Man's Best Friend Isn't a Dog, It's Competition Anxiety

[STR8UP]

This is one of those theories that's been running through my head lately. I doubt anyone will deny that competition anxiety is a powerful tool to stir a woman's emotions, but I don't think most guys realize just how powerful it is.

The side of competition anxiety that gets discussed the most is how it pertains to amping up women's attraction levels.

I have seen this play out firsthand, and it is indeed one of the best tools in a man's arsenal, but recently I have been witness to another side of competition anxiety that doesn't get quite as much attention- the side that keeps a woman in check.

I bring up the concept of "leverage" quite often on here. In any kind of adversarial relationship (business, romantic) when you have leverage, you have power. Lose your leverage, and the other party gains power. I firmly believe that in order to ensure the security of any long term relationship, you must always have leverage over the other party. In business this might mean being the best of the best, where, lets say, a business partner KNOWS that you bring a lot to the table and he could stand to lose substantially if the relationship is damaged. It could also be "dirt" that you have on someone. The net effect is the same- your hand is strong.

In romantic relationships it can also be the fact that your value is through the roof, that your chick would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize her standing with you.

That's kind of a given, but as with having "value" compared to having "dirt" on someone in a business relationship, in a romantic relationship there is an arguably more "down and dirty" way that leverage (via competition anxiety) can work to a man's advantage.

I hadn't paid much attention to this side of things until recently, but after discussing a certain matter with my business partner (whom I possess leverage over because I effen ROCK) I realized that I was watching it play out right in front of my face, or more accurately I was INVOLVED in the situation as an unwitting participant.

I told him that I had noticed a change in the behavior of a friend of ours' girlfriend.

It seems that lately, she is trying to use ME to make her b/f jealous.

This is something that isn't necessarily new- she has done this in the past, but recently she brought out the big guns and it seems as if she is deliberately trying to assert some leverage of her own.

I mentioned to my business partner that lately this girl seemed to be doing things to intentionally try to get a rise out of her b/f. I told him that I was at a party at their house the other day, and she asked me for a ride to the store to pick up some ice. I told her "no problem" and as we were leaving, my friend (the b/f) made a comment how this would be the first time she got to ride in my car (I have a unique vehicle). She replied "Oh no, this isn't the first time....I've ridden in it before". I don't even remember if she has or hasn't, but the way she said it made it a slightly awkward moment for me.

Anyway, the three of us are walking out to the driveway, and as I'm walking to my car with the g/f, my buddy makes a smart remark to her, but not loud enough that we could really hear it. She asks him what he said and he just smirked, so she says to him "Hey baby, you want me to suck your balls?", followed by "Right after I suck STR8UP.....".

Now I know it sounds "bad" for her to say something like that, but in reality we all joke around "in that way", so it wasn't so much what she said that was shocking, it was the fact that I could tell she was trying to get a rise out of him that made this situation different.

Later that day after I told my business partner about this, he came up to me and said "I know EXACTLY why she was acting that way."

I'm going to tell you what he thought was going on and how this all pertains to this post, but first the back story-

This friend of ours is "well off". He makes good money, he also has "family money" from a couple of inheritances, AND he's got GAME.

It's the deadly combo. He's the life of the party, and he THROWS parties at his big ass house that sits on a lake, with a pool and a wakeboarding boat docked out back on the lake. He is the epitome of "high value"

He has been with his g/f for a few years now, but somehow during the time he was dating her HE MANAGED TO MOVE HIS EX G/F INTO A SPARE BEDROOM.

Being a high value male, he pulled this off for a couple of years. Yes, he actually had a LTR with one chick while he lived with his ex, but recently the ex MOVED OUT.

That's a brief synopsis.

In case you haven't figured out where this is going, my business partner nailed it. The reason why the g/f is all of the sudden flaunting this in her b/f's face is because THE EX MOVED OUT.

He had leverage over the g/f with the competition anxiety that was created by having another woman (an EX at that!) living under the same roof.

And there we have it. Man has power. Man LOSES power. Woman sees opportunity and exploits it.

