Messed up can it be fixed?

[WhoAmI?]

So I have a friend that i've been close to for about 3-4 years now. We never went passed Friendship even though she wanted to and I kinda did. Now 4 years later I want to, but she is really interrested in another guy. I might have messed up by telling her exactly how I feel and all that mushy stuff instead of playing it cool.

She says she wants to just be friends atm because of this other guy, but I know if he wasn't in the picture it would be more than friends. How do I make her more attracted to me then him? Physically I got him beat hands down, but she still preferrs him right now. Should I just play the part of a friend still while taking her out and trying to get closer to her? Could I have already ruined it by spilling everything I felt about her? I know I already messed up by coming off as needy, but not sure what my next move should be.

Yes I like her more than other girls, and really want a shot with her.....just can't figure out how to get her mind off this other guy. Her and the other guy arn't currently dating but she thinks they will be soon and she wants to obviously.

 

[Interceptor]

Ask her out more often. If you're a fun guy, do things that are more fun.
You messed up by telling her your feelings. And she is disrespecting you by putting you 'on hold" so she can get with this other guy.
Remember, you want a chick that isn't really into you.
Don't be "nice". But don't be a jerk. Don't be the emotional tampon. But don't be insensitive.
Bascially, this other guy has some value to her that you right now don't.
Anyway, always work on improving yourself to your maximum potential.
Don't get too obsessed with this one chick.
I know you may not have many options, but the more you want her and the more desperate your actions, the more you're going to make her run away.
And since she's not that into you, you can't act that distant and aloof. Because she may not be willing to chase you.

The lesson here is : Never obsess over a single woman.

 

[WhoAmI?]

So all this talking between us went down today.....how long should I wait before taking her out? Is taking her out as just a friend for the moment even gonna help anything?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

No. Stay away from her. When/if she's ready, she will seek you out. The more you try, the faster you go into wussville town in her eyes, forget about trying to outdo the guy she likes. This stuff only works when she believes it is her idea. No logical reasoning will do at this point.

Get busy sarging the ladies, and don't hide the fact that you are dating.

 

[WhoAmI?]

Nice so one guy tells me stay away the other says take her out more often lol.....We've been best friends for atleast 2 years now so i'm not sure how staying away would work. It's not like she isn't interrested She's told me 100 times in 4 years she is.......it's this other guy has something she wants so to speak.

 

[EFFORT]

You already done in this situation. 3-4 years and no hook up and now the reason is because theres another guy?

Your next move here is to crash and burn it. Get her alone, man up, and go for the kiss. If she kisses you back and a makeout ensues then give yourself a pat on the back for pulling off a 3-4year pickup.

If she doesn't and gets all confused or whatever starts asking you questions, tell her that your done bsing her, your attracted to her and you act on that without any regrets. If thats not what she wants then say "cool its been nice knowing you" walk out and close that chapter in your life. Then open a new chapter in your life by approaching 5 new chicks a day for 2-5years.

 

[Interceptor]

My feeling is that you may have to be a little bit more aggressive in demonstrating your value.
Remember , she's at a crossroads.
If he ignores her, and she's not interested in him, and she's all hot for this other guy, OP is getting kicked to the curb. He's giving her the "out".
Remember, again, this chick is one of those "confused" chicks. She' not that hot for this guy.
Pulling back works when the woman is really hot for you.
Not if she's wishy washy, or has not put in the time for emotional investment. Women have learned to be very cold blooded and unfeeling.

As for waiting or whatever, you've got to get that sh*t out of your head.
That's fear based, scarcity mentality thinking.

You are not acting confident and courageous here.

that's means you are at least a -1 in the race.
You're already starting out in a handicap.

You call her when you want to talk with her. And you keep it short.
When you're free, and you want to go out give her a call and see if she wants to go with you.
That's it.

The basic rule is (thx Gunwitch) 'Make the Ho say No.'
If you want her this bad, and you don';t feel like "waiting" , whic is perfectly fine and acceptable, then you proceed with confidence. Not like a rocket, of course, but smooth steady sauiling.

Confidence.


Anywyay, that's just my advice. Take it or leave it if you want
Good luck anyway.

 

[Interceptor]

You already done in this situation. 3-4 years and no hook up and now the reason is because theres another guy?

Your next move here is to crash and burn it. Get her alone, man up, and go for the kiss. If she kisses you back and a makeout ensues then give yourself a pat on the back for pulling off a 3-4year pickup.

If she doesn't and gets all confused or whatever starts asking you questions, tell her that your done bsing her, your attracted to her and you act on that without any regrets. If thats not what she wants then say "cool its been nice knowing you" walk out and close that chapter in your life. Then open a new chapter in your life by approaching 5 new chicks a day for 2-5years.

Yeah, what this guy said too.

 

[Interceptor]

The take home message is
DON'T BE:

Timid
Tentative
Shy
Awkward
Too Cautious
Hesitant
Obsessive
Jealous
Clingy
Needing her validation, acceptance, or approval
Asking her for permission

 

[EternalStudent]

Dude,

Good luck. I found myself in the same situation several times in my life.

Learn your lesson -- in the future, don't let it get this far. Also, your attraction to her probably stems from your lack or limited number of options.

I think your problem in relation to her is that you're always there. People have a stronger desire for that which they can't or don't have. So don't be there so much.

She seeks you out, great -- reward her with some of your time. If she doesn't seek you out, guess what, you have some answers. Escalate.

It took me a while to learn this -- guys on here told it to me, some of my smoother friends told me. Guess what? I needed to learn myself by repeatedly failing, examining what I did wrong, etc.

I'm in a similar situation right now -- there's a female friend who has been vying for my attention. The girl in question is a 21-year-old HB8. HOWEVER, I have a date with a 35-year-old HB8 this weekend, and have been dating other women that the 21 year old knows. Options won't hurt, and it makes it WAY easier to not do foolish things in regards to one woman.

