(Men 30/35 +) whats stops you from cold approaching? An honest conversation

[pipeman84]

Well you are right,but tbh I'm FAR from obese. I love to work out, and by coming factor is it makes me look good and I get noticed quicker by women. Just pointing out that I am not the typical 40 y.o dudee with a dadbod, but rather in top shape.

You misunderstood my analogy. I'll put it differently:
You as a man are attracted to a 20yrs old fit chick but would be repulsed by a 40yrs old obese female dressed and trying to act like the 20yrs old chick. It's not her age per se that's the issue, it's that she acts and dresses at odds with who she is (both with respect to age and shape).
As a 40yrs old male, in order to be taken seriously, you can't just go around town and act as if you were a 20yrs old on a college campus. Lines such as 'I don't know when oranges are ripe' or comments about what she has in her basket would make a sane girl consider you a weirdo, because your demeanor is at odds with what's expected from a 40yrs old dude.

 

[Robert28]

How brutal was the "I'm good?"

It was so brutal that after we’d had a seemingly nice conversation for 5 mins and had stuff in common, which I used to ask for her number. “Hey let me get your number and maybe we can go to that place sometime you were talking about”. She said “I’m good” then she ran off to tell her friends I dared asked her out. This girl was 29 and acting like a teenager. Weirdest thing ever.

 

[Redwood]

It was so brutal that after we’d had a seemingly nice conversation for 5 mins and had stuff in common, which I used to ask for her number. “Hey let me get your number and maybe we can go to that place sometime you were talking about”. She said “I’m good” then she ran off to tell her friends I dated asked her out. This girl was 29 and acting like a teenager. Weirdest thing ever.

In a weird sort of way, I could see this pan out

I've been hearing multiple stories about this...

 

[DonJuanjr]

Why not? I'm in one of the biggest metro areas in the USA and I don't see a lot of non-bar approaching.

Because like Gamisch stated:

Who will even know you are approaching her? Perhaps you know her.

 

[Gamisch]

You misunderstood my analogy. I'll put it differently:
You as a man are attracted to a 20yrs old fit chick but would be repulsed by a 40yrs old obese female dressed and trying to act like the 20yrs old chick. It's not her age per se that's the issue, it's that she acts and dresses at odds with who she is (both with respect to age and shape).
As a 40yrs old male, in order to be taken seriously, you can't just go around town and act as if you were a 20yrs old on a college campus. Lines such as 'I don't know when oranges are ripe' or comments about what she has in her basket would make a sane girl consider you a weirdo, because your demeanor is at odds with what's expected from a 40yrs old dude.

Oh God, that last part made me laugh hard. That does sound kinda cringe .

What about a good ol' " hi"? (Assuming she noticed due you being a dope, fit and well styled man and she gave you some form of ioi)

I have to admit that the struggle of falling for younger women vs getting older is real. So I am looking for ways to determine if she is at least 27+y.o.

I feel you. But again my question stands; whats the alternative in your opinion?

 

[corrector]

These are things that happened. There is an effort to look presentable in public. At times in stranger approaching, you will look foolish in public. However, almost no one cares. People are generally too self-absorbed to notice a cold approacher striking out in public.

You mean the whole store wont go silent with everyone stopping in their tracks and pulling out their smartphones? The mind makes up stuff sometimes that is unrealistic.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I feel you. But again my question stands; whats the alternative in your opinion?

Hmmm I wonder. How did @LucianoM met that 18 year old he pulled? Maybe he did tell us at the time but I cant remember. Was it Swipe Apps? Cold approach? Social Circle?

 

[Gamisch]

You mean the whole store wont go silent with everyone stopping in their tracks and pulling out their smartphones? The mind makes up stuff sometimes that is unrealistic.

*FEMALE VOICE*" so yeah I am dressed like a slut today, wiggling my azz as i walk in a area that's notorious for men approaching women and I am filming this. Now this tall man with muscles all over him says hi to me. GET AWAY from me!!"( dude laughs shrugs it off and leaves).

Do you think dude is now traumatized because of her, or he'll just continue to "search" for another one.

Perhaps he'll respond with Dave Chappelle's classic;(just because I'm dressed this way)

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'm starting to think cold approaching isn't as niche as we'd like to believe on here. I asked a 22 year older co-worker that's around a 6.5hb. She said she constantly gets approached while out and about that it's "very annoying"... She just wants to be "left alone". This is in a small town also.

My friend says this, but she leaves out the fact that it's by old and fat dudes, not anyone desirably attractive.

