Me and 7 month LTR are going to colleges 1000 miles away. Should we just break up?

[bensimsJYG]

We're both 18. The only reason I’m considering not breaking up with her is that she fits all the my criteria for an ideal LTR. She’s a great person, very smart, easy to get along with, respects me as her alpha and is hopelessly in love with me, fulfills me sexually, and I’m her only sexual partner. She grew up in a good household with a strong father figure. Her parents have only dated each other, so she’s had strong exposure to monogamy since she’s been born. If we had met or been dating in our mid-late twenties, this would be the girl I would marry

It sucks that we’re going to college so far away, but that’s life sometimes and I’m really questioning the reality of us staying together. She’s moving away on Thursday, while I don’t leave until the 31st. She brought up the topic for the first time, and after a while of us beating around the bush (and some very emotional sex), she started talking about how she wanted to try. I told her I really want it to work out too, but it’d be very difficult. I cheated on her once in the past, about 2 months into the relationship. That was when she was still very nervous about sex, so I ended up seeking fulfillment elsewhere. She found out, but she didn’t want to break up so after a couple weeks we were sort of back to normal.

Yesterday we kind of talked about potential things we could do. She wants to try and stay together, communicating through texting and video chatting every day or two. We’ve barely even texted over the past 7 months (I’m more of a talking in person type of guy), so I told her that that could just end up fizzling out. She also brought out the situation in which one of us cheats and the other ends up hating the other (I told her I wouldn’t hate her, I’d just delete her number and not talk to her. She said she would be very mad if I did cheat again). We didn’t reach any type of conclusion yesterday.

Any advice or help from someone would be greatly appreciated.

 

[piranha45]

College guy... you're still just a man in development, you don't have the financial prowess needed to hold down a woman. You found a viable candidate, but the MONEY isn't there yet, and the money is critical.

Break up. You won't be able to hold out on sex that long. You're also too much of a man to be slinking about in the shadows, "cheating".

Be forthright with her about the r/p being impossible and thus that you need to move on.

Psychologically, accept the fact that you're not financially able to have your cake and eat it too... Yet.

 

[El Payaso]

Nah. LDRs like that don't work. Especially when you're jut moving too college. You will meet tons of other girls in college and she will meet tons of other guys in college.

The distance will be a huge strain on the relationship.

I would suggest just being upfront with her and breaking up with her. Start out positively by talking about what you liked about her and the relationship and tell her that a long distance relationship is just not something you guys can handle.

Be prepared for waterworks but hold your ground.

 

[Lozboss]

Read title only.

Yes is answer.

Read: The Rational Male. Long distance never works. It's what option less people do.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

I know a guy that is about to graduated that completed college with a ldr like that. Yes, he did cheat on her once, but I think she cheated on him too lol.

 

[Konada]

Like others say, I'd suggest breaking up with her right now as you stand a less likely chance of burning this bridge compared to when you guys start a LDR (never ends well imo)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Do what you want, just know both of you will be banging other people while you are away. If both of you can deal with that, then do what you will...otherwise probably better to just end it.

 

[Mr Wright]

I graduated last year and saw many LDR relationships not work. In fact I saw 2 last the time I was at university...out of a lot. Put it this way the odds aren't good. Most of the relationships were over by Christmas and the rest dragged it on a little longer. But truth be told, you're starting a new stage in your life, you should go into it with an open mind and free. The fact is every guy I've seen who broke up with a long distance chick banged hotter girls than the one they broke up with.

Besides, I remember hooking up with a few girls who were in LDR, even met some of their boyfriends...not proud of it now but it's how it is. The bottom line is, it won't be over straight away but the countdown has begun, you may as well enjoy your time there to the fullest.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I had almost exactly the same scenario when I left for uni. Except she was staying behind. I knew it wouldn't work out. And to be honest, it was the best decision I could make. She was heartbroken, but now is married with kids and happy as can be. And I was only 100miles away. I proceeded to bang about 40 chicks in 3 yrs. Everyone's a winner.

Let's put it this way:

-You cheated already. It will obviously happen again.
-She's brought the topic up, which means she thinks the same.
-You know how far 1000miles is?? That's like a 10-15hour drive. You gonna do that every time you're wasted, you wanna get laid, and there's fresh chicks banging your door down? Every time...?

You might meet up again one day and find you really wanna be together. But for now.... well, it's gotta be done.

 

[\\mattyice//]

From my experience i would say break up. College is a whole new journey I wouldn't even worry about the whole cheating thing- a girlfriend 1000 miles away is going to hold you back from activities, going out, possibly making more connections etc. the list goes on. College is the time to grow and have fun and not worry about 7 p.m. Coming around and it's time to skype your girlfriend and maybe you'll see some side boob.

