Major Advice!!!

[Jus_LikeCandy]

So, when he was holding me, he like, wouldn't you like to fall asleep like this every night. I asked him if he was teasing me and he said No, he wants to see what it is like before he commits???
Is that like test driving a car before you buy??

 

[PRMoon]

Sounds like more games to me, Sparking your interest then baiting you with hope. Like I said you need to be proactive and have a SERIOUS conversation where you lay it on the line with him. Not some pillow talk you have during a snuggle fest. I mean a sit down conversaton where you ask questions and he gives you CLEAR awnsers. Usually it'll get him to open up more an maybe he'll have some questions for you too. This process is called COMMUNICATION and it's not new but you two obviously don't know how to do it.

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Personally, Ive held plenty of girls who I didnt have an iota of responsibility towards.

Thats the problem here. Responsibility.

He likes to spend time with you. He likes to sleep with you. He likes you. BUT he doesnt feel REPSONSIBLE towards you or your 'relationship.' Why? Because he didnt work for it.

For women, sex triggers the sense of responsibility. Your body makes a promise when you sleep with a man. For men, its the chase. We put in X ammount of work before sex, so we will feel Y devoted after sex. He put in almost no work for sex, so he is not at all devoted after sex.

Pulling sex is NOT the answer. Id just find another **** buddy. Youve got to find out what he always wanted in a relationship, be who he pictured as "the right" girlfriend. For me, "the right" girlfriend is a great home maker. She'll cook for me and have relaxing evenings in. If a **** buddy transitioned to 'dates' like the above, I would have to consider starting a committed relationship. Youve got to find out what HE wants.

Also, make him WORK for the sex. Dont EVER leave him with blue balls (id never talk to you again). But ask him for a massage, or to go out to nice places before sex. The more stock he puts in before you sleep together the more value youll have in his eyes.

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

I will have to. I can't go on like this. It is nerve racking. I will invite him over for dinner and have a serious talk. Or else, he will continue this crap and drive me insane. I do care about him and love him. what bothers me is we went six months without talikng. I was almost over him and he comes back and now the feelings are stronger than before!!!

 

[spider_007]

It's really stupid haw people play games and ****. Make your intentions clear. If you want a relaitonship, talk to him. Ask him; where is this going????? You galls are the onece always talking about honesty, so why dont you quit all the freaking games and come straight out and say what you want from him, and ask him what he thinks is gona happen. Even if you don't hear the answer you want, chances are, he will still want to be F-buddies

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

I just don't want to be hurt. I care about him so much. Of course, more than Bedroom buddies. He means so much to me and if he says he doesn't feel the same way, I don't know.
I will have to let go. I don't want to be the chick that says, I'll take what I can get. I am worth so much more.

 

[spider_007]

......and what is your alternitive........ keep going???

you eather find out he likes you and it's all nice and peachy......

or

he doesn't in which case you have to MOVE ON AND QUIT WAISTING YOUR TIME WITH SOMETHING THAT IS NOT GONA HAPPEN (isn't gana get serious)

or

keep doing what your doing, never knowing, and quit possibly wasting your precious days on something that is not going any where............

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

I don't know. I don't know if I should demand too much. He is a busy guy. He is in Law School and he works full time as a Manager at a company. He has a lot on his plate and I don't want to put pressure on him. But, I guess I have too in order to see if this is something worth invest time into. Cause, I won't talk to or date anyone else, because I care for him.

 

[spider_007]

nobody cares about you, more then YOU. It is nice to be concerned with somebody else, but IT'S YOUR LIFE TOO.
If he is too buissy for a reall relationship, im puirty sure he will tell you. He'll say; "Im sorry hun, i got lot on my plate right now, but someday down the road, we could be something serious (at least you know)"

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

Well, the crazy thing is, during our 6 month break...he had a girlfriend. Well, history: we split because I screwed around. Which he said he wouldn't care if I did, but when I did he damn near had a anuerysm!!

 

[spider_007]

only one way to find out........ask (and hope he is man enought to tell you THE TRUTH)............... good luck

just tell him: "i just wana know if this i going anywhere, Im not expecting anything from you right now, and im not pushing you to do anything, it's just, I'D LIKE TO KNOW. I'm 23 puirty sune i'll be 25-26 and i'll wana be in a good long term relationship with someone who cares about me....so tell me, is this all about sex... or do you think we are more then that"

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

That is cute. I may use that.

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

Okay the title of this thread is, Major Advice, three pages, and I still see none!

Just Like Candy, get the hell off this site! Go to a feminist board or a all girls forum if you want tips on how to CONTROL your boyfriend, by learning tips and secrets on how to do so....and any of you guys giving her this advice, are just idiotic!