These are things that happened. There is an effort to look presentable in public. At times in stranger approaching, you will look foolish in public. However, almost no one cares. People are generally too self-absorbed to notice a cold approacher striking out in public.

I remember seeing a black guy cold approach an arab girl in scrubs and she told him to fvck off and it was quite noticeable lol.

 

[pipeman84]

Oh God, that last part made me laugh hard. That does sound kinda cringe .

Yeah, you should read the thread below and the back and forth I had with a 46yrs old guy advocating such a line.

Ask her a question about the fruit - "I never know when these are ripe - how do you tell?" or something along those lines. Just get her talking.

What about a good ol' " hi"? (Assuming she noticed due you being a dope, fit and well styled man and she gave you some form of ioi)

I think that's perfectly fine.

I feel you. But again my question stands; whats the alternative in your opinion?

Warm approach, as suggested by @Atom Smasher in the quote I posted previously.

 

[DonJuanjr]

My friend says this, but she leaves out the fact that it's by old and fat dudes, not anyone desirably attractive.

This girl stated that the older guys are more crude and overtly sexual while younger guys are more shy.

 

[Gamisch]

My friend says this, but she leaves out the fact that it's by old and fat dudes, not anyone desirably attractive.



I remember seeing a black guy cold approach an arab girl in scrubs and she told him to fvck off and it was quite noticeable lol.

Yeah, if she can see you are approaching her from a mile away and she didn't gave you any kind of invention (ioi), this might be the outcome.

Something tells me that dude shrugged it off and blindly went for another prospect lol. And even though some people would feel replaced embarrassment, deep down inside the introverted man would be jelous of this dude.

Yeah, you should read the thread below and the back and forth I had with a 46yrs old guy advocating such a line.



I think that's perfectly fine.

Warm approach, as suggested by @Atom Smasher in the quote I posted previously.

Warm approach is indeed what I mean. Great way of saying it, thread worthy by itself.

 

[Gamisch]

I’m insecure and afraid, not even gonna lie about it. I’ve had my ego bruised pretty bad in the past.

And this thread is trying to help men like you get over those fears. You are on sosuave for a reason. To find enlightenment. Not to confirm your fears and negative beliefs.

Imagine learning the ability to switch off your fears . Imagine getting a call from Allah or God or the cow God and he tells you you have 10 days left to live. You probably would go on a approach killing spree that is never been seen before. Zero fecks giving and fear and embarrassment wouldn't even be a thing!

It was so brutal that after we’d had a seemingly nice conversation for 5 mins and had stuff in common, which I used to ask for her number. “Hey let me get your number and maybe we can go to that place sometime you were talking about”. She said “I’m good” then she ran off to tell her friends I dared asked her out. This girl was 29 and acting like a teenager. Weirdest thing ever.

So you learned (again) that women are just silly little girls. You as a man gave her some tingles and butterflies in her stomach to float on. Stoical you continue with whatever you were doing while this woman and her friends start looking at and seeing you in a completely different way: As a man that demand respects from women because you go after what you want in life.

Much better than staring at her and undressing her with your eyes while you are too afraid to take action. That's much weirder imo.

 

[DreamAgain]

The answer to your question is simple.

There simply aren't a lot of opportunities to do it. You have to live in an urban core that has high walkability. Most of America is not like this, or even close to this.

And even if it was...

The times have changed. Interactions are mostly done online via IG or swipe apps. Young girls (25 and under) will find you weird if you approach in broad daylight, unless you are given clear indicators of interest (she is staring at you, smiling, etc.). These indicators of interest would more likely to be present in a bar, where women typically go with the expectation to be approached.

 

[MatureDJ]

I stopped day-game approaching when I got sick of women laughing at me for even trying.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

@Gamisch

Bro, mind if I PM you?

 

[Gamisch]

@Gamisch

Bro, mind if I PM you?

No problem fam.

 

[CornbreadFed]

The answer to your question is simple.

There simply aren't a lot of opportunities to do it. You have to live in an urban core that has high walkability. Most of America is not like this, or even close to this.

And even if it was...

The times have changed. Interactions are mostly done online via IG or swipe apps. Young girls (25 and under) will find you weird if you approach in broad daylight, unless you are given clear indicators of interest (she is staring at you, smiling, etc.). These indicators of interest would more likely to be present in a bar, where women typically go with the expectation to be approached.

Yeah, most women I see have airpods on and look completely unapproachable.

 

[DreamAgain]

Yeah, most women I see have airpods on and look completely unapproachable.

Yup same experience here, or they are with a guy.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yup same experience here, or they are with a guy.

I thought 90% of the men were single? Doesn't seem like it when I go out in public.