Marriage relationship incident

[Dr.Suave]

Right, he has to get a vasectomy and divorce from the woman who is expecting his third child, but it's all good because it's for his family?

In the long run, yes, I believe its better for the family.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

- Was is like that since the beginning?

Been much better now. Beginning was awful.

- Was she ever disrespectful since the beginning?

she has been disrespectful yes but thats when the arguments have got out of hand.

My question is, why did you marry and knock up a woman when the relationship begins 'awful'?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Imagine a pilot abandoning the plane and using a parachute Everytime there was a little turbulence and leaving the passengers and crew to "fend for themselves" instead of taking control and ownership of the situation and guiding it to where he wanted it to go.

There´s a difference between a little turbulence and a plane that´s going to crash no matter what. Getting a divorce is not the same a leaving them to "fend for themselves", not even close.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In the long run, yes, I believe its better for the family.

And I thought I was cynical, but you spin out into a whole new level.

 

[Alpheta]

My question is, why did you marry and knock up a woman when the relationship begins 'awful'?

The relationship was great. When we got married and moved in it was bad. It was more me then her. However things got better

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There´s a difference between a little turbulence and a plane that´s going to crash no matter what. Getting a divorce is not the same a leaving them to "fend for themselves", not even close.

How about 'you made your bed, you sleep in it'?
How about 'don't start what you cannot finish'?
How about 'don't throw in the towel after the first punch'?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There´s a difference between a little turbulence and a plane that´s going to crash no matter what. Getting a divorce is not the same a leaving them to "fend for themselves", not even close.

Neither is constantly being the cause of the problem then acting like you are somehow being wronged.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My question is, why did you marry and knock up a woman when the relationship begins 'awful'?

This goes back to not marrying someone you are incompatible with when KNOWING ahead of time that you are incompatible.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

A woman's anger is never over the reason that it seems to be. Here, she isn't mad at you because you told her she needed to shape up around the house. She is mad at you because she feels like she is being treated like a child (given a monthly allowance, scolded for household chores, etc.) and that you don't appreciate her. Now, keep in mind I am not being critical of you. Maybe she is a slob and a black hole when it comes to finances and she has earned this. I had a wife just like that. But the bottom line is her anger is latent - not superficial - and until you get to the root of what the issue is you can expect these kind of reactions which appear surface-level as complete overreactions.

I would suggest you attempt to open up some communication with her. If she refuses to communicate at all though, your relationship is in the danger zone. And what others have said may also be true - you might be incompatible to begin with and that isn't good.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your compatible with no one.
She is your sparing partner

Bullsh!t. If you believe that then don't bother dating anyone. With that attitude she'd be far better off not knowing you.

 

[Ricky]

Okay so how proceed is you:
-start by not being a cvnt to your pregnant wife.
-Then you stop getting mommy and daddy involved to kiss your boo boos.
-Now that you've stopped being latched to mommy's t!t milk and daddy's "atta boy's", you start being your own captain to your own ship.
-Part of being this captain is actually leading the d*mned thing somewhere your crew might want to go.
-Note that any of your crew members are likely to abandon ship for another one if you run your ship like an *sshole, which you have.
-If your ship sinks - it is your fault and no one else's. If your ship isn't running efficiently, it's your fault and no one else's. Everything that happens on your ship is your responsibility. Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN. Heavy is the crown.

So start owning your f*ck ups, stop blaming your pregnant wife for being lazy while bringing (presumably) your offspring into this world, and start making your destination somewhere that your family might actually want to go.

Maybe head on over to r/MarriedRedPill and start doing some reading. Perhaps even start posting in the weekly OYS thread so you can get some insight into how unattractive you're making yourself look in front of your wife.

He will get destroyed over there (at married red pill) but it may be the best thing to ever happen to him

 

[Ricky]

OP,

A woman's anger is never over the reason that it seems to be. Here, she isn't mad at you because you told her she needed to shape up around the house. She is mad at you because she feels like she is being treated like a child (given a monthly allowance, scolded for household chores, etc.) and that you don't appreciate her. Now, keep in mind I am not being critical of you. Maybe she is a slob and a black hole when it comes to finances and she has earned this. I had a wife just like that. But the bottom line is her anger is latent - not superficial - and until you get to the root of what the issue is you can expect these kind of reactions which appear surface-level as complete overreactions.

