More mind games, and a few great moments.

[Julius_Seizeher]

Tokyo Joe's philosophical meanderings no longer entertain me. Off with his head!

And do not mistake Jophil's obstinance in these interactions for "expecting an apology."

 

[katatonia]

Yeah I don't really understand all the jophil worship going on in this and the previous post.

Sure he put a b1tch in her place at first but then he fvcked up by agreeing to be friends, and now this rather childish altercation?

Come on guys.

 

[jophil28]

Yeah I don't really understand all the jophil worship going on in this and the previous post.

Sure he put a b1tch in her place at first but then he fvcked up by agreeing to be friends, and now this rather childish altercation?

Come on guys.

It is not mandatory to endorse my style, emulate my methods, or even agree with them.
I am offering a few of my recent FR's for open comment.

Your comments are noted.

Perhaps you could post a FR from your own recent life experiences with difficult women from which we could all learn ?

 

[WaterTiger]

:crackup: LOL :crackup:

:woo: I want to hop a plane to Austraila just to sit in that dance studio and watch JoPhil work.:rockon:

"Miss SW" (or should I say MS?) was totally wrong. If I'd have been her I'd have put my hand over the phone and told JoPhil that if he'd give me just 5 minutes to calm down my weepy friend, I'd buy dinner. I'd never ignore anyone like that.

She owes JoPhil an apology AND dinner.


I'm begining to realize I'm the last mannerly woman on the planet....

 

[jophil28]

...but then he fvcked up by agreeing to be friends, and now this rather childish altercation?

I think that you might gain some useful insight into what actually happened if you read the record of what I wrote more carefully.

IF you read closely, you may grasp the difference in the power dynamic when a guy reluctantly " agrees to be friends " with a woman at her instigation (which I did not) and him initiating a LJBF with her in which he implicitily withdraws his sexual imvolvement (which I did).

 

[katatonia]

IF you read closely, you may grasp the difference in the power dynamic when a guy reluctantly " agrees to be friends " with a woman at her instigation (which I did not) and him initiating a LJBF with her in which he implicitily withdraws his sexual imvolvement (which I did).

So what? You think withdrawing sex from a woman is going to teach her a lesson when you're still giving her the drama and attention she craves?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I don't see anywhere where Jophil is being supplicating, needy, disparate or insecure. He knows talking to CERTAIN women and calling them out on their bad behavior is counterproductive and will prolong what is eventually going to transpire; him walking away. You really think if this SW actually cooks him dinner he'll change his gut feeling about her? You think he's going to let his guard down?

Nope, Jo is knocking all failed applicants down immediately...and it's goddamn entertaining reading about it.


No one on this forum as of late can disqualify a b!tch (not a woman) like Jophil.

I'd would have love to have read what Rollo would have done if he was in Jo's situation, but alas...he's married. You guys are great!:cheer:

 

[squirrels]

So what? You think withdrawing sex from a woman is going to teach her a lesson when you're still giving her the drama and attention she craves?

He's not trying to "withdraw sex". He's trying to f*ck with her head. And succeeding.

Women play the whole "withdrawing sex" game, men do not.

Now I'm not sure if he intentionally wants to ditch these girls, as some of his "moves" are just a bit over the top, but if you read all these "field reports", you'll notice something...most of them involve different women. Jophil is "spinning a lot of plates", here.

Most women WILL go psycho on you at some point or other. They're trained to do that to see if they can leverage power by making the man compromise his OWN code of ethics/conduct to try to satisfy her. If he WILL, then she can make him do anything.

Jophil refuses to let women steal the frame through neurosis. The GOOD women will recognize this and fall into line...either that or become MORE attracted to him. The bad ones will press on until the stress becomes too great for them and then leave. Either way, Jophil wins.

It's people trying to "salvage" relationships with head-cases like this girl that have led women to act out in the first place...they think they can get away with it. If more men were like Jophil, women would appreciate having a decent man in their lives in the first place.

Women want to be seen as being on equal footing with men. That's fine, but not when they act like 6-year-old boys...throwing the psychological equivalent of tantrums. The "candy bar" they want is the creation of drama in a man's life, through which she can manipulate him. Jophil is a "good parent".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I can sort of see TAIYUU's POV in this from a principles standard. Really, why waste time trying to educate or correct a woman who's so oblivious to her own misgivings that she'd take offense to a man taking offense to them? No doubt the time and effort you spend in playing a game of psychological fencing with a woman like this would be better spent developing better prospective women. I'm generally the first one to advise a NEXT in every case; and trust me the irony is not lost on me considering that I take a lot of crap from the never-say-die, persevere for love crowd every time I do advise a NEXT.

What it boils down to is one side saying you're wasting your valuable time versus the other side who seem to think you're throwing the baby out with the bath water. It's "NEXT her" vs. "Don't be so hasty", but that's really an individual judgement you have to make.

That said, I'd disagree with TAIYUU's responses to her indignation in that they are far too blunt and overt for even this woman to comprehend in any other way than that JOPHIL (had he gone this route) was being "pissy" about her lack of courtesy. Had he gone with:

"What do you mean? Our date was at seven, and you weren't ready, so I left. I respect my time, and only hang out with others that do so as well."

