Do you don Juan's get bored? I am bored ****less in life and the routine. I am all for actions and extremes. I am a gambler. Gambler without any money - that is the problem. I have found that the source of motivation comes from being devastated; every time I am in misery I feel a overflowing power to do anything that will make it go away. It includes hitting gym, hitting girls, doing everything 'good' in life. Otherwise I'm just wanderer. Whenever there is no misery, I'm just a wanderer; no motivation to do ****; bored.
I am all for adventures. I am seriously been contemplating robbing cash. Sent hundred of job applications, none answers. Bored of that routine. Bored of gym. I remember the devastating stage after my last break up: I was overpowered with misery, hatred, anguish. It was amazing. It felt like **** but it felt the best. I felt like i could have done anything and not a single **** was given that day. I feel like hate and misery is much more authentic than love. Love has turned into pretension. At least when you hate, you can actually hate someone authentically. Love has turned into pretension: love your mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, girlfriend, job, dreams, hobbies this and that. I don't feel a single love towards those things right now and still the popular belief is to love them. That is ****ed. What can you do when there is no love? I cannot force it to come; it is not under my control.
In my life I have done everything I could. I have went to the extremes of the extremes. I have felt the deepest misery of relationship and the deepest ecstasy, fought against the whole school teachers, principal, professors and won they had to kick me out of school, did this again in another school, fought against my parents and they couldn't do anything they had to give me total control of myself; i decided everything that is best for me now; they have zero control over my life decisions; just opinions are they allowed to give. My logic wins them all. What is left? And I am eighteen.
I am not going to wait 10 or 20 years to save money to do something useless. I am not for business at all. In fact I could argue against business all day. Business in its deepest ground is politic and politic means using something to get something better. And to step on another ones face for your ownself is not very humanly. It seems like arguing is my only joy now. Because it is the only authentic there left. When I argue I feel a deep authentic arising in me. And when i am being 'friendly' I feel it is just a pretension to get something.
I am eighteen.
Give me anything logically reasonable and I will do it. I simply have no single fear left in me that I could lose anything.
I am all for adventures. I am seriously been contemplating robbing cash. Sent hundred of job applications, none answers. Bored of that routine. Bored of gym. I remember the devastating stage after my last break up: I was overpowered with misery, hatred, anguish. It was amazing. It felt like **** but it felt the best. I felt like i could have done anything and not a single **** was given that day. I feel like hate and misery is much more authentic than love. Love has turned into pretension. At least when you hate, you can actually hate someone authentically. Love has turned into pretension: love your mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, girlfriend, job, dreams, hobbies this and that. I don't feel a single love towards those things right now and still the popular belief is to love them. That is ****ed. What can you do when there is no love? I cannot force it to come; it is not under my control.
In my life I have done everything I could. I have went to the extremes of the extremes. I have felt the deepest misery of relationship and the deepest ecstasy, fought against the whole school teachers, principal, professors and won they had to kick me out of school, did this again in another school, fought against my parents and they couldn't do anything they had to give me total control of myself; i decided everything that is best for me now; they have zero control over my life decisions; just opinions are they allowed to give. My logic wins them all. What is left? And I am eighteen.
I am not going to wait 10 or 20 years to save money to do something useless. I am not for business at all. In fact I could argue against business all day. Business in its deepest ground is politic and politic means using something to get something better. And to step on another ones face for your ownself is not very humanly. It seems like arguing is my only joy now. Because it is the only authentic there left. When I argue I feel a deep authentic arising in me. And when i am being 'friendly' I feel it is just a pretension to get something.
I am eighteen.
Give me anything logically reasonable and I will do it. I simply have no single fear left in me that I could lose anything.
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