 

[the_stig]

I remember my freshman year like it happened yesterday, Fall of 2002. Can't believe that was thirteen years ago. That means I also remember all the freshman trying to maintain their relationships "back home", including a few plates myself. I can't recall, now or then, anyone who stayed the course freshman year, let alone four years of college life in a LDR. Most were cheating within the first month or two and quickly forming new relationships with people on campus.

Looking back, those first few months away from home, living on campus, hot chicks living down the hall, freedom, new people and experiences, was such a life changing experience. Being tied down in a long distance relationship that was doomed to fail would do nothing but hinder this wonderful time in your life. Have fun, enjoy the plethora of women at your fingertips, make new friends. Do anything but sit around and stress over some girl a thousand miles away, who's likely out having her own carefree fun. That would be the worst possible way to spend your first year of college.

 

[Firestar786]

Best thing
Hold onto her and just Skype whilst at college. Presumably during the summer you'll both come back home
Whilst at college proceed to fvck and have fun(hide from her)

Best of both worlds...

 

[bensimsJYG]

Best thing
Hold onto her and just Skype whilst at college. Presumably during the summer you'll both come back home
Whilst at college proceed to fvck and have fun(hide from her)

Best of both worlds...

Honestly I think I'm leaning towards this but I'm having trouble dealing with the morals of it and dismissing the good advice on here saying to breakup. Last time I cheated I didn't feel that guilty, but after seeing her devastated by it after I'm not sure how I would feel if I did again. Staying with her while having 0 expectations and sleeping around in college seems like the best low risk high reward situation, but I don't know if I want to continue to string her along like that just because she's ideal LTR/wifey material.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Yep break up, no need to lie to the girl, youre not ready for this ****.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'll give you advice from a different angle: I knew a lot of girls going into my freshman year who had boyfriends, then broke up with them... fast forward a few years later, and these girls are now on Facebook and married... TO THE BOYFRIEND THEY WERE DATING BEFORE THEY WENT TO COLLEGE.

I say this to say: the main reason people try to hold onto a person when they go to college is because they believe it's the only way they're ever going to end up with that person long-term. But, the reality is you both may need time away from each other to grow into versions of yourselves that would be more suited to handle a long term relationship/marriage situation. You end up learning a lot about yourself (as well as women) during those four years, and those lessons could actually make you a BETTER catch for her later down the line.

You have to let her go. You have to let her be on her own in college, without attachment to you, so she can grow and experience new things without a feeling of guilt. Does this mean you cut off all communication with her? Not at all. But if the communication starts to wane, it simply means you have to understand that may happen as she starts fitting in to her new environment, and that this may not be the time for you and her to be all over each other. If it's meant to be, you'll be able to re-connect with her in 4 years. Or, you'll both find new people to fawn over in college and look back on your time together as a happy moment that was only meant to be for so long.

 

[Firestar786]

Honestly I think I'm leaning towards this but I'm having trouble dealing with the morals of it and dismissing the good advice on here saying to breakup. Last time I cheated I didn't feel that guilty, but after seeing her devastated by it after I'm not sure how I would feel if I did again. Staying with her while having 0 expectations and sleeping around in college seems like the best low risk high reward situation, but I don't know if I want to continue to string her along like that just because she's ideal LTR/wifey material.

As poon king has written several times - do what's in your interest

Your interest is to hold onto her whilst enjoying college.

Fvck your feelings/morals that's bs

 

[TheMagician]

Yes

 

[SamTheHobit]

I'm I the only one here worried about this poor guys crippling debt after his done with college??

 

[TheMagician]

I'm I the only one here worried about this poor guys crippling debt after his done with college??

Yeah man, but if he's lucky the market will crash the day after graduation.

 

[Maximus Rex]

We're both 18.

You shouldn't have been in a relationship at 18 anyway.

The only reason I’m considering not breaking up with her is that she fits all the my criteria for an ideal LTR.

That statement is a contradiction in terms.

She’s a great person, very smart, easy to get along with, respects me as her alpha and is hopelessly in love with me, fulfills me sexually, and I’m her only sexual partner.

So you're not going to meet a chick like this in college?

She grew up in a good household with a strong father figure. Her parents have only dated each other, so she’s had strong exposure to monogamy since she’s been born.

Now she's on her own for the first time and she's going away from the influence of her parents and peer group. Just think of all of the wonderful things she's going to be exposed to, like the exciting and thrilling new world of marijuana, mollies, binge drinking, unprotected sex with guys from Omega Sigma Delta during pledge week, lesbianism with her dorm mate, and figuring out how to get the attention of the guy that bears a striking resemblance to Stephen Amell in English 101.

If we had met or been dating in our mid-late twenties, this would be the girl I would marry

Awww, that's cute.

Any advice or help from someone would be greatly appreciated.

Bang the cheerleaders, the chicks from the dancing team, the mock trial team, the debate society, the sorority girls, and hang out on the various grad schools and try and f*ck those chicks too.