marrying a BPD

[jophil28]

But why attracted in the first place. Is it a void in our own selves?

Don't buy into that paperback psycho-drivel.

The only issues are how to develop the skills and wisdom to quickly flush out another BPD if one should come your way, and how to get out quickly so that you are not wounded again.

Kind of 'Tag and Release'.

 

[KontrollerX]

"But why attracted in the first place. Is it a void in our own selves?"

Well first I just want to say that they can make victims of any normal guy who has emotions that doesn't know what he's dealing with.

Meaning a guy can be an ultimate success in life with women, job all that good stuff but one day encounters one of these loonies and gets fvcked up for a few years as a result as he tries to piece his life back together and how he got drawn in so deeply.

For other guys there really is a void of self love.

In other words some guys as they grew up either got bullied or ostracized from their peers or were just in general depressed people and combined with feminist brainwashing which programs young men to see women as perpetual victims a young man like this is in a world of hurt if he encounters an HPD or BPD.

See the phrases water seeks its own level and like attracts like are so true as a depressed broken guy who never loved himself or got love from others will seek out and even identify with a broken appearing waif type of girl in front of him. He will deeply fall in love with her but not because he's really in love with her.

In reality she represents that broken little boy that the guy is who didn't get enough love growing up and in essence the relationship with the apparently broken HPD or BPD is an effort to try and fix things and make things right by you fixing the broken girl through your relationship together and in so doing you fix yourself and heal yourself as well since that is where the deep illusion that you are in love with the girl comes from.

Unfortunately for guys like this the BPD's and HPD's cannot be fixed by relationships and infact relationships only make them worse and when they sense true love and committment and resulting attachments they seek to make their escape and avoid being abandoned again as their parents abandoned them hence they always have another man waiting in the wings to take your place at a moment's notice when you get too close to them.

Also the false love of the HPD and BPD feels so good in addition to what I just said because they mirror you.

The process of mirroring you is basically the HPD or BPD talking to you long enough to find out what you like and what you are like and gradually they become you and reflect all of your good qualities back at you making you think you've made a once in a lifetime connection with someone but it was really not to be as all it was, was one big act.

The HPD's and BPD's do this mirroring not out of cruelty but because they have no true fully developed personality of their own so this is the only way they know how to interact with others. Its like breathing for them to do this. Its an unconscious natural act on their part to start mirroring someone they are involved with.

This isn't to say that I disagree with jophil and author Al Bernstein as I absolutely agree with these two men that BPD's know what they are doing and are not sick in the sense that it makes them insane.

All I am pointing out is that some of their actions as a result of being personality disordered are pretty much automatic and mirroring is one such action.

 

[DJArlington]

Guys,

A lot of you on this site know about my ex. I never realized she was such a BPD. I actually broke up with her 8 months into my relationship, we were long distance, and on the day we broke up she actually drove to my city (4 hours away) to try and save things. I told her that we couldn't get back together. Thereafterwards, she went on vacation to a foreign country for a while and instead of moving to the West coast (like she originally intended) she actually moved to my city so I will quote her words, "I would never forget about her." I begged and pleaded for her to move to her city because I knew it would never work out (there were lots of issues). She sent me over 200 cards the next few years and I got sucked backed in bigtime. I actually fell in love with her all over again. By the time I got around to telling her I would move to her city, she found another guy and spit me out like a piece of ****ing ****. I actually begged her to take me back. She wouldn't so I said screw it and listened to the advice on this site. But then she called me a few times to keep me as a backup. Anyway, I am free of her now but guys if a woman is BPD, get the **** OUT!!!!

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Does BPD stand for Bi Polar or Borderline Personality Disorder around here?

 

[KontrollerX]

It stands for Borderline Personality Disorder.

Bipolar Disorder doesn't have an abbreviation.

 

[brian123]

I was 90 days away from marrying a BPD girl. I thought she was the one for me. Breaking up with her was the best thing to ever happen to me.

To make a long story short, things were GREAT between us. She did make rash decisions, but nothing big. Finally she began to be unstable and was always changing jobs or getting angry at me for no reason. I was in a living hell for ~9 months where I didn't know wtf was up due to her drama.

Finally, one day she said how she was moving across the country for basically no reason, and how much she loved me but how she was sick and all kinds of crazy stuff. She had a TOTAL meltdown after we BU.

 

[brian123]

All of this is true. The most amazing thing that sticks out to me is they will accuse you of being a liar. And they will say they HATE even the smallest lies. But then you discover that most things spewed from her mouth is some sort of lie.

Agreed. My ex once BLEW up at me calling me a liar once because I said I was going to empty the dishwasher, but I forgot to. She threw the engagement ring back at me and told me how she couldn't wait to end the relationship with me. She told me to F'off as I left for work. (She never swore, went to church 2x week etc....) Then, when I was at work 2hrs later, she called to tell me how much she missed me/loved me/couldn't wait to see me.

 

[jophil28]

Agreed. My ex once BLEW up at me calling me a liar once because I said I was going to empty the dishwasher, but I forgot to. She threw the engagement ring back at me and told me how she couldn't wait to end the relationship with me. She told me to F'off as I left for work. (She never swore, went to church 2x week etc....) Then, when I was at work 2hrs later, she called to tell me how much she missed me/loved me/couldn't wait to see me.

Research the behavior called "splitting" .

 

[Paradox]

Don't we ever get tired of talking about BPD women or "Looks VS Game"

These threads are tired at best.

Let's come up with something fresh to talk about.


Thread closed.

 

[Paradox]

Don't we ever get tired of talking about BPD women or "Looks VS Game"

These threads are tired at best.

