Met high quality girl, but I'm going to be gone for over a month, advice?

[Chickfight]

So I haven't posted here in over a year, I haven't actively read any seduction stuff since then, I hope my skills haven't gotten too rusty Anyway I'm interested in your guys input on a situation I'm currently in. Full field report below, but just read the tldr if you just want the bread a butter.

Tl;dr; Looking for a serious relationship after many years of hookups and casual girlfriends. Met a really attractive, interesting girl a few days ago. She's 22, beautiful, nice, smart, geeky, wants to make video games when she graduates. Basically her idea of a perfect day off is ****ing and gaming all day. So I can see myself with her. She appears to be very into me as well giving a few hints of not just wanting an f-buddy type situation.

We've spent about 18 hour together in 2 days, the majority of which in bed having sex multiple times. The problem is I've left for 5 weeks. So if you were in my shoes what would your move be during the 5 weeks that I'm gone and what do when I get back. She's only just arrived and she'll be there for 4 months so if I'm going to pursue this we'll only have about 3 month to make it serious. I don't have much experience with serious relationships so your advice is much appreciated.

Field report

I've been working in Australia for a a year. Just some casual hookups there, nothing serious. Now I'm back in my home-city of Shanghai I've decided I actually do want a serious relationship with a high quality girl. Maybe I've been wanting it for a while. I tell girls I'm not looking for anything serious and that I like dating multiple women as to not appear needy (which I guess is actually true at the beginning of my relationships). It's definitely a part of my persona which isn't a bad thing necessarily (girls want guys who don't pedestal them/have other options). But if I'm honest with myself. Now that I'm back I'm 25 and want to semi-settle down. Bring some stability to my somewhat chaotic life.

So I was back for 2 weeks just chilling with old friends. I'm going a away again for a month to the states to handle some affairs, but I'm back again in about 5 weeks to start up my business. 2 days before leaving (to my stop-over, where i am now) I notice girl at a bar. Very pretty, tall, caucasian, elf-like features. So I approach and invite her to come have a drink with me and my friends. We talk for about half an hour, share a drink, very good vibes all around. I have my arm around her eventually. Then she has to leave cause of her friends. I tell her to stay, but she insists she has to go and asks for my nr. We exchange number and I go in and make out for like half a second as it was in front of everybody, bit sloppy but whatever, she leaves.

Next day is the day before I leave I plan to have drink with friends and and invite her along. She asks if she can bring her 2 roommates. I don't mind as I know my boys will wing me. So we meet up around 10.30. I get to know her better I'm really liking what I'm finding out. She's super intelligent, goes to NYU, kinda nerdy, likes cosplaying and stuff and wants to be a video game developer. She speak like 5 languages and plays like a dozen instruments. Plus she's so ridiculously nice, I know there must be a freak inside.

As the night goes on there's no physical escalation yet, as she and her friends are sitting on one side of the table and me and my buddy are on the other. As more friends arrive though I sit next to her to "make room". I go to have a smoke with her and she basically jumps me. Nice. So we get more intimate. By the time we get to the club I can't keep her off me for 2 seconds. Her friends leave and she says she's with me and it's my responsibility to take care of her. I'm up for the task. I take her back to my hotel and we get in on about 7 time til 3pm the next day. We're quite compatible sexually (though could've been better cause I was drunk) and she's very selfless and eager to please which I like. Anyway we get some food and I put her in a cab and that was that. Before my flight I get a sweet message saying she had a good time and is looking forward to seeing me when I get back.

So this was only a few days ago and we only spent about 18 hours together, the majority of which we were ****ing, but I can really see myself with this girl. So if you were in my shoes what would your move be during the 5 weeks that I'm gone and when I get back. She's only just arrive and she'll be there for 4 months so if I'm going to pursue this we'll only have about 3 month to do it. I don't have much experience with serious relationships so your advice is much appreciated.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Met high quality girl, but I'm going to be gone for over a month, advice?

Basically your are looking for the mythical unicorn.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Nice field report, it looks like you know what you're doing.

This is actually pretty simple:

Wait for her to contact you. That's the only way. She's expecting you to 'miss her' and evenutally show a needy side, she's expecting it. So don't do it. In all reality, this could be just a one time fling. Either way, YOU need to wait. Why would you contact her first? Because you want to chat? See how her day went? NO, you're a man, you've got $hit to do. If you don't hear from her while you're gone, then send her a text when you get back.

