[LTR] ****y/funny guy keeps dissing me when im with gf

[StfU.noob]

Long time lurker here - I used to read these forums a lot more then I got in an LTR and haven't visited for a while. Recently though there's been this guy across the hall from my GF who keeps talking ****y **** when I'm with my GF.

Like I'll come in and he'll say **** like "Oh dont worry I'm not hitting on your gf. She's hitting on me!" and I get sorta pissed but I dont really wanna show it.

This is more for my mental health then anything really.. I just get really pissed and I'm not sure what I should say in this situation. In retrospect I guess I should be responding with something like "oh. her loss" or something like that but its hard to come up with those on the spot, especially since I can't seem to keep my cool.

What would you guys do?

 

[jophil28]

Smart ass guys like that need to be outsmarted - but you have to rehearse your barbs in advance....

He says," Don't worry I'm not hitting on your girl...blah..."

You, " Yes you are but have at it...BTW, she mentioned that you are becoming a pest ."

or -

You," I have an old g/f that has some spare moments- do you do sloppy seconds?"

or-

You," I have an old g/f who does charity work with the lonely and dateless, You want her number ?"


Good luck.

 

[justkyle]

let your girl know she needs to put a stop to it efore she loses you. Tell her enough is enough. It was funny at the start but the disrespect wont go any farther. Re assure her that you know she only wants you and only you. Because you are THE BEST. But its times like this that a girl needs to step up and show respect fr her man. And if she cant respect you and what you two have you will take your awesomeness to someone else who can apprecate it.
ONLY TO BE USED IF YOUR SERIOUS ABOUT THIS GIRL
P.S. Use the ^^^ above post to make sure he knows your better than him and you have what he wants..... It makes life more entertaining.

 

[StfU.noob]

Smart ass guys like that need to outsmarted - but you have to rehearse your barbs in advance....

He says," Don't worry I'm not hitting on your girl...blah..."

You, " Yes you are but have at it...BTW, she mentioned that you are becoming a pest ."

or -

You," I have an old g/f that has some spare moments- do you do sloppy seconds?"

or-

You," I have an old g/f who does charity work with the lonely and dateless, You want her number ?"


Good luck.

Thanks, thats really great advice . Do you have any other responses that might be useful, or just things in general I can say when he's around? (Maybe something like "I remember when I had a crush on the girl across the hall from me too.. I used hang out in her room all the time"?) I'm pretty good-natured so I'm not really good at coming up with these :/

To justkyle: I would but I just don't want to sound insecure about myself.. maybe if it gets really bad or something, but right now its something that's not like a huge issue. He's ****y and annoying but he's not like constantly disrespecting me atm. Also I feel like if I can stand up for myself and outsmart him like jophil said, it'll both stop the disrespecting and also make me seem better/more confidant then him which is a plus.

 

[Ease]

Smart ass guys like that need to be outsmarted - but you have to rehearse your barbs in advance....

He says," Don't worry I'm not hitting on your girl...blah..."

You, " Yes you are but have at it...BTW, she mentioned that you are becoming a pest ."

or -

You," I have an old g/f that has some spare moments- do you do sloppy seconds?"

or-

You," I have an old g/f who does charity work with the lonely and dateless, You want her number ?"


Good luck.

That sounds like chump warfare. It's too obvious and will make you look like a frustrated jealous boyfriend trying to attack back. They key is to not show that.

What you need is intelligent undercover warfare. Take away his power by disarming his jokes. He can only do it while he gets a reaction from you, the only way to beat it is to make it stop being funny. You need to act like you are fine with it.

'Haha, you want to borrow her for the night?'

'Aww i know she's always flirting with guys, she keeps having gangbangs behind my back'.

'She's such a slut man its alright i understand'

 

[kush]

let your girl know she needs to put a stop to it efore she loses you. Tell her enough is enough. It was funny at the start but the disrespect wont go any farther. Re assure her that you know she only wants you and only you. Because you are THE BEST. But its times like this that a girl needs to step up and show respect fr her man. And if she cant respect you and what you two have you will take your awesomeness to someone else who can apprecate it.
ONLY TO BE USED IF YOUR SERIOUS ABOUT THIS GIRL
P.S. Use the ^^^ above post to make sure he knows your better than him and you have what he wants..... It makes life more entertaining.

