Mixed Feelings, Kisses, Ex and Mistakes!

[tiburon]

So i met this girl on campus and to be frank i have made many mistakes as far a DJing her goes. It is funny what can happen to a DJ when he feels a deeper thing than just fvcking her. She is pretty but not gorgeous, i have had better, but what caught my attention were here eyes and smile, she seemed charming and real. Probably this is the only time i have gone after a girl i was more attracted for their personality than even physically but dont get me wrong she is sexy aswell but like i said i have had better.

Getting to the point , when i met her was because i introduced myself and told her if she would like to go for a walk one of this days. She gave me her number. I made my mistakes Djing as the more i talked to this girl the harder it was pulling back and keeping some things unsaid but i have to say after all the mistakes i was able to reel her in... I had some great DJ moves on her that overcame any mistakes!

No this is when it gets interesting. First time i go for the kiss i get turned down..end up kissing the side of her lips and with the impression as if i was being to fast on the girl. I probably was, this was quite soon after i got her number lol..trust me on this one( this was a mistake)...well after that i acted as if nothing had happened , i when out with her she had a great time and so did i but at the end of the night didnt even kiss her... which kind of shock her because i thing she was anxious expecting it or didnt want the night to end ..but not kissing her that night or not even making a move on her worked as expected......Interest back through the roof !!!

So the third time i see her she approches me when i was sitting down in the community center of my university . From there we go for a walk. I have another great talk(she was charming afterall!)and I try being Casanova ...she likes it ...but comes up...telling me she is shy and never got to kiss her lips (this is the first time this happens to me lol)....OK....no problem ...everything under control . At that moment i knew she liked me and that the cure to the problem was one more week of DJING, but so far i wa s 0 out of 2 at kissing her.

I tell her one day when we walk into each other that this Sunday i was free and if that was her case aswell i wanted to meet up with her. She says : "yeah but during the night." Next time i see her i said ok iam picking you up at 7:30 i am taking you out dinner . She looked as if i had impressed her and liked the fact that i was making that offer but not really jumping through the roof ...she agreed ...but asked me if I could pick her up later aswell because she had to find out at what time she was coming back from some scholarship crap but that she was sure it was before 8:30. So my cell is fvcked up right now and i give her my email and tell her to let me know. Now it gets more interesting....hahah

That same night around 8 she sends me an email pretty much saying that she wanted to chill with me for a little bit if i was free later on that night. I was surprised because this was a huge interest sign from here that i wasnt expecting even tough i knew she liked me. So aroud ten when i was free i responded and 25 minutes later we go for a walk.

This time it was either kiss or miss and if i didn't kiss her i was definitely going to take a friednly path that is definitely not my style ..lol. So we walk enjoying each others company we seat in this nice place and.... i kiss her ....kind of stolen kiss but she didnt refuse to it but when i tried to get a better kiss in she moves and i kiss her in the sides of the lips ..AGAIN....NOW IAM GETTING PISSED AND IF THINGS DONT CLEAR UP SHE IS GETTING NEXTED...but things did clear up. Some how we ended up in this conversation that led to her telling me she liked me as a friend for now which i responded by saying that my intentions with her were not to be friends...she said : " I know." and told me that i like to rush things tough . Honestly i tought i was going slow enough already....but from there the conversation led to the dinner on Sunday and i asked her frankly why she didnt seem excited about going out to dinner. She told me that she didnt know but it ended up telling me the last thing i wanted to hear come out of her mouth. SHE SAYS:
"I just got out of a 2 year realtionship and i dont think i am ready for a relationship and i wanted to hang with you get to know you better but i have mixed feelings in fact my ex is my best friend right now and he was the wresteler i told you i went o visit at his competition at Ithaca College(a campus in the same city as Cornell), i have mixed feelings"

BOOMMMMMMMM........the night got FVCKED UP...my faced expressions took an U -TURN. She saw this, and i have not a clue what she tought at the time but i was like " I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHYT" of course i didnt say this outloud. I told her that not too long ago i had been a 2 year relationship and that i understand what she is trying to say but that by no means i was going to be the guy to pick her up or her bags from her last relationship. That this was unfair from her part and that by no ways i was looking into a relationship and that i was just living one day at a time. I told her that we should call the dinner off , that it wasnt a big deal, but to change convesations because this was ruinning the night. She agreed and said that she was over her ex just not ready for another relationship. I said ok but clearly i didnt belive the over her ex part. ( EVERY girl i have dumped wants to be friends with me because she doesnt get over me and wants to get me back on her web.)

