to become. Plus read this because it explains how to gain self esteem and how to recognize low self-esteem.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=60060&highlight=selfesteem

Good luck and I'll keep in touch.

 

[Wyldfire]

A observation guys...

when he was talking about the things he was good at, he exhibited a fair amount of self esteem and confidence. Then he got stomped on by someone here...one of his supposed brethren here...those who are supposed to be here to help each other.

Listen...those of you who have nothing but insults and smart ass comments aren't helping anyone or doing any favors for each other. Try encouraging each other and offering some solutions for crying out loud. Your are men...you are supposed to be logical, problem solving folks. Don't just rag on each other...offer some ideas and solutions for a change.

None of you are going to get diddly squat out of this place if you don't all get serious and offer helpful input. The more people get down to business with the quality posts, the more it inspires others to do the same.

Let's get with the damn program and offer this guy some useful suggestions rather than just repeating what he already knows the problem is.

He KNOWS he needs to build his confidence and boost his ego. He's already said that himself. He doesn't need to read 2 pages of everyone telling him what he already knows. He needs some ideas and suggestions.

 

[frivolousz21]

Ideas:
go out and do thinks you are already good at.

suggestion: also include something each day you arent good at or are afraid off.

work on 1 thing at a time..until you feel confident doing it..
then the next and so on...once you get going then work on women.


also dont forget you were just a month or 2 ago..fycking(lack of a better term) a pretty hot gf u GOT.

 

[kk2004]

thx

Yeah wyldfire had it spot on...esp the part of the two page posts and about what I already know.

Okay so So far ive gathered three ACTUALL tools to bring up my self esteem/confidence.

1)Self Affirmations

2)Going out and Doing new things..doing one thing Im afraid off..it will build confidence with an I CAN do attitude. hobbies

3) Change of mental mindset..I can sit down and think about how i view the world and maybe take apart my views and change the views that I have

4)Working Out- A better body builds a better mind.


comic relief..that was a good post man..Im gonna sit down with a piece of paper and see what I can DO to fix it, now that I have some ideas of action possbily resulting in higher self estteem.

 

[S-lemond]

wow well fix it!

 

[comic_relief]

Re: thx

Originally posted by kk2004
comic relief..that was a good post man..Im gonna sit down with a piece of paper and see what I can DO to fix it, now that I have some ideas of action possbily resulting in higher self estteem.

thanks and keep us informed of whats going on. I enjoy success stories and I know that you will be one. Good luck.

 

[aftershock]

Wow...this is bad!

Right, Wyldfire's correct with what she said earlier. When you were giving your hobbies you sound like an interesting person. Being interesting is generally a good thing.

Get a job which requires social contact. I'd suggest any retail if you're too shy for bar work. It'll force you to become better with people and it will give you something to do with your spare time.

The girl...you'll get over her. In a few months time you'll smile when you think about her but realise that it was an important stage in learning about life. Let's say that you stay with her, get married etc - you'd be even more unhappy then, wouldn't you?

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Where are you from, by the way?

 

[kk2004]

hi

im from Ny. nyc to be exact..bloody hell..srry i saw ur where from England. always wanted to say that

 

[Emperiorjack]

Okay I see you and I have the same problems. You get nervous around a group of people. You try to act calm even though you know you aren't and you say things you think will be cool instead of saying things just off the top of your head. But somedays you slip and start saying things off the top of your head and you find that you got more positive replys back that way. Even though you know this it is impossible to be carefree. Anyways you have a Social Anxiety disorder and I doubt any SSRI will be strong enogh to fix it alone. You'll probably need something with a little more punch like a Benzo. such as Xanax. You should see a doctor or even better a psychiatrist and try to get a script to a SSRI and a Benzo. I think it is stupid for people not to take Medication when it would help them. It like and person dieing from starvation refusing to eat food. At least give them a try and if you find you don't like them you can stop taking them . No one is going to force you to take anything you don't want to.

 

[Emperiorjack]

Also you might want to give alcohol a try. Get a buddy to drink with and get wasted then go to a club. You might find it easier to talk to girls this way.

 

[kk2004]

just one question

Theres just some nagging question in my head....

I met this girl through random pot luck as the CA thread would put it, she was in my class. She turned out to be pretty receptive and we had some kino going the first time I saw her and number closed. We had alot in common such as the same HS and a friend we both knew which made apporaching her easier for me. What good luck. lol

Call her three days later and she asks me out. I say "Im busy and we will def do something next week". Calls me the next day to hang out at the mall..I say okay, that same day I kiss close. Now question one, is it rare to kiss close that fast?

She then started to call me everyday once a day at least after the time we had kissed. Is that rare?

Throught most of the realtionship she called me. 90% of the time she called first always..morning.. night..or afternoon.

Then we had sex maybe after I saw her about four or five times. Is that rare?

Now the funny thing is that she said to me at some point "I only have sex with men im in a relationship with"..but we hadnt disccused anything about a relationship when we had sex the first time. When I asked her this..she told me she thought that we where already going out.

Now after we break up she tells me about this guy she is messing around with, maybe she calls him everyday too like she called me, and she told me he looks like relationship material. She probably even had sex with him just like she had sex with me. So that means that I was never really special to her in that sense. It shows that she does this with almost everybody she meets or shows her some intrest. Is that normal?

Like the speed at what we did everything it was fast. She worte me love letters and got me gifts and made me personalized gift wrap the whole nine yards for my bday 4 months in. She took me to her house and introduced me to her mom like maybe the third time I saw her. We had sex in her car maybe the fifth time we hung out, it was fast. I mean I was good too, we had a walk in central park and we talked and she was upset at her mom and i made her feel better and made her laugh and the whole deal, that night we had sex. . Why was she so fast at letting me get so close to her though?


im starting to see that she needs male attention..she doesnt have a dad, he left when she was three. Is that normal?

Im just trying to understand some woman behavior here. lol.

 

[kk2004]

yesss

yes emeriorJack thats how I feel...somedays very rarely it just flows but its soo hard to be carefre, in fact i cant. It doesnt work. yes i do have social anxiety, and I was just hoping that maybe pills wouldnt be the answer..yeah Ive tried drinking and it helps But honestly its not the solution to my problems...substances arent the solution. Whats an SSRI?, but if pills are the only thing that will help me then I guess I will take them.. Im taking Buspar as of right now.

Making eye contact with guys bigger than me gets scary..Anyone who is physically bigger than me sets off that anxiety trigger immediately. Making eye contact with certain ppl will set me off bcuz i will percieve them as threatning to me, such as big dudes or pretty ladies. Or when i know my speech is being heard to more than one or two ppl, i get nervous and anxious and I start feeling anxiety and my thoughts start to become fleeting and I cant make any sense at times and i go blank. When a pretty girl walks by and Im talking with my brother or friend I usualy have to stop bcuz of the anxiety I get, bcuz i cant think about what im saying my mind gets flooded and i go blank, when she leaves I can continue talking and contniue thinking.