Men Are Sharing The Specific Reasons They Don't Want To Get Married, And Several Are Eye-Opening

BadBoy89

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Marriage isn't for everyone. According to studies, 38% of people are not looking to walk down the aisle anytime soon — or even at all. Times have changed and today's generation doesn't feel the need to follow some traditions, such as marriage.

I came across this thread where a Redditor asked men why they don't want to get married. The thread was filled with many thought-provoking, and honestly, quite shocking responses. Here is what some had to say


————-

Thoughts?
 

LTG71

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Once it became a financial contract it became a risk. If parties could part ways without the guy getting screwed over for life as the default, maybe more would be willing to try. Once you make men pay restitution for kids that are not even his or so she can “keep her lifestyle“ after the split, guys are gonna avoid this path. Not a surprised as men realize it usually doesn’t end well for him If it fails.
 

Bigpapa

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Once it became a financial contract it became a risk. If parties could part ways without the guy getting screwed over for life as the default, maybe more would be willing to try. Once you make men pay restitution for kids that are not even his or so she can “keep her lifestyle“ after the split, guys are gonna avoid this path. Not a surprised as men realize it usually doesn’t end well for him If it fails.
Most of the guys who think is a financial risk to get married have actually no money to put a risk

This is one of the biggest bullsh1t reasons out there :)

Also if you guys would have checked better the law, if the woman was in a long domestic partnership with you in the eyes of the judge she is like she was married with you. Especially if you have children together

Even if she signs a pre nuptial contract before marriage, if she stays long enough in the marriage ( can be as low as 3-4 years ) that contract will not hold any value in court
 
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SW15

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There's less incentive for both men and women to marry. Here are the reasons...

1. Options

As former red pill blogger Chateau Heartiste used to say, Options = Instability.

How you experience options depends on where you are in the social hierarchy. Women of all sorts have the most options. There are been swipe app experiments done where overweight/obese women got more likes in a given 24-72 hour period than top tier men. If you are any woman or a top tier man, the options are great. If you're a mid-tier (normie) range male or a below average male, you have fewer options and even fewer options than the mid-tier and below average men of 20-40 years ago. I'll start with discussing men's options and then move on to women.

For top tier men (alpha/sigmas, often called 'Chads'), the options are more plentiful than in previous times. With swipe apps and Instagram, a top tier man has more access to more women than he had in the past. In the past, even top tier men were confined to what they could get with their in-person activities. They could get women in the nightlife venues when they showed up there or in some non-bar venues. Now, a top tier man using a swipe app and being active on Instagram has far more options than even a top tier man who was active in 2000 could have had. Being on a swipe app is like being in 10 or 20+ nightlife venues simultaneously and 24/7.

In the past, a top tier man might get tired of all the nightlife venue visits and daygame and eventually select a top tier woman for a longer term relationship. There are still some top tier men that do this, but they might do it now many years later in life than they would have done it in the absence of swipe apps and Instagram. Now, a top tier men can have sex with top tier women (often called 'Stacys'), more average/slightly above average women (often called 'Beckys') or even subpar women. The options are endless, but most top tier men who choose to run rotations have women who are at least average looking.

More average tier men (normies) have fewer options than before. In the past, mid-tier men would fail to seduce top tier women and eventually end up with some more mid-tier women. Now, with the mid-tier women (the 'Beckys' of the world) chasing the top tier men more actively, a lot of the mid-tier men end up with very little. A mid-tier man without a good social circle giving him access to mid-tier women could end up dumpster diving for a lower tier woman on an app or possibly in a nightlife venue. Even more commonly, a mid-tier man is turning into porno tube masturbator and/or a pay pig. Most pay pigging is online, but there's even offline pay pig stuff at strip clubs, bikini coffee houses, and breastaurants. Online pay pig stuff is way worse. These occurrences have been why Rollo Tomassi is well known for saying that the average woman doesn't want much to do with the average man.

The below average men can't even get below average women anymore. They are incels, MGTOWs, online pay pigs, porno tube masturbators, etc.

For women, the options have increased across all looks tiers and ages. Even a 30s/40s past her prime childless woman has more options online than a 20 year old supermodel would have had in the pre-internet era only using offline ways to meet men. The increase in options for men encourages them to only devote their time to the best ones (if they lack a social circle) or eventually choose to leave a longer term relationship or marriage for the plentiful, theoretical options that now exist for women. Women in LTRs and marriages now know how many options they'd have if they left their current relationships. Married women and women in LTRs all have friends/acquaintances that have either never married or got divorced/got out of multi-year non-marital LTRs and saw incredible demand in the open sexual marketplace for them. Additionally, most women have also read articles or seen YouTubes/TikToks about all the options that exist out there. This goes well with the second factor I'll identify.