The night continued and somehow it was saved and we end up kissing at least twice ...now this were REAL KIsses...I enjoyed them ...but she will not give in completely and through the rest of the night she acted as if she didnt want me to get used to kissing her like that. So no problem i walk her home and ...before i let her go.. i told her:

" Listen Michelle i had a great night, and so far you have been as tought you would be , but about that convesation we had tonight....can we never mentioned that topic again...."

she interrupts: "yeah but i don't......"

I interrupt : " i know , i dont know what happens tomorrow, and i dont know what happens the day after that in fact and i dont know what happens when i leave tonight. I am just living one day at a time but i thing that topic can ruin alot of things"

I bring my arm over her waist pull her close give her a semi- hug and she kisses me very close to my lips and we say good night.

No after this, believe it or not i wasnt happy about the situation.That EX Topic and the fact they were bestfriends kind of ruined things for me. The girl was being frank when she said it and i know she wasnt playing games. In fact i am pretty sure she realizes there is something wrong in she approaching me knowing my intentions even tough she says " SHE HAS MIXED FEELINGS!''. I like her but i dont know were we go from here. At that mmoment i felt i was to good to be rebound or to to even have to deal with that scenario. I am not calling her as of right now just waiting to see what she does about it.

I would like to hear different opinions about this situation.....criticism....advice ..ect.

Tiburon

 

[Man2000]

Sorry, I have no advice. But, a comment.

That really sucks man. You seem to have genuine feelings for her, and she for you as well.

You also seem to have a good understanding of what she is up to. You know the game she is trying to play, which is great to hear. By game, I mean, that she is trying to hold on to both you and the ex. I'm not saying she's a bad person.

Stay a stong person. You are not wussing out at all, which I admire. You let her know what the deal is, which alot of guys might be too afraid to do.

Maybe this is a test. Maybe she is trying to see who the better man is, cause she is too chicken to make a choice.

I don't know, so, don't take what I say with too much weight. I just know, I'd be messing up bad if I was in your shoes. I wish you the best.

 

[Gonzalo]

Hey man. That sucks. I don't know what to say, I guess your waiting for her to do the next move is a smart thing to do as to not crowd her/ come out as AFC (thing that possibly got the bf out?). Remaining cool and not compromising your feelings is sometimes the only thing we can do. Laters. G

 

[NewMan]

That sucks for sure....

You may want to try and back off from her.

You've given her a taste of what you are about - now, by backing off from her she will be left to think on things and reflect.

She knows she can't have that kind of relationship with her ex - and she will have to do something about it before moving on.

I think if you stay in this situation without her making a decision - then you could end up in a world of hurt.

She probably just needs time.

 

[drake]

I also think that remaining cool and keeping your options open is the best thing. Patience might be what she needs right now....but that does not mean that you are obligated to her. It sounds like you are into her but you should still be meeting girls and in a sence kinda lets her know that you are wanted. And we all know that every girl wants a guy that is wanted by many. I have never dove in to kiss a girl and got denied. I have always known that she either wanted a kiss and was into me, or she didnt. Maybe she was giving off the right signals that she did "not" want a kiss and you still moved in which might have left her feeling you are kinda pushy. Maybe not, just a thought!! But anyways, you can give her the time she needs while still have your time with others!!! Dont burn a bridge.
Have fun, Andrew

 

[legolas]

Dealing with exes

No in my opinion, you were moving kind of fast. You wanted to get that first kiss out of the way and you were ready to next her if she didn't put out.

She just got out of a relationship, and of course she has mixed feelings because she doesn't know what the heck she wants!! But anyway, I have a question. What were you looking for with this girl. Did you have any goals or ideas as to what you wanted to do?

