Made a complete balls of getting dumped by ex!!

[Losther]

Hi All,

First post on here... Just wish I had found this site before it happened..

I just got dumped due to a long distance relationship... I knew it was coming... But I am so pissed off at myself as I've come across as a completely pathetic prick and have given her the upper hand too....

So I have read the forums and no what to do... But I need advice on what to send the last text back to her and regain my pride before I go NC...

Here are the texts...

That if its the last thing I ever do... Ill win you over... That's how highly I think of you... ) xx

Her reply...

Aw That's sweet. I'm no good at the moment. Keep in touch. Rachel

What do I reply to that... I can't leave it like that and her have the upper hand...

Also.. Should I tell her that I've now thought about it and its the correct decision etc and should I say that I don't think it's good for us to remain friends etc etc..

All advice greatly appreciated ... I just can't leave it like that ... After making such a prick of myself..

Thanks guys!

 

[dosquito]

Dude you served her up your heart on a silver platter. But man, can we give this girl some credit? She at least took it with a little grace. There's no reason to "get the upper hand", man. Your relationship is over. And it ended for a reasonable reason. Move on with your life and go meet other girls. There's nothing you can say after that last text that will make you not look like a *****. Rather than trying to say something, SHOW her that you've moved on by becoming increasingly distant as time goes on. She is going to try to use you for emotional support -- give it to her, and gradually withdraw it. She will wonder where your attention is being redirected.

 

[In2theGame]

Hi All,

First post on here... Just wish I had found this site before it happened..

I just got dumped due to a long distance relationship... I knew it was coming... But I am so pissed off at myself as I've come across as a completely pathetic prick and have given her the upper hand too....

So I have read the forums and no what to do... But I need advice on what to send the last text back to her and regain my pride before I go NC...

Here are the texts...

That if its the last thing I ever do... Ill win you over... That's how highly I think of you... ) xx

Her reply...

Aw That's sweet. I'm no good at the moment. Keep in touch. Rachel

What do I reply to that... I can't leave it like that and her have the upper hand...

Also.. Should I tell her that I've now thought about it and its the correct decision etc and should I say that I don't think it's good for us to remain friends etc etc..

All advice greatly appreciated ... I just can't leave it like that ... After making such a prick of myself..

Thanks guys!

LoL it happens to all of us at one point. Honestly, its best to not send anything or contact her in any way because for some sick reason women love to drag a guy behind them and love the attention they are getting especially if they know your longing for them while your hurting. Just leave it alone and its 100% certain she will one way or another send you a text but from that point you have to keep that frame that shes just wants to drag you along even more without the intention of going through with anything, which if you fall for, will only be setting yourself up for more heartache.

 

[plate's_empty]

Ouch, that one hurt.

I'd say: "I've realized something. You're right, you are no good. Take care."

Then drive off into the glorious sunset of no contact.


EDIT:

Why man? Just to hurt a girl's feelings? OP needs to not worry about this relationship anymore - it's over. If the ex shows some ****ed up behavior in the future, this would be a nice finisher though.

I assumed she'd already pulled that fvcked up behavior. If not, then yeah, probably don't send that. haha

 

[Mike32ct]

Pull the plug. Game over.

Nothing more you can do. Sorry man.

 

[dosquito]

Ouch, that one hurt.

I'd say: "I've realized something. You're right, you are no good. Take care."

Then drive off into the glorious sunset of no contact.

Why man? Just to hurt a girl's feelings? OP needs to not worry about this relationship anymore - it's over. If the ex shows some ****ed up behavior in the future, this would be a nice finisher though.

 

[RedScorpion]

It's probably better off not sending anything. You said that you'll win her over if it's the last thing you do. Show it by not doing anything. And that's how much effort you care to put into her.

Also, sending something afterwards to counter what you just said, shows that you're flustered about her, and unsure. Which will make you look weaker in her eyes.

Actions speak louder than words.

PS: Don't worry about what you said to her. We've all been there before. It's much better to leave her with a positive feeling that she will eventually come back to missing. And then she'll find nothing but NC.

 

[Losther]

Thanks for the advice so far ... I know I *ucked up big time...

I'd also add that she is moving back here in six months .... She stated earlier on the texts that we could maybe hook up when she gets back... Having her cake and eat it...

We also work in the same area... So I really need to get the upper hand if its at all possible now! Lol

Come on you experts ... Get me outta this hole!! Lol

 

[1-800-HellNo]

As stupid as this may sound, delete her from facebook.

She'll start checking your page soon enough, and when she sees you deleted her she'll get the message on how you feel.

you should delete her anyway, just as part of moving on.
NC is pretty much required after being in a place like you were in with her.
Your words really won't mean anything to her. They won't spark some desire to change, or make her realize some truth. They won't do anything.

You not being there for her is the only thing that will cause her to feel something, not that you should care how she feels.
but yea, i've been there.

NC also means not having to fvcking think of what her words mean, or what words you should reply with.