That's it.

 

[Boxer00]

She sounds more like a hoe than a high quality girl to me. If she's jumping your bones that fast, you can bet she'll jump another guys bones when you're gone. Way too early for anything serious and I bet she isn't taking this that serious as of now. If she's serious, she'll keep in touch, so let her contact you and don't be afraid to keep communicating when you're gone if she hits you up.

 

[Firestar786]

Lmao @ wife up this how. Lol!!!

My only addition is you've met her once so you never know which way it can swing

 

[Chickfight]

This. Gamer girls might have been quality loner women in the past but not in 2015, especially when hot. I've always found them to be morally ambiguous and pretty slvtty....definitely in the mostly guy friends camp. regardless why you trying to wife up this hoe after basically one date which was nothing more than a giant red flag in its own right

Thanks for the input, but I don't agree she's a hoe from what I know about her. My attitude isn't if she banged me so quick she'd bang the next guy just as quick. Nah I've been doing this for a while. It's about confidence. When I'm with a girl there is no one she'd rather with. That's what I've internalised. Of course she'd want to have sex the night before I left cause she wouldn't get another chance for 5 weeks. That's how I see it anyway.

My attitude around her was a lot nicer than usual as well. I said a lot of stuff that isn't exactly recommended. Stuff like "you're amazing you're the best.". You could see it as supplicating, but it was in response to her good behaviour. It was refreshing to not have to deal with the attention seeking, mind ****ing behaviour you see in many girls. I still teased her, but not harshly as I didn't see a pedestal I needed to knock her off of. Basically she was just really nice so I was nice.

I don't want to wife her exactly, obviously I went to get to know her better, but we'll see where it goes.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Shes not quality girl. She saw value in you and made you see value in her through sex. Did she made the move on you or did you made the move on her? Or did it seem strangely "in the spur of the moment"? See it was this way for you but not for her. Girls are evil geniuses when it comes to making boys grow into men.

Also if she engaged in sex quickly with you shes the same with everyone. You're not special. You really aren't. See she may say all she wants to do is play and create games but she left the part where she treated you like **** when you fell in love then she brainwashed you into a doormat and possibly cheated on you and broke your heart. See thats what girls do. Much like a toddler. Women do not do this. Women say they need sex when they need sex. See I met this lady recently shes really honest: "I use men for only one thing." I havent ****ed her but I will. She deserves it. I respect that. If a girl is quick to grab you by the **** but plays it serious she is lying. The drama youre about to witness is mindblowing. And that contradiction between fast seduction and seriousness is the basis for the brainwash.

I lived in hell for 2,5 years. Dont do it men. *****es aint **** but hoes and tricks. Its true. You cant turn a ho into a good girl. Only she can do it.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

You've got a subjective opinion, you had a great few days with a chick you really like....therefore, you WANT her to be high quality. You want her to only jump in the sack that quick for you. Relax, take off the sunglasses (rosy or not), and see things for what they are. Either way, don't plan on going exlusive with anyone, until you figure out what you're getting exlusive with. Sit back, relax and observe her behavior. This month off will tell you a lot.

 

[nemz]

This guy ^^ knows his sh*t, learn...

 

[way2smart]

I agree with above posters. I don't see her as high quality.
What makes you think that if she banged you on the first date, she wouldn't bang someone else on the first date as well?

In my opinion, you have a mild case of oneitis.

 

[Chickfight]

You've got a subjective opinion, you had a great few days with a chick you really like....therefore, you WANT her to be high quality. You want her to only jump in the sack that quick for you. Relax, take off the sunglasses (rosy or not), and see things for what they are. Either way, don't plan on going exlusive with anyone, until you figure out what you're getting exlusive with. Sit back, relax and observe her behavior. This month off will tell you a lot.

By high quality I mean like if you looked at her resume it would be impressive whether female or not. Speaks 5 languages, plays various instruments, multi-talented, perfect grades, prestigious uni. I.e. she's not a crack hoe on welfare. Plus physical attractiveness wise, very pretty face, but could definitely gain 10, even 20 lbs.

