Made a MAJOR mistake! help!

[evil_tomato]

Hey guys,

So last year i had been dating a girl for 5 months. We were in love, had great chemistry, everything in common, were the perfect match really. Untill our final month together she starts getting distant and not so enthusiastic about being with me anymore. So i approach her about this and she tells me she met some other guy who she has fallen for and out of my shock horror she breaks up with me to be with him after telling me how much she'd never leave me, how i was her "soul mate" etc i was crushed...

We ended up having a bad break up as i was quite heart broken about it and what hurt more was she deleted me off all her social media networks and my blocked my number so i had no way of contacting her. fine. So anyway move forward a year and guess whose back?! she writes me and email saying how she regrets breaking up with me and how sorry she is for the way she treated me last year when we broke up etc she also said she isnt happy with the other guy and is still in love with me.

So we exchanged a few emails over the past week and being the idiot that i am i felt sorry for her so i sent her flowers to her door just to cheer up as she has alot of personal issues too...Well i actually thought she would of been more excited about them instead she texted me "thanks" and that im "sweet" and thats all she has said about them....waste of $70 that was...

Anyway my issue is this, what does she want from me? Is she just feeding me breadcrumbs to boost her ego and to see if im still there or does she legitemetly want to get back together? She says all the time that shes unhappy with him and how he doesnt treat her like i used to but yet she hasnt broken up with him...Do i give her an ultimatium? me or him?

Please help i feel like such an idiot

 

[justin11]

itd be best to just stay away from her completely

 

[Mr Wright]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w14IQB8yNNw

I think Butters puts it best!

 

[goodganji44]

Its not your job to cheer her up. Leave that role to her bf and any other simps out there. You feel like an idiot because your'e acting like a white knight. No Contact this btch and move on to other things that make you happy.

 

[evil_tomato]

its hard to stay away when in a way im content with her being in my life then not having her at all. she really fu**ed me up last year but before we got together she was also a really good friend and i miss her friendship. however i also dont wanted to be used or led on for her own ego/ rectify what she did when she has no intention of ever getting back with me

 

[Thoma]

Hey guys,

So last year i had been dating a girl for 5 months. We were in love, had great chemistry, everything in common, were the perfect match really. Untill our final month together she starts getting distant and not so enthusiastic about being with me anymore. So i approach her about this and she tells me she met some other guy who she has fallen for and out of my shock horror she breaks up with me to be with him after telling me how much she'd never leave me, how i was her "soul mate" etc i was crushed...

We ended up having a bad break up as i was quite heart broken about it and what hurt more was she deleted me off all her social media networks and my blocked my number so i had no way of contacting her. fine. So anyway move forward a year and guess whose back?! she writes me and email saying how she regrets breaking up with me and how sorry she is for the way she treated me last year when we broke up etc she also said she isnt happy with the other guy and is still in love with me.

So we exchanged a few emails over the past week and being the idiot that i am i felt sorry for her so i sent her flowers to her door just to cheer up as she has alot of personal issues too...Well i actually thought she would of been more excited about them instead she texted me "thanks" and that im "sweet" and thats all she has said about them....waste of $70 that was...

Anyway my issue is this, what does she want from me? Is she just feeding me breadcrumbs to boost her ego and to see if im still there or does she legitemetly want to get back together? She says all the time that shes unhappy with him and how he doesnt treat her like i used to but yet she hasnt broken up with him...Do i give her an ultimatium? me or him?

Please help i feel like such an idiot

Hate to say it man, but I think you did screw up here. My take on it, she likely got dumped by that guy that she chose over you. She was looking to feel better about herself so she reached out to you. You gave her the validation she was seeking with the flowers. I'm guessing there won't be much more contact between you two unless she plans to use you as an emotional tampon, IE an orbiter.

This doesn't make you bad person man so don't let it deter you. But if she wants back into your life, make her earn it. SHE threw YOU away, so how is SHE going to make it up to YOU?

Remember, you are the prize.

 

[goodganji44]

Thoma is exactly correct. She is using you for validation and nothing more. If it were me, I would move on to the next. But if you really want this woman's companionship that bad, you need to learn and research two things.