Did oyu want a one night stand? a short-term relationship? a long-term relationship or just friendship?

Just like you said about the exes, one of the reasons that girls still keep ties with their exes is certainly because at one point they hope to get back together with them. Especially of it was such a long time that they were together, 2 years, it would take her a qhile to get fully out of getting-him-back mode and move on.

You may want to speed up the process, but it's going to take it's sweet time anyway. I look at myself, and when it comes to change, it takes a long time for me to decide that it is time to move on from anything I've been doing for a while. This is harder if I have no new opportunities lined up.

This one is going to take it's time. I now know why girls want to have guy friends. It's teh same reason why we want female friends too. Because we hope that at some point something will happen and we'll end up in bed together with that person.

 

[tiburon]

as far as it goes

I dont have any plans for what i wanted to get out of her. I liked her and i was just living one day at a time and see what happens...in fact i wasnt even sure i wanted to get into a relationship so i was letting time take its role and see what happened . Honestly now i see this shyt getting awkward by the minute. I feel like if i was in a loose - loose situation.
By this i mean i feel like just nexting her ---I loose something which i dont even know what it is.
By staying in this scenario....- i loose as i see it would be hard not to be a rebound and having to deal witrh that EX who has fvcked with my head even lowering my interest.

I know that i didnt want a one night stand with her this probably would had ruin things for me and as far as getting that first kissed out of the way, well that was not the case...i just got an impulse at first that couldnt control and tried to kiss her. She likes me , i can tell by the way she kissed me and talks to me but this **** is weird.

Tiburon

 

[MR. Fox]

Like you said in my post. We are in similiar situtations. Let me know how it goes. Maybe we can learn how each of these girls reacted to different things. Good luck. And like you said you had better looking girls and there will probably be more of them to come.

 

[DEKKA]

after being with women with no hangups and really high interest level i never want to go back to the situations you're finding yourself in.

particularly the ones with lingering feelings for their ex. i can pretty much deal without that shyt now days.

you could do a lot of things right now but, personally, theres women out there that you'll be more happy with than this one. keep looking till you find one that is really really into you and doesnt have lots of issues.

get what you can get out of this one but dont be surprised if you end up not as happy as you wanted to be.

i find that if its going to work out for any kind of reasonable duration it starts very powerful. shes not going to turn down your advances then magically trasform into a woman with high interest level....usually.

its so much better to be with a woman who thinks your the best thing since sliced bread.

im most attracted to those who are attracted to me.

peace and good luck with this one playa.

 

[mousepad764]

tiburon, I was in that same situation, I guess I really wanted this girl. So I continued to be persuasive I keept waiting for her to decide on what to do about the ex wich she had as a "friend" after two weeks she said she wanted to be with me and everything was fine we had good times, but I could tell that she was hopping to get back with her ex our "relationship" lasted about 3 months then out of nowhere they where back together. That **** kind of trew me off, I was expecting it and I knew it was going to happen since the begining but I still went ahead with it. It was a good lesson that I learned I don't regret one bit( AFC you said? maybe) .



"Say hoe
yeah you
Can I ask you a question
You like to f**k?
Oh, you don't want me to talk to you like that
Will you like to make love?"

 

[OpenMind]

You are still in the game here....

Tiburon,

I have been in your shoes as well. You can make this work provided that she has some real interest in you. Right now she is comparing you to her ex. Every move you make is magnified when there is an ex in the picture. If her ex is an AFC and you play your cards right she will fall into your lap. If he is a DJ it will be much harder. The key is seriously keeping up the challenge. This means you never mention the ex, you act like you dont even care if she hangs out with him. See her once a week and only call her to set up dates. In this situation u must only be available on your terms as her ex is obviously letting her string him along. Date other woman in the meantime and dont forget that being a challenge by making her wonder where she stands with you and her mind wont be on that ex anymore. Doc Love's saying that challenge to women is like kryptonite to superman couldnt be any truer. Hide that interest level and never talk about it till she is head over heals for you. The more options a woman has the more shyt tests she will spit out ate men. If she turns her head on you for the kiss, try again next time and show your confidence and indifference to her rejection. Dont let anything she says about the ex even phase what you want to do.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Openmind

 

[E-Z Rider]

What they said

Wow! The replies to this thread are very good. Follow this advice, man.

