Marriage and dating issue - need advice.

[Tenzen]

Op, i’d take this from a different angle.

How much time have you spent away from your wife during the past year or so, when sex started going away?

My perspective on the situation is you see each other far too much and your needs create a situation where shes constantly presured by your presense to please you. You have your own business, why not use that as an excuse to go travel somewhere 2 weeks minimum for “business”, the longer the better. Even if you dont have clients wherever you go book some meetings with potential ones, etc. your kids are old enough to not require both parents watching them. And this way you have plently of time to hit on tail somewhere far from your wife, all the while gives your wife’s hamster wheel to start turning in a good way. She needs to experience what weeks / months feel without you for her to want to change things for the better such as her working out / working on herself. Also you wont have to agree to the trap of her allowing to have sex with another girl. Ideally you get your ego stroked / bang some girls on the trip And/or you come home to your wife begging for sex or the very least she has thought long and hard about what life is like without you, since you werent there, that she will actually try to drop those pounds, and make sex more regular. If a trip doesnt work, i’d get that lawyer ready for the worst case scenario.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This much I am sure of (facts):

She has no desire for sex from another guy.
She has no desire for sex-period.

Then post her contact info and let the guys here chat with her. I would lay my money down against the idea that your wife cannot desire sex with anyone just because she does not desire it with you. It may be a fact that she told you that, and not a lie in that she likely believed what she is saying, but that is not the same as being the absolute truth.

Before you abandon ship on this relationship, have you asked yourself, maybe she's bored because you are boring? If your sex life has only been 'insert Tab A into Slot B. Repeat until Solution C appears,' then maybe that is the problem. Do something kinky with her that does not involve her vagina. Then jack off on her face. LTR sex life has to reinvent itself on occasion, or else it will inevitably go stale.

 

[AJ84]

No doubt what GHF said, marriage for men, in the end, is a losing proposition - a no win situation. Just by it's very nature it goes against all biological laws. It's like selling your soul when you say "I do". The wife ends up being the pleasure giver or "dries up" with the slip of the tongue. Talk about abusive!

I do have concerns about the poisoned gift though. I think I may start a relationship with a good divorce lawyer just in case. Can't hurt to have some duck in order.

Good idea. The more I read the more it seems like you want to check out of the marriage anyway.

 

[4evehayoung]

I am not sure what gives you the idea that I want to check out. The whole concept behind this thread was to get feedback from the forum on the possibility of me dating and being married working. I was looking to see if anyone else has tried this because I have heard of "open" or "polygamous"marriages getting some traction. My last comment was to just "start" a relationship with a lawyer that knows what I can and cant do with this and be prepared if the poison apple shows up when I hook up. Look, the best case scenario would be this arrangement to work out and we both are happy and no messy divorce where the lawyers get all the money. Even though she gave me the hall pass, I am concerned with the way she said it. Sort of an unsure way but I attribute that to the uncertainty factor I mentioned before. RFK said "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly". No doubt it's a risk (she's risking that I won't dump her if I find a steady piece of ass and I'm risking she won't turn hostile on me) but if we both think that this arrangement will help save our marriage then why not give it a try? We are assuming here that we are being honest. There is a certain amount of trust required for any LTR to work and we both need to be honest about what we desire the outcome to be. That outcome we agreed is to try to stay together and be happy and prosperous.

 

[AJ84]

I am not sure what gives you the idea that I want to check out. The whole concept behind this thread was to get feedback from the forum on the possibility of me dating and being married working. I was looking to see if anyone else has tried this because I have heard of "open" or "polygamous"marriages getting some traction. My last comment was to just "start" a relationship with a lawyer that knows what I can and cant do with this and be prepared if the poison apple shows up when I hook up. Look, the best case scenario would be this arrangement to work out and we both are happy and no messy divorce where the lawyers get all the money. Even though she gave me the hall pass, I am concerned with the way she said it. Sort of an unsure way but I attribute that to the uncertainty factor I mentioned before. RFK said "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly". No doubt it's a risk (she's risking that I won't dump her if I find a steady piece of ass and I'm risking she won't turn hostile on me) but if we both think that this arrangement will help save our marriage then why not give it a try? We are assuming here that we are being honest. There is a certain amount of trust required for any LTR to work and we both need to be honest about what we desire the outcome to be. That outcome we agreed is to try to stay together and be happy and prosperous.

