My first "relationship"

[Kal0051]

In terms of this relationship there are only two choices if I am to listen to any advice here. To "cheat" on her while meeting and looking for another girl WHILE in a long-distance relationship with her, or to break-up with her, and since I"m not going to break-up with her that leaves the first option.

then why are you here if your only looking for one opinion? And according to you you won't "cheat" (it's not even cheating since your not in a real relationship) because of your misguided religious believes. So, why are you asking for ppl's opinions? So they can feel bad for you or something? Oh and btw, no woman will marry you without having sex first, unless she was REALLY desperate.

 

[Alle_Gory]

then why are you here if your only looking for one opinion? And according to you you won't "cheat" (it's not even cheating since your not in a real relationship) because of your misguided religious believes. So, why are you asking for ppl's opinions? So they can feel bad for you or something? Oh and btw, no woman will marry you without having sex first, unless she was REALLY desperate.

I'll tell you why he's here. He's so fvcked up in real life that he has no one, and everyone he meets wants nothing to do with him. So he comes here and he feels important (even though he clearly isn't as can be determined by a poll). He thinks people listen to his advice, and take him seriously in discussion.

He's here to get the attention he is lacking in real life.

Any discussion you have with him isn't a real discussion as you have seen. He's only interested in the attention.



What I am most curious about, is the cause.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

then why are you here if your only looking for one opinion? And according to you you won't "cheat" (it's not even cheating since your not in a real relationship) because of your misguided religious believes. So, why are you asking for ppl's opinions? So they can feel bad for you or something? Oh and btw, no woman will marry you without having sex first, unless she was REALLY desperate.

"Cheating" can involve emotional infidelity, or just acting in bad faith within a relationship. As far as she is concerned, this is a real relationship with her and that is what counts. I usually judge things based on what the other party thinks and is expressing. If she believes there is a relationship and is acting crazy, head over heels, and I don't object to that reality to her, then it's a relationship since it's two realities agreed by two people.

I have already negotiabed boundaries with her, and basically, whatever lifestyle I had prior to meeting her is not going to be changed after meeting her. She's okay with that, as long as I don't all of a sudden start going crazy on her by dating other girls, or sowing wild oats, or anything that will hurt her while i'm in a relationship. This is the middle road and her relationship is not going to change anything that on how my life was prior to meeting her. I'm a safe-bet to her which is why I feel that she's in a relationship with me.

If anything happens that causes real "cheating", (not childsplay), I'd really like to see. Because what that means is I'm getting a confidence boost where I don't care about women in the environment, since I can't loose anything if I'm unavailable myself. So I like to see how this 'forced don't care attitude' is going to play with the dynamics.

I suppose I was looking for some sort of balanced perspective on here that makes sence out of this situation. Of all the opinions on here, I would say that some opinions on here actually adressed the thread, which include Maxtro, wolf74, captain, interceptor and that's fine. I think this replies to this thread, if they are constructive would lead to better handling of this relationship, or dealing with soul-searching about it.

 

[Strongsauce]

Luke, I think more people in the world need to be seeing and hearing more of you. You ought to write a book, or film a documentary, or start a youtube channel all about your philosophies on life and dating. I think the strong emotions you bring up in people could make you ridiculously popular in a public forum. This, may in turn bring you *****.


I don't know, probably not.

But it would be wildly entertaining for the masses I believe.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Luke, don't be naive after spending years on here, it's insulting to yourself and to us.

 

[CaptainJ]

I find it funny how you put Relationship in inverted commas. Even you realise just how "Bullsh1t" this relationship is.

 

[ketostix]

"Cheating" can involve emotional infidelity, or just acting in bad faith within a relationship. As far as she is concerned, this is a real relationship with her and that is what counts. I usually judge things based on what the other party thinks and is expressing. If she believes there is a relationship and is acting crazy, head over heels, and I don't object to that reality to her, then it's a relationship since it's two realities agreed by two people.

How do you really know what she's thinking or doing? Guys in relationships with a local girl they see all the time can't be so sure. You're in a LDR so you have no idea what she does when you're not around (which is most of the time). How do you know she isn't talking to other guys? She could break things off with you tomorrow and leave you high and dry.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

How do you really know what she's thinking or doing?

So far she's emailing and virtually calling every day saying "I love you" this and that all the time. She's talking about "husband" and what not on email.
The way she talks and what not it's clear that I'm the only guy that is taking her seriously.

Guys in relationships with a local girl they see all the time can't be so sure.

That's fine, I'm assuming we are talking about hb6+'s or a pretty girl that has allot of guys chasing her. This is not the scenerio here. We are talking about a 35 y/o woman that appears to be wanting to get married and doesn't have any options and is more like a ug4-hb5. Trust me when I say that I'm not worried about her. That's part of the package with going out with a lady that men aren't going to be rushing after.

You're in a LDR so you have no idea what she does when you're not around (which is most of the time).