I mean, this is like me going on a girls forum, and asking a girl to tell me the secret of how to screw every woman in the club......if I were a girl on that forum, I would be like, Whos this loser?

Just Like Candy, enough....now be gone.

 

[AMF]

Ignore Pvssy_Eater, it's not his fault

Moon's "open communciation" works great in committed relationships, I'm sure, but serious discussions and big "where is this going" questions are simply out of place in your own little (mainly sex-based) dynamic. Bringing up these questions is effectively burdening him with a responsibility he literally (and tellingly) hasn't asked for.

"Open communication" only works when both parties are committed or responsible (like Tony says) to each other - not really the case here.

You need to face this idea: if he wanted a full-time gf, on top of his already-hectic lifestyle, would he not have made it clear to you? Or taken the opportunity to move it to that level? I fear his evasion speaks all you need to know.

Anyway, good luck.

 

[tmpgstx]

Your relationship got off on the wrong foot. You cheated on him the first time around, and now you're just sleeping together. Next time, make sure you start it right.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Jus_LikeCandy: You know that old saying, "you don't know what you have till it is gone"?

It is for this same reason he flipped out when you screwed around with somebody else even though he said he wouldn't care. He didn't realize how much he did actually care for you until he saw that he might be losing you.

This suggests to me that your relationship wasn't one of a FB in his eyes. That's the whole point of a FB, you don't care what the other does, as long as you get sex once in a while when you need it.

This is what I mean by looking at the bigger picture and not focusing on one little thing. If you want to understand what he wants, look at his actions and words COLLECTIVELY. Not individually (i.e, putting his arm around you while sleeping ).

 

[RedPill]

The problem presented in this thread seems very similar to all the "get out of the friend zone" posts, just presented from a female perspective.

Whenever someone can't get what they desire, whether it's going from friends to sex, sex to casual relationship, or casual relationship to committed ltr, it always bothers the s*** out of the party who wants more. Drives them crazy.

I guess the best discussion that could come from this thread would be one on how to turn the tables if you're NOT the person in the equation who cares less about the other. The person who cares less has the leverage. When the level of interest is mutual both parties get what they want (i.e. FBs). BUT, when the level of interest is not equal, the person with lesser interest gets what they want while the person with greater interest gets shafted and spends many sleepless nights wondering how they can balance the equation.

It sucks being that person who has significantly greater interest. We've all been there. If I were you Candy, and you really want more, you have to appeal to him in ways that go far beyond sex. This is why there's so many opinions here saying stop or scale back on giving up a**.

How ironic, here a bunch of us dudes who hate it when women do their stupid tests are telling her to start throwing out some tests. Candy, since you're getting all sorts of attention and advice here let's invert the question a bit... What would you say to all the guys on here who want to be more than friends, more than FBs, etc with a girl?

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

Candy, since you're getting all sorts of attention and advice here let's invert the question a bit... What would you say to all the guys on here who want to be more than friends, more than FBs, etc with a girl?

Red Pill, I would tell the guy to be 100% honest with the girl. Tell her how you feel, open up. And, if she doesn't feel the same way, I would suggest you move on, because in the end you will be the hurt one in the situation.

It is easier for guys. Men have the upper hand. They pull the strings and determine where things will go, ultimately. I feel somewhat inferior....

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

How effective is a letter? I would like to write a letter and lay it all one the line. I happen to be an emotional being and talking minus the crying may be impossible in this situation...

 

[Satori]

This is interesting, because it sounds a lot like the relationship I was just in.

What do you want, exactly? Marriage? Verbal commitment? To be "official?" It sounds like you're already committed to each other, even if it's not "official."

Do you want to be with him, or do you want to own him?

I don't understand why, if you're committed already, you need some kind of verbal confirmation. Why is it that you can't enjoy the relationship for what it is?

AMF's advice is the best response here so far. Someone else also mentioned responsibility. It sounds like he wants to be with you but doesn't want to have to be responsible for you; he wants to remain an individual.

Whether or not this is what he's really thinking, it's clear that he doesn't want to be forced into something more serious. Having a confrontational "we need to talk" conversation will only inspire a fight-or-flight response. Suddenly stopping the sex will have the same effect.

My suggestion, what I would have liked to have seen in my relationship that may have saved it, is that you back off a bit. From your posts, you sound very needy and attached. Don't call him as often, especially if you have nothing significant to say. Don't talk to him every day, don't initiate things as much. Give him some space. Let him have his own life, with you as a part of it, rather than trying to become his life.