Basically, now that there is no immediate threat to her relationship living two doors down on the other side of the kitchen, she has more room to exercise HER leverage by initiating competition anxiety of her own!

It kind of sucks for me because I like them both, and I don't want anything to do with their little power game, but it is VERY interesting to watch it play out right in front of me.

She is actually helping me out with something tomorrow night and my buddy will be working so he won't be around, which kind of sucks cause it exacerbates the situation. I'm tempted to have a little talk with her, but it would probably make the situation even worse.

Anyway, the point of this thread is that competition anxiety can be useful in attracting a woman AND keeping them in check. I recommend EVERY man cultivate this before AND during a relationship. It's one of the most powerful tools you have as a man for getting what you want from women.

On a side note- if your chick tries to pull this on you (and most of them do, some more subtle than others), best thing to do is to let it roll off your back. There is no doubt in my mind that this particular chick is bluffing and even if I were to throw down on her she wouldn't be having any of it, but when it gets under his skin it lets her know she has the power to pull his strings.

Leverage fellas, leverage.

 

[Jitterbug]

I think you're just over-complicating & over-analyzing it.

Your buddy has been rubbing it in his GF's face for a long time with his ex-GF living there. Now he's just getting a taste of his own medicine.

If he can dish it out, he can take it. It's only fair.

 

[Irs88]

interesting read..

"if your chick tries to pull this on you (and most of them do, some more subtle than others), best thing to do is to let it roll off your back."

what do you mean "roll off your back?" Can you elaborate? thanks!

 

[romangod]

Man's best friend is his dog.



Cheers!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

He had leverage over the g/f with the competition anxiety that was created by having another woman (an EX at that!) living under the same roof.

Women would rather share a successful Man than be attached to a faithful loser - Pook

The Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, whether romantic, personal, business or familial, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

It's odd that this should come up today as it's my 13th wedding anniversary with my wife. One of the most common things I'm asked on SS is "how do you keep the marriage fresh Rollo?" Among my responses to this is usually how, contrary to the advice column Oprah-standard answer, a good relationship should be effortless. All of this "marriage is a constant work" is bullsh!t meant to keep a husband in a constant state of qualifying for his wife's intimacy intended for her long term frame retention. Women in marriage and LTRs want to push past that competition anxiety, they want security, not just financial, but emotional and the security that comes from knowing they are the only source of sex & intimacy for their spouse/partner.

One of the reasons sexual frequency declines for women after a romantic commitment is that the urgency of sex that was necessary prior to the commitment is replaced with the agency of sex being a reward / reinforcer within that LTR. In single, uncommitted, non-exclusive life, sex, while being very enjoyable, becomes a proving ground for most women. In essence, it's the free samples before the buy, and its urgency is fueled not only by (hopefully) genuine attraction, but also the at least subconscious knowing that they are in a sexual marketplace of competition. It's one of the few times when a woman must qualify for a man's approval. And admittedly, most men are so sex-deprived or so inexperienced early on in life that the sell is usually not a tough one for her. However, on some level of consciousness she is aware that she could be replaced by a better competitor.

This then is the contrast for committed sexual interaction. The dynamic now shifts from qualification sex to utility sex. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, yes, sex is still enjoyable, it can still be passionate, and she can definitely want it, but the impetus shifts. Sex is now a tool. In her uncommitted sex life it was a tool for qualification; in her LTR life it's a tool for compliance. This is pretty obvious, and it may be more or less extreme depending upon the woman's disposition or how important a particular issue is to her, but make no mistake, there isn't a woman on the planet who doesn't take her sexual agency into account when dealing with her LTR / husband. That agency may be more or less valuable - dependent upon her looks, demeanor, sexual availability, etc. - in comparison to the man she's paired with.

And this is where the Cardinal Rule of Relationships plays in. This is the constant interplay of vying for who is more dependent upon the other. Women have for the past 50+ years made a concerted effort, and using social conventions, to establish their sexuality as the end-all for men in power. Vagina = Authority and this is what all too many men parrot back and self-reinforce. "Change, do it, sublimate your desires, or there wont be any nookie for you tonight mister!" And on the surface it seems intuitive to 'keep the peace' and finish all the things on her honey-do list in the hopes that she'll recover even a fraction of the desire she had when you were single, childless and getting blow jobs in the car after a date because she couldn't wait to get home to ƒuck you.

