Mature DJs..Help me out with this NEW 23 y/o girl!

[Ken785]

So ive been talking to this girl for a little over 1 month now. I met her at the club last month and we really hit it off. The thing is the whole time, all weve been doing is talking on the phone. The only times ive met her is the time we first met at the club and the week after at another lounge.

We get along great over the phone, but the thing is the first couple weeks ive known her, i asked her out like 3 times, the first time she said yes, but said it'll be weeks...WTF?? Then the second and third times i asked her she said no...this is the point where she kept acting like she didnt care much about me but the week after..things seemed to shift and i can tell she was getting into me on a deeper level.

But shes keeps playing her games....

To give you an example, we were texting each other one time when we were both at seperate bars getting drunk...she basically texted me teasing me saying..

HB8: "Game over, maybe i should make it so i can get away"

...that was after i teased her earlier when we were playing a texting game saying that i won and she lost.

Then i texted her...

Ken785: "So you find a winning lottery ticket, would you throw it away too?"

HB8: "Some one else deserves it, not me"

HB8: "I know you feel that way now...but i cant except you if i cant except myself..so if youre less nice to me it'll be easier for me"

Then i got tired of the bullsh!t and basically told her..

Ken785: "If you tell me you really feel that way about me, im saying goodbye and changing my number...im serious!"

HB8: "I dont really mean it, i wouldnt want that too.."

Then after that shes been nothing but niceness and texting and calling me all the time. I dont know what to do with this b!tch...i know her interest level is high...but she keeps on mentioning that im her "friend" and "buddy"...i dont like that.

I KNOW her interest level is high...Right now, i've ignored her for 3 days randomly and she texts me..

HB8: " 'Did you die???' quote finding nemo- Where did u run to? I miss my buddy"

That was about 7 hours ago at about 10am and its now 5:30pm and ive yet to contact her.

I know this b!tch is not "FriendZoning" me....I know shes interested but just likes to play games...


Should i just call her straight up and give her an ultimatum and tell her im not her friend. Either quit playing games and fvckin go out with me or im walking....if she doesnt give me the right answer im NEXTing her....The DJ part tells me to give her that ultimatum and quit wasting my time already beating around the bush....

Which im going to do, but how would i do it??


How would you guys set her straight??

 

[( . )( . )]

How would you guys set her straight??

I would never have gotten into that situation to begin with .

The offer for the face to face hookup would have been straight away, then ANY excuses other than a death in the family (and even then I'd be sceptical) she would be forgotten, number deleted.

All that other bullsh!t is white noise youve created for yourself for not having the intestinal fortitude that is needed in this situation.



You been here long enough to know your answer.

* B.S texts
* No sex
* Known her for over a month
* Not taking charge of the situation

Come on.

 

[Ken785]

Your right...i beat around the bush and played the phone game for too long. If anything...i should have met her in person right off the bat. Im going to tell her to meet me one more time and if she still gives me B.S. or the "buddy" bvllsh!t...im ignoring her cold.

 

[( . )( . )]

Your right...i beat around the bush and played the phone game for too long. If anything...i should have met her in person right off the bat. Im going to tell her to meet me one more time and if she still gives me B.S. or the "buddy" bvllsh!t...im ignoring her cold.

I dont like your chances, statistically the odds are stacked against you. Hence, forget the public meeting if thats what you were thinking.

"Hey I'm making lasagne on X night, I'll see ya here, bring the booze"

May aswell go all or nothing, thats where it is now anyway.

 

[Ken785]

I called her just now...talked to her on the phone and set up a date for next week with her agreeing right off the bat....i guess it takes ignoring her and getting her to miss me...

 

[King of Action]

That's Puzzy for the calling!!

C'mon. You have too much information to see through her.

She's easy and I think you see right thru her defenses and there's no challenge. (Easy meaning, she connected with you)....Your style apparently eliminated a lot of her female defenses.

She's younger and waiting to learn, however, she's waiting for you and your confidence. Confidence, meaning....your inside knowledge.

Do your DJ Style and have fun!!!!

 

[jophil28]

I called her just now...talked to her on the phone and set up a date for next week with her agreeing right off the bat....i guess it takes ignoring her and getting her to miss me...

NO ..it took YOU to show her where you and she were headed. You did not show dominant LEADERSHIP with her until now - you played patty cake texting and inevitably you fell into a kind of a low gear drift with no real progress. What happens then is the connection wobbles and slides sideways while she waits for you to amp it up with a lot of girly mindgames from her followed by CONFUSION and irritation in you..
You did not need to give her an OVERT ultimatum ,you just needed to set up a date like you did .
If she flakes on you next week do NOT waste any more time.

