Men in relationships that would rather jack off than bang their gf/wife

[corrector]

Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with easy access to it? It doesn’t provide me any satisfaction.

I did not grow up with easy access to it either. We both grew up with magazines and store clerks making sure we did not go by that section.

While I can blame being an incel after 2005/2006 (ie once I hit 29/30 years old) and attribute that for wanting to watch porn after that time. Prior to that time the reasoning is more murky, especially while being in University and finding a crazy stash of magazines in the back of dad's car that just caused me to backslide into this in 1997 (ie I had stopped watching porn in 1993, when there was a dial-up internet consumption of that mainly in 1992). One can argue, I never recovered from the 1997 porn backslide, it may have become more sophisticated and/or tamer, more catering to lonliness rather than getting-off, compared to youth (ie where lonliness was less of an issue, but horniness and getting off was), but never completely went away.

Was your father into that stuff?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Was your father into that stuff?

Not that I’m aware of. The first time I saw it it was 8mm, friends had found their parent’s stash. Thought it was weird then. I was like 8.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Plenty of men confess me to find themselves in such position, most of them 30+, I checked online and it seems it's a widespread phenomenon.

What do you think about it?

The first reason it came in my mind was that she gained weight or simply no longer produced the "new thing" effect but could it be that after a certain point the nagging and the discomfort kills any libido?

I have a gf that despite she is not the hottest thing in town is reasonably good looking and younger than me however the frequent requests of going out, meet people and attend places I wouldnt even consider kinda put me in a grumpy mood and lead me to become annoyed from her.
Every weekend there is someones birthday which means, no rest, no gym, hours in crowds and stay up till late night...

The fact gets even worse since she doesnt like do sport, hit the gym or physical activity in general which I really like.

Often times I'm doing stuff at the computer or watching tv and she initiates for intimacy and it often feels as a chore.

Some guys I know told me that they would rather bang average random women than their wives and probably they can feel it on their men.

There's a more pressing question here than "Why are so many other guys jerking off?" Namely:

Why are YOU still with your GF, when

-You're not thrilled at even the mere thought of going out on the town with her

-She doesn't look after her body, at least not in terms of physical exercise

-Having sex with her is a chore, rather than the source of joy and light

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I will however look at videos of gals I’ve taken while banging them, does that count as pr0n?

I don't consider that porn unless you're a porn actor. I have a whole archive of home-made films by and with lovers and I might use them when masturbating, but that's more like an aid to my own imagination.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I don't consider that porn unless you're a porn actor. I have a whole archive of home-made films by and with lovers and I might use them when masturbating, but that's more like an aid to my own imagination.

I initially used them as a validation crutch, now it’s simply about reminding myself that when input my mind into something I just do it, I’m capable. It’s a great tool when I start down the road of self-pity.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

It happened to me in my last LTR. Ex gf was probably a HB8+. Pretty, petite, and in great shape. About the first three years I couldn't get enough of her sexually. Did it all. Then, into about year 3, the desire to have sex with her started to fade. If you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point you're going to get sick of them. I did really enjoy her companionship though and we had a lot in common so we did a lot as a couple. But I just couldn't get over the redundancy of screwing the same woman for years on end. Finally into year 6 and beyond, the relationship turned into more of a friendship and we became roommates more than lovers. You can't fake what's not there. We broke up at about the 9 year mark and though I miss her companionship sometimes, I DO NOT miss banging her. I've banged a large number of women since her and it's the newness of the girls that turns me on. I suspect many if not most men are wired this way.

I perfectly understand what you mean and definitely can relate.

Sometime you appreciate the woman as a person regardless the physical part.

There's a more pressing question here than "Why are so many other guys jerking off?" Namely:

Why are YOU still with your GF, when

-You're not thrilled at even the mere thought of going out on the town with her

-She doesn't look after her body, at least not in terms of physical exercise

-Having sex with her is a chore, rather than the source of joy and light

For reasons similar to the above post from dash.

I appreciate her company, I esteem her as a person and I find her a worthy person.

With other women that are capable of turning me into an horny ape, I dont have any connection like that and once I'm done I would rather avoid them till the next weekend.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It’s a great tool when I start down the road of self-pity.

Why you feel self-pity? You've got a pretty good life going, don't you?

 

[Mertz09]

It happened to me in my last LTR. Ex gf was probably a HB8+. Pretty, petite, and in great shape. About the first three years I couldn't get enough of her sexually. Did it all. Then, into about year 3, the desire to have sex with her started to fade. If you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point you're going to get sick of them. I did really enjoy her companionship though and we had a lot in common so we did a lot as a couple. But I just couldn't get over the redundancy of screwing the same woman for years on end. Finally into year 6 and beyond, the relationship turned into more of a friendship and we became roommates more than lovers. You can't fake what's not there. We broke up at about the 9 year mark and though I miss her companionship sometimes, I DO NOT miss banging her. I've banged a large number of women since her and it's the newness of the girls that turns me on. I suspect many if not most men are wired this way.