Well LTR gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that, yes, you do in fact have an intrinsic upper hand in this regard if you're fearless and willing to exercise your power. What I described in the last paragraph seems to be the most intuitive - do what she says = get sex - so it should come as no shock that the answer to it is counterintuitive. You must find ways to, subtly, return back to the state of competition anxiety she had in the beginning. I emphasize subtly, because, as with most everything else female, doing so overtly will be met with hostility. To get more sex, to retain the frame, to inspire more respect in her, you must disengage from her. That doesn't mean becoming aloof, or sulking, or becoming an A-Hole; those are OVERT signs and methods. What is needed is incremental reassertion of yourself as the primary AND that her sexual agency, while still welcomed, is not a motivator for your own decisions.

I'm fond of saying no vagina is worth years of regret, yet this is exactly where most men find themselves, because they are either unwilling or unable to rock the vagina boat. They fail to understand that a woman's imagination is the most powerful tool in the DJ's toolbox. Now, the deductive and obvious way of stimulating that imagination would be to blurt out and say "look b!tch, your pussie's not made of gold and there are plenty of other girls ready to polish my nob if you don't straighten up, see?" And this of course is met with either resistance or shame from her. What serves a Man better is to make incremental changes in himself that she will perceive as attractive to other women. Women want to be with Men who other women want to ƒuck, and other men want to be, but this cuts both ways. The more empowered he becomes, the better physical shape he attains, the more professional achievements he gathers, the more valuable he makes himself, the more anxiety is produce - and this is anxiety she can't argue against.

One of the first things I tell men trapped in a her-frame relationship is to get to the gym, train hard, look better. This has two effects; first it makes her interest is ƒucking increase, and second it fires up that imagination. "Why is he doing this? He's really looking better these days, I see it, other women must too. Maybe I need to start working out? Gosh those girls at the gym look so much better than me." She can't argue with a healthy desire to look better, feel better, and be concerned with your health.

Don't accept that her sexuality is the authority of the relationship. The better you make yourself the more authority you command, the more you abdicate to her the less authority (and respect) you command. Women need to be told "NO", in fact they want you to tell them "NO", especially in light of the 800 pound gorilla in the room - her sexual agency. When a woman controls the LTR frame with her vagina, it's always going to color your dealings with her. THIS IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE. It becomes this ever-present, unspoken understanding that she can ultimately play the pussie card and you'll comply. And while this may gratify her in the short term, you will lose her respect in the long term. She wants to be told "NO" in spite of you knowing she's going to hold out on you. This is the ultimate repudiation of her sexual agency - "if he says "NO" with the foreknowledge that he's not getting any, my sexual powers are devalued." If her sexual agency is called into question it leaves room for doubt and opens the door once again for competition anxiety to creep back in.

In the end, who cares if you don't get laid for a week? It's well worth the price for increasing her respect for you as a commodity, and increasingly, an authority. If you want to maintain that anxiety, you must perpetuate yourself as being a commodity women will compete for, even in commitment.

 

[ketostix]

RT makes a good point about women believing their vagina is their main tool or agent of leverage over a man. One time I met up with this married woman (I don't remember her making clear she was married before I met up with her). Anyway, she ends up naked and wanting me to have sex with her and I turn it down simply by just not showing any interest in having sex with her. She instantly and very obviously knew she had no leverage or power over me. Women know that their pvssy is the main agentof leverage they have and if you are willing to pass it up, then they know they have zero power or influence over you.

You don't actually have to create competition, just show her some disinterest and her imagination fills in that there's competition. Disinterest is my counter to women's sexual agent. Being subtle and covert is key too.

But I want to add that the very fact that women strongly feel competition anxiety is evidence that their goal is not to share a man. Their goal is to beat out all other women.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

This is gold.

Yes, we must always remember that no matter how high she may stick her nose in the air, we always have the power to stick her nose in sh!t, like she wants us to. As long as we wield it like men.