-E-Z

 

[tiburon]

This is why i posted

When i first thought about this situation i realized alot of the things most people have posted here. I am glad to see some good responses and definitely i am even excited to see how this girl reacts to my DJ ways. Its test and i definitely keep you posted.

Tiburon

 

[tiburon]

OK UPDATE

So i dont know if you guys remember i had invited her to a dinner on Staurday which i later cancelled when she brought the ex into the conversation. Well that Saturday she sends me an email saying tha she didnt know if i still wanted to hang out that night even tough we had cancelled the email.

Maybe i should had said i made other plans but the truth was that i wasnt busy and the fact she was the one offering for us to meet made me comfotable being available yesterday. So two hours after i send her a message and she calls me an hour after that and we go for a walk.

Nice walk we enjoyed it very much. we walked around some waterfalls around my school and i kissed her first surpisingly which she smiling said i was impulsive then when i was giving her a piggy bag ride i turned my neck , she kissed me as i was kissing her ..it was a nice kiss. The conversation led on and we end up spending 2 hours and 30 minutes together. we kissed more this time and she was way less shy, but she said that all that i wanted to do was to kiss her. I responded by saying that she cant blame me for wanting to kiss her. I took her home we sat for a while but i ended the day by saying that : I had a great time but unfortunately the night has to end ..but hopefully there will be more to come." Then as i walk out we have a great kiss good night...even the kisses with her are getting better.

She sounds like a great catch, she has been proving herself to be a great catch with the way she respects herself. In many way she tells me by body language that she can only be kissed when the time is right , very different from passed experiences but i like it.

For some reason she thinks i live two lifes. She thinks that I am a womanizer in one and different with her. I said i didnt want to talk about this but that i was very different with other people than i was with her. That i didnt feel treating my best friend like a guy that has betrayed me or i dont even know and in the same way i dont treat a hoe like i treat a girl i respect. She is very intrigued by my pasT....i think even my past relationships. I ofcourse keep asmuch away from her to leave in the mystery .

I like the girl ...she is smart , honest(so far), charming and you can see right through her. The best is she gets a side of me not many see becuase i am so comfortable next to her as i know i can see almost 90 percent right through her. The other 10 percent is the topic of her EX which we succesfully avoided last nigtht, but has me questioning this whole thing.

Honestly i am not sure if i want a relationship myself i havent been in one in six months and before meeting her i would had rather anything than a relationship. RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOO COMPLICATED AND TO DEMANDING AND CONTROLLING FROM BOTH SIDES. I think sometimes that i would have to get rid of all the fun with the hoes in my school which are meaningless.
If this girl is a great catch it would be maybe stupid of me turning her down because of all those meaninless hoes.

So i have evaluated my conduct around her ...and i realize ....i am starting to fvck up just a bit...

I have been to available....I need to turn down one of her propositions to chill.
I have shown to like her way too much unconciously..... ..i need to make sure i think a little bit ahead of my actions..
I need to kiss her less......or just at the right time.


The last two times we have gone out for a walk she has proposed them so i feel the ball now is on my side of the court.
I think she knows this aswell. I havent made my mind if before she goes home for thanksgiving weekend i should tell her to go for a walk or something. The reason for this is the fvcking topic of MIXED FEELINGS And her EX we she once brought up. There is a very thin line in showing her; yeah look i am interesting in hanging with you and sending an unconcious message saying that i am willing to put up with that ex scenario.

Today is sunday ...i was feeling talking to her on Tuesday and telling her that if she can meet me downstair so that we can say hi. Thats two day of no contact which she might start getting defensive thinking i am playing her or that i am really a womanizer ..but i dont think that doubt will damage anything or would actually do bad...even tough she seems not a hoe and more like a one relationship sweet girl. On the other hand this is a bit of a challenge and doesnt show i am dying for her....whioch is true anyways ..i like her but i wouldnt put up with any of her crap .

Any opinions cruticsm is always welcome.....


