(Men 30/35 +) whats stops you from cold approaching? An honest conversation

[DreamAgain]

I thought 90% of the men were single? Doesn't seem like it when I go out in public.

No clue what the statistics are. I also don't make it a point to look at random men when I go out and about lol.

But I can say that any bar I go to, the ratio is bad, 70% or so guys.

 

[Mike32ct]

I’m not sure where I could meet women who are “age appropriate” at this point.

The youngest I could realistically approach at this point is like 38-39 (and even that is quite a stretch). 42 to 50 is more appropriate.

Possibly an upscale mature restaurant bar? Even then, I probably wouldn’t do an “approach.” I would maybe turn my head from where I’m seated and try to chat with somebody in my vicinity.

 

[SW15]

I’m not sure where I could meet women who are “age appropriate” at this point.

The youngest I could realistically approach at this point is like 38-39 (and even that is a stretch). 42 to 50 is more appropriate.

Possibly an upscale mature restaurant bar? Even then, I probably wouldn’t do an “approach.” I would maybe turn my head and try to chat with somebody in my vicinity.

It's difficult to approach women 40-50 in public and hope they are single, open to new penis, and like the person approaching. That's going to be inefficient if it is effective, which is might not be. It would even be difficult for a 35 year old guy to approach 25-34 year olds and find single, open to new penis, and like the approacher.

There simply aren't a lot of opportunities to do it. You have to live in an urban core that has high walkability. Most of America is not like this, or even close to this.

And even if it was...

The times have changed. Interactions are mostly done online via IG or swipe apps. Young girls (25 and under) will find you weird if you approach in broad daylight, unless you are given clear indicators of interest (she is staring at you, smiling, etc.). These indicators of interest would more likely to be present in a bar, where women typically go with the expectation to be approached.

I live in one of the biggest metro areas in the USA. I live in the main city of that metro area and in an area of the main city that has a high concentration of unmarried people. It's still difficult to find prospects who reciprocate interest.

Older unattached guys who mainly have married/family man friends don't have wingmen for nightlife game. Even nightlife game is far from perfect.

@DreamAgain has commented about my specific metro area and his perception of its lack of goodness for organic meetings.

Yeah, most women I see have airpods on and look completely unapproachable.

This is what I have experienced in doing outdoor approaches. Indoor approaching in non-bar venues isn't much better, even when the airpods/earbuds are not being worn.

 

[Gamisch]

No clue what the statistics are. I also don't make it a point to look at random men when I go out and about lol.

But I can say that any bar I go to, the ratio is bad, 70% or so guys.

So there's 100 people. 30 women. Ideally at least 30 men have the balls to approach, talk and vibe with those women. The other 70 dont matter. They can be mgtow all they want it doesn't matter at all.

The question is; what group do you(wanna) belong to? The 30 men that take action or the 70 that stand aside and watch?

Yup same experience here, or they are with a guy.

Makes you wonder how they met these guys?

I’m not sure where I could meet women who are “age appropriate” at this point.

The youngest I could realistically approach at this point is like 38-39 (and even that is quite a stretch). 42 to 50 is more appropriate.

Possibly an upscale mature restaurant bar? Even then, I probably wouldn’t do an “approach.” I would maybe turn my head from where I’m seated and try to chat with somebody in my vicinity.

On a more philosophical level I'd say this can be solved by talking to the whole world. Or i should say, by reframing your self image. If you are that " friendly " dude that just talks to people (men women old young ect) its becomes a second nature.

There are plenty of opportunities to make it work!

 

[IKO69]

Lets have an honest conversation about this.

We all have internal blockades that stop us from pursuing the things we really want out of life. One mayor thing is obviously cold approach. (Or I should say, talking to women)

When i was younger and dumber, living on a bigger city in a completely different dating environment, I used to cold approach like it was a sport. Rejection didn't reallly matter, me and my wingman would make a contest out of it. It was a fun time, and we would push one another to get as many numbers as possible.