 

[STR8UP]

Irs88- you let it roll off your back by shrugging it off. If you let her see that it gets to you, she knows he holds the cards.

But I want to add that the very fact that women strongly feel competition anxiety is evidence that their goal is not to share a man. Their goal is to beat out all other women.

This is where you are missing it.

Women don't WANT to share anything; they simply know that they HAVE to share certain men or they get nothing. Second best isn't good enough, and if they do "settle" for second best chances are VERY good they will seek out better genes post-nuptial.

Of course the goal is to beat out other women, but chicks aren't like dudes....they have mechanisms in place that allow them to delude themselves into believing the lies.

A chick I know was seeing this wealthy dude who is often "out of town on business". He gave her a ring and asked her to marry him.

She told me the whole story, and the first thing that popped into my head was "MARRIED". I told her that straight out. "Ohhh no....that's not it at all!"

Well, come to find out he wasn't married, but she wasn't the only "fiancee".

Oh the shock and horror to discover what was right in front of her face!

You are listening too much to what women SAY. Actions belie their words.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You don't actually have to create competition, just show her some disinterest and her imagination fills in that there's competition.

Money. Reps.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women would rather share a successful Man than be attached to a faithful loser - Pook

I learned a very funny lesson once by posting this exact quote into a response I gave someone on Love Shack. Sweet Mother Mary did this set off the mob with torches and pitchforks! Every 'empowered' woman on LS shot back with "WHO THE FUKK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!! I would NEVER share any guy with another woman, I have FAR too much respect for myself to EVER do that!" And of course every sycophantic online male orbiter wanting to prove he was not-like-other-guys and identify with them popped off with the same back up. I think I got my first (heheh,.) ban due to this.

However, the lesson I learned was being overt in telling the truth. And the truth is one we already know; never base your estimate of a woman on what she says, but rather what she does. In my overt attempt to speak the truth I'm met with, not unexpectedly, the wrath of women trying to preserve their integrity, but out in the wild it's easy to come to the conclusion that women will in fact share a successful man in preference to being yoked to a faithful chump. Only a very precious few will overtly admit that, and most will deny it in an attempt not to seem shallow.

This is the nature of competition anxiety - it's another feminine achilles heel that they'd rather not have exposed. Otherwise men see the code in the Matrix and adjust their interpretations and behaviors accordingly. By remaining covert, by professing integrity, by maintaining a 'woman's prerogative' and unknowable mystique she can effectively say one thing and behave to the contrary all in order to best secure her own provisioning.

 

[jophil28]

You don't actually have to create competition, just show her some disinterest and her imagination fills in that there's competition. Disinterest is my counter to women's sexual agent. Being subtle and covert is key too.

I like to take it a little further with a new contender by creating a juxtaposition of sexual interest in her with a generous amount of indifference to the outcome...it works mostly.

 

[jonwon]

On a side note- if your chick tries to pull this on you (and most of them do, some more subtle than others), best thing to do is to let it roll off your back. There is no doubt in my mind that this particular chick is bluffing and even if I were to throw down on her she wouldn't be having any of it, but when it gets under his skin it lets her know she has the power to pull his strings.

Actually i've found its better to let her get on with it.
Give her that 'look' you know from the corner of your eye, smirk at her - walk off and do you own thing and let her carry on.

The look is one of communication, what your trying to communicate with the 'look'; is 'I know your game and what your playing, it aint going to work on me, infact if you keep it up, I may actually get bored of this and drop you".

Its like looking at a child when they do something wrong, it's kind of a look of; 'yeh I know what your up-to, but i'll think you need to learn this lesson the hard way, carry on'! but your really starting to bore me"

Yes women do this shi* all the time and it bores the pants of me personnally, so much infact, i'd probably walk off and wait for her to stop pis*ing about - I've even dated girls like this, one such girl got into my (male) friends bed (house share years ago) with just her underwear on to get a rise out of me - I simply give her that look, went up to my room and started browsing the internet and did not give her a second thought -

Twenty minutes later she comes up to my room like the cat who had found the milk, realized I really could not have given a fuc* - her ego was blown out then, she tells me they where talking (I never asked, she submitted the info, whilst I was doing my thing, I actually said to her when she came back "How's xxxx any good"? with a disinterested tone) - Its not that I trusted her (I trust NO woman) - its because I trust the guy, and I knew with her laying there he would have been shi**ing bricks (even so he could have fuc*ed her and I really would not have cared in the slightest at all, I really mean that) - hence She did not do it again, because she realized it awarded ZERO power for her and infact it actually bored me -

If you start acting jealouse, controlling, effected it's what they are after, act disinterested, bored and thinking 'silly cow, I can read you like a book' - ignore her like some perpetulant brat seeking attention, works far more then even letting it effect you in the first place.