She appears to be at home most of the time by herself, talking to her family, or watching TV / praying or reading a book. There is nothing up there in a town that only has a few homes, a variety store, and a school. 90% of the teachers don't want to go back next year because of the hard winter. She can't get a job elsewhere closer in the city and I suspect the way she looks with her French accent isn't helping.

How do you know she isn't talking to other guys? She could break things off with you tomorrow and leave you high and dry.

Those sort of dynamics aren't happening here. If this was as you said, then I wouldn't have written this thread in the first place.

 

[Captain]

In terms of this relationship there are only two choices if I am to listen to any advice here. To "cheat" on her while meeting and looking for another girl WHILE in a long-distance relationship with her, or to break-up with her, and since I"m not going to break-up with her that leaves the first option.

Long distance relationships are for CHUMPS. End of story. No exceptions.

You should be in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship with her. Keep her on the side, and date other women. It's NOT cheating if you're in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Long distance relationships are for CHUMPS. End of story. No exceptions.

You should be in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship with her. Keep her on the side, and date other women. It's NOT cheating if you're in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship.

But she is coming down here in less than 7 weeks and intends to stay here for two months. She is even mailing money over to me to buy the plane tickets for her to come down (that shows allot of trust, she did this before and I bought tickets for her to come down before. I could have been evil and spent that money on ATTRACTIVE escorts, but I acted in good faith for her to come down, so I'm a good guy). She says if we are non-exclusive than that means she can talk to her ex-boyfriend too. She claims that she will talk to no one except for me because we are in a love relationship. Therefore, she appears to be taking this seriously from her end too (even though it may appear she has no real options).

What I'm saying is, isn't it difficult to all of a sudden re-negotiate the relationship boundaries like that, when I just negotiated with her this week. It's almost like saying I have another immediate romantic interest besides her, which is not accurate. I already had discussions with her about talking to other girls (now she's okay with that).

I think that when she comes down for the summer, she'll be in my face, and I can then guage this and see where this is really going. Then I can re-negotiate a non-exclusive relationship when she is down here and start putting the breaks, or if it doesn't work out, then that is that. Between now and the time she's coming down though -- she appears to be taking this very seriously from her end, and until she doesn't, or cools down, then it's not fair with her if I'm not being real with her from my end too.

 

[pua1989]

look dude, as much as i hate your posts,

if you TRULY are satisfied with your current relationship (or lack of there of) then, shít keep doin what you are doin. but you keep talking about "cheating on her" emotionally and how its "almost guaranteed" that you will "cheat on her." wtf are you doing in this relationship? by the definition of being in a relationship you arent supposed to cheat on her but the posts you have posted have said you are inevitably going to do it....why? i dont understand,this girl lives thousands of miles away and youd rather have the TAG that you have A GIRLFRIEND _and_ "cheat on her" emotionally. you are delusional my friend. dont you see every single person in this thread telling you how stupid you are? YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT. EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU. IF DOC LOVE WAS HERE HED SAY YOU ARE AN IDIOT. GET OVER YOURSELF GET SOME HELP PROFESSIONALLY. im tired of flaming you; either you are a troll or you need some serious HELP. you are overlooking every single possible little detail and piece of advice from EVERYONE on this forum. why are you even posting here if you refuse to take the advice?

jesus man, get a grip. (AGAIN, this is NOT a meant to flame you)

 

[Alle_Gory]

I predict that in a few weeks we won't be hearing about Luke's girlfriend ever again.

Either she'll be buried under the floorboards, or she decides to spend some time with someone who aspires to be something, anything. It could really go either way.

 

[#41]

This guy is a troll. He has 2,400+ posts of him being a troll.

Don't feed his ego by continuing to respond to the drivel that he posts on here.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

This guy is a troll. He has 2,400+ posts of him being a troll.

Don't feed his ego by continuing to respond to the drivel that he posts on here.

Thanks for bumping up this thread.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

look dude, as much as i hate your posts,

if you TRULY are satisfied with your current relationship (or lack of there of) then, shít keep doin what you are doin. but you keep talking about "cheating on her" emotionally and how its "almost guaranteed" that you will "cheat on her."

That's correct, I cheated on her like three times over the weekend:

a) At church, I hugged one particular woman who was looking at me during the service and I had a connection with. Emotional cheat.

b) I sent a text message to another romantic interest at the office saying that "I was thinking about her". She replied back. Emotional cheat.

c) Today, I hugged a car sales-woman, we hugged each other for a bit longer than normal with breasts against my chest. Emotoinal cheat.

It's like I'm cheating every day and don't seem to be taking this relationship seriously enough. I'm reviewing the feedback on this thread and from two threads I wrote on the "Infidelity" section of enotalone to see what to do here. Whether to re-negotiate the boundaries of this relationship again. It's just confusing.

It's not like I'm not satisfied with the relationship, BUT the way I keep on with this 'emotional infidelity' thing it is almost turning into a daily occurance -- I still think if I had an attractive girlfriend that it would be the same thing since I would still like variety rather than just one woman, especially in the same long distance set-up where you don't see her for 10 months.

wtf are you doing in this relationship?