When you wrote this:

“The fact is my marriage is somewhat difficult now and I am trying to change that now. I feel good about taking action instead of sitting around moaning about it. George Patton said "A good plan acted upon now is better than a perfect plan later." I am trying to be as careful as I can because there is a lot at stake. What's the saying - "It's cheaper to keeper 'er" ? I have seen it happen more than once. It may be cheaper but I'm not happy. What is the price for that?”

The condition for the marriage to continue is you sleeping with other women, based on a void that you have and it’s a real void and a very valid void (no sex). She knows she is being selfish by denying you sex and this is her way of letting you have it. But this decision, based on filling a void risks eroding the marriage.

There is a chance you will find someone and catch feelings because given the context with which this is all going down, you are vulnerable to having that happen.

That’s why is may be better to hook up with women who are married or in LTR and have zero intentions of leaving, or hook up with women already in long established poly relationships. At least that way there’s a better chance that there will be clear boundaries and more of an arrangement.

 

[AJ84]

I think if you want to do this and minimize a lot of bad first dates or any emotional issues, you need to approach the demographic of women most likely to be fine with sleeping with a married man, and that’s sugar babies ( young hot women but you have to pay), married women, cuck fetish couples and swingers.

Because think about it, do you think the average woman is 1) going to believe you when you say your wife is letting you sleep with other woman and 2) be ok with that?

Really consider the most likely demographic of women where you will find the most success. What you are looking for is a clear, no strings arrangement. FWB, plates etc are not that, as you can see from over half the posts here on plates and FWBs.

Good luck.

 

[Spaz]

Well @AJ84 , you seem emotionally invested in this thread..

Is there a problem with a grown married man wanting another available pvssy that you need to implant ideas which one is good for him ?

 

[AJ84]

Well @AJ84 , you seem emotionally invested in this thread..

Is there a problem with a grown married man wanting another available pvssy that you need to implant ideas which one is good for him ?

He’s specifically asking for advice is he not?

So basically, yes, I’m planting ideas for him to try.

That’s kind of how threads go when someone is asking for suggestions and ideas, I mean....:/.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Game acquired friends, wings, women, ons, ltrs, fwbs, etc.

Chat up everyone. Be a "yes man" adventure. Take every opportunity, accept invites, put self in new environments.

Do you even lift? If so, check group classes. Its 110% women. Classes like yoga are a goldmine. Gyms are full of same people, regulars, tons of dudes, and lots of women. A random dude will spot you on a lift. You can meet women getting fit. Preferably, i rather friend in said predicament, pinball through social circle rather than pull in my regular vicinity. This isn't to say, i wont pull at my gym. It just preferable to be selective. Ive picked up chicjs outside the gym and on the way in. Its high risk given the clinate today and in general.

Finally, reconnect with old friends. Look at new job opportunities. Begin a dide hustle. Aim at setup and lifestyle. Learn from sources like Rollo but think fir yourself. Anybody marruer + dating coach should be setting off your spider senses.