I think it works great on women so well, because most of them are not fully mature anyway - it's like play-ground romance.

 

[STR8UP]

This "sharing a man" thing is one of those truths that even the most clued up rAFC will resist. It goes contrary to everything a woman SAYS, but all you have to do is look around and you will see it happening every day of the week.

I think it also goes back to perspective again. Guys who aren't as used to seeing this blatantly play out on front of them will resist the idea. But anyone who has seen the effects of high wealth/status/power/game firsthand can tell you that it's absolutely true. If you are the average married guy or in a relationship the last thing you want to think about is the possibility of your girl engaging in this sort of behavior, but they all do. You can't stop it all of the time, all you can hope to do is understand it and control it.

 

[Warrior74]

I gotta cosign this. One of my girls tried this one on me via text.

Her: When I'm not there, just make sure you're being careful
Me: What?
Her: Just make sure your using condoms
Me: I always do.
Her: *no response*

Since then she's been fvcking me like a porn star, calling me 5-6 times a day and telling me she's had dreams about us getting married. She knows she's not the only one and is trying hard to make it that way.

 

[STR8UP]

I gotta cosign this. One of my girls tried this one on me via text.

Her: When I'm not there, just make sure you're being careful
Me: What?
Her: Just make sure your using condoms
Me: I always do.
Her: *no response*

Since then she's been fvcking me like a porn star, calling me 5-6 times a day and telling me she's had dreams about us getting married. She knows she's not the only one and is trying hard to make it that way.

Excellent, excellent observation.

I've heard the same line before many times. The worst thing you can do is say "Awwww.....honey....you know you're the ONLY one for me!"

One of my plates travels a lot. I mean A LOT. Before she left she said something to the effect of "Don't be throwing that d!ck around when I'm away". The in the next sentence she's saying something to the effect of "Well if you do end up fukking other chicks you're going to let me know, right?" (this one is paranoid about STD's....she just wants to know she's "safe")

Another thing I have heard several times from serious girlfriends is "If you're going to cheat, I don't want to know about it".

I have heard this almost verbatim from more than one woman.

If that isn't a signed permission statement I don't know what is.

See, women KNOW the score. They expect men to cheat. Especially HIGH VALUE men. They just don't want it rubbed in their face, and they don't want their social circle to know about it. It's more important for her to maintain the illusion that she is the "one and only" in the eyes of her peers than for her to actually BE the one and only.

 

[ketostix]

Since then she's been fvcking me like a porn star, calling me 5-6 times a day and telling me she's had dreams about us getting married. She knows she's not the only one and is trying hard to make it that way.

See this is the key point. A woman wants the man that other women want. And she feels the competition, but her goal is to snag the man exclusively and not perpetually share him with other women. One of 3 things is going to happen. 1.) Eventually she'll realize that she can't win the guy exclusively and moves on. 2. She wins the guy but what was fueling her desire was competition and when she gets her prize she no longer wants it. 3.) she gets her prize and wants to keep him. With 3 she usually needs to be reminded that she is replaceable and she can go back to sqaure one.

This has nothing to do with want women say, that's a borderline shaming tactic to use here. It has to do with what women do. What I think some guys are confusing is the fact that she feels competition anxiety, and the fact that women tend to be attracted to the same types of men and also are attracted to a a man they see other women attracted to with their motivation. Her motivation isn't to share a guy. Her motivation is to beat out all the other women and acquire the man for herself.