2. Gynocentric social order and family court incentives for divorces

One of the biggest achievements of 1960s era Second Wave Feminism was instilling a gynocentric social order (a term I learned from Rollo Tomassi) into most Western nations. The gynocentric social order and 1980s-2000s era self-esteem boosting Boomer parenting of Millennial women have contributed to why women might not want to marry anything but the best. Millennial women were told by feminists and by their Boomer parents about how they great they were for just existing. They were told to "Never Settle!" and to always pursue the best. The culture encouraged them to get educations to avoid being dependent on any one man. Most White women in the USA believe they are entitled to receive a top tier man and don't want to settle for lesser things. The culture + all their options from technology tell them this.

On the men's side of the equation, men realize that the gynocentric social order has given women many benefits while keeping in place a family court system that still gives incentives to women like it was the pre-1970 era when women were dependent on men. Women can explore all their options if they get bored in a marriage and still get some good financial incentives for leaving the marriage. Why would men agree to such a system slanted against them? The top tier men can stay unmarried and enjoy all their options and the mid-tier and lower men can go MGTOW and pay pig for less than a divorce settlement would cost them.

3. Decline of Judeo-Christian Religions in the West

Judeo-Christian religion practitioners have a way of pairing off earlier in life and staying together as a result of cultural forces. Without the foundation of Judeo-Christianity in the West, reasons 1 & 2 become more prevalent.

In the past, with more people practicing a religion, there was an incentive to marry. A lot of Judeo-Christian faiths ban pre-marital sex so a lot of marriages in the past were done for sex. There were other benefits besides sex in marriage.

4. 3 generations of adults have now seen their parents' marriages fail

In the United States, California initiated no-fault, liberalized divorce laws in 1969 and most other states in the USA followed California's lead during the 1970s.

The earliest divorcees from 1969-1975 were pre-Boomer, Silent Generation members (late 1920s-1945 births) often with early Generation X children. From 1969-1975, most Boomers were either too young to be married or were newly married and yet to be mad enough yet to divorce. Members of Generation X were the first children of divorce and known as the latchkey kids. From the late 1970s-early 2000s, most of the divorcees were Boomers with 1980s-1990s born Millennial children.

Gen X, Millennial, and now early Gen Z adults have all seen the impact of their parents' failed marriages since the 1970s. There are now Generation X and Millennial adults who experienced parental divorces in the 1970s-early 2000s who are now divorced themselves. With the Millennials, parental divorces and the other factors have prevented a lot of marriages from happening. 1980s born Millennials are turning 40 right now and there are more never married 40 year olds than ever.
 

Bigpapa

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There's less incentive for both men and women to marry. Here are the reasons...

1. Options

As former red pill blogger Chateau Heartiste used to say, Options = Instability.

How you experience options depends on where you are in the social hierarchy. Women of all sorts have the most options. There are been swipe app experiments done where overweight/obese women got more likes in a given 24-72 hour period than top tier men. If you are any woman or a top tier man, the options are great. If you're a mid-tier (normie) range male or a below average male, you have fewer options and even fewer options than the mid-tier and below average men of 20-40 years ago. I'll start with discussing men's options and then move on to women.

For top tier men (alpha/sigmas, often called 'Chads'), the options are more plentiful than in previous times. With swipe apps and Instagram, a top tier man has more access to more women than he had in the past. In the past, even top tier men were confined to what they could get with their in-person activities. They could get women in the nightlife venues when they showed up there or in some non-bar venues. Now, a top tier man using a swipe app and being active on Instagram has far more options than even a top tier man who was active in 2000 could have had. Being on a swipe app is like being in 10 or 20+ nightlife venues simultaneously and 24/7.

In the past, a top tier man might get tired of all the nightlife venue visits and daygame and eventually select a top tier woman for a longer term relationship. There are still some top tier men that do this, but they might do it now many years later in life than they would have done it in the absence of swipe apps and Instagram. Now, a top tier men can have sex with top tier women (often called 'Stacys'), more average/slightly above average women (often called 'Beckys') or even subpar women. The options are endless, but most top tier men who choose to run rotations have women who are at least average looking.