I guess every guy wants his girl to be a slut for him and not for others, but I honestly don't think she's promiscuous for a few reasons;

First she directly told be she hasn't had sex for over a year, which was with a guy who got some other chick pregnant. The only other guy besides him was her bf of 2 years before that. She said she was extremely shy in HS and awkward cause of her height. I don't think she's lying. She's not prudish so I don't know why she would plus she knows I don't care cause I've slept around a lot myself.

Apparently a lot of dudes are intimidated by her. I'm a lil over 6'2" and she's almost my height with heels on.

My style of approaching her was nice and charming, yet I still took the lead and escalated when needed. Guys who are too nice might not escalate properly or even approach (she mentioned what she liked about me was I actually went up to her instead of just staring) and the guys who do approach are too aggressive (she mentioned another guy texted her to go out, he actually got her nr by taking her phone putting his number in and called it.). Plus the fact that she came with 2 friends instead of alone is another indicator.

So her having sex with me on only the second time we met is still a positive point to me, I'd be worried if she didn't want to sleep with me before I left.

I don't know. You're right that it's too early to tell. But yeah fair enough me thinking she's nice and stuff is subjective. Any girl will act nice if she likes you, but yeah we'll see where it goes and how she behaves when I return.

I know all about oneites, but hopefully I'm experienced enough that I can actually let myself like a girl and trust her without becoming desperate and clingy. I know I'm an attractive dude and I can get girls, but how many of those
Can you trust? If she is actually who she appears to be and trustworthy as she appears to be that's a big plus in my book. I don't know, I'll take a risk and if it doesn't work out at least I'll have learned a lesson.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

A lot of the advice on here is of the "Devil's Advocate" style. You, and you alone, will have to figure out and decide what direction you are going to take this.

You made a very good point here:

I'd be worried if she didn't want to sleep with me before I left.

If she didn't sleep with you, and was, for whatever reason, trying to use sex as a carrot while you were away, then, you would be right, it wouldn't be very nice of her.

Just go with it. The only issue I see is this:

Looking for a serious relationship.

As with many guys, they date one woman at a time, so, because of this, all of their thoughts and focus end up being soley on her, and this builds her up in his mind, molds her into the perfect woman for him, when, in all reality, if he was dating other women, he would end up seeing her for who she really is. And, therefore, be able to make a rational decision on whether or not she was the right one for him.

Pook explains it very well here:

Lesson Fourteen

The young man had one problem left. He would be very successful with women, from one night stands, from casual dating, from relationships, and so on. Yet, every now and then, he got that feeling of something BURSTING through his chest like a creature popping out from Alien.

The woman would talk to him, “Blah blah blah.” He felt it inside, a very sweet but gooeish feeling. She would go on, “Blah yappity blah blah” and he felt the sickly warm feeling spread throughout his body. What was happening to him? “Yappity yap blah blah, yapitty, blah yap!” the girl continued as he felt the FEELINGS spread throughout his body, paralyzing him, like a poison. “Yah blah blah yah,” she went on, oblivious as he was collapsing from this sickness.

The next day, he had this OVERWHELIMG urge to send her flowers, chocolate, and bad poetry. It was too much, and he gave in, and saying, “You are my life. I love nothing else so well as you. I will do ANYTHING for you.”

Then she said, “I think we should just be friends…”

Oh, that AFC disease rose up again in him! How does one smash it forever? He smiled, and realized:

Always have a back-up chick!

“But Pook! Perhaps this guy was falling in love!”

“No. It was a False Love. Come and see.”

Pook led the youth inside Every Man’s Heart. Inside the cavernous room, each surrounding wall depicted television screens with a graphic.

“What is this place?”

“Every guy has a passion about different things. On that wall is his ‘car’ passion. We see many screens of different cars, all ones he loves. On that other wall there is his ‘food’ passion. We see screens of all his favorite foods. And if you come along here, you’ll find the Ambition Wall where screens show all the things he wants to do. Now look at the Women Wall.”

“Pook! There is only one picture on it!”

“Yes. Nature has designed us to love in a marriage way when there is only one picture on that wall.”

“I can understand that. But where is the problem?”

“The problem is that he is not married or engaged to her! So he is acting married to her when really they are ‘dating’ or ‘just friends’.”