Now,like any skill you pick up young ,the technique will stay within you forever. Although you'll get rusty, if needed there's still tons of experience to fall back on.
***************************************
Fast forward to today . I have to be honest; fear got the best of me. Here are some of the copes/reasons/excuses I use to stay away from cold approaching;

1. fear of rejection and embarrassment .
2. Laziness due OLD.
3.living in a small town(excuses!!)
4. Getting older (end 30)
5. Obviously burned by previous relationships where I was as bluepilled as it gets
6.been with more than x number of women, so I'm "good"( which I'm NOT)
7. The high horse syndrome (feeling like I dont wanna "lower" myself and that women should be able to tell I am a catch ir some bs like that)



I am TIRED of these internalized excuses. Latley I keep telling myself this: " so WHAT if you get a certain reputation? Its better to have a bad rep than no reputation at all! What fecking reputation? I aint that important to the world. When i am gone I'm gone. Might as well go out with a bang( pun intended). So WHAT if I get rejected?


I wanna inspire other men, but ESPECIALLY myself to get over these newly formed fears. Ill keep y'all updated how I'll go about this.

What are your fears ect that keep you from approaching women? And how did you get over them?

When I first joined this site, which was the mid 2000s, cold approaching was the big thing on here (I think we called it sarging and I'm laughing my ass off thinking those times) and there was the material from mystery etc all saying you had to do it. At first I was terrified of the idea, but with the promise that I would be able to get a "f*ck load of p*ssy", I decided to take on this challenge and the majority of time I ended up being shot down and pissed off. I gradually got better at it though with the side effect being it eliminated my shyness when it came to started random conversations with strangers. Over time I began to realize that it really wasn't my approach or what I was necessarily "saying" that did it the trick, but that I simply hit the right target.

And that is the answer to your question. Now days I only really approach women if they appear to be receptive. If they aren't, I won't do it or care, no matter how attractive she might appear. Chit chat is nice but if I am going to bother I want to get something out of it. After dealing with women for a long time I can now usually tell when they are receptive or not. If I get a certain look or a woman talks to me or something and I find her attractive I usually go for it with great success.

 

[member160292]

When I first joined this site, which was the mid 2000s, cold approaching was the big thing on here (I think we called it sarging and I'm laughing my ass off thinking those times) and there was the material from mystery etc all saying you had to do it. At first I was terrified of the idea, but with the promise that I would be able to get a "f*ck load of p*ssy", I decided to take on this challenge and the majority of time I ended up being shot down and pissed off. I gradually got better at it though with the side effect being it eliminated my shyness when it came to started random conversations with strangers. Over time I began to realize that it really wasn't my approach or what I was necessarily "saying" that did it the trick, but that I simply hit the right target.

And that is the answer to your question. Now days I only really approach women if they appear to be receptive. If they aren't, I won't do it or care, no matter how attractive she might appear. Chit chat is nice but if I am going to bother I want to get something out of it. After dealing with women for a long time I can now usually tell when they are receptive or not. If I get a certain look or a woman talks to me or something and I find her attractive I usually go for it with great success.

Same here, it’s about finding the targets that give you signs of interest or you’ll be wasting a lot of time. I did enjoy those old approach journals on here for the hilarity though

 

[Gamisch]

When I first joined this site, which was the mid 2000s, cold approaching was the big thing on here (I think we called it sarging and I'm laughing my ass off thinking those times) and there was the material from mystery etc all saying you had to do it. At first I was terrified of the idea, but with the promise that I would be able to get a "f*ck load of p*ssy", I decided to take on this challenge and the majority of time I ended up being shot down and pissed off. I gradually got better at it though with the side effect being it eliminated my shyness when it came to started random conversations with strangers. Over time I began to realize that it really wasn't my approach or what I was necessarily "saying" that did it the trick, but that I simply hit the right target.

And that is the answer to your question. Now days I only really approach women if they appear to be receptive. If they aren't, I won't do it or care, no matter how attractive she might appear. Chit chat is nice but if I am going to bother I want to get something out of it. After dealing with women for a long time I can now usually tell when they are receptive or not. If I get a certain look or a woman talks to me or something and I find her attractive I usually go for it with great success.

