Murk's relationship - SOS

[EyeBRollin]

Meh, I politely disagree with the majority here, I dont believe in the "never ask a girl her notch count", on the contrary, I try to find out as soon as possible (I will just say **** it and plain ask on date 3 if it hasnt come up). Im currently very happy with my current LTR so it worked for me.

Sound like OPs relatioship is over, maybe it has been for a while. Make it official or not, break up or not, but should already be looking for a better girl.

Why? How does it benefit you to hear her answer? (99.9% chance she is undercounting)

 

[EyeBRollin]

I can do this, but the thought of her going to some dudes house she met on bumble to smash then making me wait 3 dates just 4 months later is pissing me off.

How and why do you even know this?

Men, stop asking questions you do not want to know the answer to!

 

[Dr.Suave]

Why? How does it benefit you to hear her answer? (99.9% chance she is undercounting)

If I start to like her, I get courious, I cant help it.

Most guys say "I dont wanna know the exact number so I dont ask". If that works for you, good for yo. Im not trying to change your mind, its just not for me.

 

[EyeBRollin]

If I start to like her, I get courious, I cant help it. Most guys say "I dont wanna know the exact number so I dont ask", if that works for you, good for you.

You can help it; it is a choice. I’m asking -

how does it benefit you to for her to declare notch count?

 

[Dr.Suave]

You can help it; it is a choice. I’m asking -

how does it benefit you to for her to declare notch count?

You can keep asking. "It doesnt benefit me at all" That´s what you wanna hear right? You do you brother.

 

[Am Shaegar]

Keep her as a **** if you want to, but never wife her or have kids with her. As a Gf dump her. All the qualities she currently shows are just an act.

Do not listen to the people here who try to excuse her behavior or try to tell you that it's you that is having the problem. Sluts are never wife or mother material and allowing it will ruin your life. Never ask a girl for her bodycount but make always sure you know the whole truth before putting a ring on one.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You can keep asking. "It doesnt benefit me at all" That´s what you wanna hear right? You do you brother.

I'm kinda with @EyeBRollin on this one...if all you are doing is asking, I'm not sure what purpose it serves. She isn't going to give you a truthful answer most likely...unless you are using it to watch her behavior and/or signals so you can attempt to spot when she is lying in the future.

That could be very useful indeed

 

[Dr.Suave]

I'm kinda with @EyeBRollin on this one...if all you are doing is asking, I'm not sure what purpose it serves. She isn't going to give you a truthful answer most likely...unless you are using it to watch her behavior and/or signals so you can attempt to spot when she is lying in the future.

That could be very useful indeed

Im not really sure why I ask, but maybe there are a few reasons. One could be what you mentioned.

Another (for the sake of discussion, lets assume they answer the truth) could be to identify alpha widows. How do you know she´s an alpha widow? Becuase she has only had sex with one guy, and it was ages ago, and she has had other boyfriends after him but for some strange reason she never had sex with them. That girl is not over him. I´ve met and avoided those girls.

 

[Murk]

How and why do you even know this?

Men, stop asking questions you do not want to know the answer to!

I searched a name from the list in her WhatsApp and saw a conv with her friend basically saying here’s this guys address I’m going to his house just so you know. Next day friend checks in “omg I banged him t was soo good” yeah I went deep detective, I’m ocd and very thorough to my own detriment.

@catsmeow is right, there are so many moving parts to this, it’s not really fair I expect solid advice from people that only know part of this whole story. I can’t expect people to keep up with my threads/situation

 

[Am Shaegar]

I searched a name from the list in her WhatsApp and saw a conv with her friend basically saying here’s this guys address I’m going to his house just so you know. Next day friend checks in “omg I banged him t was soo good” yeah I went deep detective, I’m ocd and very thorough to my own detriment.

She is a slut in her Epiphany Phase trying to turn you into a sucker. There is no problem with you or your past. She is a danger to the well being of your life.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree with this but I also believe the best relationships occur when both people are whole and complete first - internally.

Strive for that, deal with your internal shyt first. Become whole and complete first, love yourself first.

I don't believe you can truly love another if you don't and even this girl, I don't believe you love her Murk, if you did, you wouldn't be feeling as you do. The disgust, the disdain.

Close intimate relationships are akin to looking in the mirror and seeing your own image reflected back to you. The disdain you feel, the disgust is actually the disdain and disgust you feel for yourself.

It's too painful to acknowledge so instead of addressing it, together or alone, you dump the girl and thus alleviate the need to deal with any of it. Running away from it..

Problem is it's still there, festering within and the patten of decadence and debauchery continues.

Apologies I realize I'm getting into some deep shyt here.

Just some things to consider. It's all a journey mate.

You can't love someone else when you don't love yourself.

 

[Murk]

She is a slut in her Epiphany Phase trying to turn you into a sucker. There is no problem with you or your past. She is a danger to the well being of your life.