Honestly you could also make the case that men would rather share a hot woman then be saddled with a faithful ugly girl. It wouldn't be correct and it's not what most men would say, but if you look at most men's behavior (chasing after hot girl who's a hor) you could come to that erroneous conclusion as well. But men's real goal is to acquire the hot girl exclusively.

The whole concept of competition anxiety necessitates jealousy and the goal of beating out your competition. If the goal was to share a man there would be no real competition anxiety. On the surface it looks like woman's behavior indicate they want to share a man but really it's almost the opposite. Women want to compete and beat out other women. I think this is a classic case of confusing cause and effect.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

you could also make the case that men would rather share a hot woman then be saddled with a faithful ugly girl.

Actually I'd rather have multiple root canals than be saddled with an ugly woman, but that might just be me,..


just saying,..

 

[DJDanny]

I just thought I would add, that yes, i now fully believe women would rather share a high value man then have their own faithful chump.

My relationship of 3 1/2 years recently fell apart mainly because I went from being a high value man to a low value man(mainly caused by depression, but whatever excuses are like a$$holes)

In conversations with my ex-wife, early on in our relationship, when I was the a social force, threw parties, interacted with people all the time, she told me she thought that I was cheating on her at times but didn't mention a thing and was head over heals and fighting for my attention/affection.

One night I threw a party at my place, and ended up in the washroom with a ex for about 20 minutes, we were just shooting the ****, but my then GF assumed I was screwing her. Now you'd think that this would be a auto relationship ender, and for me it would be, but this girl actively pursued me even more. The whole time I was in the washroom with my ex, she was in my bed waiting for me.

You AFCs out there need to take the book of things you think you know aboout women and throw it out. Even if you're looking for a LTR and think that by being the best BF/husband you can be you will ensure your relationship lasts. You are wrong, women do not think the same way as men, it's that simple, if you want to keep your woman around and actively interested you need to be the high value man that other women want to fvck.

 

[jophil28]

You are wrong, women do not think the same way as men, it's that simple, if you want to keep your woman around and actively interested you need to be the high value man that other women want to fvck.

And I would add that she will most likely act like a 'high value woman' as long as you continue to act ( and live) like a high value man. That is assuming that you have chosen a traditional quality woman from a stable upbringing. Women from loonie familes make loonie wives.

The problem arises in that a man's definition of 'high value' differs somewhat from a woman's definition.

Hence we sometimes see and hear the married chumps telling stories of trying to win her royal approval and sexuality by buying her things and being compliant. Those men then endlessly whine down at the golf club with the guys because she such a 'baitch'.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Good thread. Competition anxiety is one of the best weapons in a man's seduction arsenal. I would argue that it MUST be present to some degree to get a girl interested.

Yes women do this shi* all the time and it bores the pants of me personnally, so much infact, i'd probably walk off and wait for her to stop pis*ing about - I've even dated girls like this, one such girl got into my (male) friends bed (house share years ago) with just her underwear on to get a rise out of me - I simply give her that look, went up to my room and started browsing the internet and did not give her a second thought -

Twenty minutes later she comes up to my room like the cat who had found the milk, realized I really could not have given a fuc* - her ego was blown out then, she tells me they where talking (I never asked, she submitted the info, whilst I was doing my thing, I actually said to her when she came back "How's xxxx any good"? with a disinterested tone) - Its not that I trusted her (I trust NO woman) - its because I trust the guy, and I knew with her laying there he would have been shi**ing bricks (even so he could have fuc*ed her and I really would not have cared in the slightest at all, I really mean that) - hence She did not do it again, because she realized it awarded ZERO power for her and infact it actually bored me -

I'm all for ignoring s#it tests, but...your girl climbed in your friend's bed in just her underwear to make you jealous? That's downright disrespectful, whether or not you cared. I would make certain that that kind of thing would NEVER happen again. When a girl goes to those kind of lengths to get attention, I doubt ignoring her would diffuse the situation. She's more likely to up the ante.

I agree that it's important to ignore those little power plays if they're harmless and you've just started dating, but I think if a girl you've been with for over a month does something blatantly to provoke you, you're well within your rights to call her out on it. Not because it made you jealous, but because it's rude and demonstrates her pathological insecurity.