Multiple personalities

[reset]

STR8Up I admire the energy you seem to have, you go non-stop. You have ten times the social life I wish I had right now. I don't know if I could do what you do, I need to be by myself now and then.

Personally, your joke is probably the same thing I would have done. Sometimes I say things totally well-meaning, but I can be really sarcastic. Often people take what I say like a personal attack, when I'm really just teasing them. Maybe I like getting a reaction though. But I hate it when I say something out of a teasing nature and it hurts the girl's feelings, and yeah, they will not take it the right way often like joekker said. When you say stuff like that sometimes it cuts right into their insecurities and that little "I've got my act together" mask falls away and they are that insecure little girl standing in front of everyone, you cut right to their core without intending to.

And they'll remind you months later long after you've forgotten.

 

[Mr. Me]

Joekerr, you're right that there are certain areas that poking fun at will usually trigger a negative reaction. Especially something they're insecure about. Yet, she had seemed to be flirty with him, not rigid, and that's probably why he felt at ease enough to jest.

But "Did you say you have multiple personalities?" isn't an offensive dig nor put down, and it's obviously absurd and obviously meant to be humorous. Still, if she didn't like it, which indicates either her low self-esteem and/or insecurity as she obviously doesn't have sense of humor about herself, she could've said so in a nicer fashion. But she didn't, she rudely pointed her finger and told him how to behave and exaggerated it theatrically as his putting his words in her mouth.

She growled. Her actions serve as a big red flag that this is a person to stay away from.

 

[joekerr31]

joe- come on bro.

i think you guys are being a bit cynical. put yourself in his shoes. she said she had a "multiple facet of personalities". and his response was .."what, you said you have mulitple personalities??"

are we all reading the same thing? by no means was this offensive or meaning any intent to cause damage to this girls ego. this was a simple play on words.

oh i dont know. the way i read str8ups words were "what? you have multiple personalities?" not 'what, you said you have multiple personalities?"

it was framed as a passive aggressive manner.

but hey, by no means am i saying that what he said wasn't funny, or even innocent in intentions. what i am saying though is that the RESULT was that he made fun of her 'personality' and got everyone to laugh at her.

now, had she been highly attracted to him she would have let this slide and just chalked it up as C&F. but she didn't let it slide because she felt it was a dig - so either it WAS a dig or str8up did a really bad job of delivering the joke in a way such that it wasn't taken as a dig.

str8up is always complaining to his female friends how there are no good women out there, or trying to get them to see how women behave is shallow nad pathetic - when you start tossing in diggs like this it doesn't help your cause.

all im saying is that this is a prime example of how a woman reacts badly to str8up and he is quick to point out how inappropriate her behavior is without taking even a moment to consider how his behavior played into the situation.

all i know is that when it comes to women there are a few spots that will get you into BIG trouble almost every time, and that includes - making fun of their intelligence, mental stability or their looks / weight.

make jokes around those things at your own peril.

 

[LovelyLady]

STR8UP,

Can I share how she may have experienced the brunch?

Italics are how she would probably tell her experience of the morning.

So I was at brunch yesterday with a good female friend and a friend-of-a-friend hers.

I was having brunch with my girlfriend and this guy friend of hers. I barely know this guy friend of hers, and what little time I have spent with him we don't get along. I was starting to warm up to him a bit, but not anymore. Listen to what this jerk did!

...and some dude comes up to the table. .... they had been out a few times before, blah, blah. Seemed like a really cool guy...

Mr. Cool Guy that I have been dating came up to our table...

...I was kinda in and out of the convo, if I picked up on something I would chime in from time to time...

...and my girlfriend's friend kept interrupting my conversation with Mr. Cool Guy.

... I hear her say something about there being "multiple facets to her personality", so I jokingly said "What? You said you have multiple personalities?"

Then he interrupts again, and takes what is a positive about me - the fact that I do not have a one-dimensional/flat/boring personality and he insults me - right in front of Mr. Cool Guy! ...then he trys to play it like it was a joke...