“Oh dear…”

“Yes. When a guy decides to go dating and dates only ONE chick at a time, only one picture will appear on the wall. When there is only one, he is designed to think of her in a marriage way. So he starts becoming AFC with this girl he just talked to.”

“So say if a guy is socially unskilled and has only one friend that is a girl, only that girl’s picture will appear on the wall? And because of that, he will ‘fall in love’ with his friend?”

“Exactly! If there is only one f*ckbuddy, he will eventually want to ‘date’ the girl, want to become exclusive with her, and turn into a total AFC.”

“But if he has a back-up chick…”

“…then another girl is on the wall as well. He can’t act ‘married’ if there is more than one girl up there. Thus, he stops becoming a ‘latent AFC’.”

“But what if he has his interest in other things? Shouldn’t he date only one girl then?”

“No. Either go for MANY or go for NONE. If you go for ONE you will become an AFC. Most guys are too LAZY or too SCARED to go for multiple girls. So they remain AFCs and forever remain in the vicious cycle.

Not sure if you're planning on remaining celebate while you're away... But, if it were me, I'd keep in touch with this one, but while still exploring my options abroad.

 

[Boxer00]

By high quality I mean like if you looked at her resume it would be impressive whether female or not. Speaks 5 languages, plays various instruments, multi-talented, perfect grades, prestigious uni. I.e.

Resumes doesn't make women high quality. Jumping in the sack right off the bat makes her a hoe. High quality girls aren't that easy to give it up so fast.

First she directly told be she hasn't had sex for over a year

Do you always believe what a girl tells you? If I had a dollar for each girl that told me that I would be a millionaire.

which was with a guy who got some other chick pregnant.

Maybe it was her? LOL.

She's not prudish

Obviously. LOL

So her having sex with me on only the second time we met is still a positive point to me.

Hoes do that bro.

Can you trust?

Like I said, see if she hits you up, keep the contact going while you're away until you get back. That's all you can do untl she proves who she says she is. Stewing over it does you no good. Have other women you can date too.

 

[Johnny1986]

Shes lying to you bro. No woman above a 3 "hasnt had sex in a year" Good for her for trying to maintain a good girl image but its just not true. All girls lie about that **** so whatever. Just don't believe that kind of **** with open arms

 

[Chickfight]

Great advice guys, I appreciate it.

Turns out you guys were onto something after all. I haven't contacted her yet and she has no way of contacting me, but I went onto Facebook to add her and on her page she's in a relationship. Her full profile wasn't visible but the first post when I scrolled down was her getting engaged to the guy about 14 months ago. Apparently they're not engaged anymore, but her status is still in a relationship with him?

Freaking weird, really can't trust these hoes. A particular conversation with her comes to mind while we were in bed together, when she mentioned she had been cheated on and that she had and never would cheat on someone. She asked me if I had A girlfriend. I said I haven't had many serious relationships and I like to keep it casual. I just really like girls. Then I said if I were at a point in a relationship where I wanted to cheat, I would break up first, and cheating comes from cowardice. There was nothing in her reaction that suggested guilt or anything. So I don't know what going on.

It's either one of two options;

1. She's a master liar/manipulator who feels no guilt whatsoever about cheating on her long term boyfriend.

2. They're on some kind of break type situation where she's allowed to bang other dudes. I don't know where the one year no sex thing came from OR why she said the last guy she had sex with got some other chick preggers.

In any case, something fishy is going on, which I'll find out when I get back. At the moment I'm inclined to put her and the backburner, definitely start spinning some plates. Definitely will put my mind off her, I've spent too much time thinking about it already.

-

 

[christoff522]

Great advice guys, I appreciate it.

Turns out you guys were onto something after all. I haven't contacted her yet and she has no way of contacting me, but I went onto Facebook to add her and on her page she's in a relationship. Her full profile wasn't visible but the first post when I scrolled down was her getting engaged to the guy about 14 months ago. Apparently they're not engaged anymore, but her status is still in a relationship with him?

Freaking weird, really can't trust these hoes. A particular conversation with her comes to mind while we were in bed together, when she mentioned she had been cheated on and that she had and never would cheat on someone. She asked me if I had A girlfriend. I said I haven't had many serious relationships and I like to keep it casual. I just really like girls. Then I said if I were at a point in a relationship where I wanted to cheat, I would break up first, and cheating comes from cowardice. There was nothing in her reaction that suggested guilt or anything. So I don't know what going on.

