My gf broke up with me.

[BackToTheMack]

Sniff Sniff Sniff i smell LOW SELF ESTEEM.

Go out and meet people get a new job e.g.

If you realy want to improve your social skills and make friends (i recomend this to every guy out there who is afraid to approach) get a job in the hospitality industry. Be a waiter or even better a Barman (im a barman). These kind of jobs force you to be in social situations, soon enough you will have more firends and girls than you can deal with. You will also notice a drastic improvement in social skills and overall confidence.

So get a job in the hospitality industry even part time.

I always use to be a shy kind of guy than when i was 16 i got a job as a waiter. I was forced to talk to people to get into social situations and 2 months later I was a completley diffrent person. I has made so many friends i was confident, funnier and generally happier. Oh yeh and thats hwen i lsot my V Card.

 

[kk2004]

Agreed

Yes, Lost at sea's thats exaclty how I feel. But i guess everyone goes through it you know, im no exception to the rule.

Yeah..my college counceller told me that I had a very low self esteem.

My first question is

1) What is Self Esteem.
2) How can Identify whats causing me to have a low one.
3) What do I have to do to bring my self esteem up.
4) What does it feel Like to have a High self esteem

Thats a great Idea back to the mack.. my parents wouldnt let me work in a bar, and I really dont want to bust tables.

I had a job at rite Aid and I aced it, I never had trouble talking to people. It was only when peers of my own age came, or hot girls came that I started feeling nervous and anxious about talking to them.

I need to work on my self esteem/Confidence.
I just wish that I could relate to my peers more, and fit in with the people I want to hang out with. I wish I didnt have such a hard time talking to people esp ppl my age, and girls esp. I wish it could just flow and that I could have tons fo freinds and a huge network.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Bro dont sweat it. I was with a girl that was wacked out like that. They make it seem like they care about you but they only care about the fact that they have someone. Shes garbage, find a new broad and release some "anger". Itll be all good.

 

[frivolousz21]

go see a therapist

 

[kk2004]

lol

if i saw a therapist it wouldnt be good for my medical record. It shows up when you apply for a job.

 

[frivolousz21]

well you are in a bad position.......you dont seem to be doing it for yourself yet.

its been 3 weeks since you broke up!

3 weeksss..you were together for what 2 or 3 months ????


did u ever yell at her or try to control her?

or were you just a big pyssy?


im just trying to understand how she was so in love with u..then all of a sudden left u like that?

 

[kk2004]

yeah

No for the past month I would keep arguing with her, over stupid insecure stuff. yeah I did try to control her.

She told me straight up "It wasnt what happened the other day its the whole last month... and this was the final thing thats pushed me over the edge, I dont want it anymore."

No I wasnt a *****, but insecure so i would get MAD at her and argue over stupid stuff.

But like I said, it still hurts and I want to improve my self esteem and confidence. Bcuz those guys get things in life

 

[frivolousz21]

Relax man...

ITS NOT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS


first off you need to TRUST people..
if you would of JUST trused her....that prolly wouldnt of happened.

you want confidence?

do what you want to do..daily, everyday do waht u want,.your life, ur routine..it will work!

book it

 

[kk2004]

true

True, I think if I had trusted her this might not have happened.

But I really dont have time to sit and think about what went wrong. I already know what did.

I want to spend my time rather improving myself.

The first step is to fix the low self esteem.

What I want to do everyday, is to chill with guys and girls and go and explore the world and work out, while having a fun time with people.

My routine is basically starved for human contact

 

[frivolousz21]

My routine is basically starved for human contact

then do it!

 

[kk2004]

hm..

if i knew how..if i didnt have the social aniexty or low self esteem issues

 

[frivolousz21]

social aniexty or low self esteem issues

this is just your programmed sub concious...

to de program..you have to go against the grain!


do it

 

[dannyc]

I swear they have medication for social anxiety. I mean if things are that bad, seriously just check it out.

