Mr. Ballz 20 Cold Approach Journal

[Mr. Ballz]

Its good to have someone help me push, appreciate it guys. Well after I wrote that other post about striking out feeling down, I approached this girl at Kroger during some late night shopping. Asked her about if cold oatmeal tasted good. Didnt last 2 minutes but it helped throw my mindset back in the right direction.

Im taking things too seriously. This is a game. Have fun with it. Simple as that. A DJ is out to have a good time and if I am pouring pressure on me how could I be having fun. Some pressure is good and needed, especially in the beginning, but I needed to lighten up.

So anyway I did an approach today
Approach 7
Friday, December 28

Went to Barnes and Noble. Made the fastest approach so far. I told myself I might as well do it now instead of feeling bad later...and have fun.

Mr: Can I ask you a question? (dont like opening with getting permission but it slipped) what should I play next semester tennis or soccer (already played tennis so it was fun to act ignorant of the sport)
9: blank (but not annoyed)
Mr: I am thinking soccer.
9: probably a good choice. Its getting more popular, blah blah
mr: any experience with either?
9: played tennis until 14 blah blah knee pain blah
mr: shame, well how hard is tennis, just hit a ball over a net right (trying to get a reaction)
9: blah blah

overall I need to start indulging deeper and going for that damn number, but I enjoyed it.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

After I finished writing the post above I saw a 7 infront of me by herself(I was posting in a cafe). I approached immediately after typing.

Mr: How old are you?
7: 15 (in low voice) ((definitely expecting 17+))
Mr: (now covering up shock and disappointment while trying to back out fast) Im writing 2 skits and I need to know which one sounds better. blah blah
7: the second one (in a sheepish 15 year old voice)
Mr: thats what I was thinking (then left immediately)

I pounced immediately thats what matters, even if she was underage ha. Get them before the hair does.

Ive always tried to get my friends out there to approach with me. I used to have a good friend who had balls. He's still confident, but doesnt seem like he will approach anymore primarily due to his religious beliefs. I have another friend who I wish was better at it, but at least he tries with me on occasion. Those are basically the only 2 who had the balls to do this with me, but for now my greatest support, as always (and not a bad thing) is myself and of course this forum.

Im finding more and more, Im not doing this so much to meet girls (although I still do need to go for the numbers), but to gain the confidence I want in life to push it to its limits.

Anyway, keep pushin

 

[pr3d3]

Nice approaches , keep it up .

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Well Ive been real busy guys and havent had much time to sarge...but i really need to since i dont want to get out of an already unstable groove. I tried on New Years day but alas no one apparentely wanted to go out so I had very little selection. Did see 2 hotties running out of the sunset (hard to see them) said Happy new year, but since I was running wasnt surehow to approach...thinking back I should have have turned around ran with them and said 'so this is the best new years resolution you could come up with?" or anything... bleh.

Anyway, insane new years party at least. No one had plans for new years so I decided to host it at my place and called people the night before. I expected only my close friends to show up, but behold, the house overflowed. Great friends great times. Except for one sketchy guy I didnt know who apparently did coke on one of my tables...and my poor toilet which was consistantly used as the holder of puke. And who can forget my bedroom wall that my good friend used as a urinal. Who wakes up at 4AM, walks 2 feet and thinks a bathroom will convenientely appear. Most was cleaned by friends, and having a free party was well worth it.

Oh and about gaming at my party. One girl insanely hot, who I kind of knew when i was in a relationship previously. She had a boyfriend, but if i can get over that why cant she. Started gaming, making her laugh, kino the works, on my bed (with 20 others unfortunately) but my ex girlfriend ****-blocked the hell out of me, started crying and demanding for her keys back to drive drunk yadayada. I knew she wasnt over me and im not blind that it was a bad idea to invite her, but she didnt have many plans and im not going to be a jackass. Still, what a blasty blast.

cheers to the new years, sarge on.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Approach 8
Saturday, January 5

See this girl sitting and reading in Borders. As I pass by she looks up, making me believe shes just holding a prop waiting for a man like myself to whisk her away. Well I open and ask what there is to do in this city (parents city). She seems into it. I than ask what she does and get her age (18). After getting her hobbies down, tell her mine and how much more there could be to do here blah blah. I then thank her get her name, give mine, than shake her hand. As Im walking away I get another insanely strong urge to ask for her number and have her show me around town, but that would require me turning my entire body around and opening my mouth again...so i procrastinate and then start debating then before I have time I see her get up and hug some guy who just walked in the store....That was an easy rejection. What was I thinking, dam*it I owed myself that rejection.