 

[dosquito]

What you just said changes things a lot. This girl isn't giving you the respect that you should expect, man. What kind of slutty behavior is this, anyway? Breaking up with your boyfriend then telling him we could "maybe hook up" in 6 months? You need to SHOW (not SAY...NOOOOOT SAY) her that if she ever wants to be back in your life she is going to need to respect you more. But you might want to seriously consider whether you even want to be with this girl.

Before you do anything dumb, give yourself two weeks and see how you feel about things. I can almost guarantee that you'll be feeling more angry and less needy! Use this 6 months to get your life together, and don't even consider taking her back unless you get a GOOD apology for her behavior.

Of course, someone came in and recommended NC. My two cents is that this is not the proper response here. It is inconsistent with your behavior thus far and will make you seem like a butthurt biyatch. Maybe in a month or so, after you start being more distant, this could make sense.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

Thanks for the advice so far ... I know I *ucked up big time...

I'd also add that she is moving back here in six months .... She stated earlier on the texts that we could maybe hook up when she gets back... Having her cake and eat it...

We also work in the same area... So I really need to get the upper hand if its at all possible now! Lol

Come on you experts ... Get me outta this hole!! Lol

You definitely should avoid seeing her except for when you have to for work, or whatever.
and then you just act like she's just any other person.
don't seem phased, or bothered by her at all.

i don't know why im responding, since this is all just stuff i learned here and others can say it a lot better than i could.
I just went through this recently, so i've witnessed the effects, and also understand why it makes sense.

 

[Losther]

I'm going to go with this and then NC...

"I've realized something. You're right, you are no good. Take care."

What you guys think?

 

[pdx1138]

I think you should leave it alone....say nothing.

Saying nothing is usually better than saying anything.
You will rarely ever get the reaction you're looking for....on
the contrary you usually get the opposite.

Just drop her. NC starting now.

 

[1-800-HellNo]

I don't think you should send her anything.

yea, it will tell her that you don't care, but she knows that isn't true.
it seems bitter and angry, which is only reinforcing her negative opinions towards you.

not saying anything is a much better option.
not sure how to describe it, but saying nothing is showing that you feel nothing.

a girl would rather you hate her, than feel nothing towards her.
at least "hate" is attention, know what i mean?

 

[Losther]

Thanks guys...

So I've deleted her Facebook and number... Anything else I need to do?

So this is the plan... Say nothing and NC... What do I do if she contacts me via text or phone in the future?

Is there a time frame not to answer?

Cheers

 

[dosquito]

Shoot. Well I wish you had listened to me about being kind of gradual about things. Doing this so suddenly makes you look pretty weak, in my opinion. But it's not too bad. At least there will be a shroud of mystery surrounding your existence.
My advice at this point: FORGET ABOUT HER. You won't see her for 6 months REGARDLESS. If she contacts you? Ignore her, obviously. What difference could it make? Communication with her is pointless, she is far away. She will get the hint. If she's still interested, she will make another effort when she is back in town. But be careful. Now that you've pulled this stunt she might just try to see if she CAN have you again. Sucks man, but stay strong and focus on improving your life.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I don't think she will contact you until she might come back to your town.

Give yourself as much space from her as possible so you can start meeting new girls.

 

[dosquito]

OP, I was thinking about this situation. sooner or later your ex is going to call you out on ignoring her. That might be the time that you want to drop the line given earlier in the thread, but say nothing else. Then say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

 

[pinkfl]

No Contact is for you. It allows you to have enough distance to see that she wasn't right for you. That means that when she starts checking in on you, calling or texting, you just delete the message, ignore the phone call, no matter how late or soon that happens. Your relationship is over.

Let's play a game...let's assume she begs for you back and you agree...do you really think things can go back to normal? No. They will never be the same. The hurt will still be there. Once someone utters the words "I want to break up" they need to learn that phrase has consequences...ie...you are not together anymore. It should not be a tool to force a significant other to jump through hoops to win affection back, yet people seem to enjoy using it in that way.

Best of luck, you will recover and find someone you are more likely to have positive future with. Maybe even in the same town.

 

[zinc4]

Usually, i would advise immediate no contact, but in this case i can really feel your pain...if you are really so intent on feeling better right away...you should message her this...


"Ok, good luck and thank you...my conscience is finally clear"...

She will likely try to contact you and ask you what are you talking about with this vague ambiguos statement...keep your frame and stay no contact though...her hamster will be spinning out of control for a while and also delete her off facebook immediately...remember..women can be savages when they break up with someone...they have the abillity to not feel guilty or remorseful at all when dumping or cheating on someone....so don't feel bad about it...keep your frame after you message this

This almost certainly by no means won't make her want you back.....but it will make you feel a little better in the mean time to ease you into no contact......and once you do indeed move on, she will always wonder about you if you keep your frame on this...but most importantly you will be a stronger person after successfully moving on....