More average tier men (normies) have fewer options than before. In the past, mid-tier men would fail to seduce top tier women and eventually end up with some more mid-tier women. Now, with the mid-tier women (the 'Beckys' of the world) chasing the top tier men more actively, a lot of the mid-tier men end up with very little. A mid-tier man without a good social circle giving him access to mid-tier women could end up dumpster diving for a lower tier woman on an app or possibly in a nightlife venue. Even more commonly, a mid-tier man is turning into porno tube masturbator and/or a pay pig. Most pay pigging is online, but there's even offline pay pig stuff at strip clubs, bikini coffee houses, and breastaurants. Online pay pig stuff is way worse. These occurrences have been why Rollo Tomassi is well known for saying that the average woman doesn't want much to do with the average man.

The below average men can't even get below average women anymore. They are incels, MGTOWs, online pay pigs, porno tube masturbators, etc.

For women, the options have increased across all looks tiers and ages. Even a 30s/40s past her prime childless woman has more options online than a 20 year old supermodel would have had in the pre-internet era only using offline ways to meet men. The increase in options for men encourages them to only devote their time to the best ones (if they lack a social circle) or eventually choose to leave a longer term relationship or marriage for the plentiful, theoretical options that now exist for women. Women in LTRs and marriages now know how many options they'd have if they left their current relationships. Married women and women in LTRs all have friends/acquaintances that have either never married or got divorced/got out of multi-year non-marital LTRs and saw incredible demand in the open sexual marketplace for them. Additionally, most women have also read articles or seen YouTubes/TikToks about all the options that exist out there. This goes well with the second factor I'll identify.

2. Gynocentric social order and family court incentives for divorces

One of the biggest achievements of 1960s era Second Wave Feminism was instilling a gynocentric social order (a term I learned from Rollo Tomassi) into most Western nations. The gynocentric social order and 1980s-2000s era self-esteem boosting Boomer parenting of Millennial women have contributed to why women might not want to marry anything but the best. Millennial women were told by feminists and by their Boomer parents about how they great they were for just existing. They were told to "Never Settle!" and to always pursue the best. The culture encouraged them to get educations to avoid being dependent on any one man. Most White women in the USA believe they are entitled to receive a top tier man and don't want to settle for lesser things. The culture + all their options from technology tell them this.

On the men's side of the equation, men realize that the gynocentric social order has given women many benefits while keeping in place a family court system that still gives incentives to women like it was the pre-1970 era when women were dependent on men. Women can explore all their options if they get bored in a marriage and still get some good financial incentives for leaving the marriage. Why would men agree to such a system slanted against them? The top tier men can stay unmarried and enjoy all their options and the mid-tier and lower men can go MGTOW and pay pig for less than a divorce settlement would cost them.

3. Decline of Judeo-Christian Religions in the West

Judeo-Christian religion practitioners have a way of pairing off earlier in life and staying together as a result of cultural forces. Without the foundation of Judeo-Christianity in the West, reasons 1 & 2 become more prevalent.

In the past, with more people practicing a religion, there was an incentive to marry. A lot of Judeo-Christian faiths ban pre-marital sex so a lot of marriages in the past were done for sex. There were other benefits besides sex in marriage.

4. 3 generations of adults have now seen their parents' marriages fail

In the United States, California initiated no-fault, liberalized divorce laws in 1969 and most other states in the USA followed California's lead during the 1970s.

The earliest divorcees from 1969-1975 were pre-Boomer, Silent Generation members (late 1920s-1945 births) often with early Generation X children. From 1969-1975, most Boomers were either too young to be married or were newly married and yet to be mad enough yet to divorce. Gen X were the first children of divorce and known as the latchkey kids. From the late 1970s-early 2000s, most of the divorcees were Boomers with 1980s-1990s born Millennial children.

Gen X, Millennial, and now early Gen Z adults have all seen the impact of their parents failed marriages since the 1970s. There are now Generation X and Millennial adults who experiences parental divorces in the 1970s-early 2000s who are now divorce themselves. With the Millennials, parental divorces and the other factors have prevented a lot of marriages from happening. 1980s born Millennials are turning 40 right now and there are more never married 40 year olds than ever.
Mainly it is bs :)

Look at most of the children of the really wealthy people. They all get married, and quite young too

This type of ongoing partying is a sign of depression / frustration which most of the times comes from the feeling of not having something to live for

All the ladies man eventually get married and start a family. They might cheat or not, but this is another topic :)
 

Channel your excited feelings into positive thoughts and behaviors. You will attract women by being enthusiastic, radiating energy, and becoming someone who is fun to be around.