I would suggest you attempt to open up some communication with her. If she refuses to communicate at all though, your relationship is in the danger zone. And what others have said may also be true - you might be incompatible to begin with and that isn't good.

Well stated. There is a thing behind the thing for sure.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good luck with that boy. Lol
"Oh looky we fit like a glove honey"

Gtfo with that crap. Thats not game thats beta as af

But having a mindset that you are starting out as adversaries is? Yeah...sounds like that's the key to having healthy relationships.

Beta...alpha...98% of that stuff is bullsh!t and vast oversimplifications that have people trying to play roles and end up looking like fools that women see right thru.

Simply don't be a simp, don't pedastalize a woman and always maintain your self-respect and dignity and you'll do better than worrying about how Alpha you are. Assuredly people who worry about that stuff aren't.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

OP, have you ever heard the phrase “There is no ME in TEAM?”

As a woman who has 3 children there are a number of things you need to be aware of, even though you will NOT relate to them because as a man you simply cannot (much like I as a woman cannot understand what having a penis & balls is like, because I don’t have that equipment)…….

1. Pregnancy is physically exhausting. Your blood volume surges, your hormones loosen the soft tissue (tendons & ligaments) in your body to prepare for expansion as the baby grows followed by childbirth, you are often nauseated by otherwise normal smells, you may vomit often (thank GOD I never threw up), you do not sleep well, you are overheated, joints ache, back aches, breasts enlarge and become unduly heavy, etc. Physically it’s no picnic. Add to that she is not already in exceptional shape. I was a fit athlete training 45 miles running a week and lifelong competitive athlete who played in college when I got pregnant. It was physically taxing for me in peak shape, nevermind for your wife who is not a lifelong athlete.

So she’s physically exhausted in ways you cannot relate to.

2. This is her 3rd pregnancy. Here’s what that means. Each pregnancy as a woman you are older, each pregnancy is physically more demanding than the last. I had my first child at age 33, my last at age 39. Older age makes an enormous difference and not in a good way.

3. She has 2 small children already at home. Here is what you cannot understand. Little kids are an enormous amount of work, they don’t give a crap how their mom is feeling (that’s YOUR job) and they are demanding and needy 24/7/365 with ZERO breaks.

YOU get a break from the chaos by going off to work and by going off to the gym, lucky you. She is exhausted from being pregnant and having to feed, change, mind and keep safe your other little heathens, who are exploring everything, putting whatever they come across in their mouths, demanding feeding on demand, pooping, dirtying everything and trying to KILL themselves and sometimes each other with ZERO awareness about mom’s condition. This is what kids do. Rearing young children is awful in many ways, and on top of that it is often thankless.

Congratulations on confirming to your wife that not only are you not understanding of her situation you are a demanding ass hole who doesn’t give a shjt about her and you not only don’t lead, you are disrespectful to boot, so she is disrespectful to you out of her own self respect.

You care more about tidiness than you do about her.

That is the message you are sending loud and clear.

Your message is DEHUMANIZING to your wife.

And much of your behavior previously points to this as well.

THAT is why she is angry. Really angry. Any woman worth her salt would be under such circumstances.

Next post I shall tell you how to deal with it IF you want to have an intact family.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok. Now having saved you the roasting you’ll certainly get at RP Reddit and elsewhere, here is what you do if you want to save things.

1. You stop ignoring her calls.

You need to conversate & communicate with her. Starting with a sincere apology owning your own immaturity and unawareness of what she is going through (because obviously you have NO idea).

Take her calls or call her and arrange a time to talk. Better yet,

2. Call a babysitter and make a dinner reservation. Do that BEFORE you call her. It will be a meaningful gesture that will be a welcome surprise for her.