Do this only if you want your gf to bang the dude across the hall.

I'm not that witty so what I would probably do is walk in, give an obvious fake laugh after his joke, put my arm around her and get a kiss. Then I would start talking to her excluding him from the conversation.

 

[Drum&Bass]

I DON'T like having to be fake or tolerant of anything that makes me uncomfortable. I DON'T like stooping to other idiots levels and trying to beat them at their own game.

What I DO like is personally confronting the guy when my girlfriend is not around and telling him how much I don't like his jokes and how much he is pissing me off and he needs to stop. Talk to him with respect and give the guy a fair shot to hear how you feel.

Also...how big are you and how big is this guy ??? A lot of men don't like talking about physical strength and dominance or trying to become physically strong and dominating yet it is an important trait for survival and protection (as well as being a man). Hopefully you are in shape and you do have the ability to physically intimidate this guy (in case he blows you off as a joke).

If not...let this be a lesson to you. Get in shape, lift weights become big and strong and I guarantee situations like this won't be happening to you anymore.

 

[vatoloco]

Like I'll come in and he'll say **** like "Oh dont worry I'm not hitting on your gf. She's hitting on me!" and I get sorta pissed but I dont really wanna show it.

"Well of course she is! You're the best-looking guy I've ever met! Can I hit on you too?" *turns to her* "Sweetheart, can I hit on him too?"

This being done, of course, in a huge, ridiculous and exaggerated way. Bonus: Blow him a kiss and a wink for added effect.

 

[zekko]

'Haha, you want to borrow her for the night?'

'Aww i know she's always flirting with guys, she keeps having gangbangs behind my back'.

'She's such a slut man its alright i understand'

I doubt that his girlfriend would appreciate being called a slut.
I like Jophil's responses better.

 

[loveshogun]

Yeah... been there.

First, short answer: Ignore the chump.

Now the long answer:

Think about why you feel the way you do. This might sting a little, but it's...

... insecurity.

Now, I know exactly what that's like. But the solution isn't to do something about the guy, because there will always be chicken-hawks. He's only a symptom of the problem. Instead, do something about the cause.

Insecurity is easy to deal with, if you build higher standards for yourself.

Look at it this way - imagine that you are Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV, and Ivan Drago is beating the ever-loving sh*t outta you. How do you feel?

- Aw man, this really hurts.
- I'm sad about Apollo.
- I wish my wife was hotter
- Blah blah blah blah blah.

Now, think about whether any of that actually matters. Does any of that stuff actually change what you need to do (destroy communism)?

Nah, man. Rocky Balboa had to do what he had to do, regardless of how he felt.

Remember, necessity is completely independent of emotion.

Always do what is necessary.

You will have emotions. None of them will write a paper for you, ace a class, or get you a promotion, or climb mount everest, OR get the girl. Your ACTIONS do that. Your ACCOMPLISHMENTS do that. Not your emotions.

Mind you, your emotions will tell you whether you WANT a girl.

Just remember that wanting is not the same as getting, and if I personally had to choose, I'd rather be good at getting, and let the wanting sort itself out.

Do this, every day. Don't IGNORE your emotions - just don't let them dictate your decision-making. The beautiful thing is that when you let your ACTIONS into the driver's seat, you'll start to see that your emotions follow suit.

Let your actions drive, and your emotions will follow.

Nah, but seriously, a guy hitting on your girl is not the worst that can happen to you. You should be proud of that - you got the girl.

***END ADVICE***

Now, something to consider for the thinking Don Juan - if you think treating the symptom might have been a good idea, think about how annoyed you would be if your girl swooped in on every girl who ever talked to you.

Yep. You'd dump her triflin' a**.

Instead, if you really have something with this girl, you should do what you need to do to keep her, and let the things you can't control (other people) do what they may. Plus, if you're single again and you're a good catch, you will quickly find another girl (who, surprise, will have a line of chicken-hawks waiting in line).

Focus on yourself. That means being better than your competitors, in both your eyes AND hers. Be funnier. Be more exciting. Accomplish more. You know how to do all these things - the question is almost never "how will I," but "will I?"

I realize that this isn't practical advice you can use right now. But if you follow it, you will never have to feel more than "meh" about this kind of thing.