He would've come off like some high school professor explaining to a student why they shouldn't be tardy to his class. Nothing feeds a woman's need for the chemical rush that comes from self-righteous indignation better than condescension. This response (and the others you've suggested) would be interpreted as condescending, and that's only throwing gasoline on the fire she wants to burn hotter anyway. You could make the argument that JOPHIL's responses were ego-serving, however, they decisively and covertly diffused her sense of entitlement.

You could say that's just a more satisfying way of bringing a woman down a notch, but if you're not planning on pursuing her as it is, how would you like her last impression of you to be? Coming off as a pensive, sulking professor, or a worthy adversary who understands how to deal with a woman's sh!t tests?

 

[jonwon]

This is a follow up to the events of my recent post entitled " The counseling profession and their mindgames".
Frankly, I was astounded at the large number of responses . It seems that I hit some nerves around here.

Anyways, do you recall the story about my planned date with SW, and my subsequent walkout of her house after pacing her living room while she blabbed to her girl about some guy ?

Well, SW turned up, as usual, to our social dance club Tuesday night.
I had a student for a private lesson from 7 to 8pm and SW arrived at about 7 and just sat and watched us with a 'look' on her face.

At about 8pm my 22 year old hottie showed up. She had agreed to be my female demonstrator for the group class from 8pm to 10pm. She looks as good as she dances....

Long story short - SW walks up to me at about 9pm -

SW, " So Jophil, are you going to dance with me tonight or are you all crazy for Zana ( 22 year old) ?"

Jophil (smirks) ," Zana would love to hear that she gets me crazy. Don't tell her, can you keep my secret..lets keep her guessing.."

SW (pouts)," Well,I am not as good as she is - she had all that ballet training . Anyways, how about dancing me around the floor"

Jophil," OK, do you want me to put you back where I found you when we are done?"

SW ( scowls)," Come on.." (Leads me onto floor where I take her in closed dance hold. I am waiting for her to take a dig at me for walking out of her house.) SW dances badly- she feels rigid and heavy.

SW blurts out," Do you always walk out on women just before a date?"

Jophil, "No, just the ones who act badly.."

SW," I was talking to my girlfriend - she was upset, And she thinks you are rude."

SW, " She thinks that you are a freak".

Jophil," Yeah, I can see why she thinks that. Hey, stop wrestling me ( we are slow dancing). Men lead and women follow."

SW, "Yeah yeah,. but I only take the steps that I 'choose' to take."

Jophil," Really, a feminist eh ? Men make all the decisions on a dance floor. Women have no say at all - Perhaps you should try ten-pin bowling instead of partner dancing ."

SW, ( getting exasperated) " You are such an a**hole. Are you gonna buy me dinner to make it up to me for walking out?"

Jophil," Hmm, perhaps you should cook for me instead."

SW," WHAT? why should I? "

Jophil, " Just because I say so... Excuse me " ( Zana approaches looking to cut in) . I walk away with Zana.

More socializing until 11pm whem SW comes over and announces that she is departing...she is looking for me to say 'something'..

SW, fluff talk and then," You know Jophil, I think that I might find another studio . I am making no progress here."

Jophil," Yeah, you felt like a fridge on wheels tonight. Perhaps you could ask the boss for a refund . Have you planned the menu yet for the dinner you are gonna cook for me ?"

SW, " You are totally selfish. Impossible ! "

Jophil," I try my best."

SW swivels on her heels and storms out with nose sniffing the breeze.

The games never end...do they ?

Handled like a true a-hole - I applaud you.

Be careful carry on like this and you may have yourself a stalker.

TO I agree with your post also, but this is a true step in the A-hole direction which in all intents and purposes is a step in the right direction

 

[mrRuckus]

I was figuring that jophil was just having fun at this point. Am I wrong about that? I thought he pretty much won and was over with this woman when he walked out, and everything else was just for the hell of it.

 

[squirrels]

I was figuring that jophil was just having fun at this point. Am I wrong about that? I thought he pretty much won and was over with this woman when he walked out, and everything else was just for the hell of it.

If you're ever NOT "just having fun" with women, you're doing it wrong. Getting laid is an extension of that.

 

[zekko]

SW, " You are totally selfish. Impossible ! "

Jophil," I try my best."

SW swivels on her heels and storms out with nose sniffing the breeze.

The games never end...do they ?

You know, Jophil, if this woman remains upset at you maybe you could refer her to Leanne for some counseling. Keep on like you are and maybe they can get together enough women for a Jophil support group.

 

[jophil28]

I was figuring that jophil was just having fun at this point. Am I wrong about that? I thought he pretty much won and was over with this woman when he walked out, and everything else was just for the hell of it.

Ah ha ! Finally we have a winner. Indeed, I was having a fun time.
However there was more than fun in my plan.

When I walked out of SW's place, after waiting 20 minutes while she counseled her G/f, I struck her off my list of contenders. I put a line though her.