I need to go for that number.

Did a lot of smaller 1 minute approaches. The walden approach of humming a tune to yourself has helped me loosen up and relax. Take things less serious and move in with more energy.

I even got a free pumpkin muffin with some smooth talking with a girl in a cafe shop, but wasnt interested to push it further.

I keep seeing a girl that I truly want to approach, then am too uncertain how she will respond to me just opening her. I need to stop the fear. Welcome the fear and find out what it is holding me back from. I feel less nervous now doing this, I can tell, but I keep holding myself back. What has helped was giving myself actual backup lines to use if I cannot develop a situational opener. they are currently:

*hey, i just wanted to meet you, whats your name?

*So my friend and i were debating if it was weird randomly speaking with girls outside standard places like parties, what do you think

*So what else is there to do around here?

its all in the way it comes out.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

I finally got some free time and stopped by Borders. After feeling some approach anxiety while staring at a 9 I walked off and coincidently wandered onto The Game by Niel Strauss. I sat down and as I was going through the first chapter this old guy next to me looks over, "oh is that The Game?" Took me by surprise. We had a short chat on weight lifting than I decided to move on after feeling uplifted by Niel.

Approach 9
Sunday, January 6

Walked up to this girl and asked "whats a good book to read". Simple enough and should provoke a conversation. She looks confused than jumps in with a book I forgot. I tell her why I asked and what I have been reading. She looks at the blood on my hands and looks shocked. I look at my hands and reply "ya, many things died today" (I was filming with friends, shirt was soaked with blood too) She seemed satisfied by that response.

Boring overall and I could have created a more indepth convo. I didnt have much time for more prospects so bleh.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Rabbit - Ive read jwhites journal. It was enlightening. I agree that direct openers are great. Its the fear of being instantly rejected. I need to get over it and stop resisting. Always appreciate words of encouragement.

After every approach my anxiety dies down even further. My body expects to approach, and as some say it feels almost second nature. I still resist, but less frequently and for different reasons now.
What will I open with
Im speaking with my friend currently
Shes walking towards me, how should I stop her

It doesnt feel as fear is my true enemy anymore, maybe logic. Although fear does hold me back from asking for the number. I must fear rejection because I dont think I have ever truly had it more than 1 time I can remember (while going for a girl). Even after that time, I felt more enlightened and uplifted, like I broke the shackles of boredom.

Today college started back up. I drew blanks on what to say for the first 3 or so girls, but I truly didnt want to open with "Hey, thought it would be nice to meet someone knew" But I need to, because I havent before. This is a generic opener I have to try.

Approach 10
Monday, January 7

Opened the class with, "is this Political Science? Thought we didnt have class today". 20 people look around bewildered. (I got an email from the teacher, but wanted to check anyway). As we were finding out through computers I opened this girl next to me and started chatting about where she transfered from, the immense boredom routing from Finance as a major and how my new major has become far more for me. Shared names and shook hands, taunted a little for having my sisters name. The usual. Need to get close friends for that class to study with, I had to drop it last time.


Had to wait an hour in line to get my discount student bus card. Well I brought my ex with me on this journey. I started chatting to the 2 girls in front of me about new years. Than brought up the skit me and my friends were doing. Started acting it out, got some laughs. Started singing a line or 2 from Sweeney todd got more laughs. Sang a little Phil Collins. Lightened the mood a lot. Spoke to the girls behind me about trying to return my 40 dollar book for 3 dollars at the book store. I wont count this as an approach since I was stuck with these people for an hour, but I did open immediately with, 'we should meet each other now before this gets too boring'.

I was walking out of the gym and saw these three girls, one wearing a physical therapy shirt. Wondered up and asked about it (its my major). Was going to dive in deeper, but they were at their parking lot already, but were friendly indeed. This was under two minutes so I wont count either.

Overall I'm feeling more comfortable, and I think persistance helps. If I take days off it gets hard to jump in again. I need to do this often.

Sarge on

also:
Later in the evening, I asked two 7s at separate times if girls like it better to be approached in a party like atmosphere or more so in places such as starbucks and supermarkets. Both girls responded they feel its more sincere and special in the daytime places.

 

[j0n024]

Good continue....

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Rough stuff today. Not as much AA as mainly feeling lazy. Not sure why I was so pumped yesterday, but being the first day could have something to do with it. I cant slow down right now. I couldnt think of any good openers and felt to uncomfortable. bleh.

