Summary: been together 5 years, ex cheated, told me about it, said she wanted to work it out, kept seeing the dude, I broke it off, and moved all my stuff out the next day. I went total NC. I went on vacation for a week, came back, still NC. Three days later she freaks out and sends me 15 texts, calls 6 times, and sends an email - "it was a mistake, I love you, I can't believe I let you go, etc....
Keep in mind it had only been maybe 10 days since I said it's over.
I wait 5 hrs...send her a text about maybe talking if she is serious...
Next day, she calls and we meet up. I go home with her that night after work, we talk, have fun, and end up fooling around. She gets all snuggly after. Next morning I am getting ready for work and she tells me we will talk later. She seems "happy". I hear nothing all day and go to sleep.
So I sent her a text just before bed saying "wanted to say goodnight, hope you had a good day. Was thinking of you but wanted to give you some space."
She replies with "I love you. I wanted to give you space too.". Then she made plans with me for next week.
Goes 2days without contacting me...
I call her, and she basically flakes out.
She says she can't make a commitment right now, needs to be her own person, doesn't want to feel like she owes anyone anything, etc.
But also says...I love you, i want to be with you, feels amazing when we are together, can't imagine life without me, etc...and talks about our future
We agreed to "date" to see how things go. Things seem awesome when we are together, but it's not an everyday thing.
I basically told her we need more time apart so she can figure out what the hell she wants. This did not go very well...she wants to keep talking, and asked if we could still see each other from time to time. She says she feels really confused about what she wants and that she thinks things will be great she just needs a little bit to herself.
We had made plans a few weekends back to hang out. I ended up breaking them. She texted to find out why i wasn't going. A few hours later she follows up with a few more texts going on about how she realizes her behavior is probably the reason i didn't go.
I haven't responded at all.
I broke NC after 5 days...but not much changed....well nothing changed. We have been spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks. I would say we go 2 days without seeing each other,and then i will spend 2-3 days sleeping over her (our) old place. We have a great time when we are together. When we aren't together we text/talk all day.
She took me to see her family, and we have hung out with friends. Things appear good to outsiders as they have said so.
She talks about our future (wedding, family, etc). She says spending time together is helping the situation.
She has initiated sexual contact, or been receptive to it on a few occasions.
She has initiated general physical contact (hand holding, kissing, etc) many times.
She is always receptive to my offers to see her, and has yet to say "no" if i suggest getting together.
She has asked me to come over and stay a few times unprompted by me.
She displays intense jealousy if i bring up other women, exes or whatever. She knows i am not actively seeing anyone and knows that i want to work it out.
She says she loves me repeatedly.
She said what she needs from me right now is stability..
BUT.....
The issues are:
1) she is still texting/seeing the guy she cheated with
2) she said and continues to say that she isn't ready, and wants all her time for herself
3) she says she can't give anything
4) she is still proceeding ahead with looking for a new place alone.
5) she says she doesn't want to "date" anyone right now, but it sure looks like she is dating 2 people.
I have no idea what to do here. I am trying very hard to be supportive of her and show her that things have changed about me.
I feel like I'm stuck. In a way i feel like a quitter if i walk away.
I tried to initiate NC but break after a few days each time and she is happy to hear from me...and make plans.
We mad plans with a large group of mutual friends (all couples) for this past weekend and i went...and had a great time.
I avoided initiating any contact whatsoever..and the ex kept on trying both alone and in front of everyone. Kissing, hugging, motioning for me to sit next to her, leaning on me, etc.
I avoided discussing us and acted like i was there for me not for us.
She drops me off and says what a great time she had, gives me a hug and kiss and says i love you, and suggests seeing each other again.
An hour later she calls...we talk for 45 minutes, i don't ask about seeing her, us, or the fun time we had. We say goodnight and go to bed.
An hour later, she sends me 2 texts *****ing me out for hanging out with this girl from work. I had mentioned earlier going out with this girl because i didn't think it was a big deal.
She says "that i'm stirring up trouble, and how could we ever get back together with her knowing that i work with a girl i went on dates with".
I get pissed at this point...
I write back: "that i wasn't dating, and that IF IF we ever got back together she would have to trust me as i have never given her a reason to doubt me, unlike her. That she is the one stirring up trouble, and if anyone is keeping us apart it's her. That she has been very clear and consistent about not getting back together, that i'm just facing facts, and that if she is trying to push me away she is doing a great job"
She sends back "lets drop it"
I then (mistake) clarified that i am not dating this girl, although she is cool, and if they met it wouldn't be weird.