Then when she walked up to me at dance class, I could see that I was being approached be a 'woman on a mission'...I thought that I could see steam out of her ears for a moment..ha.. I was guessing that she expected me to apologize and explain myself and seek out her willingness to "give me another chance". Well, I did not want another chance, or another date, and so I just rolled around in her head, poking and prodding, with some pretty crass statements ( as SQUIRRELS so accurately pointed out )

I did not really expect her to invite me home for dinner, nor did I want to go. ( Hell, all I really wanted was to go and slow dance with Zana and her 22 year old perky puppies)

I loaded up my replies to SW, while I danced with her, in such a way that left no doubt in her mind that I had not one ounce of regret or contrition about walking away.

Walking away is one thing , but it also needs to be followed by actions which transmit one's resolve and are congruent with the decision to eject.
I deliberately spoke to her like a jerk and a smart azz because I wanted her to know that I did not give a fvck.

She did not accomplish her mission, but I completed mine.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you're ever NOT "just having fun" with women, you're doing it wrong. Getting laid is an extension of that.

I wouldn't have wanted to have sex with her and i was thinking that he didn't want to either.

 

[squirrels]

As soon as a woman thinks she can CONTROL you through either the promise of sex or the fear of no sex, you'll never get sex.

If you could walk into McDonalds and just flash a wad of cash, and the guys behind the counter at McDonalds would give you food ON THE HOPE that you would give them some of that cash, would you ever pay for food again?

It's like the quote I have in my sig from VU...if you can't say "NO", then she owns you.

And I'm not talking about this crap where you say "NO" as some Don-Juan move hoping to get her to believe you're a real man so she WILL have sex with you, I'm talking about saying "NO" and meaning NO, as in she can throw it at you at this point and you can say no because 1) 'tang is not that important, 2) you can get it elsewhere, and 3) you're tired of putting up with her sh!t.

 

[zekko]

JoPhil what would you have done if she accepted the making you dinner offer?

My impression of all this was not that Jophil was seeking an apology, but rather that he was making the woman qualify herself. She had failed, badly, by keeping him waiting while she was on the phone when they were supposed to be on a date. And she failed again by not taking responsibility for her mistake. Had she admitted she made a mistake and agreed to make dinner, then that might have earned her another shot IMO. Jophil may well think otherwise.

 

[Tazman]

Jophil's receiving praise for doing what most men, can't/won't do. I don't even know any guys that would've grabbed their sack and walked out because their time was being wasted by a woman who feels "entitled".

Has he written anywhere about initiating contact with these women? Crying to them, trying to convince them of their wrong doing? They are approaching him, and he's f-cking with them. Out of all the crap that's posted on this site, I can't see any reason to pick apart his series of FRs. If most guys acted like this there would be no need for a sosuave.

 

[dalynxx]

I think jophil was so right to walk out on SW for keeping him waiting. I know a guy that would give his girl a five minute deadline when she was taking her time getting ready. Once that 5 minutes was up and she was still in the the bathroom he was out the door. She would have to run after him and meet him on the way!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
Johs love life is fast taking on all the Hallmarks of a midday Soapie.....Married life must have been so boring for him....My take on HB is well known,sadly things were doomed well before Lianne came on the scene.....SW is another cup of tea.
Gradually I am coming to understand Jo,not easy he is one very complicated Guy.....Basically Jo is a Teacher,and a Bluddy good one...Give Joh the respect due to his calling and he will bend over backwards for you...
this is not just "Tripping the light Fantastic toe",Joh is very well up on Health and relationship issues,And that is not just here on this Forum,he gives of his time not only to DJ's with issues but to AA and a local group trying to help Guys with Marriage and Relationship problems.....Well,Like attracts Like though seldom holds it,and guess what?SW is also a would be Teacher,she holds court over her ditzy mates,with her telephone held like some mace of office,she dispenses her oracular wisdom to the Unwashed,like some Queen of Old granting favours .....Now the tipping point in this relationship came as SW with all eyes upon her,showed off her Power and skill in this game,she knew that she was holding everyone up,but she held the floor,and must show Joh not only the widely recognised wisdom she has,but her bottomless compassion for a broken Sister,doubtless the conversation having been of some duration,things were starting to become circular and probably at a stage where any excuse to cut it short would have been welcomed....Joh did what was good for Joh....Me?...Depends,if I hadn't been in her pants and I was going through a bit of a drought,then I would see this as a wonderful opportunity,a Woman like this is easy meat,her ego is so easy to preen,after half an hour stretched out on her couch thinking of England and listening to all her Frog dribble,I would have learned so much about what makes that Bird tick,that later in the Evening she would be Putty in my hand....That said if she ended up playing hard to get,then that would be the last she would ever see of me....
Pride in these matters comes to those with options,and our Joe has these in Hearts,someone who can drop in on a 22 year old hottie after dancing is not going to be frigged around by a wrinkled old boiler....So Joe picks up his Football and departs,SW's Power Game is over,but Joh has not played by her rules....She'll show him at the Dance Hall next week...She must have been really pvissed off to try and play another Power game on the Dance floor ,where Joh is like a Fish in Water.
But Joh you touch on your apprehension about the Dance Club Committee?Play it cool Brother,Hell hath no Fury.