...started another sentence with "What, you said...." again, and she cuts me off and points her finger at me and says half jokingly (actually a little more on the serious side), "And by the way, don't ever put words in my mouth again when I'm around a new guy!"

So I tried not to be b****y, but I was firm and clear to not mess with me when I am talking to guys I am interested in. I told him: don't ever put words in my mouth again when I'm around a new guy Can you believe this friend's friend would disrespect me like that when I am obviously talking to A MR COOL GUY?

IMO you were in her potential-friend zone and you "****blocked" her/undermined her conversation with Mr. Cool Guy. She was telling you to back-off. She would have told this to a female friend-of-a-friend as well.

 

[joekerr31]

Joekerr, you're right that there are certain areas that poking fun at will usually trigger a negative reaction. Especially something they're insecure about. Yet, she had seemed to be flirty with him, not rigid, and that's probably why he felt at ease enough to jest.

But "Did you say you have multiple personalities?" isn't an offensive dig nor put down, and it's obviously absurd and obviously meant to be humorous. Still, if she didn't like it, which indicates either her low self-esteem and/or insecurity as she obviously doesn't have sense of humor about herself, she could've said so in a nicer fashion. But she didn't, she rudely pointed her finger and told him how to behave and exaggerated it theatrically as his putting his words in her mouth.

She growled. Her actions serve as a big red flag that this is a person to stay away from.

you guys are reframing his words so that they come across as polite "Did you say you have multiple personalities?"

what he said was "What? you have multiple personalities?" - im telling ya, that is passive aggressive. it has an accusatory tone - a mocking tone - its passive aggressive in that its really saying "you're not another psycho chic are you?"

like i say, there are some things you just dont joke around with when it comes to women until you have established a closer relationship and they know what you are saying.

this is kind of how i see what he described, but instead i'll use guys and a bit of a different scenario...

[tim, frank and jim having beers - a bunch of single chics mingling with them - multiple conversations going on at once]

Frank: So Tim, I'm going to head off. time to hit the hay.
Tim: Sounds good frank, thanks for coming out.
Jim: What? Frank your gay?
[tim and all the girls laugh]
Frank: no i said its time to hit the hay.
Jim: ooooooh. cool, see ya later.
[Frank leaves thinking to himself 'man tim is a f*cking *sshole']


sure, Frank shouldn't get upset since he's not gay and its just a 'joke'. but guess what - you don't joke about another man being 'gay' unless you are really close friends or you are looking for a black eye. and you don't joke about it in front of the women. its just common sense.

just like (it should be) common sense that you don't joke about a woman mental stability, intelligence or looks/weight (at least not until you've established that kind of joking relationship with her).

 

[joekerr31]

lovely, good post.

so many guys simply do stuff like this and can't understand why the women get upset.

and yet, if a woman were to make a joke about them being gay while they were trying to pick up some hot waitress they would be furious with her.

i by no means am about giving women special treatment, BUT, we're talking common sense here.

make jokes about someones mental stability, race, profession, looks, etc. and you run the risk of offending them. this is so manners 101.

 

[reset]

I say stuff like that but it usually ends with girls hitting me playfully which means they know it's my way of teasing them. I guess that's what you're going for. I never saw it as passive agressive, I love to tease girls. If I couldn't do that I'd be miserable.

But there's a fine line between a girl knowing you're just busting her balls and a girl who thinks you're insulting her I suppose.

yeah, the stuff you mentioned is off limits. But mental stability is kind of funny.

 

[joekerr31]

I say stuff like that but it usually ends with girls hitting me playfully which means they know it's my way of teasing them. I guess that's what you're going for. I never saw it as passive agressive, I love to tease girls. If I couldn't do that I'd be miserable.

But there's a fine line between a girl knowing you're just busting her balls and a girl who thinks you're insulting her I suppose.

yeah, the stuff you mentioned is off limits. But mental stability is kind of funny.

delivery is important. you can get away with a lot if you know how to deliver it.

but obviously, given her reaction, the delivery was not good enough to pull it off. it made everyone else laugh, but pissed off the chic.

two guys can say the same thing, but if a woman is attracted to one guy and he has good delivery, it can result in one guy getting a playful hit on the arm while the other guy gets a slap in the face.

all i know is that i've always pre-gauged who im dealing with and seem to instinctively know which women i can pull this stuff with.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

"Hey, I'm not insane-----it's just everybody else that's CRAZY!"

