Men in relationships that would rather jack off than bang their gf/wife

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Plenty of men confess me to find themselves in such position, most of them 30+, I checked online and it seems it's a widespread phenomenon.

What do you think about it?

The first reason it came in my mind was that she gained weight or simply no longer produced the "new thing" effect but could it be that after a certain point the nagging and the discomfort kills any libido?

I have a gf that despite she is not the hottest thing in town is reasonably good looking and younger than me however the frequent requests of going out, meet people and attend places I wouldnt even consider kinda put me in a grumpy mood and lead me to become annoyed from her.
Every weekend there is someones birthday which means, no rest, no gym, hours in crowds and stay up till late night...

The fact gets even worse since she doesnt like do sport, hit the gym or physical activity in general which I really like.

Often times I'm doing stuff at the computer or watching tv and she initiates for intimacy and it often feels as a chore.

Some guys I know told me that they would rather bang average random women than their wives and probably they can feel it on their men.

 

[corrector]

That's how I felt about my ex-wife. Never felt this anticlimactic about sex which is why I feel my mind has a bend towards looking at audio-visual material to find satisfaction. It felt like a chore when she wants it and I wasn't ready to please her like that and had to start popping pills.

What is worst is that you can't really be in your own space with these relationships/marriages. If you do something you like on your own, and you feel happy, then she could get jealous, EVEN if you are not dealing with another woman. If you talk to your mother too much that could be a problem.

For example, when I was biking by myself, that created a strain on the past marriage.

The other day, I spoke to a co-worker guy who loved John Wick 1, but has not seen the sequels. Shocked, I asked why. He said his gf did not see John Wick 1 and he saw it behind her back alone and felt guilty. He promised her he won't look at another sequel until she has seen John Wick 1. So far she has not seen it and he can not see any subsequent John Wick movie. I'm like, that has nothing about dealing with other women, and solo-activities you do by yourself, and that just feel oppressive.

So why I might cry incel on here, I must even take my own portrayals about myself with a grain of salt and perhaps relish that I'm free to do anything I want (subject to my own religion of course). I only have my mother to worry about when you look at it. Another woman, unless pleutonic (ie and therefore not making any serious demands on my time, energy or resources), would likely be a liability to the set-up rather than a benefit.

 

[Ricky]

One of the women i worked with told me that her husband lost interest in her. She thinks he is gay. I've heard it from another woman that my wife is friends with too.

I liked variety, but also wanted sex with my wife several times a week. The frequency decreased like it does in most relationships after kids, but i never stopped desiring it. It was her that stopped with me when our problems hit.

I exercise a lot and stay generally healthy so still maintain a high libido.

 

[Murk]

When my girlfriend stopped taking the pill and started crying if I pulled out… that’s when the idea of sex with her repulsed me. It was a mental block I couldn’t get over. I did enjoy sex with her, but I could never *** or enjoy the moment. I started masturbating and I saw 2 prostitues. She looked down my phone while I was sleeping and found out. I was kind of relieved. I said “look, we’re not having sex, I don’t want a baby, I was horny.”

She still hung around for 2 weeks after, hoping I’d try to reconcile, make a big gesture, but I made no effort - she was doing the heavy lifting for me ending the relationship and I did not want a baby with her. She then eventually fvcked off and I still feel sad now and again thinking about it. I should have grabbed my nutsack and nexted her before it got that far. I do still love her though.

 

[Murk]

You could have screwed it up worse. DAMHIK, but there are many women who think they're ready for motherhood and find themselves trapped when they become parents. And I can tell you it's bad when you're the only adult in your 'nuclear family'.

It feels like my worst nightmare having kids with a women I'm not serious about or who I don't think has good genes/motherhood capabilities. I think it's my own upbringing, but I think having a kid is the biggest thing you can do.