3. Good marriages are not iron fist dictatorships. They are collaborative. Stop dictating & start listening. If she is not heard (does not FEEL heard)? You are not going to have an intact family.

4. Get your parents OUT of your marriage. It’s none of their business. If they want to babysit the kids once in a while? Great. But they are not raising the children, you and your wife are. Your wife must be your confidant and your partner in this. You make decisions together, you ask if you can help her with things while she is pregnant and not feeling 100%.

I mean how hard is it for you to do a household chore or two?

My son once flushed an entire container of Q-tips down the toilet. Guess what that does in your toilets p trap? Why it makes a beaver dam. And in short order you have bodily waste overflowing everywhere and plunging won’t help. Nope. That toilet had to be removed from the floor and physically cleared. Nevermind the awful mess that had to be cleaned up. Those situations are what your wife deals with all day everyday. And she loves those little hellions and she loves you. But you do not treat her like a human or a partner and then you wonder why you are getting attitude. You are getting attitude because she cares about herself, even when you don’t.

But that will not last long. You are actively running your ship aground and it’s about to be everyone for themselves.

If you treat your wife with kindness, she will return the favor. But you are the leader and it starts with you.

You need to eat some crow here my dear and apologize, unconditionally. Only then does your marriage stand a chance. And you’ve got to have a major paradigm shift yourself, and that is much harder. Marriage matures people, often kicking & screaming. Why not stop the blaming and start listening. That will go a long long way.

 

[BeExcellent]

Why do women post on men's boards?

You have an ignore button. Feel free to use it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why do women post on men's boards?

To give men uncomfortable truths they don't want to hear but need to usually.

 

[BeExcellent]

Why do women post on men's boards?

Really I’m explaining the physical aspects of pregnancy that men cannot relate to regarding pregnancy and echoing much of what the guys are saying. Marriage is a 2 way street as you know.

Also as the leader you get what you give. If you are disrespectful? Disrespect is reflected back at you. OP *thinks* he has changed, and maybe he has, but there is a lag time before she will believe the new you is the real you.

That’s why it’s better to act like a gentleman (in the real sense of the word) from the beginning. Course correction later once kids and stresses on family life come home to roost is no small feat.

It can be done but it requires great communication and teamwork, and he can’t revert to ass hole mode or it resets the whole process because it destroys emotional trust.

I deal with this some in my marriage (d I c k behavior). He gets what he gives reflected back.

He doesn’t like what he gets back? Gee. Maybe don’t come at me in the first place. Be kind. In a marriage the game changes. Kindness is very very important if you’d like a happy Union.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

BOUNDARIES AND LIMITATIONS.

You need to understand that you can't just argue with your wife, you need to know how to argue with her, you two need to come together and learn how to communicate properly.

3 kids in 3 years is nuts my guy, not only this but you don't even know how to argue or communicate with this person... What the **** are you doing my guy?

Boundaries and limitations sometimes means applying them to ourselves or having self discipline, which it sounds like you have none bro, it sounds like your wife is probably burnt the hell out.

#1: You need to get yourself under control and start letting her apply her own boundaries and limitations to you, it sounds like you just own this person, that is not healthy.

She needs to be a participant in this... I give her allowance.... You sound like your talking about one of your kids, bruh this is the mother of your children.

I hate to sound like this but you should be outright ashamed of yourself, like this sounds like it borders on psychopathy, go to marriage counselling or maybe even just seek counselling yourself first.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

And still the oldest teenager in the house...

See, your approaching this from your own stand point where you have your own value still, you haven't become complacent, your talking to other women still.

OP is clearly not doing any of these things, just by the way he framed the post you can tell she's put him directly into scarcity.

You are trying to apply an abundance mindset to a guy who has jailed himself into scarcity through his own choices, there's no congruence, I mean you can just tell OP is a controlling beta.

Not to be a **** to the guy either, I could be wrong but just the way the post is framed makes it seem that way, if so he just needs to bend his ass over at this point, yeah it's not gonna be fun but good luck being older, fat N broke in the single market as a divorcee.

Apologies if I'm wrong @Alpheta