We then exchanged a few more about how much fun we had...
WTF.
I'm going NC again.... think she is nuts.
Now she texts me radome **** throughout the day then goes radio silent for hours...
What's my next play here?
Keep in mind it had only been maybe 10 days since I said it's over.
I wait 5 hrs...send her a text about maybe talking if she is serious...
Next day, she calls and we meet up. I go home with her that night after work, we talk, have fun, and end up fooling around. She gets all snuggly after. Next morning I am getting ready for work and she tells me we will talk later. She seems "happy". I hear nothing all day and go to sleep.
So I sent her a text just before bed saying "wanted to say goodnight, hope you had a good day. Was thinking of you but wanted to give you some space."
She replies with "I love you. I wanted to give you space too.". Then she made plans with me for next week.
Goes 2days without contacting me...
I call her, and she basically flakes out.
She says she can't make a commitment right now, needs to be her own person, doesn't want to feel like she owes anyone anything, etc.
But also says...I love you, i want to be with you, feels amazing when we are together, can't imagine life without me, etc...and talks about our future
We agreed to "date" to see how things go. Things seem awesome when we are together, but it's not an everyday thing.
I basically told her we need more time apart so she can figure out what the hell she wants. This did not go very well...she wants to keep talking, and asked if we could still see each other from time to time. She says she feels really confused about what she wants and that she thinks things will be great she just needs a little bit to herself.
We had made plans a few weekends back to hang out. I ended up breaking them. She texted to find out why i wasn't going. A few hours later she follows up with a few more texts going on about how she realizes her behavior is probably the reason i didn't go.
I haven't responded at all.
I broke NC after 5 days...but not much changed....well nothing changed. We have been spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks. I would say we go 2 days without seeing each other,and then i will spend 2-3 days sleeping over her (our) old place. We have a great time when we are together. When we aren't together we text/talk all day.
She took me to see her family, and we have hung out with friends. Things appear good to outsiders as they have said so.
She talks about our future (wedding, family, etc). She says spending time together is helping the situation.
She has initiated sexual contact, or been receptive to it on a few occasions.
She has initiated general physical contact (hand holding, kissing, etc) many times.
She is always receptive to my offers to see her, and has yet to say "no" if i suggest getting together.
She has asked me to come over and stay a few times unprompted by me.
She displays intense jealousy if i bring up other women, exes or whatever. She knows i am not actively seeing anyone and knows that i want to work it out.
She says she loves me repeatedly.
She said what she needs from me right now is stability..
BUT.....
The issues are:
1) she is still texting/seeing the guy she cheated with
2) she said and continues to say that she isn't ready, and wants all her time for herself
3) she says she can't give anything
4) she is still proceeding ahead with looking for a new place alone.
5) she says she doesn't want to "date" anyone right now, but it sure looks like she is dating 2 people.
I have no idea what to do here. I am trying very hard to be supportive of her and show her that things have changed about me.
I feel like I'm stuck. In a way i feel like a quitter if i walk away.
I tried to initiate NC but break after a few days each time and she is happy to hear from me...and make plans.
We mad plans with a large group of mutual friends (all couples) for this past weekend and i went...and had a great time.
I avoided initiating any contact whatsoever..and the ex kept on trying both alone and in front of everyone. Kissing, hugging, motioning for me to sit next to her, leaning on me, etc.
I avoided discussing us and acted like i was there for me not for us.
She drops me off and says what a great time she had, gives me a hug and kiss and says i love you, and suggests seeing each other again.
An hour later she calls...we talk for 45 minutes, i don't ask about seeing her, us, or the fun time we had. We say goodnight and go to bed.
An hour later, she sends me 2 texts *****ing me out for hanging out with this girl from work. I had mentioned earlier going out with this girl because i didn't think it was a big deal.
She says "that i'm stirring up trouble, and how could we ever get back together with her knowing that i work with a girl i went on dates with".
I get pissed at this point...
I write back: "that i wasn't dating, and that IF IF we ever got back together she would have to trust me as i have never given her a reason to doubt me, unlike her. That she is the one stirring up trouble, and if anyone is keeping us apart it's her. That she has been very clear and consistent about not getting back together, that i'm just facing facts, and that if she is trying to push me away she is doing a great job"
She sends back "lets drop it"
I then (mistake) clarified that i am not dating this girl, although she is cool, and if they met it wouldn't be weird.
We then exchanged a few more about how much fun we had...
WTF.
I'm going NC again.... think she is nuts.
Now she texts me radome **** throughout the day then goes radio silent for hours...
What's my next play here?