I heard an inspirational message by Tony Robbins (find one that isn't inspirational). It centered around people needing to think positively and give every ounce of effort on their dreams. My dream is to break my social shackles. I may be comfortable in most situations, and many consider me one of the most outgoing people they know, but by reading my own thread I realize there is so much further I can go.

Approach 11
Tuesday, January 8

15 minutes before class for Instructional Technology (blehhh) I sit down outside the class with some other students waiting. I try to break them. I get head nods and smiles, nothing verbal...no problem they arent hbs. Finally 7.5 sits down.

Mr: You must be an Exercise Science major (she has running gear and powder for her water)
hb: Yup, 4th year (in insanely ecstatic and energized voice)
Mr: How is it in the later years?
hb: blah blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhh

Overall boring usual stuff, but easy fun approach. Also, I know this simple approach is something I would feel somewhat freaked about a few weeks ago before I started this, but this was literally nothing for me, felt no worry or anxiety even with everyone around, so I feel pumped about that...but so many missed opportunities. Stop making excuses and push. If I dont push it cannot be due to laziness. How dare I not want a more entertaining day with stories.

 

[duke007]

you're caning it Ballz! Very entertaining approach journal....your charisma and energy seems to be coming through in the text, which I think is key to successful cold approaches.

Also great how you throw in a bit of variety (empathy, opinion, showing insight using your observational skills, direct, indirect)

Look forward to checking your progress!

 

[qstorm501]

Ballz: "Hello, excuse me, can I ask you a quick question?"
HB: "Sure"
Ballz: "Are you single?"
HB: "Yes"
Ballz: "Great. You should give me your number so we can go out for coffee/lunch sometime."

I agree rabbit direct or semi-direct game is the best way to go. It can be high risk/reward though. I like it because it forces me to at least try and #close.
I already know what outcome im looking for before i approach a HB I just let my brain take care of the rest after i approach.

Heres my standard generic cold approach

Spot target...

me: hello how are you?
HB:fine..
me: I just happened to notice you as i was ( fill in the blanks according to where your at and what your doing) and i know i am gonna kick myself in the a*s later if i didnt come over and introduce myself
HB: ok..
me: my name is...( depending on the vibe ill reach out to shake hand)
Hb: im so and so
me: ( Ill try for some short fluff talk to develop rapport) So you from around here.... blah blah blah
Hb: yea im from... etc etc
me: are you seeing anyone right now are you single?
HB: yea im single right now blah blah blah ( IF SHE SAYS SHE HAS A BF AND UR REALLY INTERESTED ASK HER IF HER BF WOULD BE MAD IF SHE HAS GUY FRIENDS)
me: cool well ill let you get back to what you were doing i know you have stuff to do .. hey we should get together sometime and hang out and have a drink or something can i get your # and call you sometime
HB: sure xxx-xxx-xxxx
me: nice meeting you HB
HB: nice meeting you to

Also i like to have a big smile on my face as im talking this helps me to be in a good positive mood and also will help to disarm the HB and put a smile on her face

Hope some of that helps and good luck!

 

[Mr. Ballz]

I procrastinated today. It got exceedingly worse. In my life I have created a rule (of many). Never say tomorrow. Never claim that I will take care of something that will improve my life 'tomorrow' what I can do today. That goes with 'later today' as well. Well I saw some new girls waiting for the bus like me, but I slipped the idea that I will have plenty of shots throughout the day. I need to start good to snowball into better approaches. If I wait until my last chance it wont be near as easy or smooth.

Thats not to say I didnt approach today. I just have to get over my old bad habits. I can always go back to them later. I spoke to random people far more than I ever used to. Just opened people waiting for elevators, or cracking jokes infront of pure strangers when a situation sets itself up. Opened up to the ugly or the cute. Spoke more in large (200 people) classes to ask questions when by the grace of god I became interested in the topic of discussion. BUT, I didnt hit my guidelines for an approach, either too ugly, too short a conversation. I realize I am nervous of what I will say if she is cute. I need to start just saying anything to get used to it. I feel like Im back peddling. Ive got to step up, I feel no urge to go back to my old ways, or settle where I am.

Well anyway, approaches:

I opened this 6, she was the only one around and why not.