You have a great point about how receptive a woman is or isn't.

So i geuss its also a matter of having your antennas out and your mouthpiece ready.

Because when I don't I've noticed am barely even scanning around for ioi. At most I'll notice a hot woman here and there, but that has nothing to do with actually chasing women.

 

[Stoic]

How brutal was the "I'm good?"

yeah that’s difficult to even respond to try and quickly regain your dignity.

 

[Stoic]

Same here, it’s about finding the targets that give you signs of interest or you’ll be wasting a lot of time. I did enjoy those old approach journals on here for the hilarity though

haha love that you could call them targets.

I call them prospects. Like I’m mining for gold.

 

[BadBoy89]

A man can’t “cold approach” a stranger on the street. There is no basis for the approach, other than he wants something from her, so her guard is up automatically. It would be the same if a hot girl came up to a man on the street, the man’s guard would be up. no matter how attracted he was to her.

- In my 20s, I got the hottest women, Maxim models, ballerina's. I didn’t even have to try. They girls would just “show up.”

- In my 30s it was much more difficult. Why? Because women‘s expectations go up drastically as the age. I had money, game, looked ok, didn’t have the 6’0 height and got destroyed.

- Now in my 40s, I have more money than I know what to do with. I can’t get divorced women to call me back.

My life advice to men:

1) Keep all your hair
2) Get tall
3) Sleep with the girls and impregnate them when you are young.

Do the above, then a man can work on his hobbies, skills, get a degree, get a job, learn dance, learn a language, go to the gym, etc, etc, etc.

If a man doesn’t do the above, all the money and experience in the world won’t be crap to a woman when he is older.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

It was so brutal that after we’d had a seemingly nice conversation for 5 mins and had stuff in common, which I used to ask for her number. “Hey let me get your number and maybe we can go to that place sometime you were talking about”. She said “I’m good” then she ran off to tell her friends I dared asked her out. This girl was 29 and acting like a teenager. Weirdest thing ever.

Wasted 5 minutes.

Bank robbery method.

If you can't get in and get the money in 15 seconds or less, get the FUK out.

If she told you no in 5 mins, she would have told you no in 15 seconds.

Smh.

My advice continues to fall on blind eyes, but hey.

Let the flakes and ghosts continue.

 

[CollegeMan22]

It was so brutal that after we’d had a seemingly nice conversation for 5 mins and had stuff in common, which I used to ask for her number.

You gotta tease her, man! How many times has she been asked her home, her workplace, her age? How many times in the exact same way?

Women DO NOT RUN ON LOGIC. You will not connect with them with logic.

You must tease and play with them.

Make assumptions about her. Deflect her questions. Answer with absurd answers. Be playful. Make it a game. Make it unique. Make it fun.

You are there because it is fun talking to girls (NOT LOGICALLY, but playfully). It is fun because they are emotional. It is fun because you are in control of the conversation because you will not accept a boring conversation. You drive it and you form it with your personality (= humor = teasing).

Remember that laughing is a form of deference and submission. The other person has made the person laughing "lose control". Make her lose control and feel your masculinity.

 

[corrector]

It's difficult to approach women 40-50 in public and hope they are single, open to new penis, and like the person approaching. That's going to be inefficient if it is effective, which is might not be. It would even be difficult for a 35 year old guy to approach 25-34 year olds and find single, open to new penis, and like the approacher.

Right, but your approach on your other threads is just approach more people. You like making posts about using boyfriend destroyer lines, or quoting articles where a taken person is approaching another person and now when we talk about something like age with single and available people then all of a sudden there are rules and understanding?

Why don't we take the same logic you use with your other scenarios and apply them here. Then the advice would be the same: approach 200-1000 women.

 

[corrector]

I’m not sure where I could meet women who are “age appropriate” at this point.

You can't have children if the woman is too old. Age appropriate would still fix a woman into a child-bearing age and with a man that is able to take care of her and raise a family together.