 

[Iceberg]

I wouldn't get into the whole verbal warfare or pre-planned comebacks stuff.

Just smile and say, "Yeah that's awesome, stud." and close the door behind you. He wants a reaction. And when someone is begging for a reaction, the best thing is to not give them one. It totally castrates them.

Focus on yourself. That means being better than your competitors, in both your eyes AND hers. Be funnier. Be more exciting. Accomplish more. You know how to do all these things - the question is almost never "how will I," but "will I?"

Oh. And listen to this guy. He knows what he's talking about.

 

[zekko]

Just smile and say, "Yeah that's awesome, stud." and close the door behind you.

I like that one too. It's the classic "You're cool, dude".

 

[mustfirstregister]

Is this guy your friend?
if Yes, then you should next him right now.

if No, then don't worry about it.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

Im surprised by these responses. Drum and bass had the only correct response.

*You come off as a b1tch if you act like it doesnt bother you
*You come off as a b1tch if you try to "diss" him back
---Those are the responses he wants from you. Hes trying to make you look like a b1tch in front of your girlfriend. Hes trying to make you mad without starting a confrontation

Why do so many guys shy away from getting mad? Your not his friend so why are you even letting him have a dialog? Let him know you dont like him, dont want to talk to him, dont want to be around him.

Kid:"Oh dont worry, im not hitting on her, shes hitting on me!"
STFUnoob:"shut up" ---dont break eye contact
Kid:"what? why are you mad? im just kidding man"
STFUnoob:"im serious, go away" ----dont break eye contact

The kid will look and feel like a b1tch because you and him both know that hes in the wrong and you called him on it. Guys these days are afraid to get mad and show aggression(unless drunk) so use that to your advantage. Its not going to cause a scene because he is going to take your words lying down where he belongs.

If he asks why your so mad you need to bluntly say because you dont like him. Let him know hes not on your good side and not welcome in your life.

 

[Radharc]

I DON'T like having to be fake or tolerant of anything that makes me uncomfortable. I DON'T like stooping to other idiots levels and trying to beat them at their own game.

What I DO like is personally confronting the guy when my girlfriend is not around and telling him how much I don't like his jokes and how much he is pissing me off and he needs to stop. Talk to him with respect and give the guy a fair shot to hear how you feel.

Also...how big are you and how big is this guy ??? A lot of men don't like talking about physical strength and dominance or trying to become physically strong and dominating yet it is an important trait for survival and protection (as well as being a man). Hopefully you are in shape and you do have the ability to physically intimidate this guy (in case he blows you off as a joke).

If not...let this be a lesson to you. Get in shape, lift weights become big and strong and I guarantee situations like this won't be happening to you anymore.

I subscribe to this school of thought in situations like these. Why should you let yourself be dragged to verbal duels when you did nothing to provoke them? Besides, having some snappy comebacks prepared is no guarantee the guy won´t have a better one and it will backfire.

When sh1t like this happens I tend to think of it, primarily, not as some guy trying to steal my girl (that too, but its secondary) but as some guy that decided it would be ok to disrespect me, like some random guy coming out of the blue and deciding it is ok to cut you in on some line and then laugh about it. Now imagine he does that on a consistent basis? It´s between me and him, has nothing to do with the girl.

So in this situations I dont let it phase me when I´m with the girl, what I do then find the guy alone, no witnesses no nothing, and have a talk with him, just get the message across that you are not happy with his behaviour, you mean business and are prepared to make nasty things happen.

The idea is making the other guy realize that you dont like him, so he has no business treating you like you´re one of his buddies with whom he can make all those snappy ****y and funny jokes.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

I subscribe to this school of thought in situations like these. Why should you let yourself be dragged to verbal duels when you did nothing to provoke them? Besides, having some snappy comebacks prepared is no guarantee the guy won´t have a better one and it will backfire.

When sh1t like this happens I tend to think of it, primarily, not as some guy trying to steal my girl (that too, but its secondary) but as some guy that decided it would be ok to disrespect me, like some random guy coming out of the blue and deciding it is ok to cut you in on some line and then laugh about it. Now imagine he does that on a consistent basis? It´s between me and him, has nothing to do with the girl.

