my ex contacted me.

[DJArlington]

some of you may know about my situation with my ex. anyway there is a lot of drama involved. to make a long story short, she said she didn't want to talk to me (this was a few weeks ago, we were fighting) and that she called the cell phone company to cut me off (block my number) and if i emailed her she would just delete the emails. so whatever, I am cool with that... so I have not whatsoever in any way shape or form contacted her.

fast forward to two days ago, she instant messages me out of the blue because she's proud of an accomplishment in her career (that she wanted to tell me about) and than wants to make sure there are no ill feelings between us, but also wanted to make sure that i was still in love with her. what kind of crazy crap is this? there is seriously something wrong here.

on top of all this, she also told me a few weeks ago while we were fighting that she was dating someone and banging him.

isn't it time I just told her that she should NEVER EVER contact me again ?

 

[Da Realist]

Don't even tell her. Just don't respond to her. Period.

 

[mrRuckus]

Uh, no. You don't even have to tell her that.

You never should've even replied to the instant message. I'm not sure you even did, but if you didn't then just leave it that way and don't say anything. And if you did, then do the same thing and don't just reply again next time.

This stuff is very easy. Find something else to do with your life and it's not an issue at all. I have plenty of exes i've cut off contact with. They pop up every once in a while but i just don't care at all because i have other people to talk to and laugh about it with. "so so-and-so emailed me again yesterday. when is she gonna give up. how pathetic." It's a bit of a joke now amongst friends that I live within like 40 yards (literally) of two of my exes and don't talk to either of them.

She is outright INSULTING YOU by messaging you and telling you this sh1t about new guys and crap. Ignoring her is the only real way to communicate with her and give her zero ground to stand on. Sometimes nonverbal communication is a zillion times better than saying anything.

"wants to make sure there are no ill feelings between us." - Good. She is uncomfortable unless everyone likes her and she is validated. You are a man and thus don't care about this sort of thing so much. So leave her to be uncomfortable. You are under no obligation to her.

 

[speed dawg]

Indifference, not hate, is the opposite of love.

DO NOT REPLY TO HER. DO NOT CONTACT HER.

That is all.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Bump. Agree with all of the above.

This woman sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Don't give her the satisfaction, dude. Absolutely no contact of any kind. Become and remain a mystery.

 

[parrot84]

Bump. Agree with all of the above.

This woman sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. Don't give her the satisfaction, dude. Absolutely no contact of any kind. Become and remain a mystery.

He's right !

WHY THE FYCK WOULD YOU WANT to get back with a women that dumped you and dissrespected your manhood!

DIGG THIS: EVERYBODY WANTS WHAT'S RARE because that makes it more valuable! IF you ignore her completly! GUESS WHAT!? How many guys she experienced doing that to her in her life? NOT A LOT A WOULD GUESS! THAT'S the treatment, women that DUMPED YOU, NEED TO BE APPLIED!

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

wants to make sure there are no ill feelings between us, but also wanted to make sure that i was still in love with her. what kind of crazy crap is this? there is seriously something wrong here.

on top of all this, she also told me a few weeks ago while we were fighting that she was dating someone and banging him.

isn't it time I just told her that she should NEVER EVER contact me again ?

Not entirely privy to the history, DJ, but I would say at this point you are her back-up plan. Be careful. A few months down the road she might get in touch with you and reel you back in, once the sheen of the new guy wears off.

For whatever reason, She thinks she has power over you, and wants to LJBF. Again, don't give her the satisfaction. If, after time, she gets postal and starts texting you every 5 mins. (this may happen) you can contact her, but make it clear to her that you are interested in her for ONLY the sex, and even then I would be wary - who knows what cooties the new guy is bringing in.

Definitely NOT LTR material for future reference.

 

[Janez]

this sounds so clusterB to me (but every woman crap sounds very clusterB to myself lately hehe).

yeah she want to f*** with your mind to steal some self esteem from you. no contact is the way to go. keep your emotions safe for yourself and those that deserve them.

 

[DJArlington]

What does cluster B mean ?

 

[Fallen]

What does cluster B mean ?

Cluster B Personality Disorder means Attention ***** in english :yes:

or maybe narcisstic or borderline. That's all summed up under "Cluster B"

Pretty much everything you don't want to have to deal with.

 

[Janez]

Cluster B is group of Personality disorders - serious mental illness.

"Borderline Personality Disorder is marked by instability. The patient is a roller-coaster of emotions (this is called emotional lability). She (most Borderlines are women) fails to maintain stable relationships and dramatically attaches to, clings, and violently detaches from a seemingly inexhaustible stream of lovers, spouses, intimate partners, and friends. Self-image is volatile, one's sense of self-worth is fluctuating and precarious, affect is unpredictable and inappropriate, and impulse control is impaired (the patient's threshold of frustration is low).