The youngest I could realistically approach at this point is like 38-39 (and even that is quite a stretch). 42 to 50 is more appropriate.

You can't have children with a 42-50 year old women.

Do you really want to deal with a women that's too old to have kids? There is allot of generational overlap between Gen-X and Millenials that she's withing 8-10 years younger it should not be that great of a gap. There is more of a connection or commonality with younger generational groupings.

 

[BMX]

These broads are no longer worth scooping off their feet. They can expect to self-rescue in the disaster of a future they created themselves. Especially the ones closest in age (35) ...they are now cannon fodder at best.

 

[Mike32ct]

You can't have children if the woman is too old. Age appropriate would still fix a woman into a child-bearing age and with a man that is able to take care of her and raise a family together.

You can't have children with a 42-50 year old women.

Do you really want to deal with a women that's too old to have kids? There is allot of generational overlap between Gen-X and Millenials that she's withing 8-10 years younger it should not be that great of a gap. There is more of a connection or commonality with younger generational groupings.

Fair question. I’m not looking to have kids. The ship kinda sailed on that one.

I’m 47 and the youngest I dated in the last 5 years has been 44. I’m definitely open to younger but not sure I can pull that off with the upper 30s chicks.

Notwithstanding, I agree with you in principle about what should be possible.

 

[BMX]

The desperation is becoming all too transparent right now...I have been getting approached by a few with their contrived acts lately. It's all just theatrics and it won't hold up long-term, I guarantee that much. It's time I hit each one of them with the classic "LJBF".

 

[corrector]

Fair question. I’m not looking to have kids. The ship kinda sailed on that one.

A man can reproduce into a much older age, therefore, the ship has not sailed in a biological sense. The ship has sailed when you are unable to biologically reproduce children otherwise it's a social/economic construct that's contrary to nature. It's like saying fapping is more natural than sex when you look at constructs over nature.

For example, in theory, you could go move to SEA, find a lady there that's a young adult to early 30s and create a family there. Some people are meeting their future wives in other countries, and either living there or bringing them back and marrying them.

You are also aware that allot of younger-gen guys are pissed off with the selection of women that are "age-appropriate" to them. Often complaining that they messed themselves up with multiple-partners, are unable to pair-bond and they are fighting for scraps. Except for the tone-deaf chad/chadlistes that post on here, there is not much happy campers in the Millenial or Gen-Z categories either. When you have 60% of younger-gen guys single then the age thing sort of goes out the window.

Let me ask you a question, what do you think women who are age-appropriate are doing? They are likely meeting younger guys who are not age-appropriate through Tinder or some other social app and they are liberated cougars while messing up your "age appropriate" dating market. There is no shame when women do this, but you are to feel shamed when you as a guy want a younger women?

I’m 47 and the youngest I dated in the last 5 years has been 44. I’m definitely open to younger but not sure I can pull that off with the upper 30s chicks.

Right, but you are using OLD/Swipe Apps, not really cold-approaching or trying out other countries? You are more likely limited by other things that are not age related (ie looks, money, etc...). What about all the posts on here of guys who date insanely younger women then their age group?

Notwithstanding, I agree with you in principle about what should be possible.

Of course, that's because Western dating market/culture is messed up. Most guys don't like it, no matter what age they are.

 

[SargeMaximus]

What’s stops me is having done hundreds of approaches and staying a virgin in the mid 2010’s. And what keeps me away is being able to get laid online with little to no effort

 

[corrector]

What’s stops me is having done hundreds of approaches and staying a virgin in the mid 2010’s. And what keeps me away is being able to get laid online with little to no effort

That does not make any sense. If you have the looks and are able to score online then I doubt you really made hundreds of cold approaches. More than likely we exagerrate our numbers. Perhaps you did a few of them, now and then, and then after some time has elapsed you look back and say you did hundreds? Unless you are using some type of photo-fillers that are artifically upping your looks (ie Wheat-Waffles did this), then the cold approaches should have worked too.