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corrector

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Yeah, was just thinking about how my 2014 marriage ended, with me having an outburst against my ex-wife for asking for a divorce again after all the work and fighting I put in to try to save that marriage (although I felt that outburst was really a coup-de-grace to something that was already 99.9999% dead). However, I don't regret getting married, or even married with her.
It's one of those beautiful heaven mixed with hell things. It does leave a bitter taste now and then, when I happened across this thread while thinking about the whole thing, coincidentally.
 

zekko

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Most of the guys who think is a financial risk to get married have actually no money to put a risk
That may be true, but that doesn't mean they intend to keep it that way. Especially when a man has a family, he is motivated to work to provide for that family. Then at the height of his financial success, the wife might decide to end it, with the associated financial penalties.
 

Bigpapa

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That may be true, but that doesn't mean they intend to keep it that way. Especially when a man has a family, he is motivated to work to provide for that family. Then at the height of his financial success, the wife might decide to end it, with the associated financial penalties.
At best this is idealism, if you are driven you should have a good financial standing by the time you start a family, especially in nowadays when the average age for marriage for guys is like 30-32

Ofc, there are exceptions but nothing more than exceptions
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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I didn't consider any of the reasons in that article 'eye-opening'.
 

sangheilios

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@SW15

Touches on a lot of very good points. I think a huge factor is that a substantial portion of adults currently in their 20s and 30s grew up in single mother households or in divorced households. Those growing up in divorced households specifically may not see marriage as worth it because they are afraid of the consequences of divorce, this goes for both men and women btw. Think about the amount of drama and stress they probably saw their parents go through during their divorce, it's a totally logical decision to not want to go through that yourself.

You really start seeing divorce in the silent generation, but the generation where this really was incredibly common was with the baby boomer generation. The children of this generation are going to be late gen xers and millennials, some early gen zs as well. The parents of most gen zs will be born in the 60s through early 80s or so, so their parents naturally will have similar values with relationships and marriage compared to the boomers.

From my observations, I felt many boomers got married simply because it was the thing to do but without seriously considering what marriage entailed. I feel they also were incredibly likely to simply write off a husband or wife when something when wrong instead of trying to work it out. Granted, there are definitely some exceptions to this.

I don't think the idea of finance is really on the minds of men when they get married, especially since most young men today are barely scraping by lol. I think much of it ties in with what I mentioned above and also just not placing much value on marriage itself.

As for women, I think many of them are holding off for some unrealistic guy and just are not able to "settle" for an otherwise normal guy. The expectations of many of them are unrealistic or even fully unattainable. They get into their 30s and start approaching 40 and are still single and childless. There are a lot of stats showing that more than half of women will still be single and childless past 30.
 

zekko

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At best this is idealism, if you are driven you should have a good financial standing by the time you start a family, especially in nowadays when the average age for marriage for guys is like 30-32
A lot of times, a guy finds himself starting a family without really meaning to (gets a girl pregnant).
But a guy's financial situation should improve as he ages, whether he is married yet or not.
If not, he isn't putting in the work on himself.
 

kavi

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The ring
The wedding day party
Fake virgin brides in white dresses
Deluded entitled women
A society that values superficail things like wedding rings and wedding days but doesnt acknowledge the problems in relationship.

Men are smarter than Boomers and Women. We shouldnt be allowing them to dictate to us what we should or shouldnt value.

Boomers, Media, Women, and the men on their side (beta male simps) need to respect the views of real man and treat us with respect. Men are more than just workers for society, expecially now that women can do many jobs.

Outdated Boomers want to see wedding parties, women want to take part with the dress and ring, show off that they got married, its all a fairytale that YOU have to provide and you will always be a side act in the show.

Men need to get a backbone against women and Boomers.
 

SW15

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I think a huge factor is that a substantial portion of adults currently in their 20s and 30s grew up in single mother households or in divorced households. Those growing up in divorced households specifically may not see marriage as worth it because they are afraid of the consequences of divorce, this goes for both men and women btw. Think about the amount of drama and stress they probably saw their parents go through during their divorce, it's a totally logical decision to not want to go through that yourself.
This happened to me. I think my parents' divorce had an impact upon how I viewed relationships. My parents had a subpar marriage throughout the entirety of their marriage. There was a negative vibe permeating through the household while growing up and I picked up on that. My parents' subpar marriage did have some impact upon how I viewed relationships and relational goals.

You really start seeing divorce in the silent generation, but the generation where this really was incredibly common was with the baby boomer generation. The children of this generation are going to be late gen xers and millennials, some early gen zs as well. The parents of most gen zs will be born in the 60s through early 80s or so, so their parents naturally will have similar values with relationships and marriage compared to the boomers.
There's truth in this quote but I don't think Generation X (1965-1980 births) had a lot of same views as Boomers about marriage. I do think they were more inclined to marry than what we've seen out of the Millennial generation (1981-1996 births)

I felt many boomers got married simply because it was the thing to do but without seriously considering what marriage entailed. I feel they also were incredibly likely to simply write off a husband or wife when something when wrong instead of trying to work it out. Granted, there are definitely some exceptions to this.
Your first sentence reminded me about my thread about Baby Boomer Jim Nantz of CBS Sports. I have my quote about Nantz below.