Slowly, but surely, I am getting it right. Maybe you need to screw it up for yourself to start to learn; maybe you can take what these guys are telling you and apply it ASAP. It might not be this time or next time, but eventually I'll get it right.

You might be like me -- disregard what you are told and try it your way anyway. Maybe it works for you -- more power to you. It didn't for me. Wish I had been less stubborn and listened to these guys sooner.

Good luck, and let us know how it works out.

 

[WhoAmI?]

Ya I want her but fvck waiting.....i've done that crap before and learned my lesson. The 3-4 years is our friendship.....I was never really into her because I knew I had her if I wanted I havn't been trying with her for 3-4 years.

I'd preferr the aggressive way, but how far can I go being aggressive and not piss her off? Should I be aggressive as in trying to setup a night out for us? Or chill out a couple days and randomly call her see if she wants to go out?......Would trying to kiss her be to aggressive? Basicly how far should I take it to see if I can get her more interrested like she use to be.

 

[Interceptor]

Ya I want her but fvck waiting.....i've done that crap before and learned my lesson. The 3-4 years is our friendship.....I was never really into her because I knew I had her if I wanted I havn't been trying with her for 3-4 years.

I'd preferr the aggressive way, but how far can I go being aggressive and not piss her off? Should I be aggressive as in trying to setup a night out for us? Or chill out a couple days and randomly call her see if she wants to go out?......Would trying to kiss her be to aggressive? Basicly how far should I take it to see if I can get her more interrested like she use to be.

WOW, dude.
You have got to stop the over analyzing.
READ THIS AGAIN:

The take home message is
DON'T BE:

Timid
Tentative
Shy
Awkward
Too Cautious
Hesitant
Obsessive
Jealous
Clingy
Needing her validation, acceptance, or approval
Asking her for permission


Decide a place where you want to go.

Decide a night you want to go there.

Call her sometimed before the day and invite her to go with you.

Onthat night, be cool, confident, and sexual. Don't turn up the heat too much
You want her to experience you through several dates.

Find out how she responds by calibrating.
touch her sensually. make stronger eye contact.
Introduce the new you over several dates. NOT ALL AT ONCE.
SHow her the new and improved you.
You'll understand how she respionds to touch, and how she responds to more sexuality.
Gradually escalate over the course of the dates.
Stop being "the friend".

 

[reset]

The take home message is
DON'T BE:

Timid
Tentative
Shy
Awkward
Too Cautious
Hesitant
Obsessive
Jealous
Clingy
Needing her validation, acceptance, or approval
Asking her for permission

This is right on. The only problem is it makes no sense until you've done it and realize how dead-end those behaviors are until you experience why they don't work. I read your list and want to throw up. Probably becasue I identified with every one of 'em.

Whatever you have to do take action because you can't keep saying "I've known this girl as friends for almost four years and... <---you need to complete that sentence with something new.

 

[WhoAmI?]

Aight so i'ma setup a night at the local comedy club since she turns 21 in a couple weeks it'll be her first time going.....Call her up a few days before the show tell her shes going with me (I know she will anyways) and go from there? Sound like a good start?

 

[Interceptor]

 

[Nexus Polaris]

My feeling is that you may have to be a little bit more aggressive in demonstrating your value.
Remember , she's at a crossroads.
If he ignores her, and she's not interested in him, and she's all hot for this other guy, OP is getting kicked to the curb. He's giving her the "out".
Remember, again, this chick is one of those "confused" chicks. She' not that hot for this guy.
Pulling back works when the woman is really hot for you.
Not if she's wishy washy, or has not put in the time for emotional investment. Women have learned to be very cold blooded and unfeeling.

As for waiting or whatever, you've got to get that sh*t out of your head.
That's fear based, scarcity mentality thinking.

You are not acting confident and courageous here.

that's means you are at least a -1 in the race.
You're already starting out in a handicap.

You call her when you want to talk with her. And you keep it short.
When you're free, and you want to go out give her a call and see if she wants to go with you.
That's it.

The basic rule is (thx Gunwitch) 'Make the Ho say No.'
If you want her this bad, and you don';t feel like "waiting" , whic is perfectly fine and acceptable, then you proceed with confidence. Not like a rocket, of course, but smooth steady sauiling.

Confidence.


Anywyay, that's just my advice. Take it or leave it if you want
Good luck anyway.

Thank you. You just put a situation for me in perspective.

 

[wayword]

So I have a friend that i've been close to for about 3-4 years now. We never went passed Friendship even though she wanted to and I kinda did. Now 4 years later I want to, but she is really interrested in another guy. I might have messed up by telling her exactly how I feel and all that mushy stuff instead of playing it cool.

You're a dumazz. She wanted you and you coulda had her for 4 years now. But you didn't want her.

But, all of a sudden she shows interest in another guy and...*BAMMO*...NOWWWW you want her.

Do you realize how f'n childish you're acting? If you only want what you can't have...you will never get what you want and never be happy.

GROW THE F UP. THEN worry about girls...

 

[Lord Shinra]

Why'd you wait so long?

 

[WhoAmI?]

Cause there was always something in the way.....either she was with someone or I was.....up until like 6 months ago I was shy talkin to girls now It's like whatever. It's not like she waited 4 years she dated as well just I knew i could of had her had I stepped up. Now I'll step up but it's to late is what i'm thinking....I took interceptors advice called her up told her we were going out (didn't give her a choice pretty much told her we were going) the weekend after her B-day since she'll be 21.....So we'll see what happens then.

 

[Lord Shinra]

Hey, good luck. It sucks though thinking back to all the potentials you missed before you took the red-pill.