"I suspect many if not most men are wired this way."
Many are but not all men. It's mostly the men with few options who don't seem to get bored with being with 1 woman for a long time.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Why you feel self-pity? You've got a pretty good life going, don't you?

That was years ago when I terminated my marriage, when I still struggled with self confidence.

 

[forcerecon01]

Masterbation is not the answer.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That was years ago when I terminated my marriage, when I still struggled with self confidence.

OK. For a moment I was worried. Good to hear everything's cool then.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Masterbation is not the answer.

Masturbation is not an answer, it's exercise. Exercise can be the answer, though.

 

[BadBoy89]

Men are not programmed to be in monogamous relationship, to sexually be with and commit to 1 woman forever. It is social construct designed by the powers that be to help society produce and produce and produce. If a man has a family, he is going to go work his ass for them and produce for society.

Yet the male brain craves sexual variety. That's why porn is such a big big thing among men. It's the sexual variety that keep men coming back to it. Suppose there was only 5 porn scenes in the whole of the internet. Eventually men would get bored of it and go find real girls.

Back to the OP, yes men like watching sexy, young, hot girls when they are in a relationship. Men don't really get into a relationship for the sex, a man can get sex anywhere now. Very easy. They mostly get into the relationship for the companionship, for the not being alone, for the being invited out on weekends and do couple things with other couples. Since they don't want to cheat on their gf, and need sexual variety, porn is the quickest and safest and most fun way to get the release.

Now if you go to the marriage aspect of it, back when, all married men had at least one hot sexy mistress under 30 they could smash on the side. Yet the powers that be realized "uh oh, this is not good. This gives men power and takes away women's power, which is not good for us. Lets make having a young mistress the worst, most despicable thing in the world. That way men can stay married and work their ass for society." So then married men go to adult entertainment as well.

Just on a side, when I go to business lunches with older women, the one thing they tell me is their man "can do anything, but can't cheat." That's the only thing the care about, the cheating. Why? Because that's where their leverage is the lowest and the man's leverage is the highest.

 

[YourGreatestFear]

A male's libido is controlled by dopamine, and dopamine requires novelty to be produced in high quantity. The same woman just can't give you the same level of dopamine spikes as multiple women will, which is possible with porn. It doesn't matter how hot the woman is, you'll get tired of her sexually. Though there's of course variance between men, some need a new woman after a couple of weeks, others after a couple of years.

 

[Murk]

Maybe I’m an anomaly. I’m not a pr0n user. Do I once in a blue moon? Sure but not to fap. I will however look at videos of gals I’ve taken while banging them, does that count as pr0n? Still, taking matters into my own hands isn’t a thing. I will look at my folder to remember an encounter.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with easy access to it? It doesn’t provide me any satisfaction. I’ve only once or twice come across a woman that wants to show me some clip she liked, usually they’re hyper sexual types with issues, as they say.

I was gonna say the same thing, I switched pron for my own vids years ago, I don’t think it’s classed as proN If it’s you, it also surely can’t fvck your brain if it’s you doing the fvcking

 

[needimprovement250]

I’ve heard of this happening too, and yes porn is a major culprit. For several men, it even gets to the point where they become interested in letting their wife/gf have sex with other men while they watch and jack it (cuck or stag-vixen) there’s a definite correlation between the ease of access to porn and the rise in popularity of this kink. Because doing this is pretty much like watching porn live right in front of you and allows you the form of stimulation you’re more used to (jacking it). They even surveyed men years ago and it found that 45% of men would be interested in a relationship where their wife/gf has sex with other men.

 

[BPH]

I have never in my life PREFERRED jacking off over having sex with a real woman.

However...

I have only been in a few relationships, and none of them were for that long.

That said, I am a bit of a manw**** and love variety with my women, which is part of the reason I'm usually single.

 

[forcerecon01]

Not jacking off is the way to go

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I do both - masturbate and bang my girl. The more I do one the more I do the other. I also flirt with other women and am not against a ONS if it's on the DL. There's always massage joints too once in a while.

 

[typical]

Disagree, there's also a psychological aspect in play, this can be not finding her attractive, stress, disgust, her not wanting sex/dead bedrooms. With everything, it's never black and white.

That's still a "you" problem !!!

You've settled for a woman that is below your standards or has lapsed in standards and don't have the courage nor means to cut ties and be single again.

Mental Illness ................ is Nature's way of clearing out the gene pool ............. guess what according to evolution and the natural world your mental problems are just a manefestation of your weak genes ........... Deal with it as best you can.

These issues all stem from the man in the situation unable nor willing to deal with said situation in the most drastic and beneficial ways.

We are not meant to settle down and play house, you chase your dreams and keep setting new ones and nearly all your problems will cease to exist because people will realise they cannot keep up with you and they will dip out. This keeps things easy.

And if being alone is too scary for you then you can always go back to a blue pill lifestyle !!!