1. How the female hamster operates

2. How to use No Contact effectively

But for the love of god please dont send out any more flowers or none of that garbage. Its 2013 for christ sakes. Next time you even think about doing some simp sht like that, ask yourself "what did she do to deserve this kind of treatment from me"

 

[evil_tomato]

so should i just go NC from here or do i give her an ultimatium? or suck it up and be friends with her?

 

[Lord Hypnos]

for fvcks sacke, have some self respect!! She dumped you and went full on ghost on you; next time she calls I would tell her to go fvck herself, call her every dirty name in the book and nuke her fvcking hamster to smithereens. You don't need backstabbers like that in your life, am I right?

PS. She is NOT your friend

 

[TheException]

for fvcks sacke, have some self respect!! She dumped you and went full on ghost on you; next time she calls I would tell her to go fvck herself, call her every dirty name in the book and nuke her fvcking hamster to smithereens. You don't need backstabbers like that in your life, am I right?

This without the anger^

Dude...she left you for another man. I bet she cheated on you with him....and men need to have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY FOR CHEATING. If I was in your shoes...when I got her first email....I would have LOL'ed and deleted it, with no response. You shouldnt have time to waste on low quality woman like her. You only "miss her" because I bet you havent found another woman since, let alone have had sex with someone else. You need to get out and be meeting NEW women.

"Its always easier to build a NEW relationship than to REPAIR and OLD one."

 

[Eph]

Hey guys,

So i approach her about this and she tells me she met some other guy who she has fallen for and out of my shock horror she breaks up with me to be with him after telling me how much she'd never leave me, how i was her "soul mate" etc i was crushed...

The second she went cold was the day she "fell for" this other guy. This was when you should have ended it.

We ended up having a bad break up as i was quite heart broken about it and what hurt more was she deleted me off all her social media networks and my blocked my number so i had no way of contacting her. fine. So anyway move forward a year and guess whose back?! she writes me and email saying how she regrets breaking up with me and how sorry she is for the way she treated me last year when we broke up etc she also said she isnt happy with the other guy and is still in love with me.

Her bf isn't quite what she expected/thought he was. Now that she figured that out, she wants to go back to you because YOU are the better option. Until she finds another guy that has more value than you.

So we exchanged a few emails over the past week and being the idiot that i am i felt sorry for her so i sent her flowers to her door just to cheer up as she has alot of personal issues too...Well i actually thought she would of been more excited about them instead she texted me "thanks" and that im "sweet" and thats all she has said about them....waste of $70 that was...

You spent $70 to cheer her up? The woman that likely didn't just break your heart, but also probably cheated on you?

Anyway my issue is this, what does she want from me? Is she just feeding me breadcrumbs to boost her ego and to see if im still there or does she legitemetly want to get back together? She says all the time that shes unhappy with him and how he doesnt treat her like i used to but yet she hasnt broken up with him...Do i give her an ultimatium? me or him?

Please help i feel like such an idiot

What does she want from you? Your value. She probably really wants you back, but only until she finds the better deal. A true example of branch swinging. So why would you want to give her an ultimatum? Do you really have that little self-respect?

Its wrong to even consider getting back with her, a woman who sh!tted on your "love" for another guy. Tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine, and go find other plates.

 

[Juan Don]

you sent flowers to her for apologizing to you about leaving you for another guy

...yes big mistake.

find a quality woman worthy of your time. she decided to leave instead of work it out with you. don't even consider getting back with her. have some self respect as others have said. what she wants is attention from you. don't even give her that. she doesn't deserve it.

my suggestion go no contact and find another woman

 

[PlayHer Man]

A woman treats you like dirt and you send her flowers? You feel sorry for her? What's wrong with you? :crazy:

Whenever a woman walks on you and you give her support, love, and kindness in return.. you are basically saying you approve of her behavior and you are too worthless to believe you deserve to be treated better.