 

[typical]

Your answer is

1) Porn
2) Spending too much time with each other, you're bored
3) Low Test

Fix these 3 issues and hit the gym and things will return to normal

 

[Murk]

Your answer is

1) Porn
2) Spending too much time with each other, you're bored
3) Low Test

Fix these 3 issues and hit the gym and things will return to normal

Disagree, there's also a psychological aspect in play, this can be not finding her attractive, stress, disgust, her not wanting sex/dead bedrooms. With everything, it's never black and white.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It’s not biologically normal to bang the same woman over and over again.

 

[Murk]

It’s not biologically normal to bang the same woman over and over again.

I disagree, if you set the bar low then sure, most men fall into this. If you find a women that ticks all the boxes and you focus on other things then you can be happy with one women. You just need to level up to secure what you want. You can find other women attractive, we all will, goes both ways. To step outside of marriage is a conscious decision to forgo your vows and submit to self/carnal desires. It's not biological it's mental and spiritual.

To say men want to bang multiple women is a given, to say it's innate in us to cheat/lie/sin is more accurate. Humans have a sinful nature. We're meant to overcome this, it's part of being a real man/human being. We all have a choice.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Well, then... that explains the general attitude on this forum.

Biologically normal for who? Humans? Primates? Mammals?

Humans are great apes.. and mammals. And yes.. monogamy is rare among male mammals in the kingdom.

We have this discussion often on this forum. Most are in denial about male nature. This will be a long thread. Stay tuned.

 

[Dash Riprock]

It happened to me in my last LTR. Ex gf was probably a HB8+. Pretty, petite, and in great shape. About the first three years I couldn't get enough of her sexually. Did it all. Then, into about year 3, the desire to have sex with her started to fade. If you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point you're going to get sick of them. I did really enjoy her companionship though and we had a lot in common so we did a lot as a couple. But I just couldn't get over the redundancy of screwing the same woman for years on end. Finally into year 6 and beyond, the relationship turned into more of a friendship and we became roommates more than lovers. You can't fake what's not there. We broke up at about the 9 year mark and though I miss her companionship sometimes, I DO NOT miss banging her. I've banged a large number of women since her and it's the newness of the girls that turns me on. I suspect many if not most men are wired this way.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Men are addicted to porn; it provides endless, instant novelty and works on the dopaminergic pathways dedicated for sexual arousal (which novelty is a big part of). Literally the most powerful system in our brain is getting hijacked by a supranormal stimulus that is free and available 24/7. Unless your wife is really good in bed and a 9/10 I don't completely blame them; after years of fvcking the same girl I'd probably get bored too. But I think in this case the solution is to withhold sex and orgasm for a few weeks or more, scarcity creates value.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Men have self-control.

I think the issue is also that most men don't even consider exercising self-control in the first place because they still don't see internet porn as a problem.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Maybe I’m an anomaly. I’m not a pr0n user. Do I once in a blue moon? Sure but not to fap. I will however look at videos of gals I’ve taken while banging them, does that count as pr0n? Still, taking matters into my own hands isn’t a thing. I will look at my folder to remember an encounter.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with easy access to it? It doesn’t provide me any satisfaction. I’ve only once or twice come across a woman that wants to show me some clip she liked, usually they’re hyper sexual types with issues, as they say.

 

[corrector]

Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with easy access to it? It doesn’t provide me any satisfaction.

I did not grow up with easy access to it either. We both grew up with magazines and store clerks making sure we did not go by that section.

While I can blame being an incel after 2005/2006 (ie once I hit 29/30 years old) and attribute that for wanting to watch porn after that time. Prior to that time the reasoning is more murky, especially while being in University and finding a crazy stash of magazines in the back of dad's car that just caused me to backslide into this in 1997 (ie I had stopped watching porn in 1993, when there was a dial-up internet consumption of that mainly in 1992). One can argue, I never recovered from the 1997 porn backslide, it may have become more sophisticated and/or tamer, more catering to lonliness rather than getting-off, compared to youth (ie where lonliness was less of an issue, but horniness and getting off was), but never completely went away.