- The Joker (From one of the better, old Batman comic books that I read a long time ago from the seventies...I forget which issue, though. )

 

[reset]

Normally I would do that to all of them and then clean up the mess later. I guess it's the skill of spotting low self esteem in a girl. Yeah, I'm enjoying learning that there are different types of women.

 

[Mr. Me]

you guys are reframing his words so that they come across as polite "Did you say you have multiple personalities?"

I wasn't reframing it, I was actually paraphrasing but used the wrong quote marks to denote that.

But the difference between "Did you say you have multiple personalities?" and "What? you have multiple personalities?" is negligable. It has to do with the tone, the delivery of it, speaking of which:

but obviously, given her reaction, the delivery was not good enough to pull it off. it made everyone else laugh, but pissed off the chic.

If everyone else got it but her, then it's not his delivery that was off. What it was then was more about this:

two guys can say the same thing, but if a woman is attracted to one guy and he has good delivery, it can result in one guy getting a playful hit on the arm while the other guy gets a slap in the face.

Though I think we could all agree that the one that resorts to slapping has some issues.

 

[joekerr31]

Normally I would do that to all of them and then clean up the mess later. I guess it's the skill of spotting low self esteem in a girl. Yeah, I'm enjoying learning that there are different types of women.

ohhhh thats totally different!

if he had cracked on all the women at once it probably would have gone over fine.

group dynamics are tricky sometimes - its very risky digging on ONE person in front of a group, most people get ultra defense / sensitive cuz their worst fear is being made a fool of in front of others (hence why people hate public speaking).

and maybe im being too harsh on str8up. but at the same time, str8up is quick to give us example after example of women who 'suck' - but in this example i wonder how much of it really comes down to his attitude, or failing to pull off C&F effectively, or judging when to use it, etc.

i have two major issues with the scenario described..

1) that he's taking risks with jokes like this (obviously failing to read the situation correctly, since the outcome was negative)
2) that a woman feels she can wave her finger in his face (clearly suggesting that she does not see him as an alpha male)

it suggests to me that str8up may be a bigger part of his 'i can't find a quality woman' than at first we might suspect.

and the fact that he wanted to just toss 20 bucks on the table and leave is totally immature.

i dont know what the hell is going on with him lately, cuz he seems out of sorts. this particular example is just another indication that he needs some down time to get his mojo back.

 

[reset]

most people get ultra defense / sensitive cuz their worst fear is being made a fool of in front of others

I think you just described the entire reason for this site's existance.

And the girl waving her finger, obviously that's also the type of thing a girl could do in a good natured way like she's teasing back. I don't think that's what happened though.

 

[joekerr31]

I think you just described the entire reason for this site's existance.

And the girl waving her finger, obviously that's also the type of thing a girl could do in a good natured way like she's teasing back. I don't think that's what happened though.

in my opinion this is totally classic group behavior. i see it in the corporate world all the time. bunch of us sitting aroudn the table, some guy cracks a joke about another guy, everyone laughs, but the guy that was made fun of kind of smirks and you can tell he's thinking 'you f*cking prick!"

people who have a sarcasitc / cutting sense of humor need to be careful, because their 'joke' can very easily come off as an attack and / or an attempt to humiliate in front of others.

and its all fine and dandy to say 'ahh f*ck him if he can't take a joke." or "f*ck her the dumb b*tch' - but that attitude won't hold you in good standing forever.

 

[reset]

people who have a sarcasitc / cutting sense of humor need to be careful, because their 'joke' can very easily come off as an attack and / or an attempt to humiliate in front of others.

Yeah I know, I do my best. I'm not out to hurt people. It's backfired on me enough times.