Like many Baby Boomers, Nantz believes in the fairytale of marriage because marriage worked in his parents' generation. His first marriage failed and he didn't have a good enough lawyer when he got divorced. He didn't appear to learn a lesson from a failed first marriage and he got married a 2nd time.
The difference between the Boomers and many Silents (the earliest divorcees in a lot of cases), GI Generation (1910s-early 1920s births), and the Interbellum Generation (1900s decade births) is that Boomers gave up on marriages more easily than most of the Silents. The GI and Interbellum Generation didn't have the opportunity to have no fault divorce come around until after age 45 for the GI and after age 60 for the Interbellums. This is why divorce wasn't much of a thing in those generations. GIs and Interbellums also were more devout practitioners of Judeo-Christian religions.

As for women, I think many of them are holding off for some unrealistic guy and just are not able to "settle" for an otherwise normal guy. The expectations of many of them are unrealistic or even fully unattainable. They get into their 30s and start approaching 40 and are still single and childless. There are a lot of stats showing that more than half of women will still be single and childless past 30.
With the Millennial generation, their expectations have come about from having a lot of tech-based dating options, a gynocentric social order, feminism telling women to "Never Settle!" since the 1960s (Millennials were the first large generation to truly take "Never Settle" to heart), and Boomer parents of the 1980s-2000s doing self-esteem boosting based on not much of anything. Some of these things have continued into Gen Z, except for the fact that Gen Z's parents are generally Gen X'ers and not Boomers. Some late Boomers might have early Gen Z kids.
 

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Bokanovsky

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Mainly it is bs :)

Look at most of the children of the really wealthy people. They all get married, and quite young too

This type of ongoing partying is a sign of depression / frustration which most of the times comes from the feeling of not having something to live for

All the ladies man eventually get married and start a family. They might cheat or not, but this is another topic :)
The children of the rich don’t technically own anything. They have complicated trusts set up to benefit them (hence the expression “trust fund baby”) to get around matrimonial laws.
 
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MatureDJ

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Once it became a financial contract it became a risk. If parties could part ways without the guy getting screwed over for life as the default, maybe more would be willing to try. Once you make men pay restitution for kids that are not even his or so she can “keep her lifestyle“ after the split, guys are gonna avoid this path. Not a surprised as men realize it usually doesn’t end well for him If it fails.
It's OVER for FinancialRiskCels.

Really, this is a systemic issue in all aspects of life in a wealthy but precarious economic system. Folks justifiably take up a bunker mode and figure that they can barely guarantee that they can pay for themselves, much less extra mouths to feed - or the big mouth that is able to leverage the dispensing of her poon for a short time in her youth into a lifetime of support.
 
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Augustus_McCrae

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Most of the guys who think is a financial risk to get married have actually no money to put a risk

This is one of the biggest bullsh1t reasons out there :)

Also if you guys would have checked better the law, if the woman was in a long domestic partnership with you in the eyes of the judge she is like she was married with you. Especially if you have children together

Even if she signs a pre nuptial contract before marriage, if she stays long enough in the marriage ( can be as low as 3-4 years ) that contract will not hold any value in court
Common law marriage depends on the state. Google “states that do not have common law marriage“. The state I live in does not. I actually consulted with my divorce lawyer before moving in with my girlfriend. I wanted to make sure that I could not be sued for simply living with her.

With regard to “no money to put at risk“. Many men get married young and have nothing in terms of assets. However, with time, most men will accumulate assets and make a larger income. Then, if the wife divorces him, alimony and child support are based on “standard of living“ and “ability to pay“, therefore, it is not a “bullsh1t” reason to not marry.

-Augustus-
 

RangerMIke

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Always do a risk v. benefit analysis in everything you do. Marriage, job, hell buying a car.... everything.

Marriage today is very risky, and the benefits for a man is limited. Always ask what you are getting for what you are paying. If the risk is too high then really all you are doing is gambling.
 

Slowhandluke

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Most of the guys who think is a financial risk to get married have actually no money to put a risk
so you are implying that guys who have no money, No success.. there are women willing to date/marry them? Seems contrary to conventional wisdom: most women only want to marry guys with $$$$ and resources.
 

Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.

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