Was your father into that stuff?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Was your father into that stuff?

Not that I’m aware of. The first time I saw it it was 8mm, friends had found their parent’s stash. Thought it was weird then. I was like 8.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Plenty of men confess me to find themselves in such position, most of them 30+, I checked online and it seems it's a widespread phenomenon.

What do you think about it?

The first reason it came in my mind was that she gained weight or simply no longer produced the "new thing" effect but could it be that after a certain point the nagging and the discomfort kills any libido?

I have a gf that despite she is not the hottest thing in town is reasonably good looking and younger than me however the frequent requests of going out, meet people and attend places I wouldnt even consider kinda put me in a grumpy mood and lead me to become annoyed from her.
Every weekend there is someones birthday which means, no rest, no gym, hours in crowds and stay up till late night...

The fact gets even worse since she doesnt like do sport, hit the gym or physical activity in general which I really like.

Often times I'm doing stuff at the computer or watching tv and she initiates for intimacy and it often feels as a chore.

Some guys I know told me that they would rather bang average random women than their wives and probably they can feel it on their men.

There's a more pressing question here than "Why are so many other guys jerking off?" Namely:

Why are YOU still with your GF, when

-You're not thrilled at even the mere thought of going out on the town with her

-She doesn't look after her body, at least not in terms of physical exercise

-Having sex with her is a chore, rather than the source of joy and light

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I don't consider that porn unless you're a porn actor. I have a whole archive of home-made films by and with lovers and I might use them when masturbating, but that's more like an aid to my own imagination.

I initially used them as a validation crutch, now it’s simply about reminding myself that when input my mind into something I just do it, I’m capable. It’s a great tool when I start down the road of self-pity.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

It happened to me in my last LTR. Ex gf was probably a HB8+. Pretty, petite, and in great shape. About the first three years I couldn't get enough of her sexually. Did it all. Then, into about year 3, the desire to have sex with her started to fade. If you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point you're going to get sick of them. I did really enjoy her companionship though and we had a lot in common so we did a lot as a couple. But I just couldn't get over the redundancy of screwing the same woman for years on end. Finally into year 6 and beyond, the relationship turned into more of a friendship and we became roommates more than lovers. You can't fake what's not there. We broke up at about the 9 year mark and though I miss her companionship sometimes, I DO NOT miss banging her. I've banged a large number of women since her and it's the newness of the girls that turns me on. I suspect many if not most men are wired this way.

I perfectly understand what you mean and definitely can relate.

Sometime you appreciate the woman as a person regardless the physical part.

There's a more pressing question here than "Why are so many other guys jerking off?" Namely:

Why are YOU still with your GF, when

-You're not thrilled at even the mere thought of going out on the town with her

-She doesn't look after her body, at least not in terms of physical exercise

-Having sex with her is a chore, rather than the source of joy and light

For reasons similar to the above post from dash.

I appreciate her company, I esteem her as a person and I find her a worthy person.

With other women that are capable of turning me into an horny ape, I dont have any connection like that and once I'm done I would rather avoid them till the next weekend.

 

[Mertz09]

It happened to me in my last LTR. Ex gf was probably a HB8+. Pretty, petite, and in great shape. About the first three years I couldn't get enough of her sexually. Did it all. Then, into about year 3, the desire to have sex with her started to fade. If you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point you're going to get sick of them. I did really enjoy her companionship though and we had a lot in common so we did a lot as a couple. But I just couldn't get over the redundancy of screwing the same woman for years on end. Finally into year 6 and beyond, the relationship turned into more of a friendship and we became roommates more than lovers. You can't fake what's not there. We broke up at about the 9 year mark and though I miss her companionship sometimes, I DO NOT miss banging her. I've banged a large number of women since her and it's the newness of the girls that turns me on. I suspect many if not most men are wired this way.

"I suspect many if not most men are wired this way."
Many are but not all men. It's mostly the men with few options who don't seem to get bored with being with 1 woman for a long time.