I will have to study into that.

by the definition of being in a relationship you arent supposed to cheat on her but the posts you have posted have said you are inevitably going to do it....why?

It just happens whenever it does. I also keep eying other girls around.

dont understand,this girl lives thousands of miles away and youd rather have the TAG that you have A GIRLFRIEND _and_ "cheat on her" emotionally.

Well, she's coming down during the summer to enforce this relationship. That's two months. It's not like she's penpal. I know what a pen-pal is.

In fact I had another long distance relationship who was a pen-pal so I usually use that relationship to contrast with this one so I know that this one is real. The other long distance relationship so far has faded out since I meet her back in Feburuary only in 2008 during Trinidad carnival -- online, but never actually meet her person to person. I would not say that she's a girlfriend -- at best I meet a penpal, or a cyber-relationship rather than a long-distance relationship since I never actually meet her face to face yet.

Contrast this here, she's emailing, calling every day, I spent a week with her, she's talking about love and marriage and wants to come down for two months during the summer. I meet her as a Real-Estate client who bought a home through me. This woman sounds more real than any woman I have meet in the past and I know this isn't a virtual relationship.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Long distance relationships are for CHUMPS. End of story. No exceptions.

You should be in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship with her. Keep her on the side, and date other women. It's NOT cheating if you're in a NON-EXCLUSIVE relationship.

She is calling and emailing every day. If it were a once a week thing or if she were more distant then of course that would make sence to re-negotiate the boundaries to non-exclusive or treat it like that.

 

[MikeBrown30]

I can not pursue any other woman while I am "with" her because that would be "emotional cheating". Anything more than being civil with another girl will be considered cheating to her.

Right, so lets say you miraculously get some other girl interested in you that you find attractive, and you start flirting with her. How is your current "GIRLFRIEND" going to find out that you got chummy with another girl? Or will you break down and tell her that you "cheated" on her because you flirted with another girl?

It has already been explained to her that:
a) I can't have sex with her unless we are married.
b) I can't visit her home in North Manitoba, unless we are married.
c) I can't go travelling with her around the world, even if she pays for it, unless we are married.

Why not? People around the world, everywhere do all these things without a second thought. 18 year olds are boning each other without being married. Boyfriends/Girlfriends go away on trips with each other, even though they aren't married.

3) I do not think it's fair or appropriate to start pursuing other girls who just look more attractive than my girlfriend and contrary to sence since, as most girls out there aren't really good quality or are as compatable in so many levels as this girl is here. She's likes the fact I'm quiet and isn't complaining like other women that I'm not domineering enough

Of course not, why would you want to pursue a girl that you find attractive, when you can settle for much less, which requires little to no effort.

You and your parents remind me of my grandparents, who still have the mindset from 30 years ago, and they are the most negative, boring people I know. You need to move out of home ASAP, so you can actually begin to live a normal life.

 

[MikeBrown30]

That's correct, I cheated on her like three times over the weekend:

a) At church, I hugged one particular woman who was looking at me during the service and I had a connection with. Emotional cheat.

b) I sent a text message to another romantic interest at the office saying that "I was thinking about her". She replied back. Emotional cheat.

c) Today, I hugged a car sales-woman, we hugged each other for a bit longer than normal with breasts against my chest. Emotoinal cheat.

It's like I'm cheating every day and don't seem to be taking this relationship seriously enough. I'm reviewing the feedback on this thread and from two threads I wrote on the "Infidelity" section of enotalone to see what to do here. Whether to re-negotiate the boundaries of this relationship again. It's just confusing.

Ahahahaha, anything less than exchanging bodily fluids is not cheating you fv<king frigid.

 

[pua1989]

hahahahah seriously....ive never even heard of the term emotional cheating...im sure your bítch is boning a guy right now and if i met her id bone her just so i could come on here and put it in your face no matter how UG she is

 

[young_gun]

Luke,

It's a good thing you can post anonymously online, because if people in your community found out about this person you've become online, it'd be pretty damn hilarious.

I don't understand why you feel the need for this self-imposed contract. Who told you you had to make that? You've created all these regulations that you have to abide by. YOU did it. That's the key word. Nobody else is enforcing this contract, YOU are the one that created it for yourself, and YOU are the one that is unhappy about it.

Giving a woman a hug is not "emotionally cheating". Humans are wired for physical contact, and if you can't even give someone a HUG, you're just flat out weird. Where do you draw the line, Luke? Is giving a handshake emotionally cheating too? What happens when you're with you're woman and she sees an old friend (a male friend *gasp*) and gives him a hug? Are you going to Hulk out and put him in a sleeper hold? Actually, my guess is that you'll come to this forum and ask us what you should do about a cheating (hugging) GF.

The fact that you've described her as a "ug4-hb5" says that you think she's less than average, and can do better. There is no Law of the Universe that tells you you can't keep shopping around if you aren't satisfied.