The Antisocial Personality Disorder involves contemptuous disregard for others. The psychopath ignores or actively violates other people's rights, choices, wishes, preferences, and emotions.

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is founded on a sense of fantastic grandiosity, brilliance, perfection, and power (omnipotence). The narcissist lacks empathy, is exploitative, and compulsively seeks narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, being feared, etc.) to buttress his False Self - a confabulated "person" aimed at inspiring awe and extracting compliance and subservience from others.

Finally, the Histrionic Personality Disorder also revolves around attention-seeking but is usually confined to sexual conquests and displays of the histrionic's capacity to irresistibly seduce others."



ClusterB women are drama queens, that can suck you into their world, and bring you down. After breaking up with ClusterB woman (BPD in my case) you feel devastated, worthless, with no self esteem and energy.

They are masters of manipulation.

What she did in your case is what in community is called "hoover", to see if you are still available to her to f*** with your mind and steal your resources (emotions, self esteem). Stay away of these women before they bring you down. Because from down it is long HARD way back up.

 

[parrot84]

on top of all this, she also told me a few weeks ago while we were fighting that she was dating someone and banging him.
?

Hey man! I've been a wuss almost all my life, but now i'm starting to get well! EVEN THOUGH I WAS A WUSS, if a piece of **** like that told me about the guy he was banging just to hurt me, that would automatically turn ON my "SELF REPECT" shield ! Turn that ON! Things in this life are either WORTHY or NOTWORTHY! Don't waste the energy on the UNWORTHY! And it's not just that it is UNWORTHY TO YOU, but no REAL MAN would find a woman like that WORTHY! Treat her like the PIECE OF SHYT that she is ! AND THAT IS IGNORE 100% !

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I had an ex contact me out of the blue a few months ago.

It went something like "Hey, it didn't work out with my latest. I've been alone for a month now...and I'm in need of some attention. I was just calling to see if you wanted to hang out...."

I've been with someone new now for over a year, so I had to turn her down, but...y'all get the idea.

 

[parrot84]

It went something like "Hey, it didn't work out with my latest. I've been alone for a month now...and I'm in need of some attention. I was just calling to see if you wanted to hang out...."

At least she didn't lie about the fact she wanted attention. She said the truth.
I think these real attention whalles don't go like that! They lie all the time and manipulate through lying!

 

[Alexander the Great]

Arly, promise me, and us, one thing: Do not respond to this woman. Ignore her.

I'm too tired right now to think of the right words to explain it. The above posters already said a lot, but somehow I feel it's not enought to make you understand without a more comprehensive outlay of things.

Just... don't respond. Ignore her. She's just trying to see if you're still interested. This will validate her self-esteem and sense of self-worth. If you respond, you'll satisfy her craving. And trust me, even though she'll probably say she means it well with you, resonding to these tactics will not serve you. In fact, if you allow yourself to be sucked in again, it'll destroy you further. If you respond, chances are she'll just forget about you again until she needs another "fix". Where does that leave you? And how? Disillusioned. In a bad way.

Telling you about the other guy was just plain cruel. Nasty even. No sane and healthy women would ever say such a thing to you, for a sane and healthy woman knows this will hurt you. What sane and healthy woman who still cares enough about you to want no ill-feelings between you will do that? What the other posters said about suspecting her to be someone with a personality disorder, is probably spot on. This wo-- female has no empathy or sympathies for you. This is simply an attention wh*re with issues.

In your own words: something's not right here. You bet!

Don't respond. Ignore her. Dump her from your IM even. Why do you want to have anything to do with her anyway? Focus on your own life and meet new people.

 

[penkitten]

enough is enough.
after all that she put you through, and she has the balls to insult you by contacting you, as you are trying to get on with your life.
does she not get enough attention from whomever she told you she was boning? grr! does she think you miss her enough to degrade yourself into begging for her to return?not happening!
this is bullsnot!
do not reply to her at all.
if she continues, pm me.

 

[DJArlington]

enough is enough.
after all that she put you through, and she has the balls to insult you by contacting you, as you are trying to get on with your life.
does she not get enough attention from whomever she told you she was boning? grr! does she think you miss her enough to degrade yourself into begging for her to return?not happening!
this is bullsnot!
do not reply to her at all.
if she continues, pm me.

I will never beg for her return. I'll find myself a girl I think that is hot and cool and most of all respects me. You can't be friends with a girl who disrespects you, in fact you shouldn't even have any friends that disrespect you.

As usual, you guys are the greatest set of advisors a man can ask for.

 

[jophil28]

What does cluster B mean ?

Read the thread about "How to get rid of a BPD girl' . It has all the answers that apply to your situation.

 

[Heretolearn]

well done!

 

[jophil28]

on top of all this, she also told me a few weeks ago while we were fighting that she was dating someone and banging him.

The correct response to this appalling Cluster B 'knife in the ribs' was to silently walk away and lose her contact details FOREVER.