Another point - sometimes women say "you are my buddy - you are a good friend ..blah blah " It can mean several things. THis is often a challenge or a dare to you to move things up to a more intimate level . Women rarely say what they mean.. many times you have to follow your own gut.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If any woman I was trying to fvck called me her "friend" or "buddy," I'd probably bray uncontrollable laughter in her face like that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I don't remember it ever happening, though. I'm not that guy. Don't be that guy; it's misery. The hotter a girl is, the more of those guys there are in her life. For the most part, they never get laid. My last gf was a hb9; I called her orbiting AFCs her "stable of losers." Don't be just another loser in the stable. Be the guy she is fvcking, or go talk to another girl, and be the guy she is fvcking. Women want attention; we want sex. You are giving up your end of the deal, and she is doing nothing but taking. In contract law, they'd call this a "material breach." That means that you go find another girl.

 

[grinder]

I think its time to implement a BAN on quoting convos with women! It hurts my fvcking head just reading this utterly meaningless garbage! Stop the insanity!

DJ’s don’t give ultimatums, they don’t need to. DJ’s make decisions.

Impart that you and she should get together and be very specific. If she does not bite then please do not whine to her about it, give her ultimatums, or even waste the energy it takes to purposely ignore her. Even nexting takes more energy than she deserves. This is a hard concept to grasp. Leave her undefined.

Never complain, never explain.

Decide to move on to others. If she chooses to define herself for you in the future and you are not busy with others then move on her.

This is not easy sh1t to get, but then again, you ARE in the mature section.

 

[Ken785]

Man!!! I just started flirting with her and i was all of a sudden out of the "Friend Zone" i thought i was in!

She was really receptive and even said she wanted to come over to watch movies with me tonight when i asked her but she had to work tonight!...

Im going to go beat my head against the wall now!! Ive been on the board for about 4 years and i should have known and remembered this -

"Only the sexual ones get the girls!!"

I guess because i had knowledge but my hands on experience was still limited because i still didnt put myself out there much...

 

[MatureDJ]

Your right...i beat around the bush and played the phone game for too long. If anything...i should have met her in person right off the bat. Im going to tell her to meet me one more time and if she still gives me B.S. or the "buddy" bvllsh!t...im ignoring her cold.

A man has two choices - he can beat around the bush, or he could be at the bush.

 

[AJTD]

So ive been talking to this girl for a little over 1 month now. I met her at the club last month and we really hit it off. The thing is the whole time, all weve been doing is talking on the phone. The only times ive met her is the time we first met at the club and the week after at another lounge.

We get along great over the phone, but the thing is the first couple weeks ive known her, i asked her out like 3 times, the first time she said yes, but said it'll be weeks...WTF?? Then the second and third times i asked her she said no...this is the point where she kept acting like she didnt care much about me but the week after..things seemed to shift and i can tell she was getting into me on a deeper level.

But shes keeps playing her games....

To give you an example, we were texting each other one time when we were both at seperate bars getting drunk...she basically texted me teasing me saying..

HB8: "Game over, maybe i should make it so i can get away"

...that was after i teased her earlier when we were playing a texting game saying that i won and she lost.

Then i texted her...

Ken785: "So you find a winning lottery ticket, would you throw it away too?"

HB8: "Some one else deserves it, not me"

HB8: "I know you feel that way now...but i cant except you if i cant except myself..so if youre less nice to me it'll be easier for me"

Then i got tired of the bullsh!t and basically told her..

Ken785: "If you tell me you really feel that way about me, im saying goodbye and changing my number...im serious!"

HB8: "I dont really mean it, i wouldnt want that too.."

Then after that shes been nothing but niceness and texting and calling me all the time. I dont know what to do with this b!tch...i know her interest level is high...but she keeps on mentioning that im her "friend" and "buddy"...i dont like that.

I KNOW her interest level is high...Right now, i've ignored her for 3 days randomly and she texts me..

HB8: " 'Did you die???' quote finding nemo- Where did u run to? I miss my buddy"

That was about 7 hours ago at about 10am and its now 5:30pm and ive yet to contact her.

I know this b!tch is not "FriendZoning" me....I know shes interested but just likes to play games...


Should i just call her straight up and give her an ultimatum and tell her im not her friend. Either quit playing games and fvckin go out with me or im walking....if she doesnt give me the right answer im NEXTing her....The DJ part tells me to give her that ultimatum and quit wasting my time already beating around the bush....

Which im going to do, but how would i do it??


How would you guys set her straight??

Your in the friend Zone with her the minute she said it would be weeks before she would go out with you. I would have nexted her after that. Why are you putting up with her games? Find someone who will respect you.

 

[Ken785]

Now this girl just admitted to me after i had a talk with her about how we met and all that. She said she wasnt joking when she was talking about she just looks at me as a friend. I should have known when she mentioned that she has other guy friends she says shes "texting buddies" with. She told me something along the lines that she didnt want to escalate things with any guy because when things get escalated, she falls hard...