 

[4evehayoung]

Thanks again all, I do want to mention that I realize a change in lifestyle is in order. I have been overhauling my wardrobe, trying out new colognes, etc., since last summer. I also realize this is not going to happen overnight and I need to spend time and $$ to be successful at this. I'm working on setting up my "love shack" and been experimenting with cruising the grocery store and practicing flirting just about everywhere I go. I have been having a lot of fun with the flirting in the grocery store and it's helping me get into a confident groove approaching and initializing conversation with women. I also have tried Tinder but so far only the failed coffee date. Any suggestions on what attracts women on Tinder? What I like about Tinder is they don't make you post your marital status or age. As far as a career change goes, that's not happening for a while because I have owned and operated a successful business for over 30 years and love what I do. I am blessed and lucky in that regard. I am however, starting a craft micro brewery with 2 friends (one is a master brewer) at my commercial property and have plans in motion to back out and eventually sell my main business in 5 years or so. I'm thinking the brewery could lead to some exciting opportunities with the women. We are planing to open in the spring.

What I am really looking for now is to find out more about "open marriages" and polygamous relationships. I keep hearing about these gaining traction. Anyone out there involved in that type of relationship? I have read that women would share a good Alpha over settling on a Beta.

 

[AJ84]

Thanks again all, I do want to mention that I realize a change in lifestyle is in order. I have been overhauling my wardrobe, trying out new colognes, etc., since last summer. I also realize this is not going to happen overnight and I need to spend time and $$ to be successful at this. I'm working on setting up my "love shack" and been experimenting with cruising the grocery store and practicing flirting just about everywhere I go. I have been having a lot of fun with the flirting in the grocery store and it's helping me get into a confident groove approaching and initializing conversation with women. I also have tried Tinder but so far only the failed coffee date. Any suggestions on what attracts women on Tinder? What I like about Tinder is they don't make you post your marital status or age. As far as a career change goes, that's not happening for a while because I have owned and operated a successful business for over 30 years and love what I do. I am blessed and lucky in that regard. I am however, starting a craft micro brewery with 2 friends (one is a master brewer) at my commercial property and have plans in motion to back out and eventually sell my main business in 5 years or so. I'm thinking the brewery could lead to some exciting opportunities with the women. We are planing to open in the spring.

What I am really looking for now is to find out more about "open marriages" and polygamous relationships. I keep hearing about these gaining traction. Anyone out there involved in that type of relationship? I have read that women would share a good Alpha over settling on a Beta.

I’m sure there are websites for open marriages etc where you can find women in your area. May be helpful too to read forums on the topic and get feedback there from members, not sure how many here are in those kinds of relationships.

Make it clear that you are looking for an arrangement sexual in nature and not looking for a relationships. Some of these set ups are relationship based (not just sexual hook ups).

Have fun

 

[4evehayoung]

Awesome. Perhaps take some of that good energy back to your Mrs too, eh? Same thing, wind-her up, make her feel naughty and that.

There might just be some life in her yet, mate

I'm not giving up hope, winners never quit-quitters never win. I'm doing my best

 

[4evehayoung]

So I've been doing some foundation work like upgrading my wardrobe, trying new hair cuts, new cologne, and setting up my "love shack. I have been wondering about shaving my balls or not. 25 years ago guys did not even think of doing that, and thought that hair and masculinity go together - that women dug it. Now I'm not sure if it will be a deal breaker or not. Any thoughts?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So I've been doing some foundation work like upgrading my wardrobe, trying new hair cuts, new cologne, and setting up my "love shack. I have been wondering about shaving my balls or not. 25 years ago guys did not even think of doing that, and thought that hair and masculinity go together - that women dug it. Now I'm not sure if it will be a deal breaker or not. Any thoughts?

Balls hang lower. Less hair for odor. More likely to be played with and sucked. Do it if you feel like it.

 

[4evehayoung]

I think I'm going to try it without shaving and see how it goes. I really don't want to unless It's an obvious obstacle.

What do you think about having my own place to go to? As you know the wife green lighted me to meet and have sex with other women but does not care to have me entertaining at my home (understandably so). I have an office space that I was going to turn into a show room for my business but it's turning out I really don't need it for that. I am making plans to convert it into a cozy private office/crib. It does have it's own bathroom and kitchenette but no bath/shower. I imagine it would be an asset but it will take some time to get the work done. In the mean time what are my options? Is going to her place wise? Motel room?