 

[kk2004]

I dont want to use medication

I dont want to use medication. I just want things to go back to normal like they where before. I want a cool chick to hang out with, some guys to chill with at times and have things to do, people to keep me busy thats all.

Im just not good at making new friends or meeting girls for that fact and Im not sure, and I dont know what I have to do.

Like you guys dont understnad, I can feel it, its something thats holding me back. I want to go out and mingle and put myself out there and meet new people and experience new things but for some reason I cant. I just cant meet new people.

 

[Wyldfire]

kk2004...please read this tip I posted. The info in it isn't new...it's just organized in a really simple way to help you know where to start to gain confidence. The problem you're having is probably simply a case of having so much info thrown at you that you don't know where to start at self improvment.

And remember...your past is only an impact on your future if you choose to allow it to be.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=83296

 

[kk2004]

lol

yeah wyldfire ur right. There is so much information that I dont know where to begin. I read your post, but "removing" that fear of rejection is a little harder for me. I understand the basic philosophy behind it, but when I see a woman face to face its a much diffrent story.

MY biggest problem is my confidence/Self esteem, and I know that. But I dont know what I have to do, like what practical things I can do to actually bring it up and make myself feel good, to get that good satisfied calm feelng inside, short of F8uckin every woman out there. I can read, about what a man is supposed to be or how a man is supposed to act, but I dont know how to get there. For example most of the posts here arent recipies there just descriptions of how tasty and beautiful this cake is but they dont give you the recipe or the directions on how to make that cake. People will give me advice such as "Love yourself, or Be a man, or You are a winner, be happy with yourself" Saying and telling me these things doesnt change anything about me. Its just words. The real process is how to go about loving yourself. I dont know how I can love myself or think I am a winner"

Like what practical psychological tools can one person use to change there thinking and whole out look on life.

 

[Wyldfire]

kk2004...the very first step you need to take is to recognize that you have choices. We all have choices in life. Whether or not to be happy is one of those choices. The biggest mistake I see you making is that you are not utilizing that choice to be happy. Instead, you are looking to outside sources to provide something that ultimately can only come from inside of you.

What can you do to gain confidence? The first thing you can do is find the look that you feel is your best. That is a great confidence boost. From there you need to do some things only for yourself because you enjoy them, not because you think it will impress anyone else.

And finally, once you have done those two things you need to learn to take risks. If you don't ever put yourself into situations that are outside of your comfort zone you will never gain confidence in doing those things. That's why you are supposed to make approaches and ask for numbers.

Since you're really struggling...here is what I suggest you do to break out of your comfort zone. Approach as many women as possible but NOT with the intent to ask them out or get their number. Just approach to ask what time it is, if they can tell you how to get to a location or if they know what aisle the paper plates would be in. That way there is no pressure for you to get a number or date and you know that going in so those approaches will be much easier. You're just asking a question like you would ask another man. Practice doing that until you can approach a woman to talk to about trivial things without giving it a second thought.

Once you feel comfortable doing that, then try making small talk and having longer conversations. Maybe try to be funny or flirt a little bit. If you still feel uneasy asking for a phone number, then skip that part for awhile. You just have to take those small risks a little step at a time until you have them mastered. It's not going to come overnight, but if you don't start taking at least small and essentially non-threatening risks the confidence isn't going to come at all.

Again...you gain confidence by taking risks and learning through experience that the sky doesn't fall when you take them and things are okay...even if you don't succeed. Take it one day at a time...but you need to approach and make the conscious choice to be happy and do things just for you. Those things will go a very long way for you.

 

[frivolousz21]

try a bootcamp!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
try a bootcamp!

I don't think he's ready for a bootcamp yet. I think he would fare better if he followed my advice first and then once he is more comfortable approaching women a bootcamp would be good for him at that point.

 

[frivolousz21]

thatss true...

I suppose the bootcamp is good..but you have to be pumped and excited to do it


wyldfire..check ur PM's