Marriage advice

[Epimanes]

Thats exactly what happened... plus a crap ton of arguments. I was a hurting at first when we split but now im glad we did. Just took a bit to heal and for the realization that it wasnt as much me as she claimed as it was her that spiraled us into our decline after 25yrs together.... im happy now and shes stilll miserable as ever.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thats exactly what happened... plus a crap ton of arguments. I was a hurting at first when we split but now im glad we did. Just took a bit to heal and for the realization that it wasnt as much me as she claimed as it was her that spiraled us into our decline after 25yrs together.... im happy now and shes stilll miserable as ever.

She's miserable because she was using "over powering" you to boost her self. Pull you out of the equation and she's going to feel like sh1t because theres no more "you" to artifically over power, and your going to feel great because she was artificially lowering you.

What parts of your discipline were the most critical pieces into having her want to start giving herself to you again? It sounds like you really stopped caring and doing your own thing and on her own she desired you.

 

[Buzzman]

I used to post here back in the days I was a pickup artist. Now I've been with the same woman for 14 years and married for 11.

We hit our first big patch of trouble here recently.. not sure how deep a dive i wont to go into details of what caused it. In any event i'm at the need to give her alot of space part of the conflict resolution. We were having a really elevated level of sex this year since covid hit and there was nothing else to do lol. But now I'm cut off.. and i guess i'm wondering the best tips to get the passion off after say a month of pretty serious arguments and fighting.

Most people are really focusing on the minimal convo/contact for a while until everything cools down. One other married friend said he and his wife have had arguments that went on for 2 weeks and led to them only communicating minimally and mainly texting while in the same house.

We have a daughter together and she is 7 and awesome, so i kind of just want to focus on being the best dad for her now and avoid divorce. Sorry to be so vague on what caused all of this, but i will admit i have developed some anger issues related to it and i'm going to see a psychologist over it tomorrow for the first time.

Best tips for increasing my value and attraction for her...

Id take a step back. Be your own man. Learn to box. Take boxing classes. It will really help. Dont let her negative looks deter you. If you say you are going to do something... then do it.
Read "the manipulated man" and "womens infidelity".

I think they will help you see what you are really dealing with.
Meaning, women ate playing 3d chess and men are playing checkers.

Dont put her on a pedestal. I grew up being taught that mentality and it is b.s. you are a person as much as she is.

Be away. Go golfing. Get some buddies you can do guy only things with. Even if she gives uba hard time... if you say u are going golfing saturday... then do it. Be gone and sont let her displeasute deter you.

Let her know that her approval does not affect you. You are who you are. You do what you want. You are a man.

Be happy. Be pleasant. Talking about things will only make it worse. When she is asking you where u were ... then its starting to work.

Dont get to mad or too happy with her. Treat her like shes a 12 year old girl. You dont need to explain to her.

Dont kneel to her. Be strong. Be courteous. Let her know that if you dont have her.... the sun will rise tomorrow.

Heads up buddy.

 

[Ricky]

Things are getting more peaceful and marginally better each day. I am staying focused on other things and my only weak point now seems to be evenings when fatigue sets in. I have to guard myself at those times because thats when i am most likely to start arguments.

I need to work on my book today. Have the day off work again so have the time. Friends have been great about calling, however i need to scale back talking about the problems with them as it raises my anxiety. I know my marriage is gonna survive i just want to be the one in the drivers seat again and in most ways i am other than some of her current coldness at times. She is warming up and doing things for me like a rational human being would now at least.

Also the amount of time she is spending on the phone has started to decrease pretty dramatically. I am starving the oxygen of the fire of drama that led to her calling so many friends

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Things are getting more peaceful and marginally better each day. I am staying focused on other things and my only weak point now seems to be evenings when fatigue sets in. I have to guard myself at those times because thats when i am most likely to start arguments.

I need to work on my book today. Have the day off work again so have the time. Friends have been great about calling, however i need to scale back talking about the problems with them as it raises my anxiety. I know my marriage is gonna survive i just want to be the one in the drivers seat again and in most ways i am other than some of her current coldness at times. She is warming up and doing things for me like a rational human being would now at least.

Also the amount of time she is spending on the phone has started to decrease pretty dramatically. I am starving the oxygen of the fire of drama that led to her calling so many friends

Don't talk about your issues especially to those around you. Many originally supportive will gain contempt if you keep complaining. Even if your right. Talk about your positive steps and whats making you happy.

 

[Lookatu]

Friends have been great about calling, however i need to scale back talking about the problems with them as it raises my anxiety.