Any woman who doesn't treat you like a king should be treated like crap. This is the rule I follow and its made me very happy. :yes:

Remember.. YOUR happiness is more important than a woman's. She must treat you right if she wants your support. Your woman should always be treating you BETTER than you are treating her her. Always, always, always!!

its hard to stay away when in a way im content with her being in my life then not having her at all. she really fu**ed me up last year but before we got together she was also a really good friend and i miss her friendship.

This is f*cking pathetic.

The minute you fear losing a woman is the minute you become a slave. Have fun being her b!tch, if that's what you want.

 

[foreverAFC]

she treated you like complete sht bro, now its your turn, why they **** would you send flowers and try to be her friend, the moment she made contact you should have explained to her that she was an awful human being and that you would prefer to never see her again

 

[Bible_Belt]

Anyway my issue is this, what does she want from me?

Your d!ck. Let her get every other need filled by her boyfriend. Have sex with her and then treat her like that's all she's good for. That's what her current man can't do, and you are failing at it as well. Eventually, she is going to find a guy to fulfill that need.

And don't ever expect her to be able to verbalize this need to be objectified. She doesn't understand it herself, which is why her relationships keep failing. But as soon as she meets a guy who does understand how nice guy behavior deprives women of their inherent and inescapable need to be treated, at least occasionally, like purely sexual objects, then that guy will have her for as long as he wants her.

 

[evil_tomato]

Thanks for all the replies guys! they have helped clear my mind a lot.

I'll admit that i thought it would be right to give her a second chance as i really loved her alot, i really thought she may have been my soul mate as we had a connection that ive never experienced with anyone before. I believed her when she said she regretted breaking up with me and "beats herself up everyday for it". I mean im not a nasty person, everyone makes mistakes but now im not so sure...

She treated my flower gift as if it were nothing after stating that her current partner isnt romantic with her and he doesnt buy her anything. But she didnt even aknowledge them apart from saying thank you and she loved me...

 

[Thoma]

so should i just go NC from here or do i give her an ultimatium? or suck it up and be friends with her?

You go to a party that you know she's at. You can't find her so you have a few drinks and chat with some folks. Finally you decide to wander around. You pass near a bedroom and this guy tells you some chick is blowing a guy in there. You decide you want to see the hottie this guy landed.

It's her.

That feeling you're feeling right now, is it happiness that she found a guy she thought was worth blowing? If not, do you really think you can be her friend?

No contact; remember the good times you had with her and learn the lessons she taught you now and when she left.

 

[JoeMarron]

i really thought she may have been my soul mate as we had a connection that ive never experienced with anyone before.

This mindset is exactly why you and a multitude of other men fail with women. They create in their minds this image of a special woman, a special connection that they may never find again, and because of the fear of never feeling that connection again they rationalize putting up with all sorts of bullsh!t. Rid this poison from your mind. Lets say this silly notion of a soul mate is true. Is your soul mate really worth being with despite the fact that she swung towards a better branch as soon as the opportunity presented itself? What the fvck do you think is gonna happen when another dude shows up that she perceives as better than you? She's gonna do the same goddamn thing. If you have any shred of respect for yourself you'll banish this chick from your life forever. She's not even worthy of being a fvck buddy. You do not only yourself but the entirety of mankind a disservice when you reward behavior like this.

 

[TheCWord]

This mindset is exactly why you and a multitude of other men fail with women. They create in their minds this image of a special woman, a special connection that they may never find again, and because of the fear of never feeling that connection again they rationalize putting up with all sorts of bullsh!t. Rid this poison from your mind. Lets say this silly notion of a soul mate is true. Is your soul mate really worth being with despite the fact that she swung towards a better branch as soon as the opportunity presented itself? What the fvck do you think is gonna happen when another dude shows up that she perceives as better than you? She's gonna do the same goddamn thing. If you have any shred of respect for yourself you'll banish this chick from your life forever. She's not even worthy of being a fvck buddy. You do not only yourself but the entirety of mankind a disservice when you reward behavior like this.

I think I've mentioned this to you before, Joe - but I wish I had your mindset when I was 22.

 

[evil_tomato]

so you guys dont believe in second chances? and that everyone makes mistakes? although i dont know if shes genuine at this stage