Something like this wouldn't phase me. I need to get out there and realize all the other stuff that wouldn't phase me. :crazy:

 

[ketostix]

This is very simple. As Str8up pointed out previously, the girl was at least somewhat interested in him the last time they hung out (and a little wierd). But the girl is into the other guy now and after brunch and after they went to the other bar, she probably hooked up with him (maybe again). This is why she subjectively interpreted Str8up's C+F comment negatively. It's just a classic example of a hor getting with one guy and "cutting off" at least emotionally the other guy.

This is basically what Lovely Lady was saying in a much more biased and female-centric viewpoint.

 

[ketostix]

STR8UP,

Can I share how she may have experienced the brunch?

Italics are how she would probably tell her experience of the morning.



I was having brunch with my girlfriend and this guy friend of hers. I barely know this guy friend of hers, and what little time I have spent with him we don't get along. I was starting to warm up to him a bit, but not anymore. Listen to what this jerk did!



Mr. Cool Guy that I have been dating came up to our table...




...and my girlfriend's friend kept interrupting my conversation with Mr. Cool Guy.



Then he interrupts again, and takes what is a positive about me - the fact that I do not have a one-dimensional/flat/boring personality and he insults me - right in front of Mr. Cool Guy! ...then he trys to play it like it was a joke...




So I tried not to be b****y, but I was firm and clear to not mess with me when I am talking to guys I am interested in. I told him: don't ever put words in my mouth again when I'm around a new guy Can you believe this friend's friend would disrespect me like that when I am obviously talking to A MR COOL GUY?

IMO you were in her potential-friend zone and you "****blocked" her/undermined her conversation with Mr. Cool Guy. She was telling you to back-off. She would have told this to a female friend-of-a-friend as well.

Who cares what this self-entitled girl delusionally believes? But you're right she wants to fvck around with the other guy most likely. But that's no excuses for her being a b1tch that she is. The other guy was the c0ckblock, and what's this girl's complaint? She mostly likely fvcked the other guy anyway. Female pride and entitlement has no bounds.

 

[ketostix]

in my opinion this is totally classic group behavior. i see it in the corporate world all the time. bunch of us sitting aroudn the table, some guy cracks a joke about another guy, everyone laughs, but the guy that was made fun of kind of smirks and you can tell he's thinking 'you f*cking prick!"

people who have a sarcasitc / cutting sense of humor need to be careful, because their 'joke' can very easily come off as an attack and / or an attempt to humiliate in front of others.

and its all fine and dandy to say 'ahh f*ck him if he can't take a joke." or "f*ck her the dumb b*tch' - but that attitude won't hold you in good standing forever.

Joekerr, Str8up's joke or C+F isn't the issue. The girl was trying to DHV herself with the comment, "there's many facets to my personality." She could've just as easily subjectively interpreted what Str8up said as flirting and teasing. The real issue is she's into the other guy, and she's just getting all arrogant that Str8up didn't play the role of orbiter AFC in front of her other guy.

 

[iqqi]

^^^You are clueless sometimes. I want to say all the time, but... I am trying to be nice! And leave room for improvement.

Joekerr is all the way correcto on this one.

And I almost started laughing when STR8UP got so mad that he was about to throw a $20 and leave?!!! OMG. What a drama queen. He wants to start some sh!t, but can't take it when its pointed back at him? Joekerr said it best, twice. Firstly, make jokes at your own peril (the numero uno rule to being a funny guy, btw), and secondly, the hissy fit was real immature. Thank god you didn't do that, however your hissy fit inside still probably came through... just as bad.

You want to act all funny and cool and humourful, but flip out when someone makes a jab back? WHO has multiple personalities???

 

[Mr. Me]

It's happened that, in my online dating adventures, I'll contact a woman having a lengthy profile essay with some sarcastic comments about the long length of her profile. Over-the-top, absurd, funny banter, so that it can't possibly be taken seriously by a somewhat sane person. Not offensive, "attack" stuff.

Now this same exact email goes out to people, and sometimes I'll get flamed and sometimes I get people getting it and playing right back. Had several dates come out of it. So is it me, or is it them? It's the exact same email going out to all of them.

Their reaction to it speaks about them and their attitudes; it's not about the message or the messenger. In fact, this is more like administering a Roshak test.