Mr: And how are you?
6: ..good...you? (could tell she felt freaked out, and yet this is the first time I experienced this, Im used to everyone feeling so comfortable so far)
Mr: pretty good, the insane summerlike weather is to blame.
6: (walks faster as I snicker inside)

Well after feeling down for not approaching within the guidelines all day I went to a Barnes and Noble. Not too keen on bookstores anymore for 1 main reason, its too quiet. I feel like I should just have a spotlight on me while Im at it. Dont know why that should bother me, I do crave the center of attention.

Approach 12
Wednesday, January 9

Say this short 7 wondering around. I wanted to approach this real young looking 8.5 but she was too busy listening to music.

Mr: No any good rock bands?
7: no.(couldnt read her reaction very well, but I wasnt vibing like I am capable of)
Mr: (after a little pause) is that an accent.
7: what.
Mr: Do I hear a little French?
7: Im Mexican (now smiling) what makes you think I am French?
Mr: Mainly the hair (just through it out) So why are you here?
7: blah blah blah
Mr: Babysitting? How old are you?
7: 19, you?
Mr: (at this point Im sensing shes very interested, but Im not into her enough) 20 blah blah blah
7: blah blah


It was fun. But I need to stop going for the insanely easy ones. I am going to use a direct at least once. It has become apparently necessary I am scared of something going wrong, or not being able to follow through. I have found I can rely on myself for so much, so its time to push my boundaries and rely once more. I dont believe I want to do a direct approach in my school yet, although Im sure its no big deal either way.

Storm - Nice standard. Thats what I need, but I think I like being creative too much. For direct though, I just need to go for basic

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Approach 13
Friday, January 11

Met some people for a skit we were filming for a school movie festival. During our meet in the library I could see this loan 8 at her laptop. Somehow an hour later, when we finish, she is still planted in the same spot.

Mr: What could you possibly have to study a week in school?
8: Oh, Im just surfing the web.
Mr: Cant you do that at home?
8: I had class today so I thought I would just chill here for a while.
Mr: blah blah blah
8: blah! blah blah
Mr: So I wanted to ask you something. I have an ex who still wants to be friends, but she is extremely clingy and im sure she still likes me, should I try being her friend?
8: blah blah....broke up with my bf...blah blah....we're back together
Mr: didnt you like the space though
8: blah blah..i felt lonely
Mr: well Im going to get on my way, but nice talking to you.
8: hey, whats your name (obvious IOI)
Mr: Mr. and yours.
8: Jennifer nice to meet you.

Well, we were both very comfortable. Obviously she wasnt to crazy about her b/f, and showed me at least 1 IOI. I need to start rehearsing closes.

Saw 1 more cute chick eyeing me at the bus stop, and honestly I was dying to approach, but my neighbor walked up and we started chatting. I felt pressure which is bull****. He would have given me credit either way. Need to get ballsier around friends and stop feeling like Im being eyed all the time...no one cares.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

2 approaches yesterday.

Approach 14
Monday, January 14

Scouted long and hard when I walked into my poly sci with over 100 students. Finally found a nice spot next to this 8. Asked to see the book we need to buy, then saw that my friend was on the other side of her so I sat between them.
Convo with 8
Mr: did we have hw
8: no
Mr: then why are you staring at your book, its freaking me out!
8: ha, well I just wanted to review for today
Mr: you must be a freshman
8: ha, ya
Mr: blah blah
8:blah

Easy stuff especially with the social proof.

Approach 15
Monday, January 14

I knew this class had only 2 hb out of the 30 students (law class). I wasnt even near sitting next to them for the first day and I knew most quiet classes (like this one) end up making the students feel like staying in the same seat for the rest of semester. On top of that I was eying one of the hbs a little too much during the first day, regretting I didn't sit next to her.

Nonetheless, I walked in late with the teacher looked bewildered onto where to sit and headed straight between both hbs. and only noticed/gave attention to the one I didn't eye the first day, completely ignoring the other one. I waited 50 minutes until the midclass break to ask her a question about what he said, than opened with "quiet class, huh. Whats your name". We chatted for a few minutes about where she was from and I commented on her being sick but I should have commented on other personal things like when I noticed her nails.

I'm bored of the bs fluff, and like jumping into more personal things whenever I can. But thats a given in this forum. Thats why giving personality tests and giving guestimations on what kind of person they are lights people like a jackolantern compared to fluffing on how the class seems boring.

Did some other random approaches today. Opened some asian about a location of the school Ive never seen people actually use before. She seemed extremely flustered and nervous (good reaction not bad) and there may have been a language barrier. She just seemed so shocked and flustery it freaked me out, ha.