Also your other post, about her putting on a facade, I’ve known her 4 years she’s been loyal as a dog, hence this is such a shock to me as I was on the verge of saying fvck it to my insecurity and committing to her. I read what a promiscuous girl is like and she doesn't have any of the signs, maybe I just don’t know what to look for I’ve never aimed to get in a LTR ever in my life the idea scares me.

 

[Am Shaegar]

Also your other post, about her putting on a facade, I’ve known her 4 years she’s been loyal as a dog, hence this is such a shock to me as I was on the verge of saying fvck it to my insecurity and committing to her. I read what a promiscuous girl is like and she doesn't have any of the signs, maybe I just don’t know what to look for I’ve never aimed to get in a LTR ever in my life the idea scares me.

Women can put on a facade for decades, it takes knowledge from experience to really see it in real life. Look at the story of almost every divorced man in the world and you will know your future should you be so stupid to listen to the people here to forgive her being a slut. She will return to her old habbits in the future and she is friends with women who will support her behavior.

Now that you have seen the ugly truth, you know what to look out for and do background checks earlier when commiting to a girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can't love someone else when you don't love yourself.

It's possible many do it! Of course they hurt themselves doing it, but they are great at taking care of others and suck at looking after themselves.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's possible many do it! Of course they hurt themselves doing it, but they are great at taking care of others and suck at looking after themselves.

What I meant is that in the end it will all come crashing down due to the internal issues they haven't dealt with.

Or they end up being in a really toxic relationship for way too long but that isn't really love, that's more codependency.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What I meant is that in the end it will all come crashing down due to the internal issues they haven't dealt with.

Or they end up being in a really toxic relationship for way too long but that isn't really love, that's more codependency.

Fosho, health issues, stress, depression, the entire gamut and at the end of it most to all of those people that they were a helper for won't appreciate them.

 

[Murk]

Fosho, health issues, stress, depression, the entire gamut and at the end of it most to all of those people that they were a helper for won't appreciate them.

Stress and depression are symptoms of high EQ, which is why you have a tendency to help, love and care for others. Many will read posts about this and have no connection to it.

 

[SW15]

She's had 2 MMF threesomes 10 years ago. 1 she admitted to while I was spinning her (and didn't care about her) and another she kept secret.

Women who have 2 male, 1 female threesomes are sexually adventuresome. Enjoy! You have a Madonna-Whorre complex about this.

I'm so torn because she has great mother/wife qualities, same political/relgious views and she's unvaxxed. I just feel lied to and duped, and I've told her this. I just needed to vent SS.

She's submissive, can pair bond, etc etc but I don't think I can ever respect her.

It's difficult to see how a woman who has had multiple MFM threesomes can pair bond and have good mother/wife qualities. Nevertheless, she could be a decent extended girlfriend so long as you realize her for what she is. Decent girlfriend, no long term commitments as I said earlier.

I'm ready to skip to the marriage and kids stage

No, you are not. You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can get there.

Her number is about 30. She says that's not high, I say your hoe friends shouldn't be the benchmark. She says it could be a lot more if she wanted

30 is a moderately high notch count. Yes, she could have way more. Most women could. Her point of view is valid that she's shown restraint in having only 30 notches when she could easily be at 150+.

I just think it's better to start fresh with a new girl and vet properly or with a girl who is honest. I met her at 29, I only realise now, that she'd lead a life and looking to settle. I even asked her, am I the first guy that wears a suit and has a proper job you have been with, she said yes, that kinda hurt because I thought she had better judgement. I feel she's settling for the best thing that came along, despite the fact I'm going to be her best no matter what.

This is your insecurity showing itself. You have a valid point about starting fresh but you did let your own insecurities get the best of you and it sped up the failure of this relationship. It would have failed anyway even if you had been in a better place mentally and emotionally.

 

[Murk]

Women who have 2 male, 1 female threesomes are sexually adventuresome. Enjoy! You have a Madonna-Whorre complex about this.



It's difficult to see how a woman who has had multiple MFM threesomes can pair bond and have good mother/wife qualities. Nevertheless, she could be a decent extended girlfriend so long as you realize her for what she is. Decent girlfriend, no long term commitments as I said earlier.



No, you are not. You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can get there.



30 is a moderately high notch count. Yes, she could have way more. Most women could. Her point of view is valid that she's shown restraint in having only 30 notches when she could easily be at 150+.



This is your insecurity showing itself. You have a valid point about starting fresh but you did let your own insecurities get the best of you and it sped up the failure of this relationship. It would have failed anyway even if you had been in a better place mentally and emotionally.

I feel this is a very accurate take on the situation. I think I love the feeling this girl gives me, of acceptance and peace, (finally!) but not her as a person.

We have had a lengthy convo just now, I’m feeling more positive.

 

[SoSuave666]

I’m so shocked at some of the responses to this thread. There are some men who recognize game and really live that life. Then there are the women and pansies in this thread lmfao