I dont want to overanalyze things here guys. I dont know if she really isnt looking for a relationship right now or that i just didnt play my cards right but im not feeling too hot right now... this may sound AFC but i really felt that i had finally connected with someone, and to hear that is just heartbreaking no matter how many DJ articles you read.

 

[grinder]

Did you really want a relationship or to connect with her without knowing her? How do you know these things?

It’s not AFC it’s just patently irrational by any standard. You’ve been here a while, you must know that you don’t know jack about her until you have dated her and fvcked her for some time, and even then you still may not know if you want to “connect” or be in a relationship.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Plenty of fish in the sea, man, plenty of fish. It's a lot easier to be with a girl who wants you than to try to change any one woman's mind. btw, the right thing to do happens to also be what would most likely attract her interest, which is to go be a don juan and forget about her.

10post edit:

How could i expect her to fall for me over the phone?

How could i expect her to have feelings for me like that when we've only met twice and that was not one on one privately but in a crowded public place like a club?

Was i wrong to expect her to have feelings for me like that under those circumstances??

Even having to ask is the wrong dynamic. She should have wanted to be alone with you and wanted you to advance physically. If a girl will be alone with you at your place or hers, then she is highly interested in being physical. If she won't be alone with you, then she just thinks of you as a friend. This works much better than asking with words. Set it up so she can prove it to you with actions.

You have a touch of oneitis clouding your judgment of how important all of this is, being rejected by any one girl is no big deal, even if you had some fun conversations. btw, if she is your friend, then she will introduce you to her friends, that is another good test to give a girl who wants to be your friend. Don't be upset or creepy about it, just start talking to her cute friend the next time you see her.

Again, no worries man, as they say, "She's just a girl."

 

[Max Power]

Ken you got to think it's her lost.

Lesson: Don't become "text buddies" with a female for a text buddy is all you will be.

 

[Ken785]

Thanks guys...

 

[Ken785]

Did you really want a relationship or to connect with her without knowing her? How do you know these things?

It’s not AFC it’s just patently irrational by any standard. You’ve been here a while, you must know that you don’t know jack about her until you have dated her and fvcked her for some time, and even then you still may not know if you want to “connect” or be in a relationship.

Thanks for all the advice guys..

When i was talking to her...we were talking about how we first met and how we met on her birthday and stuff and talking about other things like the first post i was talking about how i thought she kept playing games how she wanted to ignore me and blah blah.

I think said something to her that implemented me asking if she still thought of us as friends...she stayed silent for a few seconds and with a low voice she said something along the lines of she still looked at us as friends...

I told her that you know what? I have a lot of girlfriends...im not looking for another one and i think i made that clear. I told her i couldnt accept that we could be "just friends" and that i didnt want to be like her other guy friends that hover around her hoping that one day...something, anything will develop.

She said something like "this has happened before with other guys and blah blah...", I told her i had to go and we both hung up.

I think Grinder is right...if anything...i should have met her up on Saturday and let her get to know me in person more. We had only met at the club twice when we first met and its been about a month since then.

How could i expect her to fall for me over the phone?

How could i expect her to have feelings for me like that when we've only met twice and that was not one on one privately but in a crowded public place like a club?

Was i wrong to expect her to have feelings for me like that under those circumstances??

 

[Ken785]

still there? I just wanted to add that during our conversation..she also mentioned that she mey this other guy at her college and they had been texting him for almost 2 years now and all they do is text each other here and there...how would you guys react to that?

I mean your talking to a girl and she mentions that other guys are texting her and crap...i know a girl has other guy friends but is it wrong to feel iffy about her guy friends and the guys that contact her? I mean obviously these guys have known her longer than i have but i still feel weird about it...fvck i feel like a little b!tch right now.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I posted once above in an edit. It looks like I am 10post-unbanned at the moment.

Regarding a girl texting other guys, that is always going to happen with any attractive woman. Ignore it. Like I said above, there will always be a stable of losers orbiting her in AFC fashion. Most GFs of mine have had a group of AFCs who wanted to fvck her, but could only get as far as being her text-buddy and were eager to accept the "friend" label, because they thought it was getting them somewhere. Even if she is text-buddies with 100 guys, she is probably only fvcking one guy, and that guy should not care about any text messages. I have had girls text other guys while in bed with me, quite a bit actually. That's part of why I don't believe in anything other than very brief texting; I've often been the guy laughing at the other guy she is texting while she's naked in bed with me; in fact, with whatever girl, usually we are laughing at these guys together. That's why I don't want you, or anybody else here, to be a girl's friend and text-buddy. The next time some flaky b!tch who won't give you sex is texting you crap like "ur cute, I like u, XOXOXO," imagine her being naked, sweaty from sex, and leaking some other guy's cvm out of her. I've seen it happen a lot.