Let's come up with something fresh to talk about.


Thread closed.

I am reopening this thread because there seems to be a therapeutic need to discuss these BPD relationships (past, present and future).

This is one of those subjects that just won't go away. It's just my wish that we "get over it" and come to terms with the fact that all women are crazy but some are really crazy.

 

[Heretolearn]

Thank you for re-opening. Crazy to close it (pardon the pun and no disrespect)

THese woman are SOOO good at getting you in. I remembered all the bad stuff but today I thought of the good stuff and ANY man would love it. My ex cleaned my whole apartment, bought me nice stuff and was the ultimate home-maker in the honeymoon. It stopped so I teased her how the honeymoon period had stopped. SHE HATED THAT.

Is it just me, but does this type of woman HATE and NEVER accept criticism/perceived attacks against who she is. Like most people can resist but in a normal range and then think about it later. My experiences was me throwing a pebble (eg. honeymoon period is over) and getting hit by a barrade of nuclear missiles...

 

[Heretolearn]

ps. this thread is especially so important as once you are in, it is SOOOO hard to get out.

You really need to be aware of your instinct and boundaries early on and MORE importantly stand up for yourself NOT in fighting but in finding a better life (i.e leaving most of the time I would imagine)

 

[squirrels]

Is this the same woman as from this thread? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155612

 

[jophil28]

This is one of those subjects that just won't go away. It's just my wish that we "get over it" and come to terms with the fact that all women are crazy but some are really crazy.

"Really crazy" is flippant and does not describe the wreckage these women cause.
Pathology in women, such as we are discussing here, is not something that we can dismiss easily by "getting over it" . All woman are driven to occasionally make poor decisions and act irrationally from time to time. However, the behavior of Cluster B PD women is in another dimension. These women are highly destuctive in LTRs and cannot be "managed" by men employing the standard range of DJ tools . WE are talking about mentally ill women who hate men but present as the seductive woman of your dreams. These woman are the Charlie Mansons of intimate relationships.
Consider that the incdence of BPD/HPD in the female population is about 2%.
THat is one in 50...IF you date enough women you will, statistically, become involved with one.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

It's just my wish that we "get over it" and come to terms with the fact that all women are crazy but some are really crazy.

In the immortal words of a friend of mine, all women have a psychoses. When you find a women with a psychoses that you can deal with, you call her your girlfriend.

 

[Heretolearn]

Is this the same woman as from this thread? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155612

Yes, I was considering whether I was serious about her or just wanting something. If it was the latter then I would not marry of course.

It was also a general thread though because I basically get to the 'are you serious or not' stage with every girl I am with regardless of their age and I really feel like I do not know the girl well enough or myself well enough. Eg. was with a girl 4 yrs and did not feel ready to make the choice, and have also been with others short times and they have asked me (one religious girl after a couple of months).

The question is not a problem but my behaviour is. Example: I am pretty chilled and stubborn in normal relationships not wanting to make too much effort to impress/soothe the girl into a sense that we are going to be together but if I knew I was serious about her then I would. eg. last gf complained how I had no time for her (true) and I was going to take a day off work to spend with her (was working insane hours) then I had to cancel the day off due to work being hectic.

Now if it was my wife in that situation I would say screw work but because it is still someone I am getting to know then I am not willing to risk my own goals/values.

Does that make sense?

 

[Paradox]

"Really crazy" is flippant and does not describe the wreckage these women cause.
Pathology in women, such as we are discussing here, is not something that we can dismiss easily by "getting over it" . All woman are driven to occasionally make poor decisions and act irrationally from time to time. However, the behavior of Cluster B PD women is in another dimension. These women are highly destuctive in LTRs and cannot be "managed" by men employing the standard range of DJ tools . WE are talking about mentally ill women who hate men but present as the seductive woman of your dreams. These woman are the Charlie Mansons of intimate relationships.
Consider that the incdence of BPD/HPD in the female population is about 2%.
THat is one in 50...IF you date enough women you will, statistically, become involved with one.

I agree with your entire post

 

[jophil28]

One time a girl I was seeing invited me over for New Years Eve and at 3am she started looking at pictures of her ex husband and blew a gasket. She started screaming and throwing things at me and threw me out drunk in the middle of the night with no way to get home and locked her doors and turned off her phone.

I am positive now that she has BPD.

Add alcoholism and gawd knows whats else.

She did you a favor by tossing you out at 3 am. She revealed her nutso personality before you got any further involved.
You dodged the whole magazine, not just a bullet.

 

[jophil28]

I agree with your entire post

And I applaud your decison to leave the BPD thread open. Thank you.

IT is a valuable learning resource for those bewildered " cut and bleeding " newbies who have tried to have an LTR with one of these life sucking vampires.

THere is nothing more tragic than a BPD women being pursued by a good man who just wants to love her.

 

[jophil28]

.... and this is the only woman who has actually hurt me recently... for some reason I still wanted to be with her after this incident. I still tried and she wouldn't talk to me for months and now she finally wants to be friends again.

I still tried to get with her, it's insane.. and she kept stringing me along.. and now she says she is pregnant with a man she doesn't want to be with! I have now cut her off out of sight and mind. Probably will hear from her though.

It's weird how they can get in your head like that, I can't explain it.

IT is not only weird, it is breathtaking and terrifying when you consider that you are a grown man and you (like many of us ) were still drawn to her and were willing to give her other chances and indeed PURSUED her .
That defies rational belief BUT many of us did just that.

THere are forces at work with these women which we cannot comprehend .
WE just need to be vigilant against an invasion of our mind and soul by another one of these malevolent creatures.