I know friends mean well but they aren't necessarily that knowledgable or have questinable advice for something they may have not been through. Just tread carefully in discussing these with them.

Also realize this pandemic has everyone bitching/complaining about their problems to everyone so it's easy for people to get complaint overload and not really listen or zone out when you are speaking about some. Just be mindful of that as well.

But glad to hear things are improving.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Don't /thread

Insert tom cruise lol gif hurrrrrr!

 

[Ricky]

Had 4 consecutive days of peace and then a couple days with arguments.

Its amazing how much anger she has from issues in our past. I am not sure when or how this will be resolved. Right now trying to talk to her about relationship issue is a disaster so obviously should be avoided at all costs

Next two weeks should be busy at work and i will be onsite at work so that should help minimize our interactions.

 

[Lookatu]

Had 4 consecutive days of peace and then a couple days with arguments.

Its amazing how much anger she has from issues in our past. I am not sure when or how this will be resolved. Right now trying to talk to her about relationship issue is a disaster so obviously should be avoided at all costs

Next two weeks should be busy at work and i will be onsite at work so that should help minimize our interactions.

Remind her that you are always looking ahead for solutions and not sulking or interested in moving backwards to the past.

Don't let her irrational thinking suck you into her mindset or have her use the past to further guilt you in anyway. What's done is done. It's how you want to move forward that counts. Females are excellent at feeling victimized and it usually involves something from the past.

 

[Ricky]

Yes she plays the victim card hard and cites examples from our 14 years together. I have to not get angry, quit interrupting her when she is on the phone and learn to let things go myself.

I do well for several days and things get calmer then she sets me off somehow

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Had 4 consecutive days of peace and then a couple days with arguments.

Its amazing how much anger she has from issues in our past. I am not sure when or how this will be resolved. Right now trying to talk to her about relationship issue is a disaster so obviously should be avoided at all costs

Next two weeks should be busy at work and i will be onsite at work so that should help minimize our interactions.

Thought you had a few fun and fulfilling things you like to do and groups to hang around that could take all of your extra time? Just do you, it makes no sense at all to discuss any of these things. If anything you want to be so busy that you don't have any time for her. She will probably start to miss you after a few weeks, if not a few days in a row.

 

[Ricky]

Yeah it may take a few weeks for her to miss me. She definitely can binge watch soap operas and binge talk to people....

Not to mention she actually went 3 months (thought it was one month) without talking to her aunt after a fight years ago when she lived with he. She definitely has this tough girl independence about her that makes it challenging at times. The flip side of that is that she has always given me alot of freedom. Thats probably because she isnt needy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah it may take a few weeks for her to miss me. She definitely can binge watch soap operas and binge talk to people....

Not to mention she actually went 3 months (thought it was one month) without talking to her aunt after a fight years ago when she lived with he. She definitely has this tough girl independence about her that makes it challenging at times. The flip side of that is that she has always given me alot of freedom. Thats probably because she isnt needy.

She isn't needy because she leans on all of those other people for emotional needs. That's the reason for that. If it was only you, you would probably think she is needy.

 

[Ricky]

Yeah thats probably true. She spends alot of time talking to friends in her native tongue

I look forward to January when she plans to go back to school and take some classes. Almost feel like i just need to survive until then and things will improve.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah thats probably true. She spends alot of time talking to friends in her native tongue

I look forward to January when she plans to go back to school and take some classes. Almost feel like i just need to survive until then and things will improve.

You don't have a couple of hobbies that you haven't put the time into or things you really wanted to do? Alot of times when a husband "ignores" a wife it's not intentional. He's into his "thing".

 

[Ricky]

Guitar is always a great hobby. If i crank it up it has the side benefit of drowning out her phone calls

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Guitar is always a great hobby. If i crank it up it has the side benefit of drowning out her phone calls

And i'm sure you do it cause you LOVE it. I bet it feels ****ing beautiful to manage that thing.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

I like this.. the mind is the worst enemy for sure.. I always focus on some of the worst outcomes.. and somehow ended up crashing into them.. (dont hit the wall with the car.... crash... shatter..)

That book was awesome! I'm using the technique in my trading right now. I want to start telling my story w/ this honey i've been interested in but I can't figure out how to began a new post? It might be obvious but I overlook this dumb shet.

She came over to the house yesterday I need to discuss w/ other players.

Show me a screenshot where to click I may have to wait cuz I'm damn busy w/ everything and I have only so much cover on these matters.