Tiburon

p.s I have a waterpolo banquet whci is semi formal (suit)......and i need to bring a date.....No she is going home for THANKSGIVING
and i am still considering in asking her out like this giving her time to bring a dress in case she doesnt have one. I would tell her something like : " i have this banquet coming up in early december and i am not sure if is somethimng you would like to attend but i am just telling you because i need to bring a date and its kind of formal and in case you didnt have a dress here on campus you could bring one from home"

No this i am almost 80 percent sure it is not a good i dea to say it and the only reason forwhich i might is the fact that she is going home ...and she can get a dress......But if i go for the 20 percent i would tell her on Tuesday........THIS THING ABOUT HER EX FVCKING SUCKS and telling her this might send tha unconcious message of that ai ma willing to put with ex scenario , rushing things , or that i am even pushing thins........but i do need a date for that banquet which if is not her it shouldnt be hard to get.

Tiburon

 

[legolas]

Aaaarrghhh!!!

You are seriously hurting your head too much with this. Deep inside you want her!! Deep inside you want a relationship but the DJ side of you wants to play it cool. I know what it's like. I've been there. It is characterized by too much thinking, and way too much calculating. Did you know there are at least three different and unique meanings for everything that you say? And I'm not even talking about literal, or figurative meanings. I'm talking about things that you can read into it.

So hear this: No matter how much you tweak a message to make it so that she will think a particular way, she will always think another way. Girls always have the tendency to think too much of things and read too much into things. So figure out what direction you want things to go, and go with it. Read my latest post on this.

 

[Gonzalo]

I agree with legolas in that you're beating yourself with this one. I guess we can't really control how much to think about this stuff deep in our minds. Well about the DJying itself, don't forget Doc Love's "three C's" (confidence, control, challenge). I'd say give her some room to miss "you", cause otherwise she might go missing the wrestler, the kisses and she calling already show she's interested.

About the dress thing, I think girls here know that formals come up and stuff. It's like me travelling without my guitar. But I'm curious to see what other people think. Best. G

 

[iqqi]

if you want to let her know that the ex situation is not acceptable, i'd wait a little longer, hook her a little more, and then throw that card on the table. there are a number of ways you can do this.

one way is to make her notice something is wrong, let her figure out its the ex, and make her feel the fear of loss, which is probable if she doesn't get her sh!t together. all without making it seem you know what you're doing. kind of manipulative. you like?

peace.

 

[tiburon]

decisions

I gave it a little bit of doubt and i think i found the answer i was looking for.

Iqqi----> before the first kiss i let this girl know i was not looking to be friends with her....and then i told her that i was not going to be the guy for her to rebound on , hel her get through her ex, or pick her backs, that i wasnt going to put up with that ...that it was unfair. She knows this well...i just need to back it up for the rest of my days with my actions ....Read the begiining of this post more carefully.

I dont know how hooked up she is , i know she likes me and is interested ..how much dont know. I also know she is sweet and maybe a nice girl...but there is a chance she could be pulling my leg.


I have decided that unless he makes an attempt to communicate with me or approach me or set something up i am going to leave her alone for a while until the monday after Thanksgiving break.
I know some of you may thing this is a bit extreme ....but remember this........

With Women you have to be a CHALLENGE;

What we dont do cant hurt us with women when we refer to interest level, is what we do that can hurt us .

Every second that passes and she doesnt hear from me the more her interest grows. She needs to figure out her mixed feelings, well now shge has all the time she needs.

Better to be missing me figuring out if i am a playa , or a womanizer than to be thinking about the wrestler .....Gonzalo has very good points..

Tiburon

 

[iqqi]

Re: decisions

Originally posted by tiburon
Iqqi----> ....Read the begiining of this post more carefully.

i did read. i was responding to this part:

Originally posted by tiburon
There is a very thin line in showing her; yeah look i am interesting in hanging with you and sending an unconcious message saying that i am willing to put up with that ex scenario.

mmmkay?

 

[tiburon]

I understand this ..but

Iqqi : The thin line i was refering too was the fact that even tough i said i was not putting upo with that crap at first ......one thing is to say it and another is to do it ..like everything else in life.

Tiburon