It's either one of two options;

1. She's a master liar/manipulator who feels no guilt whatsoever about cheating on her long term boyfriend.

2. They're on some kind of break type situation where she's allowed to bang other dudes. I don't know where the one year no sex thing came from OR why she said the last guy she had sex with got some other chick preggers.

In any case, something fishy is going on, which I'll find out when I get back. At the moment I'm inclined to put her and the backburner, definitely start spinning some plates. Definitely will put my mind off her, I've spent too much time thinking about it already.

-

Maybe the guy she last had sex with is the guy she was engaged to. You saw a post thats 14 months old - a lot can happen in 14 months.

why not add her and see what is on her profile now? For all you know the 'in a relationship' is with her female friend.

Either way, take the advice here, but don't just read that advice into the situation you're in now. Take it slow and steady and don't be so reactionary. I think you need to take a chill pill - the issue you have is you keep reacting so quickly to events around you. Take a breath, relax and stop worrying and freaking out about every little thing/

 

[Masculinity]

I would ask her to pick me up at the airport. It sets the logistical stage so that she takes you home and then you can just handle your business as usual.

 

[No.Danny]

I agree with the advice here. Just want to point out some of you guys make me cringe.
Girl sleeps with you on 2nd date= hoe. Doesn't sleep with you on 2nd date=not interested/next :crazy:

 

[G_Govan]

A particular conversation with her comes to mind while we were in bed together, when she mentioned she had been cheated on and that she had and never would cheat on someone.

Usual song and dance. She's describing the kind of guys she's in to. Not that she's necessarily telling you to cheat, but she's hoping you have the potential to. That or she's hoping to convert you into a "provider" while she has fun on the side.

No hot chick is celibate of their own choosing for a year. It. Doesn't. Exist.

 

[Chickfight]

Maybe the guy she last had sex with is the guy she was engaged to. You saw a post thats 14 months old - a lot can happen in 14 months.

why not add her and see what is on her profile now? For all you know the 'in a relationship' is with her female friend.

Either way, take the advice here, but don't just read that advice into the situation you're in now. Take it slow and steady and don't be so reactionary. I think you need to take a chill pill - the issue you have is you keep reacting so quickly to events around you. Take a breath, relax and stop worrying and freaking out about every little thing/

Potentially.. If not she's just a really really good liar. Plus she must have realised its a possibility I would add her on Facebook? Anyway, I'm not going to add her, I'll just wait til I see her in person and bang her again. Then I'll be like oh here I'll add you on fb. See how she reacts. It actually says his name on the "in a relationship with" status, so it def the same dude.

I'm not really fazed, like I'm getting sex either way so I guess I sorta win, but I'm super curious like I'm waiting for a new episode of my favorite show after a cliffhanger. Like it's so freakin mysterious. I want to know what happened. She could just be a huge unfaithful b!tch, but I have a feeling there's something more to it.

I checked out his profile to get a few more hints. On the comments on his prof picture he mentions he's thinking of moving to Brooklyn when she gets back. The comment was a few weeks ago, so recent but before I banged her. So apparently they live together in New York.. There are a couple of pictures he uploaded in the last year of the two of them, but they seem pretty platonic to me compared to the older ones. Plus she hasn't commented on or liked newer ones. (Damn, I've read to much Sherlock Holmes)

Basically, if she didn't lie to me, this is what must have happened;

They started a relationship 3 years ago. 14 months ago they got engaged. Some time after that they cancel the engagement, but she's too nice or it's inconvenient to change her fb status out of a relationship and move out. They share many friends, she's possibly afraid to lose them. She also came across as very submissive to me (I'm in your hands, do whatever you want to me). I DONT think her "bf" is the same guy who got some other chick preggers, he doesn't seem like the type. Plus when I asked how many guys she slept with she described 2; her boyfriend of 2 years and the preggers dude, who she said was very short term and "didn't count". Potentially her boyfriend is in denial or they made some sort of agreement, but it's hard to imagine living with your ex for a year and not having sex, but still being in a relationship on fb. It's pretty bizarre.

Or she's just a lying cold cheating *****. I feel sorry for the dude either way.

Anyway, very curious to hear what she says and put the pieces together.