So in this situations I dont let it phase me when I´m with the girl, what I do then find the guy alone, no witnesses no nothing, and have a talk with him, just get the message across that you are not happy with his behaviour, you mean business and are prepared to make nasty things happen.

The idea is making the other guy realize that you dont like him, so he has no business treating you like you´re one of his buddies with whom he can make all those snappy ****y and funny jokes.

^^This is what im talking about. Hes not your friend so he better watch how he acts

Just the other week at a party some guy was sitting/talking to my girlfriend on a couch. I didnt know the guy, he looked harmless, but just to show my dominance to him and my girlfriend I walked up and said "DONT sit so close to my girlfriend" He looked up at me, broke eye contact first, said sorry and sat up on the edge of the couch. My girlfriend laughed from my a$$holeness and I walked away. I can only imagine how stupid he felt. Im not a big guy either, only 165-170 pounds so im not very intimidating to look at.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

^^This is what im talking about. Hes not your friend so he better watch how he acts

Just the other week at a party some guy was sitting/talking to my girlfriend on a couch. I didnt know the guy, he looked harmless, but just to show my dominance to him and my girlfriend I walked up and said "DONT sit so close to my girlfriend" He looked up at me, broke eye contact first, said sorry and sat up on the edge of the couch. My girlfriend laughed from my a$$holeness and I walked away. I can only imagine how stupid he felt.

You sound like a jealous doosh.

I can only imagine how stupid you feel waking up every morning.

 

[loveshogun]

Pro tip

^^This is what im talking about. Hes not your friend so he better watch how he acts

Just the other week at a party some guy was sitting/talking to my girlfriend on a couch. I didnt know the guy, he looked harmless, but just to show my dominance to him and my girlfriend I walked up and said "DONT sit so close to my girlfriend" He looked up at me, broke eye contact first, said sorry and sat up on the edge of the couch. My girlfriend laughed from my a$$holeness and I walked away. I can only imagine how stupid he felt. Im not a big guy either, only 165-170 pounds so im not very intimidating.

No disrespect, Psycho Sexy, what you do probably works for you. And in a realm of skinny computer geeks (of which I am one), you probably seem pretty intimidating in real life.

But let's realize you're giving advice on how to be a tough guy to someone who was logging onto SS to ask for advice. Telling him to confront the guy directly (as if that wasn't the obvious choice before) would be jumping the gun in my opinion.

I think that way because if the OP was willing and ready to do what you pointed out, he would have done it already and he wouldn't have asked for our advice.

He's capable, but not quite willing yet. People who are willing don't ask questions, they DO. And the key is training.

You think the marines ask permission and advice from all the higher ups every time they need to kick some a**? Hell no. But that's cause they've already HAD their training, and they're already itchin' to fight.

No disrespect to the OP - just stating an observation. He seems like more of the steady water, considerate type. Not exactly the "get the f*ck out of my house" type. This is not a bad thing, the same as being aggressive is not a bad thing. And in fact, he could probably learn to be MORE aggressive.

But you won't teach a dog how to meow or a cat how to fetch.

You CAN teach a dog how to fetch BETTER.

Just something to consider. I would tell him what I originally said. Be the best version of yourself, and let other people sort out their own stuff. That means:

1) Be stronger - if you're not, do what's necessary to get there.
2) Be smarter - if you're not, do what's necessary to get there.
3) Be more fun - if you're not, do what's necessary to get there.
4) Be more adventurous - if you're not, do what's necessary to get there.
5) Be the better option - if you're not, do what's necessary to get there.

If a guy isn't doing what's necessary to be these things, he might just bark up the wrong tree and get his a** whupped by someone who had better game. And THAT sh*t is humiliating.

Of course, OP, it's up to you what advice you follow. Remember that it's advice - you have to do the leg work, whatever path you choose.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

^well said loveshogun

And yes mantis toboggan, I am a jealous doosh who feels stupid, not just after waking up, but constantly throughout the day.

rep+

 

[ENIGMA16]

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

He's trying to get you to react to show to her how weak you are and to delegitimize you in her view. Just blow it off; if you're bigger than that low talk then ignore it. Be nice to him and when he tries to do that just ignore it or play it off like you don't care. If you don't feed him then he'll either get more desperate (which will show) or he'll stop.