Another on the bus with ear buds.
Mr: Do you listen to music walking to school?
6: (big smile) yes
Mr: why?, I mean I can understand the bus, kinda boring, but it takes you out of tune with life
6: blah blah blah

Im much more ready for interactions now, and it feels like Im always on. I doubt I can be caught off guard socially in this state. Im always speaking louder and bolder (I was before, but I feel more daring now in convos). I speak my mind more. Overall Im very pleased, even if Im not doing to great with getting lines of girls to my bed.

I Went to a 3 day party this weekend for 2 of the days. I used some techniques that I knew of, but never previously put into practice. Felt a little unnatural, but Im sure its because I was strongly thinking of the techniques beforehand. I was doing well with this blonde, but I didn't know how to get her off *****ing about her ex's and on to a more seductive and intimate level. I did my personality test to get a reaction. It worked but I didn't add enough kino.

I used to be pretty good at parties before this, well at least some of the time. I know whenever I was good previously I had strong confidence which can lead to more daring things. Infact every girl Ive had previously that Im thinking up currently, I expressed a great deal of confidence whether at parties or through friends...

 

[Stéphane]

Approaches are useless if you don't close.

 

[Mr. Ballz]

double post

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Early in the day I opened this 8 walking to class same way as me. Asked about how cold it was supposed to get tonight because I dont have heat in my house yet. She chuckled but I didnt push after she answered, couldnt vibe her, but shouldve tried to make a better vibe.

I signed up for a swing class for the semester and met some nice hbs today. One passed me her number before we left practice, but I'm sure it helped that we were touchy and flirty beforehand.


Approach 16
Wednesday, January 16

After the swing class I ran into 2 7s (not from the class) and saw one of their shirts with a school. Said it looked familiar. One was from where I used to live and we chatted it up and talked about dancing.

Approach 17
Wednesday, January 16
A miracle occurred and it started snowing in Georgia. I was walking dazzled by the winter wonderland when I eventually ran across an 8. She was sheltered waiting for the bus to the dorms.

Mr: you must be used to snow
8: not really Im just cold
Mr: everyone else looks so amazed...like me, Ive never seen snow.
8: never?!
Mr: real rare, Im from Savannah, we dont even get colds there.
(at this point 2 girls see me and call me, I run over getting some social proof then run back)
Mr: so what was your name
8: blah blah
Mr: So you seem active (she was wearing sweat pants from gym), what do you do (spoke of what I felt about her, causing more interesting discussion)
8: blah blah work at redbull, I can give you free ones anytime (IOI)
Mr: (spoke of how dorms are becoming jail like, which they are)
8: ya blah blah boring there blah
Mr: you should meet my friends. They are all on the 3rd floor.
8: blah blah
Mr: pass me your number and Ill ring you up next time we're chilling (hand her phone)
Mr: Im starting to get cold to so im going to run nice meeting you
8: nice meeting you (shake)

She seemed real friendly and excited to speak with me. Was in the mood. I was snowballing well from earlier when I was speaking in class and loose. Ive found tricks to help loosen me up when I dont have time to snowball so I need to refine that. (overall Im more loose do to always being 'on' thanks to this 20 approach goal)

 

[j0n024]

AHHH man you are so pro! Good job bud but when your friends called you, you should have made a snow ball and playfully thrown one at them ...I think it would have shown the other girl how fun you can be and make a better impression but you still did good!

I have only seen snow once as well! It was only like 4 inches but still! Down here the coldest it gets is like 55...lol.

 

[moto]

nice your confidence is growing

 

[Mr. Ballz]

Hey fellow DJs. Havent done that much recently guys. I need to finish this up fast.

Anyway I did enjoy a friends birthday party. Non alcoholic, which is good, I wanted to test my abilities without a little help. Met everyone at the party (knew roughly 1/10). I was running back and forth chatting with everyone. Once I got in the hot tub, the blonde I was joking around with and getting close to became an easy kiss close. She was resistant due to some guy she was 'kinda seeing' but I kept tilting her head back in. If she didnt want to she wouldnt have made it so easy (sitting on my lap, staying close, acting up whenver I said anything teasinglike). Some other easy girl was making out with everyone, and I stepped in her path as well, but she was a hb 7, so all was good. I number closed the goody girl I wanted so I can hit that up next time I get back home on the weekend (have a thing for goody girls accept when I have them and they bore me away). Basically had a great time making everyone laugh and have fun.

NOW to get back to my main mission....FINISH UP.